Reconciliation of the Family

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C

cbeigle54

Guest
#1
#1
First of all, hi there. I'm new here, probably just for this subject.

Presently, I am in therapy for being estranged from my family

for over 16 years. My family is what I consider to be Christian.

However, in 2001, my mother and I had a falling out to the degree of

influencing the entirety of the family. So, since that time, I have

not gotten one message from any of them pertaining to how I am

or anything else. My question to you all is...how does a Christian

family NOT attempt reconciling at any cost? How can they just

dismiss a family member, even at the influence of another

family member? My thinking regarding what a Christian is,

has expanded because of this experience, but I have to

wonder, why does a Christian family NOT reach out?

Thanks for your feedback

Carl
 
stonesoffire

stonesoffire

Poetic Member
#2
Nov 24, 2013
10,665
1,829
113
#2
Welcome Carl. I hope you enjoy it here..

It sounds like there is unforgiveness in the family. God can change this. It might take some time but try to find some understanding Christians to pray with you for the restoration of your family.

Or even here in the prayer forum.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#3
#3
Well we could speculate. But that's all it would be. Guesses. And with no details it makes it even trickier.

But one common theme is that many times people don't grasp, fully, how much time has passed.
Also, Christians are still humans, imperfect. Hurt, anger and bitterness can affect anyone.

But according to your wording it was a falling out, which is mutual. And you're asking why They aren't reaching out, but have You tried to? If not then you can answer your own question by asking yourself why you've made no attempt. Whatever your answer is, that's the answer to why Christian families don't reconcile.
 
C

cbeigle54

Guest
#4
#4
You're right, I may not have made myself clear in my post.....yes, I DID try, more than once and to
no avail. And you know I think sometimes Christians CAN only do so much in the confines of being human,
however, sometimes the "human" thing I think some use as an excuse. PS...now both parents are deceased
and I am left with "unfinished business", what with issues never resolved and...being disowned in the family
will, with no reason given. To me, that's kind of a "cop out", something a coward would do. So now, here I
am, left with the mess of a person who couldn't be bothered with reconciling with her son. Well, I don't forgive
her. I don't forgive her completely cowardly way of how she died and didn't have to live with the aftermath.
Did I try? Yes!!!! And I think she should have tried too, but she didn't, and now she's dead. How do you
explain behavior like that?
 
B

BeyondET

Guest
#5
#5
cbeigle54 said:
You're right, I may not have made myself clear in my post.....yes, I DID try, more than once and to
no avail. And you know I think sometimes Christians CAN only do so much in the confines of being human,
however, sometimes the "human" thing I think some use as an excuse. PS...now both parents are deceased
and I am left with "unfinished business", what with issues never resolved and...being disowned in the family
will, with no reason given. To me, that's kind of a "cop out", something a coward would do. So now, here I
am, left with the mess of a person who couldn't be bothered with reconciling with her son. Well, I don't forgive
her. I don't forgive her completely cowardly way of how she died and didn't have to live with the aftermath.
Did I try? Yes!!!! And I think she should have tried too, but she didn't, and now she's dead. How do you
explain behavior like that?
Click to expand...
Here's a quote from Jesus while on the cross (forgive them Father for they know not what they do),

forgive anyways it was never between you and them it's between you and God.
 
C

cbeigle54

Guest
#6
#6
Thank you for your response, but respectfully (and I had time to think about what you said)...when Jesus said that on the cross, he was (in my opinion) talking about people who had no idea of the overall plan (and couldn't possibly).

In MY situation, I am talking about smart people who KNEW exactly what they were doing. Also, my situation was not nearly so grand as to be comparable to the expressions on the cross that day. We are talking about people who knew what they did and believe me, there was no grand plan (of a spiritual nature) going on with the behavior of these people.
 
stonesoffire

stonesoffire

Poetic Member
#7
Nov 24, 2013
10,665
1,829
113
#7
Heb 12:14　 Pursue peace with everyone, as well as holiness, without which no one will see the Lord.
　
Heb 12:15　 See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up and causes you trouble, or many of you will become defiled.　

I went through a time of torment long ago so I know what I am talking about. Your holding on to the past will only hurt you...Jesus wants to give you the living water that freely flows out of your being. Believe me...it is awesome. Nothing like the dark thoughts that you are having from the enemy of your soul.

Let the past go. You don't have those days anyway...only the present. Enjoy what and who you have now in your life.

He loves you and led you here. I'm not the only one God has delivered like this. Many can tell you their testimony about the living Lord who gives freedom from all torment.
 
