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Qualifying elderly parents and widows
Sometimes the things we must do, or must not do, as Christians may seem unkind to others who do not understand the full situation. For example, if the church were to deny a widow to be put on the list for financial help. 1 Timothy chapter five talks about this. It says in order to qualify a widow she must be over sixty years old AND have been faithful to her husband AND not live for pleasure, etc. These are God’s qualifications, not mankind’s. It may SEEM unkind, but actually it is obeying God.
Or again, in the case of disfellowship. If you KNOW that someone is claiming to be a Christian, yet is LIVING in sin, God says with such a one do not even eat. This is not a suggestion, this is God’s command. He even tells why- “that they may be ashamed.” For He knows that that leads to Godly sorrow, which leads to repentance. Without feeling sorry, how can one get right with God? Correction is the medicine they need, and to deny them that is not love.
Ok so we understand what a qualified widow is, but what is a qualified parent? God wants us to take care of our elderly parents who once cared for us (financially and otherwise). But what if your biological parent did not take care of you? Does DNA alone make someone a parent, or must there be that parent-child relationship? I have had to ask myself, and a minister, this question. I grew up parentless. As a child I identified a lot with Pippi Longstocking because she lived in a house with no parents. God says He is the father to the fatherless, so there's hope for all those children out there with deadbeat dads, and deadbeat moms. Aside from God, I was fatherless and motherless.
At four years old my sister made our bottles and changed our diapers. We were often left alone growing up, even for weeks at a time, while the adults who were supposed to take care of us were out getting drunk and high. We would eat what we could find- opening cake mix and eating it out of the box, stealing candy from the store, eating at a friend’s house, eating dog food, and outdoor plants. But when church members came to dinner we ate well, but the intention was to appear like good parents, not to feed us. We got clothes from the free clothing room while the adults bought expensive brands for themselves.
I was the second youngest of four kids, and the last to live at home. I was well behaved and no excuse was found to put me in a foster home. At 15 my biological mother wanted me to prostitute myself and give her the money. (NEVER!) I was told to pay for my food, shampoo, even for the clothes I was supplied from the free clothing rooms. I did not comply, there's no way that I could. So she (my biological dad long gone by now) put bugs in my food, and made it miserable as possible for me to exist there. She told me I was seeing things that weren't there, and did everything to toy with my mind, my health, my life. Finally she kicked me out so her rich boy friend would marry her, I guess that's what their agreement was. I was 16 with no where to go.
Did my picture appear on a milk carton, the news, a missing persons report? Notta. I walked around every night trying to stay awake till my friends mom left for work- there I would eat, shower, and sleep. She saw me one morning walking there, and I did not understand the look on her face. I was told by my aunt years later that she thought I was walking the streets to make money, and was angry I wasn't giving it to her. Later I was kidnapped and raped in front of a few guys. Then he put me in a basement for years, and I was forbidden to look out the windows or turn on the lights. I was told if I escaped my family would be killed beginning with my biological parents, then I would be killed. It was not an empty threat as I seen him involved in a murder.
When I got pregnant he let me go to church if I pretended like he was my boy friend, threat still standing, which now included killing my baby. I seen her again, he let her visit. She said she knew I was being beaten, and said I'd be better off back on the street. I did try to escape a couple times, I always got caught. Eventually police took me and my child to a underground shelter for battered women. After that I went to her and told her I was homeless with a child. I asked her for fifty dollars for groceries. She said she don't have it, and the very next day bought an eight hundred dollar dog- who she treated better than she ever did me.
As an adult, I moved by her in an effort to show her so much love that she would finally show me some. I cooked, I cleaned, I ironed her clothes, made her bed, messaged her feet, everything to her extreme specifications. Every time she put me down, I just responded with cheerfulness and love, but my efforts always came back void.
She lives as a constant drunk, almost killing us in her car many times. She cheated on both husbands with prostitution. She lives for pleasure, only thinking of herself. But she will put all that on pause to walk into the church building and claim to be a Christian.
She has never parented me, never took care of me, if she did anything it was only for appearance to church people. A minister once told me, if she had adopted me out, and showed up in my adult life, would she be a qualifying parent? No, cause she did not parent me. He said if DNA were the qualifying factor, instead of the relationship, then adoption would not be genuine, and if that were the case, then we are not God’s children- for the bible says He adopted us.
Bad company corrupts good morals, I was actually not obeying God by trying to yoke myself with her. I'm not supposed to even eat with her until she gets right with God. I completely forgive her, God is her judge, not me. But God is my Judge too, and I must obey Him. Right now she is playing the victim card in other’s eyes, like she always has, but they don't understand that she's the perpetrator, and that I am obeying God.
