Feeling like Jesus is far away

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peacebestill

Senior Member
Oct 25, 2014
188
3
0
#1
No one truly understands how strong I have been! They do not understand how bad of a struggle is is to just live. I pretend like things are fine but thing aren't fine. I've been so so strong and I am slipping. I try to help others knowing that my situation hasn't been helped at all. I know I've done some terrible things in my life but I ask Jesus to forgive me everyday sins, everyday of my life; because I feel so shameful and bad for the things I have done. I just feel like this bad person because I don't think Jesus loves me. I know that is horrible to say but if he did; shouldn't I feel free and delivered? well, I don't.My life is horrible and it keeps getting worse. I use to be the type of woman to fill peoples hearts with hope, now? I have lost all mine, maybe sin has blocked me from Jesus who knows? I'm trying to find my answer but I have know direction to find it. what I gotta do to live a happy life without depression and anxiety? I do not expect you all to know the answer to my turbulence, you all have your struggles to.. but in case you are reading this; I hope you are blessed and Jesus be with you.

I'm just tired of waking up and wanting to go back to sleep because I know my reality is just that hard for me. I want to wake up happy and at peace. I'm always waking up to be full of worry; I can't be at peace within myself. This is torture for me. I can't do this anymore. I always see the good in other people and how they are blessed and I look at my life and I am in poverty and madness.
 

Blain

The Word Weaver
Aug 28, 2012
19,173
2,536
113
#2
peacebestill I want to tell you about my life. I am disabled I cannot drive so i can't go to places I am unable to have a job so I can't make money and I have to take shots everyday and lots of pills or I will die. Everyday its the same routine I wake up get my coffee if my mom got it for me I go on cc and between that eat watch some t.v. here and there then go to bed.
I cannot do things most people can, I cannot go to the movies I don't have the blessing of being able to work I cannot give to charity because I have no money I cannot help the poor and needy because I am trapped in my house I am always in pain because of my nerve damage from diabete's on top of that my mom is tired of me and wants to put me in a home where I will have virtually no freedom will have to eat the food they give me not what I like I will have to go to bed when they say watch what they say to watch and likely cannot go on cc very much as we will likely have to take turns on the computer.

even if mom chooses not to put me in a home this right here or the home is my only future, either way whether by the home or my moms house I will be in prison for the rest of my life with no way of ever leaving as I cannot walk very far either. Yet even with all this I wake every morning just grateful to know God, I wake up with a happy heart because its another day to spend with my Lord and I seek him out day and night in any way that I can and eventually I always find him. Believe me I know what its like to look inside yourself and only see darkness and sin and to feel apart from God because you don't even think you are good enough but believe Life can get much worse

Something I have always wanted is freedom but this is not my life and never will be but you can go places you can help people you have the great blessing of getting a job actually getting to meet ppl eat foods I only dream I could eat. If you think your life is bad try walking in my shoes for about a week and see if you don't go mad
 

peacebestill

Senior Member
Oct 25, 2014
188
3
0
#3
I apologize for be so disgraceful. I would of never known your story; I think it's beautiful for you to share this with me and to tell me that I am not alone. You are a great person, but of course you do not need me to tell you that. What a blessing you are to God, even in your situation you still give thanks and honor to God. While I'm here complaining about everything in my life. Thank you telling me your testimony this has really open up my eyes. Yeah life is hard for me but it can be worse. Thank you. I need to learn how to be more grateful instead of dishonoring God. Thank you so much and I will pray for you every night before I sleep! Don't worry things will get way better for you because you have still praised God in your situation. You are the meaning of a humble person. You will go along way and only GREAT things will come to you. Thank you again Blain!
 

Blain

The Word Weaver
Aug 28, 2012
19,173
2,536
113
#4
I apologize for be so disgraceful. I would of never known your story; I think it's beautiful for you to share this with me and to tell me that I am not alone. You are a great person, but of course you do not need me to tell you that. What a blessing you are to God, even in your situation you still give thanks and honor to God. While I'm here complaining about everything in my life. Thank you telling me your testimony this has really open up my eyes. Yeah life is hard for me but it can be worse. Thank you. I need to learn how to be more grateful instead of dishonoring God. Thank you so much and I will pray for you every night before I sleep! Don't worry things will get way better for you because you have still praised God in your situation. You are the meaning of a humble person. You will go along way and only GREAT things will come to you. Thank you again Blain!
I am glad I could help you but I honestly couldn't say what you say about me. For instance even though I had an unfair life I could not have a place to live at all or even have a full meal or I could be living on streets surviving on pennies and nickles I find in the streets. None of us truly know what we have until we don't have it.
But I have been struggling with my own self worth, I mean lots of people here in cc say these wonderful things about me yet I simply cannot seem to see it and I fear of sounding like a broken record or seem like an attention seeker so Im not even sure I should say this but I have to be honest. I don't see any kind of worth at all.Just a while ago on my walk I looked up to the night sky and asked God if I have any kind of importance at all. To me I feel unworthy, filthy in sin and maybe I have depression who knows but I just don't see hardly anything good in me.