B

BeyondET

Guest
#8
#8
cbeigle54 said:
Thank you for your response, but respectfully (and I had time to think about what you said)...when Jesus said that on the cross, he was (in my opinion) talking about people who had no idea of the overall plan (and couldn't possibly).

In MY situation, I am talking about smart people who KNEW exactly what they were doing. Also, my situation was not nearly so grand as to be comparable to the expressions on the cross that day. We are talking about people who knew what they did and believe me, there was no grand plan (of a spiritual nature) going on with the behavior of these people.
Click to expand...
Well IMO, Jesus was also speaking about the flogging he went through and the crucifying, the nailing to cross as well as the Pharisees and the crowd yelling crucify him and their unbelief.

But I do understand what your feeling, though in your situation you can't change things to make it better but in the end holding on to these feelings, makes it feel like unfinished business and IMO the best way to make it finished is to (forgive) those that don't do what we think should of been done or do.

No doubt in my life I have wished i could have done better or spoken in a better way. somethings I can't change though I believe God does forgive things as long as I allow him too, what I mean is, for me in my past I have gone through times when I couldn't forgive myself though He wanted to take those negative feelings but I had held on to the negative feelings like a blanket thus this had hampered the forgiving others. Once a person truly realizes they are forgiven for their own sins and transgressions, the forgiveness for other people in their lives can flow much smoother and meaningful.

Now I'm no way saying you are harboring things like I did, but it does seem you are holding on to the negative aspects of what had happen, as another poster mentioned that isn't healthy for your own happiness. In the end Be happy as well as forgive people it will help you in the long run to live a much healthier life.

striving for a life free of negatives and filled with positives is of great virtue. Evil doesn't want you to let it go because it uses that to keep you shackled in negativity.
 
B

BeyondET

Guest
#9
#9
Even when it's not your fault...

[video=youtube;xfkhqpl81NA]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfkhqpl81NA[/video]
 
B

BeyondET

Guest
#10
#10
O sorry I almost forgot welcome to CC, I'm leaving for the day off work soon yeehaa

IMO one of the greatest power we can wield is the power of forgiveness can bring down mountains with just a word.
 
C

cbeigle54

Guest
#11
#11
"Evil doesn't want you to let it go because it uses that to keep you shackled in negativity."

I don't believe any part of me is evil. I am not controlled by evil, whatever you might believe.

What I DO believe is.....there are people out there who know what they did (dead AND alive)

and they will be held accountable for their actions. This was a deliberate action done by people

who KNEW what they were doing WHEN they did it. There is no excuse for their actions. This was

done by Christians...altho I have to tell you, I don't know what part of scripture they drew their

justification from.
 
B

BeyondET

Guest
#12
#12
cbeigle54 said:
"Evil doesn't want you to let it go because it uses that to keep you shackled in negativity."

I don't believe any part of me is evil. I am not controlled by evil, whatever you might believe.

What I DO believe is.....there are people out there who know what they did (dead AND alive)

and they will be held accountable for their actions. This was a deliberate action done by people

who KNEW what they were doing WHEN they did it. There is no excuse for their actions. This was

done by Christians...altho I have to tell you, I don't know what part of scripture they drew their

justification from.
Click to expand...
I apologize I surely didn't mean to imply a part of you is evil, I was just saying evil does tempt, even Jesus was tempted in the wilderness, it's my view it can happen to anyone not saying evil has entered you or anything like that but the negative vibes and thinking can lead to not being able to let things go. i guess all I can say up to this point, if your comfortable with how you are handling it then it is what it is, in the end it's you that has to handle it the best way you know how. advise is just that just something to ponder on.
 
Stephen63

Stephen63

Banned
#13
Aug 15, 2009
9,745
179
0
#13
cbeigle54 said:
First of all, hi there. I'm new here, probably just for this subject.

Presently, I am in therapy for being estranged from my family

for over 16 years. My family is what I consider to be Christian.

However, in 2001, my mother and I had a falling out to the degree of

influencing the entirety of the family. So, since that time, I have

not gotten one message from any of them pertaining to how I am

or anything else. My question to you all is...how does a Christian

family NOT attempt reconciling at any cost? How can they just

dismiss a family member, even at the influence of another

family member? My thinking regarding what a Christian is,

has expanded because of this experience, but I have to

wonder, why does a Christian family NOT reach out?

Thanks for your feedback

Carl
Click to expand...
If you don't mind, what was the general topic that your mother & you fell out over?
 
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