You post felt so personal to me. I completely understand how you feel. My ex husband left me weeks after our 5th baby was born. In his case, there was someone else and before I could even process that fact, they left the state together. I too struggled so much when he would see the kids or call them. I was still in love with him and it took quite a while for the shock and the feelings to fade enough for me to move on with my life. With God, with so much prayer, and with support I did in time. It didnt happen over night of course, but it did happen. In all honestly, even though I'm at a place now where I consider myself "good" I have my moments, however now they are more that I miss the memories of what once was. Allow yourself time to grieve and time to heal. Its amazing the grace God gives us when we go through trials and hardships. I look back now and wonder how people do it without the Lord.