Loving Yourself Thread

[SarahM777]

Question: How do you talk to yourself? Are you nice to yourself? How SHOULD you talk to yourself?

Like this (Option A): I'm so ugly! Look at that blemish! An I'm fat too! No one could ever love me because I'm so fat and not only am I fat but I'm just a terrible person. I did a horrible thing last week and I prayed to God for forgiveness but I'm still horrible because of it! I am filth! I am rotten to the core! I should have just died! I need to die! Father God please kill at your earliest convince! I don't want to live in this skin. I want to rip my soul out of my skin because I am so repulsed by myself.

or

Like this (option B): I feel good today. I am a child of the Most High God and things are going good. I messed up last week, what I did was wrong. I asked God's forgiveness so now I'm going to learn from my mistake and move on. I forgive myself for that thing I did last week because He forgave me. I give myself permission to love my body. I give myself permission to love others freely. I give myself permission to feel what I feel. I give myself permission to be humble. I give myself permission to be ok with who and what I am.

Note: Option A is NOT an exaggeration. Some of those lines I took right out of my own head when I was going through my darkest times. I know Job said some of those exact things but please keep in mind all his children died, he lost all his money and his skin was falling off. You have to get to a REALLY bad spot to be thinking those things.

Please be honest with your answer. Which one looks better to you?

JF,

This is from someone who God has dealt with on option A. I've been there. The root of option A is PRIDE. Option A sets itself up against God's truth. When one thinks either to highly or to low of themselves the root of it is NOT THINKING OF YOURSELF WITH SOBER JUDGEMENT.

Romans 12

12 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. [SUP]2[/SUP]Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

[SUP]3[/SUP]For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. [SUP]4 [/SUP]For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, [SUP]5 [/SUP]so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. [SUP]6 [/SUP]We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your[SUP][a][/SUP] faith; [SUP]7 [/SUP]if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; [SUP]8 [/SUP]if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead,[SUP][b][/SUP] do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

The pattern of this world is to think too highly or too low of ourselves but not in sober judgement of our selves.

 

[JFSurvivor]

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it just as Christ loves the Church. -Ephesians 5:29

Oh now this can't be right. We're supposed to deny ourselves. Something must be wrong with my Bible. Check yours Does yours say something different?

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. - Psalm 139:13-15

Oh this guy must be sooo egotistical! Look at him! He's actually PRAISING GOD FOR BEING CREATED?? HOW COULD HE!!! He actually sees himself as a good, beautiful creation of God! Tisk tisk! Now a good little Christian needs to be of sober mind now doesn't he!

 

[PeterJens]

I hope you will forgive me but a psychological digression is needed here.
We all grow up in families which approve of the expression of certain emotions etc and disapprove of others.
The catch is we actually all express the whole set of emotions possible, but are blind to our own "failures" because we deny we are like those people over there who are so "nerdy" "creepy" "crude" "not cool" "emotionally explosive" etc.

When we bury our emotion, we deny it, and project it on to others, or another way of putting it, become super sensitive to its expression, because it creates in us an extreme response, because we refuse to listen to it in our own lives.

So if you list all the things you hate about others, you will find the same list applies to you, you just hide it.

So in your own head you have this filtered view of who you are, with all the "bad" points missing. When you come to see yourself in reality, you see it all, and so there is a lot of confusion. How can you condemn in others the very thing you do yourself, and so the cycle of self condemnation goes on. Put on top of this the condemnation and put downs you normally get in a day, and boy you just about scrap along on the floor.

So how do I deal with it? I accept openly I do wrong things, think wrong thoughts, express myself in a bad way, am easily mocked, made a fool of, but I love myself, and the Lord loves me, and I am learning how to see truly and walk in love.

I am also learning how to feel everything, all the crap and all the good. Not that I think it is appropriate, but I am feeling it.
I then use these feelings to help me understand where I am, and take steps to move forward. It can be very confusing, because you begin to ask, who am I? But that is the point, it is a discovery of experience, we are never stationary but moving forward, all the time.

So for me loving myself is letting myself feel, to the depths of sorrow and pain, and to the heights of elation and celebration, from anger and frustration, hurt and rejection, to finding resolution in time.

You reap what you sow. If you sow anxiousness and defeat, that is what you reap, but if you sow optimism and success, that is what you reap. You are the summary of your experiences and how you have dealt with them. It is stunning how you approach everyday things changes who you are.

