How as a Christian do you treat someone who has terribly wronged you?

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A

annaschneider

Guest
#1
I fell in love with a friend about 3 years ago. He led me on, I bared my heart over and over to him. He kept coming back to see me. Not once did he say he didn't care. I gave him a travel coffee mug as an Easter gift filled with chocolate. I never saw him after that. No thank or anything.That was a year ago. I sought him out and confronted him. I told him that everytime I told him how I felt that he had the opportunity to stop it and he said nothing. I grieved him and moved on or so I thought. Old wounds have been reopened and I'm back to square one. If I listen to the bible, it tells me to turn the other cheek 77 times I think. I see him at work on occasion. He says hello. I say nothing. I feel like he was sent by the devil to ruin me. I have prayed so hard in every possible way. God will not take these feelings away again. I do not say hello because I feel hatred in my heart for what he has done. He has not repented and apologized. I have decided to stay away from his side of the building even though it means spending less time with my female friend chatting.It has come to my ears that he has started to use my coffee mug and takes it everywhere which he refused to before. When i see him, I don't feel an inch of christlike. I want him to pay for what he did and feel the pain I felt/feel. I can't bring myself to say hello. I want him to burn in hell. I'm in spiritual warfare right now. I do not know how to act as a Christian. I don't feel like I should acknowledge him after the way he treated me. I don't feel like there is anything left to say nor do I believe in fake niceties. I try so hard to be a Christian in my life but I'm always tested. The more I become closer to God the more I'm tested. Its been one bad thing after another since I made another major change in my life to bring me closer to God. And these feelings coming back up after all these months is part of this spiritual war. I think it best to stay away so I don't have to be given the choice to act Christ like or not. And to do what's best for me. Maybe, If I don't see him, I will forget about him again. Everyone says it is just a simple hello. It's not that simple. I don't want to do what the bible says. I need help. I also feel like the devil does his worst damage through my dreams. It's like he wants to pull me back in.
.
 
Dec 2, 2016
1,652
26
0
#2
You obviously got hurt in a bad relationship, those things can be very painful, try to avoid the person as much as possible(if you know the thing is over). I have found in life that if we wait for a person to do the right thing we will probably die of old age waiting, most folks just do not do the right thing. I wish there was an easy way out, I have suffered such things myself in years gone by. Try to move away from the problem in every way possible, it is like a bad smell, the further you get away from it the better.
 

JaumeJ

Senior Member
Jul 2, 2011
21,195
6,508
113
#3
We are not required to fellowship with anyone who wrongs us, brother or not, we must always forgive though. If a person wrongs another, and after being made aware and continures to wrong that person, treat that person as a non-believing pagain. This does not intend to say hold a grudge or act negatively. Always extend the same mercy you expect to receive. Remember, Christ, in His agone said, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." Let us aspire to be as He always. Always forgive...
PS...I am not just saying these words.m God bless all in Christ, amen.

I fell in love with a friend about 3 years ago. He led me on, I bared my heart over and over to him. He kept coming back to see me. Not once did he say he didn't care. I gave him a travel coffee mug as an Easter gift filled with chocolate. I never saw him after that. No thank or anything.That was a year ago. I sought him out and confronted him. I told him that everytime I told him how I felt that he had the opportunity to stop it and he said nothing. I grieved him and moved on or so I thought. Old wounds have been reopened and I'm back to square one. If I listen to the bible, it tells me to turn the other cheek 77 times I think. I see him at work on occasion. He says hello. I say nothing. I feel like he was sent by the devil to ruin me. I have prayed so hard in every possible way. God will not take these feelings away again. I do not say hello because I feel hatred in my heart for what he has done. He has not repented and apologized. I have decided to stay away from his side of the building even though it means spending less time with my female friend chatting.It has come to my ears that he has started to use my coffee mug and takes it everywhere which he refused to before. When i see him, I don't feel an inch of christlike. I want him to pay for what he did and feel the pain I felt/feel. I can't bring myself to say hello. I want him to burn in hell. I'm in spiritual warfare right now. I do not know how to act as a Christian. I don't feel like I should acknowledge him after the way he treated me. I don't feel like there is anything left to say nor do I believe in fake niceties. I try so hard to be a Christian in my life but I'm always tested. The more I become closer to God the more I'm tested. Its been one bad thing after another since I made another major change in my life to bring me closer to God. And these feelings coming back up after all these months is part of this spiritual war. I think it best to stay away so I don't have to be given the choice to act Christ like or not. And to do what's best for me. Maybe, If I don't see him, I will forget about him again. Everyone says it is just a simple hello. It's not that simple. I don't want to do what the bible says. I need help. I also feel like the devil does his worst damage through my dreams. It's like he wants to pull me back in.
.
 
