I will tell you my story of redemption, the story of my death and my life. I was, and have always been, a sinner, and a liar. Any man who thinks differently of himself has not faced the truth, and even so, I still hold lies within my heart, deeply hidden from the light called love of the truth. As I tell you of my lies, I ask that you not judge too harshly, only that you try to remember the state of truth in your own heart.

I was named William, a noble name in sound and in sight. Mothers and fathers give their sons noble names, in hope that the name will in some way define the man when grown, and that the faults that they see in themselves will not manifest in their progeny. A son is born innocent, clean and perfect, without fault or deceit. How long is it before the lies take hold? How long until the sin in us all begins to show itself, and lead us away from truth and beauty of soul? How long before the hope of nobility becomes degeneracy?

For this is the true tragedy of sin, the death of the soul. For the soul that is not true has died already, for truth in the soul is of utmost importance to the very life of that soul. The soul without truth is not living, but is already dead. And the death masquerades before us all as life, but we know deep inside us that it is death, and the stench of that death fills our nostrils, continuously. The soul that is true to itself cannot lie about itself. Indeed, the soul that lives does not even judge itself, for it knows that to do so is temptation to lie to itself, and thus die.

The soul that would be true to itself will lay itself open before God, that He might show it all that He sees in it. To be true to itself should be the highest goal of the soul, for lacking this no soul can be true to anything or anyone. Without the foundation of inner truth, there can be no truth, because only lies can be built upon lies. In this is the difficulty of laying ourselves open before God, because He will replace the lies within the heart with His truth, and His truth we cannot manipulate. Truth must be beyond our ability to change or manipulate, or it is not truth.

When we lay ourselves open before God, helpless and defenseless, we see truth for the first time. The nature of this truth is devastating to our self image. The reason for this is not that we see our lies, but rather that we see God's absolute honesty and purity of truth. God cannot lie. Common to all souls is the innate knowledge of what we were meant to be, of Whose image we have been created in. When we open ourselves up to God, we see Him, and then the disparity between what we should be and what we are becomes very apparent. The lies cannot be easily denied.

Inherent in our nature is the need to meet an internal image that is good, even godlike. We know of no other creature (before we meet God,) who is above us in their nature, as we are above or equal to every other creature we see in the earth. We thus see ourselves as the highest of beings, and we base every judgment in the view of this apparent truth. However, we know deeply inside that this is a lie. We all know this, but we suppress this knowledge in order to satisfy our need to be like God. We know that God is, but we need to be like God, our own god. This is the basis of the lie, and this lie is the death of every soul.

I have stepped up to the edge of the abyss, looked deep into the pit of death and despair, and found that the deepest and darkest blackness is in my very own heart. I did not willing go to this place to see the truth, but I was driven there by God. He knew that if He left it up to me, I would never look at the depths of the darkness, the capacity for lies and sin which is my heart. He forced me to see by showing me His purity. Please believe me, every heart is black in the light of truth of His heart. (There is not one righteous, not one who does good, not one who seeks after God.)

The darkness of a heart that lies to itself is not like a stain, but is rather like a room in which the light has been banished. There is no light left, for the darkness has taken root, and that heart has become black like the darkest of nights, one without stars or moon or even lanterns or torches. There are no shadows in the heart overcome by darkness, for there is no light to even cast shadows. Do not be deceived, for this is the true state of the heart which does not have God's light abiding in it, ruling and even being the truth for that soul.

Conversely, in the heart filled with His truth, there is no darkness at all! There are not even any shadows! What could cast a shadow in the all encompassing light of God's truth? How could there even be a shadow in the heart that is filled with God's love and truth? There cannot. We have not understood yet, that if there is darkness, then it is all darkness, and if there is light, then it is all light. I am not talking about the body, but the heart, the place where the Spirit dwells, and where the soul finds truth and peace and life.

Here is the paradox of our life in Him, and what we must come to understand in the days left to us in this earth, if we would do His will in these last days. The soul that belongs to God is not part light and part darkness, but is born of Him, has died and risen again in Him, perfect and complete, needing nothing to be clean and pure. The Spirit abides with the soul that belongs to Him, and the Spirit keeps what has been committed to Him, by His power which He demonstrated when He raised Jesus Christ from the dead. The light that illumines this soul is the light of God's love and truth by His Spirit dwelling within. There is no other source of light which can illumine our souls, none.

We must be constantly aware of our darkness, of our tendency towards darkness, and of our susceptibility to fall for the deceitfulness of lies in our souls. But the way that we are to be aware is to be filled by and with His Spirit, so that we are aware of the truth of His death for the very reason of our susceptibility to fall into darkness. In other words, as we walk in the light, even as He is in the light, we are aware of the grace which He is giving us in making us to walk in His light. And while in His light, we are aware that we would be darkness without His light. We have no light of our own.

Those who are in the light, just as Jesus the Son, who walked in the light just as His Father is the light, always do the will of the Father. The ONLY WAY to walk in the light is to walk in Jesus by His Spirit. He has become our source of God's light, Jesus Himself! God has made it this way that all who come to Him might be saved. I beg you, lay aside all the other things you walk by, all the things which are shadows of the good things which have come in Jesus Christ, and walk in Him alone, by His Spirit. Anything else is darkness.

Jesus told them that they searched the scriptures, because in them they thought that they would find eternal life, but the very scriptures testified of Him, and they were unwilling to come to Him that they might have life. He told them that He knew them, that they did not have the love of God in them. Let us not be like them, but let us come to Jesus, and take Him as our light of life. He will not deceive us.