How does marriage begin and end? What is dating?

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trofimus

Senior Member
Aug 17, 2015
10,684
794
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#1
Can dating or living together be classified as marriage? You know, parents know about it, people around know about it, so it is a public thing.

Also notice that couples often go for various promises and faithfulness like if they were married.


If this is true, whole our generation is full of illegitimate marriages, because almost nobody had only one partner in his/her life.

And according to Luke 16:18 we cannot have more than one partner in our life.

So - when and how does marriage start according to Bible? I know how it starts technically, in our culture. But what verses from the Bible can we use to see what God thinks?
 
Mar 23, 2017
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#2
Thinking on this subject recently, and simultaneously beginning at the Genesis of my third read through of the Bible, this chapter maybe interesting to consider from where I left off as far as the beginning of marriage. Not quite to the end of it though in my personal read through of the story, perhaps tomorrow night or the next for that. Here though, an early idea of the beginning of one of the oldest known biblical marriages, Isaac. Yes we know earlier characters are married as well such as obviously Adam and Eve, and knowing Noah and many others are considered married, and Abraham and Sarah of course whom are figures in this story, but we're never really taken into the set up of their marriages as in the specific arranging and such and the actual wedding night as it were until Isaac.

Genesis 24

1 And Abraham was old, and well stricken in age: and the Lord had blessed Abraham in all things.
[SUP]2 [/SUP]And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh:
[SUP]3 [/SUP]And I will make thee swear by the Lord, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell:
[SUP]4 [/SUP]But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.
[SUP]5 [/SUP]And the servant said unto him, Peradventure the woman will not be willing to follow me unto this land: must I needs bring thy son again unto the land from whence thou camest?
[SUP]6 [/SUP]And Abraham said unto him, Beware thou that thou bring not my son thither again.
[SUP]7 [/SUP]The Lord God of heaven, which took me from my father's house, and from the land of my kindred, and which spake unto me, and that sware unto me, saying, Unto thy seed will I give this land; he shall send his angel before thee, and thou shalt take a wife unto my son from thence.
[SUP]8 [/SUP]And if the woman will not be willing to follow thee, then thou shalt be clear from this my oath: only bring not my son thither again.
[SUP]9 [/SUP]And the servant put his hand under the thigh of Abraham his master, and sware to him concerning that matter.
[SUP]10 [/SUP]And the servant took ten camels of the camels of his master, and departed; for all the goods of his master were in his hand: and he arose, and went to Mesopotamia, unto the city of Nahor.
[SUP]11 [/SUP]And he made his camels to kneel down without the city by a well of water at the time of the evening, even the time that women go out to draw water.
[SUP]12 [/SUP]And he said O Lord God of my master Abraham, I pray thee, send me good speed this day, and shew kindness unto my master Abraham.
[SUP]13 [/SUP]Behold, I stand here by the well of water; and the daughters of the men of the city come out to draw water:
[SUP]14 [/SUP]And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that thou hast shewed kindness unto my master.
[SUP]15 [/SUP]And it came to pass, before he had done speaking, that, behold, Rebekah came out, who was born to Bethuel, son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham's brother, with her pitcher upon her shoulder.
[SUP]16 [/SUP]And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.
[SUP]17 [/SUP]And the servant ran to meet her, and said, Let me, I pray thee, drink a little water of thy pitcher.
[SUP]18 [/SUP]And she said, Drink, my lord: and she hasted, and let down her pitcher upon her hand, and gave him drink.
[SUP]19 [/SUP]And when she had done giving him drink, she said, I will draw water for thy camels also, until they have done drinking.
[SUP]20 [/SUP]And she hasted, and emptied her pitcher into the trough, and ran again unto the well to draw water, and drew for all his camels.
[SUP]21 [/SUP]And the man wondering at her held his peace, to wit whether the Lord had made his journey prosperous or not.
[SUP]22 [/SUP]And it came to pass, as the camels had done drinking, that the man took a golden earring of half a shekel weight, and two bracelets for her hands of ten shekels weight of gold;
[SUP]23 [/SUP]And said, Whose daughter art thou? tell me, I pray thee: is there room in thy father's house for us to lodge in?
[SUP]24 [/SUP]And she said unto him, I am the daughter of Bethuel the son of Milcah, which she bare unto Nahor.
[SUP]25 [/SUP]She said moreover unto him, We have both straw and provender enough, and room to lodge in.
[SUP]26 [/SUP]And the man bowed down his head, and worshipped the Lord.
[SUP]27 [/SUP]And he said, Blessed be the Lord God of my master Abraham, who hath not left destitute my master of his mercy and his truth: I being in the way, the Lord led me to the house of my master's brethren.
[SUP]28 [/SUP]And the damsel ran, and told them of her mother's house these things.
[SUP]29 [/SUP]And Rebekah had a brother, and his name was Laban: and Laban ran out unto the man, unto the well.