 

[JFSurvivor]

JF,

This is from someone who God has dealt with on option A. I've been there. The root of option A is PRIDE. Option A sets itself up against God's truth. When one thinks either to highly or to low of themselves the root of it is NOT THINKING OF YOURSELF WITH SOBER JUDGEMENT.

Romans 12

12 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. [SUP]2[/SUP]Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

[SUP]3[/SUP]For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. [SUP]4 [/SUP]For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, [SUP]5 [/SUP]so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. [SUP]6 [/SUP]We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your[SUP][a][/SUP] faith; [SUP]7 [/SUP]if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; [SUP]8 [/SUP]if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead,[SUP][b][/SUP] do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

The pattern of this world is to think too highly or too low of ourselves but not in sober judgement of our selves.

Do you really think it's the pattern of this world to love ourselves? Have you even MET anyone of this world? They're all so insecure and self-loathing they put on this false ego to cover it up. They don't love themselves. If they did they wouldn't drink, they wouldn't cut, they wouldn't hurt themselves or others. That is not self love. That's hate. The pattern of this world is to hate yourself, to never be good enough. To never be content. To always want more; to always want to BE more.

Christians are lucky because while we are always striving for perfection we can rest in the knowledge that God loves us right where we are. He loves us just as we are no matter what shape or size we are. He loves us no matter how smart or how dumb we are. So we should love ourselves too because he loves us. If we deny ourselves love and give in to this false sense of humility it is a slippery slope to self-hate.

"Humility is not thinking less of ourselves but thinking of ourselves less."

 

[MyLighthouse]

Hate your neighbor as yourself...This is some people's mindset. They don't love themselves so how are they suppose to love their neighbor?

No one's ever hated their own flesh, that verse is an illustration of Christ love for the Church. Thing is someone's not going to understand God's love for the Church if they don't first understand the concept of loving their own flesh. If they don't understand that, they want be able to love God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength.

Self love in this aspect is necessary in order to love your neighbor to love God. This thread wasn't for people to think more highly of themselves than they should, it was to help those who don't love themselves enough to love others and God to be able to express that or be able to be grateful for how God has made them.

It's not that hard to understand I feel, loving yourself is their in Scripture because it's necessary for any relationship outside of yourself.

 

[JFSurvivor]

Hate your neighbor as yourself...This is some people's mindset. They don't love themselves so how are they suppose to love their neighbor?

No one's ever hated their own flesh, that verse is an illustration of Christ love for the Church. Thing is someone's not going to understand God's love for the Church if they don't first understand the concept of loving their own flesh. If they don't understand that, they want be able to love God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength.

Self love in this aspect is necessary in order to love your neighbor to love God. This thread wasn't for people to think more highly of themselves than they should, it was to help those who don't love themselves enough to love others and God to be able to express that or be able to be grateful for how God has made them.

It's not that hard to understand I feel, loving yourself is their in Scripture because it's necessary for any relationship outside of yourself.

AMEN!!!!!!!!!

 

[PeterJens]

We're supposed to deny ourselves.

Not denying yourself is putting your needs before the situation you are in. It is not denying you have physical needs or being a good steward of what you have.

Self indulgence is letting your own perspective dictate your actions, rather than seeing things from others and the Lords perspective. As we are mortal and very limited looking at things from others perspectives is usually very difficult because we have so many distortions in ourselves.

 

[SarahM777]

Do you really think it's the pattern of this world to love ourselves? Have you even MET anyone of this world? They're all so insecure and self-loathing they put on this false ego to cover it up. They don't love themselves. If they did they wouldn't drink, they wouldn't cut, they wouldn't hurt themselves or others. That is not self love. That's hate. The pattern of this world is to hate yourself, to never be good enough. To never be content. To always want more; to always want to BE more.

Christians are lucky because while we are always striving for perfection we can rest in the knowledge that God loves us right where we are. He loves us just as we are no matter what shape or size we are. He loves us no matter how smart or how dumb we are. So we should love ourselves too because he loves us. If we deny ourselves love and give in to this false sense of humility it is a slippery slope to self-hate.

"Humility is not thinking less of ourselves but thinking of ourselves less."

Did you actually read the post? Did I not say this

This is from someone who God has dealt with on option A. I've been there. The root of option A is PRIDE. Option A sets itself up against God's truth. When one thinks either to highly or to low of themselves the root of it is NOT THINKING OF YOURSELF WITH SOBER JUDGEMENT.

