Confusion at my new church... and new found faith.help!

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bellapazzesco

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#1
I recently started going back the church... a fellowship actually. I grew up going to Catholic and Luteran churches, but stopped going for a few years. I was now old enough to make my own decision... and wanted to quit being pushed. I had seen drastic changes in my mom and her life. I liked what I had seen and wanted it too. So, just a few months back i joined her. I was amazed. I had never felt what I felt there... anywhere else. I had never gotten what i got anywhere... but there. I was never so close and comfortable with anyone... but there. In just a few months of attending... my life has turned around. I have been experiencing the most craziest wonderful things. I loved that I never heard our fellowship discuss what sinners we are and focus on the all negative. We always just made things better. We didnt have a set of "guidelines" and "rules" to follow. What was explained was... once you truely understand and believe and understand... it will all come naturally. Which was true in my case. I cant believe the decisions and good changes that I have made. BUT... heres the problem. I found out our leader is engaged.. to a woman who is still NOT THROUGH WITH HER DIVORCE! Neither of them see any wrong with it. I have a million q's. Is she free to remarry??? should she try and stay and work her marriage out just to say she tried? Does God like divorce??? Is this considered infedelity? What does scripture say? Am I supporting it and saying its ok if I continue to go?... which I havent (this has caused a world of chaos) Why are they hiding it? Do they know it's wrong and thats why?... She accidentally slipped and said it in front of me. Is this going to give a bad name to the church?... her family doesnt know she is seeing someone through her divore... let alone a leader. Please help!
 
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dutchpuppy

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#2
Keep in mind that we are all human and constantly make mistakes. It's a shame if a marraige doesn't work...and each one that doesn't, failed for many a reason. You don't know about her marraige, either. Was she abused? Was he a criminal? Whose fault was it? Who knows? Let God do that kind of judging.

The kind of judging you can do is the fruit from this "tree." Many good things are happening and you can see it, especially in your own life. Maybe take a "wait and see" attitude?

I've heard that there are Biblical reasons that people can divorce...like infidelity? Is that right? Can anyone add to this?
 
Jan 8, 2009
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#3
Opinions on this are wide and varied.

Here's the most relevant scriptures:

Mat 5:31 It was also said, Whoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a bill of divorce.

Mat 5:32 But I say to you that whoever shall put away his wife, except for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery. And whoever shall marry her who is put away commits adultery.
A common view in christianity is that this forbids people to divorce and remarry unless one commits adultery or dies. That would be a hardline stance. Some even go so far to say that a woman must even stay in an abusive relationship and not divorce.

Another interpretation is that Jesus was not forbidding divorce at all in these passages, but speaking about a specific situation with the Jewish men of "putting away" their wives. From memory (correct me if wrong anyone) Jewish men would "put away their wives" , not properly divorce, and so the wives had no legal rights in Jewish society because they didn't have a bill of divorce. If the wife re-married this caused her to commit adultery, because she was not properly divorced. This may be true that the original meaning and context of this was lost in our bibles.

Does God like divorce? I don't think so. Divorce isn't a nice thing at any time. God did allow His people to divorce, but this was not God's original intention:

Deu 24:1 When a man has taken a wife and married her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes, because he has found some uncleanness in her, then let him write her a bill of divorce and put it in her hand, and send her out of his house.

Mat 19:8 He said to them, Because of your hard-heartedness Moses allowed you to put away your wives; but from the beginning it was not so.


Matthew 19 teaches that a man and woman should be married for life. I think this is important for a church leader. It's really between them and God, but the church you describe seems like it has no standards ? I don't think we support something just because we go to church. Plenty of bad things can happen in church even in the leadership but attending church or fellowshipping there doesn't mean you support it.






 

BLC

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Feb 28, 2009
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#4
Without knowing the details and the hearts of those involved, it would be wise to add the following scriptures, for the purpose of wisdom and a good balance (Prov 11:1, 20:23).

The scripture passage is (1Cor 7:9-15).
 
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bellapazzesco

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#5
Well see this is the other problem... I really don't think it's that big of a deal. But, it has turned into one for the whole fellowship. I know it is not my place to judge. But, I more so want answers as to why this is ok ... or why it isn't. She was not in any sort of abusive relationship... I do know the circumstances. But, the most I will say is that she was his personal trainer. The reason i have all of these q's is because it is causing problems at home. My mom said that if I want to go there, she won't stop me. But, she wants no part of it. She feels very strongly about this. And thinks whoever goes and is aware of it... is supporting it. I told her I disagree. I don't feel that if I attend I support it at all. But, because of this... I havent attended in 2 weeks. I am just so confused...
 
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Jaykay104

Guest
#6
It is unfortunate that something like divorce ever needs to happen at all, but in this fallen world there are things and people who do not follow the Perfect Will. The Bible does say that God hate's divorce, but He does love people.

The dude being engaged while she is still married though might be a bit wonky, but each to his own I say.

Your feelings of this situation are important to your growth, and seeing someone, especially someone in leadership, fall is so unpleasant to witness. This is a hard lesson to learn, but don't let people's actions determine your relationship with God. Spend time in fellowship with Him alone, and realize that the most important thing in keeping the agape type of love is to spend a whole lot of time in your prayer closet getting to know Him more. This is in no way a law or rule, but it is critical in developing you spiritually. Plus it is just so awesome to be intimate with the Big Man, after all it's the reason we were created.

