First time making a thread here...I feel so much anger with myself..for sinning and feeling like I'm not even changed at all. Saturday night I was at a festival and I asked God to take my sins away, yet I've sinned so much since then...
Couple weeks ago, I was happy. I thought God has delivered me from my struggles. I thanked Him for this a lot 'cause I felt like I was only able to overcome because of His help.
But no, again I'm still doing the things I hate. I've asked God to help me many, many, many times.. to help me, to fix me, to change me, to take away my sinful desires, to give me the fruit of the Holy Spirit.
I've started to get angry at God for not hearing my prayers, the Lord knows I am willing to change yet why is He not changing me? is He not real, is that why my prayers aren't being answered? If someone is praying to be cleansed from sins, surely that's the one prayer God will for sure answer, right? But when I start to get angry, I think that no it's not God's fault..it's my fault for not obeying.
I feel like the more closer I want to become to God, the more I do that...I'm attacked by the devil and he wins.
I want my faith to be evident that I am born again, that I am God's child. I feel like such a disappointment to God when I don't act the way He would want me to. I know I serve a God that forgives, but sinning knowing it's displeasing to Him, I don't even know how I can do that.
I feel like a fake.
People might judge me now that they know this about me now..but you know..I just really had to vent because I've asked people why God is not answering my cry for help and nobody really has given me the answer. Yes, I know my need for a Savior but does God really want me to sin so grace may abound more? I don't think God wants me to sin.
"Just keep trying." I've said this to people as well when I was doing "fine". I can keep trying but I still hate it. Trust God, yes. but what if He came back this very second and I am sinning? I will be greeting Him while I look down because of my shame. That's not the way I want to greet Him.
Couple weeks ago, I was happy. I thought God has delivered me from my struggles. I thanked Him for this a lot 'cause I felt like I was only able to overcome because of His help.
But no, again I'm still doing the things I hate. I've asked God to help me many, many, many times.. to help me, to fix me, to change me, to take away my sinful desires, to give me the fruit of the Holy Spirit.
I've started to get angry at God for not hearing my prayers, the Lord knows I am willing to change yet why is He not changing me? is He not real, is that why my prayers aren't being answered? If someone is praying to be cleansed from sins, surely that's the one prayer God will for sure answer, right? But when I start to get angry, I think that no it's not God's fault..it's my fault for not obeying.
I feel like the more closer I want to become to God, the more I do that...I'm attacked by the devil and he wins.
I want my faith to be evident that I am born again, that I am God's child. I feel like such a disappointment to God when I don't act the way He would want me to. I know I serve a God that forgives, but sinning knowing it's displeasing to Him, I don't even know how I can do that.
I feel like a fake.
People might judge me now that they know this about me now..but you know..I just really had to vent because I've asked people why God is not answering my cry for help and nobody really has given me the answer. Yes, I know my need for a Savior but does God really want me to sin so grace may abound more? I don't think God wants me to sin.
"Just keep trying." I've said this to people as well when I was doing "fine". I can keep trying but I still hate it. Trust God, yes. but what if He came back this very second and I am sinning? I will be greeting Him while I look down because of my shame. That's not the way I want to greet Him.