Romans 12

12 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. [SUP]2[/SUP]Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

[SUP]3[/SUP]For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. [SUP]4 [/SUP]For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, [SUP]5 [/SUP]so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. [SUP]6 [/SUP]We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your[SUP][a][/SUP] faith; [SUP]7 [/SUP]if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; [SUP]8 [/SUP]if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead,[SUP][b][/SUP] do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

The pattern of this world is to think too highly or too low of ourselves but not in sober judgement of our selves.

 

[SarahM777]

Do you really think it's the pattern of this world to love ourselves? Have you even MET anyone of this world? They're all so insecure and self-loathing they put on this false ego to cover it up. They don't love themselves. If they did they wouldn't drink, they wouldn't cut, they wouldn't hurt themselves or others. That is not self love. That's hate. The pattern of this world is to hate yourself, to never be good enough. To never be content. To always want more; to always want to BE more.

Christians are lucky because while we are always striving for perfection we can rest in the knowledge that God loves us right where we are. He loves us just as we are no matter what shape or size we are. He loves us no matter how smart or how dumb we are. So we should love ourselves too because he loves us. If we deny ourselves love and give in to this false sense of humility it is a slippery slope to self-hate.

"Humility is not thinking less of ourselves but thinking of ourselves less."

Where does God ever say that our problem is self hatred? Can you find those verse that show that God does say that is our problem?

 

[Sirk]

Somewhere in this thread someone mentioned self talk. Self talk can mean the difference between joy and suffering. If you are busy telling yourself lies and letting other (sinful I might add) people define you with untruths about you and who you are with your self talk...it will tear you up inside. Learning to speak truth to yourself is the most important truth you can speak.
Getting stuck in a cycle of lies about yourself is as habit forming as getting stuck in a cycle of truth about yourself. It's simply a matter of choice.

 

[JFSurvivor]

Where does God ever say that our problem is self hatred? Can you find those verse that show that God does say that is our problem?

Psalm 34:17-20

Ecclesiastes 2:17-18

What does the Bible say about self-hatred?

 

[SarahM777]

Psalm 34:17-20

Ecclesiastes 2:17-18

What does the Bible say about self-hatred?

Ecclesiastes 2

17 So I hated life, because what is done under the sun was grievous to me, for all is vanity and a striving after wind. 18 I hated all my toil in which I toil under the sun, seeing that I must leave it to the man who will come after me,


I would be very careful using that passage as proof text for self hatred,it very clearly that he hated LIFE but DOES NOT SAY HE HATED self.

Psalm 34

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
[SUP]18 [/SUP]The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Does not say it there either.

 

[crossnote]

How ironic, as our culture immerses itself in self love it's children are overcome by self hate.

 

[Sirk]

How ironic, as our culture immerses itself in self love it's children are overcome by self hate.

How could we not hate ourselves when we think about ourselves so much?

 

[crossnote]

How could we not hate ourselves when we think about ourselves so much?

yup, two sides of the same 'self coin'.

 

[Sirk]

yup, two sides of the same 'self coin'.

My 14 year old stepson is constantly thinking about what he wants, he's got motorcycles, bikes Xbox TV new golf clubs etc etc and so much more but constantly wants more and is the most miserable kid I've ever seen. He's mouthy to his mom and often openly defiant. I stay out of his discipline but his mom is starting to see that she gave him too much rope and made things too much about him.

 

[JFSurvivor]

Ecclesiastes 2

17 So I hated life, because what is done under the sun was grievous to me, for all is vanity and a striving after wind. 18 I hated all my toil in which I toil under the sun, seeing that I must leave it to the man who will come after me,


I would be very careful using that passage as proof text for self hatred,it very clearly that he hated LIFE but DOES NOT SAY HE HATED self.

Psalm 34

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
[SUP]18 [/SUP]The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Does not say it there either.

So because the Bible doesn't say "don't hate yourself" You think it's ok to hate yourself?? Self love isn't pride. In the English language they can mean the same thing but they are FAR from the same thing. Pride is where you think of yourself as being better than everyone. Self-love and self-esteem are healthy.

Matthew 23:1-39
V.4: They crush people with people with unbearable religious demands and never lift a finger to ease the burden.
Does this look like Jesus wants his relationship with us to be a burden?

V.23: What sorrow awaits you teachers of the religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are so careful to tithe the tiniest income from you herb gardens but you ignore the more important aspects of the law- justice, mercy and faith. You should tithe yes, but not neglect the more important things.
What I am getting at here is that there is more to scripture than "oh the Bible says this." Remember how I said Blain sees with his heart and not his eyes? He has a rare gift that not many people have. He understands that the Bible is not so much about "do this, do that, don't do this." It's about action and loving. Part of that is being kind and gentle with yourself. That's what I'm getting at.