Jul 14, 2013
92
1
0
#4
Avoiding him is a good thing. It is too painful for you to be around him. I had to walk away from a friendship when it became too much to bear after she would give me the silent treatment when I had done nothing wrong. I didn't want to forgive her either but I kept asking God to help me forgive and he did.

I fell in love with a friend about 3 years ago. He led me on, I bared my heart over and over to him. He kept coming back to see me. Not once did he say he didn't care. I gave him a travel coffee mug as an Easter gift filled with chocolate. I never saw him after that. No thank or anything.That was a year ago. I sought him out and confronted him. I told him that everytime I told him how I felt that he had the opportunity to stop it and he said nothing. I grieved him and moved on or so I thought. Old wounds have been reopened and I'm back to square one. If I listen to the bible, it tells me to turn the other cheek 77 times I think. I see him at work on occasion. He says hello. I say nothing. I feel like he was sent by the devil to ruin me. I have prayed so hard in every possible way. God will not take these feelings away again. I do not say hello because I feel hatred in my heart for what he has done. He has not repented and apologized. I have decided to stay away from his side of the building even though it means spending less time with my female friend chatting.It has come to my ears that he has started to use my coffee mug and takes it everywhere which he refused to before. When i see him, I don't feel an inch of christlike. I want him to pay for what he did and feel the pain I felt/feel. I can't bring myself to say hello. I want him to burn in hell. I'm in spiritual warfare right now. I do not know how to act as a Christian. I don't feel like I should acknowledge him after the way he treated me. I don't feel like there is anything left to say nor do I believe in fake niceties. I try so hard to be a Christian in my life but I'm always tested. The more I become closer to God the more I'm tested. Its been one bad thing after another since I made another major change in my life to bring me closer to God. And these feelings coming back up after all these months is part of this spiritual war. I think it best to stay away so I don't have to be given the choice to act Christ like or not. And to do what's best for me. Maybe, If I don't see him, I will forget about him again. Everyone says it is just a simple hello. It's not that simple. I don't want to do what the bible says. I need help. I also feel like the devil does his worst damage through my dreams. It's like he wants to pull me back in.
.
 

Desertsrose

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2016
2,824
207
63
#5
I fell in love with a friend about 3 years ago. He led me on, I bared my heart over and over to him. He kept coming back to see me. Not once did he say he didn't care. I gave him a travel coffee mug as an Easter gift filled with chocolate. I never saw him after that. No thank or anything.That was a year ago. I sought him out and confronted him. I told him that everytime I told him how I felt that he had the opportunity to stop it and he said nothing. I grieved him and moved on or so I thought. Old wounds have been reopened and I'm back to square one. If I listen to the bible, it tells me to turn the other cheek 77 times I think. I see him at work on occasion. He says hello. I say nothing. I feel like he was sent by the devil to ruin me. I have prayed so hard in every possible way. God will not take these feelings away again. I do not say hello because I feel hatred in my heart for what he has done. He has not repented and apologized. I have decided to stay away from his side of the building even though it means spending less time with my female friend chatting.It has come to my ears that he has started to use my coffee mug and takes it everywhere which he refused to before. When i see him, I don't feel an inch of christlike. I want him to pay for what he did and feel the pain I felt/feel. I can't bring myself to say hello. I want him to burn in hell. I'm in spiritual warfare right now. I do not know how to act as a Christian. I don't feel like I should acknowledge him after the way he treated me. I don't feel like there is anything left to say nor do I believe in fake niceties. I try so hard to be a Christian in my life but I'm always tested. The more I become closer to God the more I'm tested. Its been one bad thing after another since I made another major change in my life to bring me closer to God. And these feelings coming back up after all these months is part of this spiritual war. I think it best to stay away so I don't have to be given the choice to act Christ like or not. And to do what's best for me. Maybe, If I don't see him, I will forget about him again. Everyone says it is just a simple hello. It's not that simple. I don't want to do what the bible says. I need help. I also feel like the devil does his worst damage through my dreams. It's like he wants to pull me back in.
.