[SUP]30 [/SUP]And it came to pass, when he saw the earring and bracelets upon his sister's hands, and when he heard the words of Rebekah his sister, saying, Thus spake the man unto me; that he came unto the man; and, behold, he stood by the camels at the well.
[SUP]31 [/SUP]And he said, Come in, thou blessed of the Lord; wherefore standest thou without? for I have prepared the house, and room for the camels.
[SUP]32 [/SUP]And the man came into the house: and he ungirded his camels, and gave straw and provender for the camels, and water to wash his feet, and the men's feet that were with him.
[SUP]33 [/SUP]And there was set meat before him to eat: but he said, I will not eat, until I have told mine errand. And he said, Speak on.
[SUP]34 [/SUP]And he said, I am Abraham's servant.
[SUP]35 [/SUP]And the Lord hath blessed my master greatly; and he is become great: and he hath given him flocks, and herds, and silver, and gold, and menservants, and maidservants, and camels, and asses.
[SUP]36 [/SUP]And Sarah my master's wife bare a son to my master when she was old: and unto him hath he given all that he hath.
[SUP]37 [/SUP]And my master made me swear, saying, Thou shalt not take a wife to my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, in whose land I dwell:
[SUP]38 [/SUP]But thou shalt go unto my father's house, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son.
[SUP]39 [/SUP]And I said unto my master, Peradventure the woman will not follow me.
[SUP]40 [/SUP]And he said unto me, The Lord, before whom I walk, will send his angel with thee, and prosper thy way; and thou shalt take a wife for my son of my kindred, and of my father's house:
[SUP]41 [/SUP]Then shalt thou be clear from this my oath, when thou comest to my kindred; and if they give not thee one, thou shalt be clear from my oath.
[SUP]42 [/SUP]And I came this day unto the well, and said, O Lord God of my master Abraham, if now thou do prosper my way which I go:
[SUP]43 [/SUP]Behold, I stand by the well of water; and it shall come to pass, that when the virgin cometh forth to draw water, and I say to her, Give me, I pray thee, a little water of thy pitcher to drink;
[SUP]44 [/SUP]And she say to me, Both drink thou, and I will also draw for thy camels: let the same be the woman whom the Lord hath appointed out for my master's son.
[SUP]45 [/SUP]And before I had done speaking in mine heart, behold, Rebekah came forth with her pitcher on her shoulder; and she went down unto the well, and drew water: and I said unto her, Let me drink, I pray thee.
[SUP]46 [/SUP]And she made haste, and let down her pitcher from her shoulder, and said, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: so I drank, and she made the camels drink also.
[SUP]47 [/SUP]And I asked her, and said, Whose daughter art thou? And she said, the daughter of Bethuel, Nahor's son, whom Milcah bare unto him: and I put the earring upon her face, and the bracelets upon her hands.
[SUP]48 [/SUP]And I bowed down my head, and worshipped the Lord, and blessed the Lord God of my master Abraham, which had led me in the right way to take my master's brother's daughter unto his son.
[SUP]49 [/SUP]And now if ye will deal kindly and truly with my master, tell me: and if not, tell me; that I may turn to the right hand, or to the left.
[SUP]50 [/SUP]Then Laban and Bethuel answered and said, The thing proceedeth from the Lord: we cannot speak unto thee bad or good.
[SUP]51 [/SUP]Behold, Rebekah is before thee, take her, and go, and let her be thy master's son's wife, as the Lord hath spoken.
[SUP]52 [/SUP]And it came to pass, that, when Abraham's servant heard their words, he worshipped the Lord, bowing himself to the earth.
[SUP]53 [/SUP]And the servant brought forth jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment, and gave them to Rebekah: he gave also to her brother and to her mother precious things.
[SUP]54 [/SUP]And they did eat and drink, he and the men that were with him, and tarried all night; and they rose up in the morning, and he said, Send me away unto my master.
[SUP]55 [/SUP]And her brother and her mother said, Let the damsel abide with us a few days, at the least ten; after that she shall go.
[SUP]56 [/SUP]And he said unto them, Hinder me not, seeing the Lord hath prospered my way; send me away that I may go to my master.
[SUP]57 [/SUP]And they said, We will call the damsel, and enquire at her mouth.
[SUP]58 [/SUP]And they called Rebekah, and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go.
[SUP]59 [/SUP]And they sent away Rebekah their sister, and her nurse, and Abraham's servant, and his men.
[SUP]60 [/SUP]And they blessed Rebekah, and said unto her, Thou art our sister, be thou the mother of thousands of millions, and let thy seed possess the gate of those which hate them.
[SUP]61 [/SUP]And Rebekah arose, and her damsels, and they rode upon the camels, and followed the man: and the servant took Rebekah, and went his way.
[SUP]62 [/SUP]And Isaac came from the way of the well Lahairoi; for he dwelt in the south country.
[SUP]63 [/SUP]And Isaac went out to meditate in the field at the eventide: and he lifted up his eyes, and saw, and, behold, the camels were coming.
[SUP]64 [/SUP]And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel.
[SUP]65 [/SUP]For she had said unto the servant, What man is this that walketh in the field to meet us? And the servant had said, It is my master: therefore she took a vail, and covered herself.
[SUP]66 [/SUP]And the servant told Isaac all things that he had done.
[SUP]67 [/SUP]And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death.

