eating with unrepentant believers

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S

syborg

Guest
#1
#1
So some background... my wife and I are church goers and are born again.. at least I thought we were.. my wife of 8 years has decided I am 'too religious' and 'God Focused' and has decided she does not want a life lived through the lens of the bible.. within 1 day of me leaving the home (a few weeks after she ended our marriage and kissed another man) she had a different guy staying over... she says there was nothing going on before and she admits to now being intimate with him within the first week of our seperation. Now another couple from another church we are friendly with went with my wife (we are still legally married) out to a cooked full English Breakfast this morning with this chap in tow with whom she is now 'in a confirmed relationship with'.. I felt hurt by this as while they have every right to be friends with my wife.. despite her adultery.. the bible is clear that:

I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— [SUP]10 [/SUP]not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. [SUP]11 [/SUP]But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. [SUP]12 [/SUP]For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? [SUP]13 [/SUP]God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.”
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So my question is do I have a right to be offended or upset, betrayed they sat down with me wife and this 'new fella' and ate with them.. as it feels to me by eating with them they have almost acccepted and blessed the 'relationship' as ok.. I personally feel that if the scripture verse above applies they should even refuse to eat with her in this 'sin' as opposed to almost giving their blessing by allowing her and this bloke to their company..

What are the thoughts of those here on it.. am I being silly, mis apprpriating this scripture for my situation??
 
wattie

wattie

Senior Member
#2
Feb 24, 2009
3,029
1,023
113
New Zealand
#2
There are some questions I gotta ask:

Did the people from the other church who met with your legal wife and her partner meet with the intention of maybe setting things straight? Or was it like a 'let's socialise together' situation.

The other thing is.. seems like you aren't being silly at all but discerning judging by what you are typing. But I wonder what the other church teaches.

If it isn't your church.. then there isn't a lot you can do regarding the situation except maybe message their pastor how it should be done. They would still run their own matters though.

I think it would be more dangerous to you if it was your own church members running the meeting and endorsing the relationship your wife has. That would be damaging your congregation.

Further thoughts me thinks
 
HeRoseFromTheDead

HeRoseFromTheDead

Senior Member
#3
Sep 4, 2012
14,424
689
113
#3
syborg said:
So my question is do I have a right to be offended or upset, betrayed they sat down with me wife and this 'new fella' and ate with them.. as it feels to me by eating with them they have almost acccepted and blessed the 'relationship' as ok.. I personally feel that if the scripture verse above applies they should even refuse to eat with her in this 'sin' as opposed to almost giving their blessing by allowing her and this bloke to their company..

What are the thoughts of those here on it.. am I being silly, mis apprpriating this scripture for my situation??
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Absolutely you have a right to be offended. You might want to talk with them to find out what's going on. They may be faithless like your wife is, but you'll never know until you communicate with them.
 
Utah

Utah

Banned
#4
Dec 1, 2014
9,701
251
0
#4
These folks should put distance between your wife and her new friend knowing you are hurting. I understand your feelings of betrayal and am lifting you up in prayer. May God's peace, which goes beyond all understanding, encompass you, and in time, when you are fully ready, may God bless you with a woman so wonderful, you'll not understand how you could have possibly ever been married to anyone else but her. God bless you, Brother.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#5
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#5
syborg said:
So my question is do I have a right to be offended...?
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I think that simple "cut" brings the REAL question to the forefront. And I think you know the answer.

Though we may feel hurt by a lot of things, do we have the "right" to claim offense?

I think that somewhere in becoming a Christian, we gave up the "right" to a lot of things the world still enjoys.
 
HeRoseFromTheDead

HeRoseFromTheDead

Senior Member
#6
Sep 4, 2012
14,424
689
113
#6
Willie-T said:
I think that simple "cut" brings the REAL question to the forefront. And I think you know the answer.

Though we may feel hurt by a lot of things, do we have the "right" to claim offense?

I think that somewhere in becoming a Christian, we gave up the "right" to a lot of things the world still enjoys.
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Christ didn't come to undermine human nature. He came to destroy sin. Both divine and human natures get offended when sinned against. It's just (super)natural.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#7
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#7
HeRoseFromTheDead said:
Christ didn't come to undermine human nature. He came to destroy sin. Both divine and human natures get offended when sinned against. It's just (super)natural.
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I think He came preaching forgiveness.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#8
Jul 3, 2015
55,865
26,031
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#8
"If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them."
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#9
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#9
We have been given the choice to make. Be offended, or forgive.

Many will choose to be offended. I hope I will always try to forgive. Not as easy nor self-satisfying as being offended, perhaps, but that will be my choice.
 