Hi Anna,

You're being honest with your feelings so that's a good thing. I'm sorry that you're struggling so. I hear your pain in every word you say. :(

What's partly happening is that you're still grieving. Ypu've been hurt so deeply and are struggling to get through to the other side where you can finally accept it so that you can move on with you're life.

You need to live again, laugh again and enjoy the Lord in your life.

If you're struggling to forgive, don't give up, but don't do it in your open strength either. It will benefit you to go before God if you haven't already and tell Him all you've told us.

Cry it out with Him and let Him comfort you. His comfort will empower you to be able to see things more clearly.

You're carrying a burden that Jesus said He would carry. You're wanting to avenge yourself and God said for us to not take revenge, but leave room for God to do the avenging.

Allow God to speak to you in your quiet time. Read His word out loud. Pray every day for the power to forgive. Right now the unforgiveness is making you miserable and ruining your life. God will heal your pain, allow Him to console you in you're suffering.

You're wanting him to suffer, and I understand those feelings, we probably all have felt a deep pain that's similar, but he might not ever have the remorse over what he's done and he may not be affected by your ill treatment of him at all.

Forgiving someone doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with him. I have a friend whom I've forgiven over a deep hurt. I truly have forgiven her and want the best for her, but I don't have to have the relationship with her we once had. And it took me months to get through all the emotions and negative feelings I had toward her. But today I'm totally free of all of that. And I do love her in the Lord and hope she continues to grow and prosper in the Lord.

Is your ex-boyfriend Christian?

Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn for they wii be comforted.
 

Dan58

Senior Member
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
337
83
#6
So your upset because he didn't like you as much as you liked him? I don't quite get it, but all your anger and resentment is hurting you more than him. You were just seeing someone who lost interest and decided to move on, that's something most people have experienced. Did you really expect that a coffee cup of chocolates would insure his love and devotion for life? I agree that it was cold of him to just disappear without explaining that he didn't have the same level of interest in you that you had in him, but your level of hate towards him seems a tad excessive. I'm sure you were charming until he rejected you, but now you refuse a simple "hello"? Think about it, he may have been a bit rude or insensitive, but wanting him to burn in hell or thinking the devil sent him to test you is ridiculous. This has nothing to do with God or the devil, its just a guy who decided to stop dating you. You may have fallen in love, but sometimes it takes the other person longer to decide, and pressuring them to respond in kind tends to scare them away... jmo
 

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
Jul 19, 2014
4,216
1,179
113
Philippines Age 40
#7
If you can't avoid seeing the person, just let go of the past and be casual in dealing with him. It is possible. You can't force your emotions if you are not ready but in time it will be fine hopefully. I have a friend at work but we had a cold war because of her selfcenteredness but after a few years we became friends again as if nothing happened.
 
A

annaschneider

Guest
#8
I'm getting some good feedback so far. Thank you.
 
