Help from a "Contentious spirit!"

Depleted · Jan 4, 2017

I've got a problem I'd like help with. I have a contentious spirit. Not in that some evil spirit is on me. In that that's my personality.

Pink Diamond described it (even though she wasn't trying to describe me) in this thread (page 4, if this bumps it back to page 1 -- http://christianchat.com/bible-discussion-forum/146350-fake-4.html

Helpful hints on how to stop it without turning into milktoast?

notuptome · Jan 4, 2017

Since when is contentious bad?

Jude 1:3 Beloved, when I gave all diligence to write unto you of the common salvation, it was needful for me to write unto you, and exhort you that ye should earnestly contend for the faith which was once delivered unto the saints.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

PennEd · Jan 4, 2017

Depleted said:

Thanks for the honesty Lynn. I used to love to debate so much that I found myself taking contrary positions just to engage in one. I believe this created a contentious spirit in me, and I still fall into it from time to time.

Really trying to see the other person as a broken, hurting individual, just as I am, has had a positive effect. I believe this realization is from the Holy Spirit because just like all the other entrenched sins I couldn't stop on my own, this one is better because of Him.

May God bless you and your husband this New Year!

stonesoffire · Jan 4, 2017

Well, if it's a contentious spirit, flee. If it's a part of your natural makeup, it's soulish. What I've begun doing is to ask for Holy Spirit to fill me daily, and when that thing tries to take hold of me...stop...hold my tongue and let His grace fill at that moment.

Im having more success with it if I don't forget. And don't take condemnation for failures, just repent.

Condemnation paralyses us and we can't move forward.

I think its a woman thing with our husbands. Definitely of our nature don't you think?

I need to say this too. Sometimes a harsh word is needed. Follow His leading.

Depleted · Jan 4, 2017

notuptome said:

Because contentious isn't contend?

But honestly, I am having trouble contending without becoming contentious.

Depleted · Jan 4, 2017

stonesoffire said:

I unintentionally hurt him on one of our dates. (Being a bad winner is traditional sportsmanship in my family.) I hate hurting him, so I stopped being contentious to him all those many years ago. I pick up on a person's personality quickly, and reflect it. Since he's not contentious, nothing to reflect.

Unfortunately, I also absorb, so if I'm around contentious people, it hangs on me even after they're gone from sight. That's why I'd rather lose it all the time. It's not a pretty thing. (Smells like a hard-boiled egg fart.

)

I also think my questioning so much is see as contentious when it really is question. Hubby calls that on me, but since I'm not trying to be contentious, we resolve the that's-not-what-I-meant thingy quickly.

jerry2465 · Jan 4, 2017

Humans are not perfect, but that don't excuse us from trying to be the most loving and compassionate people that we can be. I don't know you at all, but I will speak for myself and others that I know. I think sometimes we go into autopilot mode and just speak before we think things over. If you were to not be quick to respond and think for a few seconds first, it might help. I know that sort of thing has helped me a lot anyway. I think society often labels people as being more intelligent when they can be quick to respond with something witty on the fly, but that maybe isn't always the best way. I am in no way saying thats you, but it has been me

stonesoffire · Jan 4, 2017

I just failed and could of killed myself. I'm only 4'10 and our breaker box has a button that controls the outlets in both bathrooms. It needs reset and Ive asked him to do it...but I know how long it takes for him to do it. He told me don't you climb up on that bench. I wanted to curl my hair so I did. And pulled a shelf down on me...It hit my head which I have autonomic problems anyway due to an injury yrs ago.
I wasn't thinking that I was being contentious, but I was. Just goes to show we can know what to do, but we don't always do it.

And I prayed too. It just happened.

Depleted · Jan 4, 2017

jerry2465 said:

Being a loudmouth, I have sometimes postponed my responses for a day. Sometimes I even hope the day will cool me off enough not to respond, (and it happens sometimes.) But usually? I've just gotten more ammunition as I think it over for the next day.

That kind of contentious.

88 · Jan 4, 2017

It may be the result of anger issues or wounds needing healing...?

Ugly · Jan 4, 2017

Depleted said:

My suggestion is put more thought into how you would like to come across and try to reflect that.
And don't be misguided by extreme ideas. Even in your post you inject a negative mention of 'don't want to become milktoast' rather than wanting to learn a better way to be, even if it may leave you feeling like you're being soft. When we go to God and ask Him to change is, if we begin adding our own agenda to what should and shouldn't be changed, then we aren't seeking change really.

I've spent a few years working on my responses. Trying to change my approach. It's slow going, but it makes things easier for yourself and those around you. Since I genuinely want to help people I had to use that desire as motivation to change since the way i used to be wasn't as helpful. If there is someone in your life that is feeling the negative effects of some aspect of how you are then think on them the next time you open your mouth. Ask yourself if there is a different way to say the same thing that won't be so hurtful.
It's not easy but as you start seeing the positives in those you're dealing with it makes it easier and more rewarding.

