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Thread: How far is too far?

  1. #1
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    Default How far is too far?

    So me and my boyfriend have been dating for a long time and really love each other. We are both Christians and have set up strong boundaries to not have sex (of any kind). I was just wondering how far is too far, kissing? Cuddling? Second base? I'm just confused on what the bible says about this

  2. #2
    Senior Member Demi777's Avatar
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    Default Re: How far is too far?

    I ended up with the conclusion that that depends on the people .. people are different. Some are more sensitive than others etc. So far when I checked the bible for this it was always about no sex, no lusting or ''dont activate the love before hand'' kinda talk. Id say pray and see where God leads you
    God bless you
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  3. #3
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    Default Re: How far is too far?

    Sex is sex. Penetration of an orifice. It comes in different forms and Bill Clinton (yes oral sex was in the Bible times too when G-d said no premarital sex). Then there is dry sex, grinding with cloths on. The bottom line like the Scripture says it is better to marry than to burn with lust. If the Holy Spirit is convicting, you for your behavior then eater stop or get married. People do not need to give their earthly definition of boundaries. The Bible does not spell out if kissing is sin (we know you do not give a holy kiss…lol) or if cuddling is a sin. What is G-d telling you about your behavior. It is something, hence the post. It’s between you and Him.
    Last edited by mcubed; January 12th, 2017 at 12:09 AM.
    Demi777 likes this.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Demi777's Avatar
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    Default Re: How far is too far?

    rofl.. well said XD
    All forms of sex are binding. Its a soul bond either way. I agree

    Quote Originally Posted by mcubed View Post
    Sex is sex. Penetration of an orifice. It comes in different forms and Bill Clinton (yes oral sex was in the Bible times too when G-d said no premarital sex). Then there is dry sex, grinding with cloths on. The bottom line like the Scripture says it is better to marry than to burn with lust. If the Holy Spirit is convicting, you for your behavior then eater stop or get married. People do not need to give their earthly definition of boundaries. The Bible does not spell out if kissing is sin (we know you do not give a holy kiss…lol) or if cuddling is a sin. What is G-d telling you about your behavior. It is something, hence the post. It’s between you and Him.
    God bless you
    ~*~Demi777 ~*~

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  5. #5
    Senior Member Dino246's Avatar
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    Default Re: How far is too far?

    In the consideration of this topic, it is also good to ask, "How can we glorify and honour God in our relationship at its present stage?"

  6. #6
    Senior Member Ugly's Avatar
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    Default Re: How far is too far?

    Let's rephrase your question to be more accurate. "How close to sin can i get without actually sinning?". That's usually the root of the question. And while it's true that it may depend on the individual couple, the problem with that is you have no way of knowing without taking yourself there.
    Second base, though, would still be a clear line crossing. It is simply foreplay. Which is what people do before intercourse. Not to mention it is an obvious temptation, which we are told to flee from.
    When dealing with temptation you are better erring on the side of caution. If you miss out on a few things, that maybe would've been ok for you, you're not going to regret that in 20, 30, 40 years. On the other hand, if you go too far that can be a guilt that, literally, lasts a lifetime. Trust me, i know.

    The trick here is also remembering that what one may handle, doesn't mean the other can handle it. If, for you, cuddling is fine and provides no temptation, that may still be a temptation to him. So the stronger has to stop themselves at the others boundary and respect it, not push their partner to go farther than they can handle.
    But, basically, if holding hands provides too much temptation, then don't do it. And don't try to go as far as you can. Because (and again, trust me on this) once you try to dance on the edge of sin you Will cross over. You Will fall. As Christians our lives are meant to be lived holy and blameless, not seeing much we can get away with and hoping we don't screw up.
    Give me a new voice
    Give me a heart for repentance and make it stay
    Cause I've idolized my words
    It's all my fault
    But it's comfortable
    ~Poured Out, Rival Choir~

  7. #7
    Senior Member Dan58's Avatar
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    Default Re: How far is too far?

    When the pants come off
    Keep your britches on and you'll be okay
    .. jmo



  8. #8
    Senior Member Word_Swordsman's Avatar
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    Default Re: How far is too far?

    We taught our daughters and grands not to play with fire, that being preparatory to training them concerning sexual matters years later.

    Our second daughter tried to discover just how close she could get to fire without harm. She and friends found a cigarette lighter, then began passing a finger through the flame. Each pass they slowed down, each time finger getting hotter, but not yet painfully burned. The only real question that mattered was at what point did she realize she got too close, then got painfully burned. She burned that finger a pass at a time, along with her friends, the last finger pass doubtless the one to have avoided, lest she be found foolish.

    That's kind of how sex of any kind outside of marriage works on the flesh.

    A good husband-to-be in the sight of God should learn before puberty not to intimately touch any girl/woman. I was taught in those days the only time I might hold a girl's hand would be to guide her over a puddle of water or for some similar assistance.

    Follow the wisdom of 1 Corinthians 7King James Version (KJV)

    7 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
    2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
    3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
    4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
    5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
    6 But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.
    7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.
    8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I.
    9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.