I know lots of people like me can see the worth and beauty in everyone else but not themselves, I have a self hatred and self loathing but I adore others because I know who they are to God. But this doesn't seem right to me, even if we are sinners we should see ourselves as God's precious Children free from the burden of all this crap we put on ourselves like saying we are unworthy or are filthy sinners or how we compare ourselves to God or to others and feel far less worthy or special.
I really should learn to keep my thoughts to myself or else people really will think im an attention seeker and if they thought that it would utterly destroy me inside
 

jogoldie

Senior Member
Mar 20, 2014
1,616
48
48
#5
Hello my sister......I do have a testimony for you....but im not feeling this is what you need....
with me there comes a point where I feel like .......yea ...great for you but its not happening for
me......when is it my turn.....and God knows this......and whether or not you see it...things are being
lined up for you.....you have been faithful...your helping His people....Gods Word tells us to be patient...
probably one of the hardest things to learn.....in the mean time....you should try to speak possitively....
Like ....today will be a good day.....today I will have a breakthrough.....try to avoid saying...."if"......our
words are so powerful.......speak out loud to these things that bind you....tell them this house will only
welcome God and His way.....pray before everything....thanking God for already being at work in your life...
It will happen....what your going through is building your faith........so my sister....as the song goes......
"One more step......one more day......and know ....God is right there wanting you to trust Him.....
Hang on my girl.....blessing are on their way..........peace....jo
 

peacebestill

Senior Member
Oct 25, 2014
188
3
0
#6
"One more step, one more day, I'm preparing you for myself , and if you can't hear my voice please understand my plan"

Yes I do know this song; I love this song so much. This song has help me threw the rough times.. Thank you so much. Life is definitely hard for me. I'm trying to find Jesus. I know I will find find it one day. Maybe I'm not ready to find him. I remember there was once a time I did find him, it he started to reveal himself l I got real scared because it was almost overwhelming to be in his glory. Thank you for all the prayers. I really, really, really, really, really really, really need ALL the prayers. I feel like giving up.


Be blessed and I hope great blessings come your way.
 

jogoldie

Senior Member
Mar 20, 2014
1,616
48
48
#7
Father God I thank you for already being at work in sister peace's life. ....for keeping her strong.....
for sending her blessings....for the peace and joy knowing You are in her corner.......gently guiding
her closer to You...in Your loving arms.....holding her and giving her love....in Jesus,s holy name....amen
 

peacebestill

Senior Member
Oct 25, 2014
188
3
0
#8
Honestly I feel the way you feel. I know foreshore that God loves you, God knows how I have been feeling and I believe that you are my eye opener because like you said; Life can be worse. I feel ugly, sinful, dirty and a bad person to God/Jesus, and it hurts me that I have hurt him. You are a blessing you should never think you are not worthy because you definitely are! We need to remind ourselves of this everyday Because yeah of course life gets hard, but Jesus does love us, I don't know how he could love me but he does! I'm honestly tired of going threw insanity in my mind.. I need to be delivered quickly. Blain, you are a beautiful person and I feel again shameful for complaining about my life. I just don't fill fulfillment in myself. We just need to feel loved lol. Please continue to pray for yourself and family.

I love you, God bless!

By the way, I do not see you as a attention seeker. I thought I was the one who was seeking attention.
 

peacebestill

Senior Member
Oct 25, 2014
188
3
0
#9
I receive this Prayer in the name of Jesus, Amen.
 
Jan 26, 2009
639
22
18
37
#10
[video]Http://youtube.com/watch?v=IgaO8HJW2NY[/video]
I love this song,it really helped mean my walk with God.
God loves u
sam
No one truly understands how strong I have been! They do not understand how bad of a struggle is is to just live. I pretend like things are fine but thing aren't fine. I've been so so strong and I am slipping. I try to help others knowing that my situation hasn't been helped at all. I know I've done some terrible things in my life but I ask Jesus to forgive me everyday sins, everyday of my life; because I feel so shameful and bad for the things I have done. I just feel like this bad person because I don't think Jesus loves me. I know that is horrible to say but if he did; shouldn't I feel free and delivered? well, I don't.My life is horrible and it keeps getting worse. I use to be the type of woman to fill peoples hearts with hope, now? I have lost all mine, maybe sin has blocked me from Jesus who knows? I'm trying to find my answer but I have know direction to find it. what I gotta do to live a happy life without depression and anxiety? I do not expect you all to know the answer to my turbulence, you all have your struggles to.. but in case you are reading this; I hope you are blessed and Jesus be with you.

I'm just tired of waking up and wanting to go back to sleep because I know my reality is just that hard for me. I want to wake up happy and at peace. I'm always waking up to be full of worry; I can't be at peace within myself. This is torture for me. I can't do this anymore. I always see the good in other people and how they are blessed and I look at my life and I am in poverty and madness.
 
W

wwjd_kilden

Guest
#11
Hi
Do you receive some treatment for your depression and anxiety? If not, please consult a doctor,
even though God is the ultimate healer, we have doctors for a reason :)

And always seek God in prayer, even if He feels distant. Whether or not you feel Him, he will not leave you.

Here I am, Lord, and I'm drowning in your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight
I know You've cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
And I stand before You now as though I've never sinned
But today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

Jesus, can You show me just how far the east is from the west
'cause I can't bear to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other