HeRoseFromTheDead

HeRoseFromTheDead

Senior Member
#10
Sep 4, 2012
14,424
689
113
#10
Willie-T said:
I think He came preaching forgiveness.
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Yes, but only the ones who repent are forgiven.

​Now if your brother sins against you, go correct him between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take with you in addition one or two [others], so that by the testimony of two or three witnesses every matter may be established. And if he refuses to listen to them, tell [it] to the church. But if he refuses to listen to the church also, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Matthew 18:15-17​

Those who don't repent, their sins are held against them. "I hold against you..." (Revelation 2-3)
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#11
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#11
As I said, you guys will see the Jesus you want to see, and I will see the Jesus I want to see.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#12
Jul 3, 2015
55,865
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#12
There is no shame in being honest about how you feel. It is certainly better than pretending to be something you are not. Your wife is gone, and seems to have made clear she will not be returning. You could ask your friends where they stand on the issue of infidelity and adultery. Put the question to each of them how they would feel about their husband/wife cheating on the other, and gaining the acceptance of mutual friends about it.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#14
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#14
Magenta said:
There is no shame in being honest about how you feel. It is certainly better than pretending to be something you are not. Your wife is gone, and seems to have made clear she will not be returning. You could ask your friends where they stand on the issue of infidelity and adultery. Put the question to each of them how they would feel about their husband/wife cheating on the other, and gaining the acceptance of mutual friends about it.
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Not a word has been said denying that any of us can let ourselves feel bad about just about anything. And it is understandable that he is hurt.

But the question he asked... and the one I answered... was "did he have the RIGHT to be offended?".
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#15
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#15
Magenta said:
I directly quoted the words of Jesus.
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C'mon, you know better than to try that. If I quoted you Jesus' words from Luke 14:26, I would be showing you that Jesus told us, very plainly, that we had to hate our entire family.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#16
Jul 3, 2015
55,865
26,031
113
#16
Willie-T said:
Not a word has been said denying that any of us can let ourselves feel bad about just about anything. And it is understandable that he is hurt.

But the question he asked... and the one I answered... was "did he have the RIGHT to be offended?".
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You speak as if I said somebody denied something, when I did not. His question was a little more complex than you say. So my question is do I have a right to be offended or upset, betrayed etc. And of course he has a right to feel his feelings. I am affirming that.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#17
Jul 3, 2015
55,865
26,031
113
#17
Willie-T said:
C'mon, you know better than to try that. If I quoted you Jesus' words from Luke 14:26, I would be showing you that Jesus told us, very plainly, that we had to hate our entire family.
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Reading Scripture in context is helpful. Are you against that?
 
HeRoseFromTheDead

HeRoseFromTheDead

Senior Member
#18
Sep 4, 2012
14,424
689
113
#18
Willie-T said:
Not a word has been said denying that any of us can let ourselves feel bad about just about anything. And it is understandable that he is hurt.

But the question he asked... and the one I answered... was "did he have the RIGHT to be offended?".
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As a human being, yes he does.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#19
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#19
Magenta said:
Reading Scripture in context is helpful. Are you against that?
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Go ahead. Quote it in full. You have to go elsewhere to see that He really did not mean what was written right there.
 
crossnote

crossnote

Senior Member
#20
Nov 24, 2012
30,706
3,650
113
#20
syborg said:
So some background... my wife and I are church goers and are born again.. at least I thought we were.. my wife of 8 years has decided I am 'too religious' and 'God Focused' and has decided she does not want a life lived through the lens of the bible.. within 1 day of me leaving the home (a few weeks after she ended our marriage and kissed another man) she had a different guy staying over... she says there was nothing going on before and she admits to now being intimate with him within the first week of our seperation. Now another couple from another church we are friendly with went with my wife (we are still legally married) out to a cooked full English Breakfast this morning with this chap in tow with whom she is now 'in a confirmed relationship with'.. I felt hurt by this as while they have every right to be friends with my wife.. despite her adultery.. the bible is clear that:



So my question is do I have a right to be offended or upset, betrayed they sat down with me wife and this 'new fella' and ate with them.. as it feels to me by eating with them they have almost acccepted and blessed the 'relationship' as ok.. I personally feel that if the scripture verse above applies they should even refuse to eat with her in this 'sin' as opposed to almost giving their blessing by allowing her and this bloke to their company..

What are the thoughts of those here on it.. am I being silly, mis apprpriating this scripture for my situation??
Click to expand...
You and your wife's restoration should be the issue not what the other couple does.
I'd get pastoral counseling, not internet counseling.
 
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