 

trofimus

Senior Member
Aug 17, 2015
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794
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#3
Chokmahiel:

Thanks. I read the passage now. Its obviously a history of how they did it in their culture, not a rule for us.
You know, we do not have servants to send them to foreign country to get the girl we saw in some prophetical vision.

But there are some interesting points:

1. Parents are the ones giving the girl to a man.
2. Parents were asking their daughter if she wants it, too
3. The girl left her parents and her family and went to live with her husband.
4. No state/church/ involvement was needed.

Not sure what to take from it for us today, though.
 
Mar 23, 2017
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#4
Chokmahiel:

Thanks. I read the passage now. Its obviously a history of how they did it in their culture, not a rule for us.
You know, we do not have servants to send them to foreign country to get the girl we saw in some prophetical vision.

But there are some interesting points:

1. Parents are the ones giving the girl to a man.
2. Parents were asking their daughter if she wants it, too
3. The girl left her parents and her family and went to live with her husband.
4. No state/church/ involvement was needed.

Not sure what to take from it for us today, though.
Personally I found this verse the most significant, the culmination point of the marriage, the actual beginning of the marriage proper in one single verse. Though indeed as you point out I thought the whole chapter is good for the pre-formation of it to be interesting to the topic. I think also, a prophecy and a sign, but perhaps one for another topic and another time.

Genesis 24:67

[SUP]67 [/SUP]And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death.
 

trofimus

Senior Member
Aug 17, 2015
10,684
794
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#5
Personally I found this verse the most significant, the culmination point of the marriage, the actual beginning of the marriage proper in one single verse. Though indeed as you point out I thought the whole chapter is good for the pre-formation of it to be interesting to the topic. I think also, a prophecy and a sign, but perhaps one for another topic and another time.

Genesis 24:67

[SUP]67 [/SUP]And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death.
If I understand your view properly, you are saying that introducing the partner to parents and living together = marriage, even today?
 
