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EarnestQ

Senior Member
Apr 28, 2016
2,588
310
83
I called the janitor the other day to see what he could do about my dingy linoleum floor. He said he would have been happy to loan me a polisher, but that he hadn't the slightest idea what he had done with it.

I told him not to worry about it - that as a programmer it wasn't the first time I had experienced a buffer allocation failure due to a memory error.
 

EarnestQ

Senior Member
Apr 28, 2016
2,588
310
83
Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Versace tie, gets out and asks the Shepherd: “If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?”

The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies: “Okay.”

The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Website, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 150 page report on his high-tech mini-printer. He turns to the shepherd and says, “You have exactly 1,586 sheep here.”

Shepherd: “That’s correct, you can have your sheep.”

The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche.

The shepherd looks at him and asks, “If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?”

Man: “Yes, why not?”

Shepherd: "You are a politician."

Man: “How did you know?”

Shepherd: “Very simple. First, you came here without being called. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew, and third, you don’t understand anything about my business? Now can I have my DOG back?"
 

EarnestQ

Senior Member
Apr 28, 2016
2,588
310
83
Windows is...​
a 64 bit rewrite of​
a 32 bit extension to​
a 16 bit api to​
a 8 bit kernel for
a 4 bit microprocessor by​
a 2 bit company that can't stand​
1 bit of competition.
 

EarnestQ

Senior Member
Apr 28, 2016
2,588
310
83
Life Before the Computer:

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had to reboot it meant that
You were going back outdoors in bad weather!

Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!

Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!

Cut - you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!
 
R

renewed_hope

Guest
I am having too much fun on my day off, I cleaned out the refrigerator, scouring the floor and every nook and cranny with a toothbrush.....I think I may need a time out :p

Imagine the possibilities of what else I can do having two more days off :eek:
 

JesusLives

Senior Member
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,172
113
I am having too much fun on my day off, I cleaned out the refrigerator, scouring the floor and every nook and cranny with a toothbrush.....I think I may need a time out :p

Imagine the possibilities of what else I can do having two more days off :eek:
What's the name of your drill sergeant?
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
I have a nagging, constant unidentifiable pain in my lower right side, and it's bugging the heck outta me.. I used to think it was one of my ovaries or something, but I don't have those anymore. It usually bothers more when I have to go to the toilet.. But it's a constant pain..
 

kodiak

Senior Member
Mar 8, 2015
4,995
290
83
I am having too much fun on my day off, I cleaned out the refrigerator, scouring the floor and every nook and cranny with a toothbrush.....I think I may need a time out :p

Imagine the possibilities of what else I can do having two more days off :eek:
You can come clean my house.. :)
You may want to add something to your request. :p
 

JesusLives

Senior Member
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,172
113
I have a nagging, constant unidentifiable pain in my lower right side, and it's bugging the heck outta me.. I used to think it was one of my ovaries or something, but I don't have those anymore. It usually bothers more when I have to go to the toilet.. But it's a constant pain..
Sorry you have been having pain.... prayers and hugs offered.
 

posthuman

Senior Member
Jul 31, 2013
36,681
13,132
113
P3050124_02.jpg

Truly, truly, I say to you,
unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone;
but if it dies, it bears much fruit.

(John 12:24)