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  9. #9
    Senior Member dcontroversal's Avatar
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    Default Re: How far is too far?

    So get married........dating a LONG TIME, REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER<-----Problem solved

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    Default Re: How far is too far?

    Quote Originally Posted by dcontroversal View Post
    So get married........dating a LONG TIME, REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER<-----Problem solved
    Your bluntness is cracking me up tonight! Keep it up!

  11. #11
    Senior Member resurrection33's Avatar
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    Default Re: How far is too far?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lorrie473626 View Post
    So me and my boyfriend have been dating for a long time and really love each other. We are both Christians and have set up strong boundaries to not have sex (of any kind). I was just wondering how far is too far, kissing? Cuddling? Second base? I'm just confused on what the bible says about this
    Second base, for sure, is a sin.

    But I say to you that every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matt 5:28 RSV
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  12. #12
    LaurenTM
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    Default Re: How far is too far?

    the more lines you cross, the more lines you cross

    and once you cross the final line, you pretty much just kicked down all the reasons not to in the first place

    the mind is a funny thing...it can come up with more excuses than the dog ate my homework...

    I think you probably know the answer to your own question....

  13. #13
    Senior Member Laish's Avatar
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    Default Re: How far is too far?

    I have a 17 year old daughter. I have addressed this issue with her and the young men that have asked permission to date her . The boundaries we set are simple and I believe will produce biblical results. The simple rule is don't do anything to my daughter that you won't feel comfortable me doing to you . All laughs aside .It works .
    Blessings
    Bill
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    "Like a good chess player, Satan is always trying to manuever you into a position where you can save your castle only by losing your bishop."
    C.S. Lewis

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    Default Re: How far is too far?

    Quote Originally Posted by dcontroversal View Post
    So get married........dating a LONG TIME, REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER<-----Problem solved
    This is what I was going to say, so I second this.. If you are dating, and in love, and even thinking of sex, Get married..
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    Eternally Grateful for the grace God has shown a wretched soul such as myself.

    Rom 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus,

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    Senior Member Depleted's Avatar
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    Default Re: How far is too far?

    Quote Originally Posted by Laish View Post
    I have a 17 year old daughter. I have addressed this issue with her and the young men that have asked permission to date her . The boundaries we set are simple and I believe will produce biblical results. The simple rule is don't do anything to my daughter that you won't feel comfortable me doing to you . All laughs aside .It works .
    Blessings
    Bill
    If I were a guy, I'd have to leave, because even you taking me out to dinner would be... eww! Just. Never. lol
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    Lynn

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    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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    Senior Member Laish's Avatar
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    Default Re: How far is too far?

    Quote Originally Posted by Depleted View Post
    If I were a guy, I'd have to leave, because even you taking me out to dinner would be... eww! Just. Never. lol
    That's my plan lol . The young men get the point . Its is a G rated date as far as my wife and I can see to it . We have instilled Christian values in our family as much as we can . Our daughter knows where the boundaries are we only pray for her strength.
    as far as to the op if it's beyond a kiss get married.
    Blessings
    Bill
    "Like a good chess player, Satan is always trying to manuever you into a position where you can save your castle only by losing your bishop."
    C.S. Lewis

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    Default Re: How far is too far?

    Quote Originally Posted by resurrection33 View Post
    Second base, for sure, is a sin.

    But I say to you that every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matt 5:28 RSV
    SMH....Jesus said that to show our need for a savior. He was trying to make the point that try as we might we can never keep good enough law to save ourselves.

    To the OP, if you really love each other pray and seek God's wisdom about getting married. I know it doesn't seem like it but waiting will make it better later on.
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    Default Re: How far is too far?

    [for me anyway] because fornication is immoral behavior in relations which occurs outside of marriage, and therefore any provocation to advance the eagerness to simulate coming together is where the immoral behavior lies.
    "And some believed the things which were spoken, and some believed not." (Act 28:24)

  19. #19
    Senior Member resurrection33's Avatar
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    Default Re: How far is too far?

    Quote Originally Posted by FlSnookman7 View Post
    SMH....Jesus said that to show our need for a savior. He was trying to make the point that try as we might we can never keep good enough law to save ourselves.

    To the OP, if you really love each other pray and seek God's wisdom about getting married. I know it doesn't seem like it but waiting will make it better later on.
    Don't put words in the mouth of Jesus Christ. He said it is an act of adultery to look lustfully at another person, and that is exactly what he meant.
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  20. #20
    Senior Member resurrection33's Avatar
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    Default Re: How far is too far?

    Quote Originally Posted by FlSnookman7 View Post
    SMH....Jesus said that to show our need for a savior. He was trying to make the point that try as we might we can never keep good enough law to save ourselves.

    To the OP, if you really love each other pray and seek God's wisdom about getting married. I know it doesn't seem like it but waiting will make it better later on.
    You'd do well to obey Jesus rather than invent reasons not to.
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