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trofimus

Senior Member
Aug 17, 2015
10,684
794
113
#6
A woman got a call from her new accountant. "I don't know how to file your taxes because you aren't married."

"What? We are married. We got married twenty-two years ago in California."

"Apparently the officiant never filed the proper paperwork. You were never legally married."

She'd been with him for over twenty years and had three sons. Were they married?


https://www.compellingtruth.org/marriage-constitutes.html
 

trofimus

Senior Member
Aug 17, 2015
10,684
794
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#7
Mark 10:7-10
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."

Again, the same pattern can be seen:

1. leaving parents
2. living together/having sex

=> result: God has joined them together and no one can separate
 
Dec 19, 2009
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#8
Can dating or living together be classified as marriage? You know, parents know about it, people around know about it, so it is a public thing.

Also notice that couples often go for various promises and faithfulness like if they were married.


If this is true, whole our generation is full of illegitimate marriages, because almost nobody had only one partner in his/her life.

And according to Luke 16:18 we cannot have more than one partner in our life.

So - when and how does marriage start according to Bible? I know how it starts technically, in our culture. But what verses from the Bible can we use to see what God thinks?
My best guess is when two virgins fornicate, the Lord considers them married. It's interesting how lightly the world takes the sin of fornication.
 
Nov 22, 2015
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#9
I believe it appears to be a attitude of the heart. Jesus also used the belief in the heart as the truth of why Moses originally put in the writ of divorce. Jesus said that "It is because of the hardness of your heart." that people want a divorce.

Interesting thought here as a side-line. Forgiveness really means in it's original words = "to divorce" or "send away". Lot's of connotations in that.

I believe there are 3 sides to this.

1 ) God's view in terms of His life towards both marriage and divorce

2) The churches view depending on your denomination

3) The society that we live in - so at the state or civil law of the country we live in view
 

miknik5

Senior Member
Jun 2, 2016
7,833
588
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#10
Can dating or living together be classified as marriage? You know, parents know about it, people around know about it, so it is a public thing.

Also notice that couples often go for various promises and faithfulness like if they were married.


If this is true, whole our generation is full of illegitimate marriages, because almost nobody had only one partner in his/her life.

And according to Luke 16:18 we cannot have more than one partner in our life.

So - when and how does marriage start according to Bible? I know how it starts technically, in our culture. But what verses from the Bible can we use to see what God thinks?
yes. Look at JESUS words to the woman at the well(John 4)
 

trofimus

Senior Member
Aug 17, 2015
10,684
794
113
#11
My best guess is when two virgins fornicate, the Lord considers them married. It's interesting how lightly the world takes the sin of fornication.
I am afraid that this can be partly true.

If it is, there is almost no legitimate marriage in our generation of changing relationships and the vast majority of Christians live in adultery.
 

trofimus

Senior Member
Aug 17, 2015
10,684
794
113
#12
I believe it appears to be a attitude of the heart. Jesus also used the belief in the heart as the truth of why Moses originally put in the writ of divorce. Jesus said that "It is because of the hardness of your heart." that people want a divorce.

Interesting thought here as a side-line. Forgiveness really means in it's original words = "to divorce" or "send away". Lot's of connotations in that.

I believe there are 3 sides to this.

1 ) God's view in terms of His life towards both marriage and divorce

2) The churches view depending on your denomination

3) The society that we live in - so at the state or civil law of the country we live in view
I also think that we should fulfill all 3 areas to have a "peace of mind" that our marriage is legal.

What about my question about living together/sexual intimacy, promises in various "love stories" which end after a year? Does it belong to the 1st point - God's view?
 
J

JaimeMartinez26

Guest
#13
I am afraid that this can be partly true.

If it is, there is almost no legitimate marriage in our generation of changing relationships and the vast majority of Christians live in adultery.
i sure hope thats not true....
 
T

Tinuviel

Guest
#14
I have heard it argued that Christians need not have a legal ceremony or even a religious ceremony to be married. All it takes is a commitment to God and each other. On a basic level I agree. These things are not said to be necessary in scripture.