Much love, and hope, and prayer!
 
Feb 27, 2007
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#7
"are you saying that because you truly feel that way, or is it because thats the way others have told you to feel" Brock Tully. non biblical words to reflect on. Just because your mom doesnt go there and prefers to stand in righteous judgement of your leadership doesnt mean you have to. I want you to keep in mind that many who will respond to your post are very "legalistic" in their faith and some will say your leader shouldnt have been one to begin with because she is a woman... so just keep that in mind as you read and reflect and decide. Personally, I think your church elders need to deal with this situation as your leader is agrieving the Lord... ALL fall short & the leadership usually has to deal with vicious attacks from satan... they dont always deal with these attacks properly because they are human, this doesnt mean they are not accountable for their actions and how it reflects on your church. She should actually be repentant but it doesnt sound like she is which is too bad. Keep in mind you will find humans in every Church you go to... as long as you find a holy spirit filled Christ loving church know that no church gets it totally right. In saying that though, I do think that when one decides to go into a leadership role they are held to a higher standard than the rest and they should work on listening to the holy spirit and not digging their heals in and following the desires of their flesh. Only you can know whats best for you, just know that there are so very many holy spirit filled churches, pray and the Lord will lead you elsewhere if this is your desire. Just dont let your leader shake your faith. God Bless.
 
Feb 27, 2007
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#8
OOPS just noticed your leader is not a woman but involved with a married woman. my mistake.
 

BLC

Banned
Feb 28, 2009
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#9
bella...

Here is a suggestion to pray about.

Write the pastor a confidential letter telling him what you have heard. Don't judge him, don't accuse him but tell him you are confused and how it has affected your mother also. He needs to know that. The details that you may have, might not be true. Wouldn't you rather hear it from him then from others, when it is about him? If he confirms the information you have, then tell him your concerns. If he asks you who told you these things, you must tell him. If he has been falsely charged, he needs to know who is doing it. If he doesn't confirm that information or says to you that it is none of your business, leave it alone and commit it to God. If you start repeating the matter or talking to others, then you are meddling and that is not good. Before God you have kept your heart clean, used wisdom and you are free from judging. If there is any sin involved, you can be sure that God will deal with it, His way. Secondly, if any sin continues, be sure that the sin will find them out. Anytime sin or failure is involved with a brother or sister in Christ, we which are spiritual (Spirit-filled) must approach them in meekness with the purpose of restoring them and never to judge them in any way.

If you want the scriptures on this, I would be happy to give them to you.
 
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dutchpuppy

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#10
I think the previous post has a good idea, write the pastor.
 
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Slepsog4

Guest
#11
A divorce situation can be ugly enough when a fellow believer is going through it. But when a leader is in the mix it is going to get hairy. This leader should not be involved at all, let alone be intimate with one party.

The leader's wisdom is definitely in question. One might argue that the leader is part of the problem. As long as the leader is in the mix this way there can be no effort at achieving reconciliation.

In Matthew 19 Jesus spoke of those who divorce without the cause of fornication AND marry another. He says they commit adultery. It is quite possible that Jesus knew their motivation for the divorce. We often use such language as "go to the store and buy some milk". Not buying the milk is not incidental, but rather it is the reason for going to the store. Likewise, marry another is not incidental to the divorce but the motivation for it. They already had their eye on someone else. At its very heart is adultery. Remember Jesus stated that looking upon another with lust is adultery too.

The person involved in the divorce while seeing someone (a leader) is guilty of this very thing. There is someone waiting in the wings.
 
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bellapazzesco

Guest
#12
Thank you very much for responding. I really apprciate it. I have been so confused. It's so frustrating.. I get a million answers from everyone... but, none of them the same (from people in my fellowship). I feel it is breaking us all down and becoming malicious slander towards another... not to mention gossip. Neither of which I agree with. So, thanks again! Seeing everyones responses has really helped!!!

Love Rauchelle
xoxoxoxoxo
 
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kselby

Guest
#13
hi Rauchelle...my question to you is who wouldnt like to go to a fellowship which seems to have no morals?That would really make things in life easier....but the problem here is that god does have standards....standards not to restrict us but to protect us.Putting all judgment aside....look at the facts...you do not know the situation with this persons marriage.....but should sshe be having relations before she is legally devorced?and should your church leader be in relations with awoman who is not devorced?I think the scriptures have answered these questions....the confusion you are feeling is because now you have to make a decission which will effect your concience.....our concience is a gift from god to help us know right from wrong.....your concience is uner fire because deep down you know that this is wrong what they are doing ...and this does not mean that you are being judgemental...i think it is great that you have wanted to renew your relationship with god....but i think the big picture here is ,is this the right place to be serving him? you said you were raised in catholic church....but always felt condemed?it seems like you have gone from one extreem to the other...here is a scripture you can meditate on...Rom12:2"Prove to yourselves the good and acceptable and perfect will of god".I guess the key word here is 'acceptable'.My final advice is pray...talk to god ask him to show you the acceptable way to serve him...let him know how much you want a relationship with him...he will not let you down...i to will pray that you be shown the true and acceptable way of serving god.:)yours truly...katrina.
 
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easygoing

Guest
#14
try to put this simple, and this is how I believe we all as christians should feel

"We have come to the point where we have to decide between what is right and what is easy."
 
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