Sometimes the things we must do, or must not do, as Christians may seem unkind to others who do not understand the full situation. For example, if the church were to deny a widow to be put on the list for financial help. 1 Timothy chapter five talks about this. It says in order to qualify a widow she must be over sixty years old AND have been faithful to her husband AND not live for pleasure, etc. These are God’s qualifications, not mankind’s. It may SEEM unkind, but actually it is obeying God.
Or again, in the case of disfellowship. If you KNOW that someone is claiming to be a Christian, yet is LIVING in sin, God says with such a one do not even eat. This is not a suggestion, this is God’s command. He even tells why- “that they may be ashamed.” For He knows that that leads to Godly sorrow, which leads to repentance. Without feeling sorry, how can one get right with God? Correction is the medicine they need, and to deny them that is not love.
Ok so we understand what a qualified widow is, but what is a qualified parent? God wants us to take care of our elderly parents who once cared for us (financially and otherwise). But what if your biological parent did not take care of you? Does DNA alone make someone a parent, or must there be that parent-child relationship? I have had to ask myself, and a minister, this question. I grew up parentless. As a child I identified a lot with Pippi Longstocking because she lived in a house with no parents. God says He is the father to the fatherless, so there's hope for all those children out there with deadbeat dads, and deadbeat moms. Aside from God, I was fatherless and motherless.
At four years old my sister made our bottles and changed our diapers. We were often left alone growing up, even for weeks at a time, while the adults who were supposed to take care of us were out getting drunk and high. We would eat what we could find- opening cake mix and eating it out of the box, stealing candy from the store, eating at a friend’s house, eating dog food, and outdoor plants. But when church members came to dinner we ate well, but the intention was to appear like good parents, not to feed us. We got clothes from the free clothing room while the adults bought expensive brands for themselves.
I was the second youngest of four kids, and the last to live at home. I was well behaved and no excuse was found to put me in a foster home. At 15 my biological mother wanted me to prostitute myself and give her the money. (NEVER!) I was told to pay for my food, shampoo, even for the clothes I was supplied from the free clothing rooms. I did not comply, there's no way that I could. So she (my biological dad long gone by now) put bugs in my food, and made it miserable as possible for me to exist there. She told me I was seeing things that weren't there, and did everything to toy with my mind, my health, my life. Finally she kicked me out so her rich boy friend would marry her, I guess that's what their agreement was. I was 16 with no where to go.
Did my picture appear on a milk carton, the news, a missing persons report? Notta. I walked around every night trying to stay awake till my friends mom left for work- there I would eat, shower, and sleep. She saw me one morning walking there, and I did not understand the look on her face. I was told by my aunt years later that she thought I was walking the streets to make money, and was angry I wasn't giving it to her. Later I was kidnapped and raped in front of a few guys. Then he put me in a basement for years, and I was forbidden to look out the windows or turn on the lights. I was told if I escaped my family would be killed beginning with my biological parents, then I would be killed. It was not an empty threat as I seen him involved in a murder.
When I got pregnant he let me go to church if I pretended like he was my boy friend, threat still standing, which now included killing my baby. I seen her again, he let her visit. She said she knew I was being beaten, and said I'd be better off back on the street. I did try to escape a couple times, I always got caught. Eventually police took me and my child to a underground shelter for battered women. After that I went to her and told her I was homeless with a child. I asked her for fifty dollars for groceries. She said she don't have it, and the very next day bought an eight hundred dollar dog- who she treated better than she ever did me.
As an adult, I moved by her in an effort to show her so much love that she would finally show me some. I cooked, I cleaned, I ironed her clothes, made her bed, messaged her feet, everything to her extreme specifications. Every time she put me down, I just responded with cheerfulness and love, but my efforts always came back void.
She lives as a constant drunk, almost killing us in her car many times. She cheated on both husbands with prostitution. She lives for pleasure, only thinking of herself. But she will put all that on pause to walk into the church building and claim to be a Christian.
She has never parented me, never took care of me, if she did anything it was only for appearance to church people. A minister once told me, if she had adopted me out, and showed up in my adult life, would she be a qualifying parent? No, cause she did not parent me. He said if DNA were the qualifying factor, instead of the relationship, then adoption would not be genuine, and if that were the case, then we are not God’s children- for the bible says He adopted us.
Bad company corrupts good morals, I was actually not obeying God by trying to yoke myself with her. I'm not supposed to even eat with her until she gets right with God. I completely forgive her, God is her judge, not me. But God is my Judge too, and I must obey Him. Right now she is playing the victim card in other’s eyes, like she always has, but they don't understand that she's the perpetrator, and that I am obeying God.