Scripture DOES tell us to conform to the laws of the land as long as they are not contrary to His word. When the law says "To be married you have to do thus-and-so" we should do thus-and-so so long as it's not against God's law (which it isn't...not in the US at any rate).

Scripture also tells us to refrain from the "appearance of evil". Don't sin, and don't even do something that could LOOK like sin, is what he's saying. So if Christians say "living together before you're married is sin" and then proceed to live with one another without having the ceremony that the world recognizes as the beginning of a marriage, this isn't refraining from the appearance of evil!
 
Nov 22, 2015
20,436
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#16
I also think that we should fulfill all 3 areas to have a "peace of mind" that our marriage is legal.

What about my question about living together/sexual intimacy, promises in various "love stories" which end after a year? Does it belong to the 1st point - God's view?

I think that question has to be answered by the two invloved and those around us as well and with the Lord and in looking at our heart. The flesh is deceitful too and wants "things" on it's own without the heart belief being established.

Take the couple from California with 3 kids...turns out they are not married in the eyes of the state and thus some church folk may say that they were living in sin the whole time. I don't believe that for a second.

In some cultures - they put a bone through your nose and call it even and that is enough for all parties involved.
 

trofimus

Senior Member
Aug 17, 2015
10,684
794
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#17
I have heard it argued that Christians need not have a legal ceremony or even a religious ceremony to be married. All it takes is a commitment to God and each other. On a basic level I agree. These things are not said to be necessary in scripture.

Scripture DOES tell us to conform to the laws of the land as long as they are not contrary to His word. When the law says "To be married you have to do thus-and-so" we should do thus-and-so so long as it's not against God's law (which it isn't...not in the US at any rate).

Scripture also tells us to refrain from the "appearance of evil". Don't sin, and don't even do something that could LOOK like sin, is what he's saying. So if Christians say "living together before you're married is sin" and then proceed to live with one another without having the ceremony that the world recognizes as the beginning of a marriage, this isn't refraining from the appearance of evil!
And now imagine that church will begin to teach that any living together or having sex means you are married (to the first partner you are with). And any other relationship or marriage with somebody else is adultery.

99% of Christians would have to stay single for the rest of their lives (including me) and the new generation would be very, very careful to have things right and clean.
 

trofimus

Senior Member
Aug 17, 2015
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794
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#18

I think that question has to be answered by the two invloved and those around us as well and with the Lord and in looking at our heart. The flesh is deceitful too and wants "things" on it's own without the heart belief being established.

Take the couple from California with 3 kids...turns out they are not married in the eyes of the state and thus some church folk may say that they were living in sin the whole time. I don't believe that for a second.

In some cultures - they put a bone through your nose and call it even and that is enough for all parties involved.
OK, the couple from California did all what they were supposed to do to be married. The rest was just a mistake of somebody else.

Its a little different topic from today's dating and relationships with promises and faithfulness involved in it. Even though they do not say "we are married because of it" (and they did not want to, because they want somebody new, right), does it count as marriage?
 

miknik5

Senior Member
Jun 2, 2016
7,833
588
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#19
What do you specifically think about this story regarding this topic?
That the woman has joined herself to too many "husbands" and they werent her "husbands"

but there is indeed much more going on with the woman (spiritually) that is seen by CHRIST

she was a Samaritan (with no hope, so it seemed). But what she wasn't getting from those men who were joined to GOD who has hope in GOD and whom women of old joined to these types of men received, (spiritual well being) she got from joining herself to "Jacobs well" and holding on to "Jacobs well" as her lifeline and inheritance in the promises of GOD

Shexwas waiting for THE HUSBAND
 
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trofimus

Senior Member
Aug 17, 2015
10,684
794
113
#20
That the woman has joined herself to too many "husbands" and they werent her "husbands"

but there is indeed much more going on with the woman (spiritually) that is seen by CHRIST

she was a Samaritan (with no hope, so it seemed). But what she wasn't getting from those men who were joined to GOD who has hope in GOD and whom women of old joined tobthees types of men received, she got from joining herself to "Jacobs well"
Hmm OK, I still do not see the response :D