Think of it like this:

You: Jesus I'm so sorry I messed up I did this thing and I'm so sorry.
Jesus: I forgive you. Go and sin no more.
You: I really screwed up. I'm a terrible person!
Jesus: Um...I just forgave you...
You: no I mean I REALLY screwed up. I'm so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?
Jesus: yes. I just did. Why are you still upset about this?
You: I'm a failure. I don't deserve to live.
Jesus: Free gift of forgiveness right here!

So self hate can really get in the way of our relationship. It can almost block what God is doing in our lives. Here's another example:

You: I hate myself
God: I love you
You: God doesn't love me
God: yes I do. I just said I did.
You: I can't believe that still small voice in my head. It has to be the devil tricking me to think I'm better than I am. I'm a no good wretched sinner who deserves hell.
God: But my son paid the price...I love you.
You: I deserve to die. I should just take my own life but that would get me sent to hell and I don't want that. God can you please kill me?
God: But I have plans for you! You can be so much more than this! Why can't you see how wonderful I created you?
Random person: hi
You: hi
Random person: How are you?
You: Not good. I feel horrible. I've been struggling with bad thoughts.
Random person: Pray to God to take it away. Anything is possible with Jesus! *walks away*
You: God, I am struggling with bad thoughts. can you help me?
God: I love you
You: That can't be true. I'm not worthy of love
God: -_-

Do you see my point now????


Here's my Bible definition of pride- Pride: Inordinate self-esteem or conciete; disdainful behavior or treatment of others

• 
  
  

 

[skylove7]

I feel so much joy, when I love others more than I love myself. It feels so good to care. I'm fond of myself at times. But I thank the Lord, that the reason I even like who I am, is only because I love Jesus.
People can love themselves in humbleness. I know that its vanity that bothers God. There is a BIG difference between caring for yourself and vanity.

I just feel like this....lol...pardon me if its poetically speaking, I am a poet.
But its like God made love to be GIVEN. Love is most powerful. When you release love from your soul to the world, that power is so beautiful..it soars farther and stronger for every person you love.
I couldn't imagine loving myself over others. shew.....Think of it. All that love we are capable of...being all bottled up inside me. If I held love a prisoner only for myself...it would get stale all bottled up within just for me. Stale, bitter,...then self absorption would be real unpleasant...for the gift of love,...when prisoned for just your own self turns cold and stale inside. Perhaps that's how evil got started with the devil...I don't know. There's no evil in me I can't guess this.

But I do know shoooo good people! Let that love go! Let it flow! It feels good!... Love yourself...but remember before you decide to brag on yourself ALL the time...your neighbor that hears you boast all the time, likely tolerates vanities with kindness.

 

[oldthennew]

atwhatcost said this,

'The only problem I have with loving self is I do it too much already.'

come on people, how can we not love someone who can be so honest about themselves???
(particular this theme is this day and age)

 

[JFSurvivor]

Here's another example:

You: I love other people. *goes around and helps needy* But is it enough? Am I doing enough?
God: You are doing great! Keep at it!
You: I'm not doing enough I have to do more! *helps more people*
God: So glad you're helping people but know that I'm so proud of you!
You: God loves me but I'm still not doing enough...I want so badly to please him and do my best but I'm not doing my best I don't think *reads Bible at 2 in the morning, goes to church events and helps people* Boy am I tired. I still need to do more. It's a good thing God loves me because I will never be perfect...*feeling of slight guilt*
God: Nope you're doing good. I know where your heart is. I know you want to help people.
You: I must strive for perfection! I must keep going! *misses the mark* Oh this is terrible! I missed the mark! Father I am sooo sorry!
Jesus: I forgive you. Go and sin no more.
You: ok I'm forgiven now I have to work twice as hard to make up for it. I have to go confess my sin to other Christians and I have to help the poor and I have to be a better spouse and parent. *internal panic*
God and Jesus: *facepalm* nooo rest in my grace and forgiveness.
You: If I just let it go then It'll look like I'm slacking off in my Christian duties. I have to remind myself of this sin so I can learn from it. *gives of self and sacrifices* I've been doing sooo good oh wait I take that back I can't think that because I can't think too highly of myself. Then I'll become conceited. I mean uh...I can do better.
God: :-( I created this life and you so that when you give of yourself you give with joy not out of obligation. I don't want to be a burden to you. My yolk is supposed to be light remember? Why are you adding all this extra weight?