~Chuckle for the Day~

The xylospongium or tersorium, also known as a "sponge on a stick", was a hygienic utensil used by ancient Romans to wipe their anus after defecating,[1] consisting of a wooden stick (Greek: ξύλον, xylon) with a sea sponge (Greek: σπόγγος, spongos) fixed at one end.

The tersorium was shared by people using public latrines. To clean the sponge, they simply washed it in a bucket with water and salt or vinegar.[2] This became a breeding ground for bacteria, causing the spread of disease among those using the latrines such as typhoid and cholera.[3][4]
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xylospongium

https://toilet-guru.com/biblical_new.html
https://www.timesofisrael.com/study...chers-flush-out-ancient-man-and-his-business/
Primary sources
Claudius Terentianus, Michigan Papyri VIII 471 (inv. 5393) = CEL 146 = ChLA XLII 1220 29.
Seneca, Epistulae morales Liber 8, 70, 20.
Martial, Epigrammata, Liber 12,48,7.

The three buckets contained, vinguar, water, and soaply water.
This may have been how Jesus handled going to bathroom.

I once, set this up one Thanksgiving for guests, who say you must do everything the way Jesus did it.

Another good Thanks ploy is age cans of apple or grape juice under the kitchen sink. At the meal pray for God to change, the juice into wine.
"Grape juice transforms into wine during the fermentation process. To accelerate the process, winemakers add yeast to the juice to start fermenting. The yeast interacts with the sugars in the grapes, turning the sugar into alcohol. Fermentation takes around two to three weeks to complete. " from Google.

I call that a Vow of Uselessness. If I have a day off and no pressing concerns, I will take a one day Vow of Uselessness. I vow to be totally useless the whole day.

Can't think of nothing

Just keep thinking until you chuckle.

Have I mentioned "thank you" lately?

I don't talk much in this thread but I do check it every time there's something new.

The hand washing one was best-of-show.

call me back Ishmael

This is a funny thread

Court Reporters

How do court stenographers keep a straight face? These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court" and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters who had the torment of staying straight-faced while the exchanges were taking place.

___________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
___________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
___________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
___________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
___________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20. Very close to your IQ.
___________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
___________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid.
___________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
___________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
___________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
___________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
___________
ATTORNEY: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you attend?
WITNESS: Oral.
___________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
___________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Kind of like the twins, one was twenty and the other was twenty, too.

Here's one for all yall Yugo fans.