Depleted · Jan 4, 2017

stonesoffire said:

I just failed and could of killed myself. I'm only 4'10 and our breaker box has a button that controls the outlets in both bathrooms. It needs reset and Ive asked him to do it...but I know how long it takes for him to do it. He told me don't you climb up on that bench. I wanted to curl my hair so I did. And pulled a shelf down on me...It hit my head which I have autonomic problems anyway due to an injury yrs ago.
I wasn't thinking that I was being contentious, but I was. Just goes to show we can know what to do, but we don't always do it.

And I prayed too. It just happened.

Frustrating. Ain't it?

(Hey, it is possible to curl hair away from a bathroom. lol)

Depleted · Jan 4, 2017

Ugly said:

My suggestion is put more thought into how you would like to come across and try to reflect that.
And don't be misguided by extreme ideas. Even in your post you inject a negative mention of 'don't want to become milktoast' rather than wanting to learn a better way to be, even if it may leave you feeling like you're being soft. When we go to God and ask Him to change is, if we begin adding our own agenda to what should and shouldn't be changed, then we aren't seeking change really.

I've spent a few years working on my responses. Trying to change my approach. It's slow going, but it makes things easier for yourself and those around you. Since I genuinely want to help people I had to use that desire as motivation to change since the way i used to be wasn't as helpful. If there is someone in your life that is feeling the negative effects of some aspect of how you are then think on them the next time you open your mouth. Ask yourself if there is a different way to say the same thing that won't be so hurtful.
It's not easy but as you start seeing the positives in those you're dealing with it makes it easier and more rewarding.

I haven't known you long enough to know if you've changed. You've known me long enough that you've been in on my change. You've also known me long enough to know I'm not very good at this change yet. So, all advice helps. Thank you.

Pilkington · Jan 4, 2017

So by contensious do you mean you enjoy causing augments or do you enjoy argueing or being controversal. I think BDF tends to cause us all to be augmentative and dogomatic. I suppose the only way to be less contensious is to think before posting, as others said try and see things from the others point of view. I suppose we all need to pray before we post that He would guide us in our response. In my opinion yo are not particularly contensious however i think maybe we should all be aware of how we responds

Tinkerbell725 · Jan 4, 2017

A "Contentious spirit" is born out of pride. And where there is pride, learning is impossible. That's is why God wants us to be like children so we can be humble and teachable. Creating this thread is an act of humility and learning is on the horizon. You are not going to become a milktoast if you try to tame that contentious spirit. Instead many will learn from you more. It's ok to be angry but it's never ok to attack. For those who know your personality, they will understand that you mean well but for others who don't, they will be offended. Stupidity used to irritate me but I just think that sometimes I also say stupid things when I don't feel like using my brains. I find sarcasm funny sometimes, but it depends on the intention. We all just want to be understood and being contentious will cause more misunderstanding. I had an encounter with someone contentious who tried her best to offend me but I focused more on my point reaching her and not on her personal attacks. Her personal attacks had no weight because I know myself and don't care what other people think. The truth in the issue is more important than my reputation.

Depleted · Jan 4, 2017

Pilkington said:

There are two kinds of arguments:
1. Disagreements where folks can at least hear out another POV, even if it doesn't sway them.
2. Being disagreeable just to be disagreeable and putting down the other for daring to disagree.

I love the first kind and find no sin in that.

I keep falling for the second kind, especially if the other person is in it just for that. And it really doesn't matter if the other person has fault too. This is my fault/problem.

I see others who come on here and can not do that. The best way I know not to do that is to ignore someone like me.

Seems kind of stupid to ignore someone like me, doesn't it? Kind of calls for everyone to ignore me because I've got the same attitude. I don't like that about me. Not very godly.

I'd like to know how you don't do that? (And you, and a few others, really do seem like the type who don't do that. So I know it's possible.)

maxwel · Jan 4, 2017

Depleted said:

If you cure your contentious spirit...

how will anyone on CC be able to relate to you?

Depleted · Jan 4, 2017

Tinkerbell725 said:

A "Contentious spirit" is born out of pride. And where there is pride, learning is impossible. That's is why God wants us to be like children so we can be humble and teachable. Creating this thread is an act of humility and learning is on the horizon. You are not going to become a milktoast if you try to tame that contentious spirit. Instead many will learn from you more. It's ok to be angry but it's never ok to attack. For those who know your personality, they will understand that you mean well but for others who don't, they will be offended. Stupidity used to irritate me but I just think that sometimes I also say stupid things when I don't feel like using my brains. I find sarcasm funny sometimes, but it depends on the intention. We all just want to be understood and being contentious will cause more misunderstanding. I had an encounter with someone contentious who tried her best to offend me but I focused more on my point reaching her and not on her personal attacks. Her personal attacks had no weight because I know myself and don't care what other people think. The truth in the issue is more important than my reputation.

I want to be you when I grow up.

Depleted · Jan 4, 2017

maxwel said:

IDK. Cross that bridge...

lol

I figure some can and do, so I want to be like them.

maxwel · Jan 4, 2017

Depleted said:

Are you trying to invalidate my firmly held beliefs?

That's very contentious of you.

Help from a "Contentious spirit!"

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