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88

Senior Member
Nov 14, 2016
3,517
77
48
#9
I fell in love with a friend about 3 years ago. He led me on, I bared my heart over and over to him. He kept coming back to see me. Not once did he say he didn't care. I gave him a travel coffee mug as an Easter gift filled with chocolate. I never saw him after that. No thank or anything.That was a year ago. I sought him out and confronted him. I told him that everytime I told him how I felt that he had the opportunity to stop it and he said nothing. I grieved him and moved on or so I thought. Old wounds have been reopened and I'm back to square one. If I listen to the bible, it tells me to turn the other cheek 77 times I think. I see him at work on occasion. He says hello. I say nothing. I feel like he was sent by the devil to ruin me. I have prayed so hard in every possible way. God will not take these feelings away again. I do not say hello because I feel hatred in my heart for what he has done. He has not repented and apologized. I have decided to stay away from his side of the building even though it means spending less time with my female friend chatting.It has come to my ears that he has started to use my coffee mug and takes it everywhere which he refused to before. When i see him, I don't feel an inch of christlike. I want him to pay for what he did and feel the pain I felt/feel. I can't bring myself to say hello. I want him to burn in hell. I'm in spiritual warfare right now. I do not know how to act as a Christian. I don't feel like I should acknowledge him after the way he treated me. I don't feel like there is anything left to say nor do I believe in fake niceties. I try so hard to be a Christian in my life but I'm always tested. The more I become closer to God the more I'm tested. Its been one bad thing after another since I made another major change in my life to bring me closer to God. And these feelings coming back up after all these months is part of this spiritual war. I think it best to stay away so I don't have to be given the choice to act Christ like or not. And to do what's best for me. Maybe, If I don't see him, I will forget about him again. Everyone says it is just a simple hello. It's not that simple. I don't want to do what the bible says. I need help. I also feel like the devil does his worst damage through my dreams. It's like he wants to pull me back in.
.
*** forgive him for your sake---- avoid him and let old wounds heal----ask God to bless him---God can bring new love into your life...
 
A

annaschneider

Guest
#10
I just wanted to say that this was an 8 year friendship so I expected so much better from him than this. And that's why it's so hard to move on. I think about transferring to another property to start fresh. I really thought he was the one. I thought I knew him. I guess I was wrong.
 

88

Senior Member
Nov 14, 2016
3,517
77
48
#11
I just wanted to say that this was an 8 year friendship so I expected so much better from him than this. And that's why it's so hard to move on. I think about transferring to another property to start fresh. I really thought he was the one. I thought I knew him. I guess I was wrong.
***(praying) sounds like a good plan--- let this downer be changed into new life...
 
A

annaschneider

Guest
#12
I will continue to pray. However, I will ask God to bless him no matter how hard it is. Thank you.
 
A

annaschneider

Guest
#14
Not really
 
Aug 16, 2016
2,184
62
0
#16
Sorry to hear your going through a tough time i pray the lord comforts you. I'm not saying you do but try not to hold any bitterness against your friend. Forgive him for however he may have wronged you. As the scriptures tells us if we dont forgive others for their trespasses our heavenly father will not forgive us for our trespasses.
 

lastofall

Senior Member
Aug 26, 2014
609
38
28
#17
Take the wrong and forgive: humility is the highest virtue of one that professes Christ as their Lord.
 

Johnny_B

Senior Member
Mar 18, 2017
1,954
64
48
#18
Anna, please do not take this the wrong way. If you two had sex, I did say, if, that is the biggest part of your hurt. That's why God tells us not to fornicate, if, indeed you two did and you don't need to tell me or anyone else. The reason God tells us not to have sex outside of marriage, is because there is a deep heart felt hurt that can come from it, because the two become one, so you've given a part of yourself and they don't respect it or value it.

I Corinthians 6:16 "
Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.”

Your hatred for this person is like the sin of murder. Matthew 5:22-23 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoevermurders will be liable to judgment.’
But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to thecouncil; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire."

I interpret spiritual warfare as being what happened the flesh in the book of Judges. When the Jews served God and call upon His name, He over took the philistines, when they worship other gods, the Lord let their enemies over take the Jews. Anger is a fruit of the flesh, here's the list so you can see if are doing any other.

Galatians 5:19-21 "Now the works of theflesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality,idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions,envy, drunkenness,orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God."

Please do not take this wrong I'm not saying that you are doing any of the others, I just post them so you can examine yourself to see if you are in the faith.

II Corinthians 13:5 "Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do younot realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail tomeet the test!"

Sister I will pray that the Lord shows you where you need to agree with him that it's sin in your life, that He will forgive you. My pryer will be that He helps you
experience His joy or the fruit of the Spirit.

Galatians 5:22-24 "
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy,peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires."
 
A

annaschneider

Guest
#19
No No No sex.
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#20


You said in your first post you fell in love with this man and he led you on.If I may ask a couple questions...

Did he tell you he was in love with you? Did he make any commitment to you? How long were you actually dating? How exactly did he lead you on? And did he know you were in love with him? Sorry but I can't give advice without some clarity.