Is it a sin for us to marry a non-Christian or not born-again person?

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Sherlock19

Guest
#1
Hi! I have just recently found this site and one of the few things I earnestly wanted to know about a Christian life is about marriage. Honestly, my boyfriend right now is, I think not a born-again Christian. I mean, he attends church (Catholic) but unlike us, it's okay for them to drink alcoholic beverages and they do the sign of the cross. Although I know that salvation is received individually, I'm still bothered by the thought of it (and the future). I hope someone could enlighten me about this.

Thank you, brothers and sisters. :)
 

Desertsrose

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2016
2,824
207
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#2
Hi Sherlock,


Here's a great article from got questions.org.


The phrase “unequally yoked” comes from 2 Corinthians 6:14 in the King James Version: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” The New American Standard Version says, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?”


A yoke is a wooden bar that joins two oxen to each other and to the burden they pull. An “unequally yoked” team has one stronger ox and one weaker, or one taller and one shorter. The weaker or shorter ox would walk more slowly than the taller, stronger one, causing the load to go around in circles. When oxen are unequally yoked, they cannot perform the task set before them. Instead of working together, they are at odds with one another.


Paul’s admonition in 2 Corinthians 6:14 is part of a larger discourse to the church at Corinth on the Christian life. He discouraged them from being in an unequal partnership with unbelievers because believers and unbelievers are opposites, just as light and darkness are opposites. They simply have nothing in common, just as Christ has nothing in common with “Belial,” a Hebrew word meaning “worthlessness” (verse 15). Here Paul uses it to refer to Satan. The idea is that the pagan, wicked, unbelieving world is governed by the principles of Satan and that Christians should be separate from that wicked world, just as Christ was separate from all the methods, purposes, and plans of Satan. He had no participation in them; He formed no union with them, and so it should be with the followers of the one in relation to the followers of the other. Attempting to live a Christian life with a non-Christian for our close friend and ally will only cause us go around in circles.


The “unequal yoke” is often applied to business relationships. For a Christian to enter into a partnership with an unbeliever is to court disaster. Unbelievers have opposite worldviews and morals, and business decisions made daily will reflect the worldview of one partner or the other. For the relationship to work, one or the other must abandon his moral center and move toward that of the other. More often than not, it is the believer who finds himself pressured to leave his Christian principles behind for the sake of profit and the growth of the business.


Of course, the closest alliance one person can have with another is found in marriage, and this is how the passage is usually interpreted. God’s plan is for a man and a woman to become “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24), a relationship so intimate that one literally and figuratively becomes part of the other. Uniting a believer with an unbeliever is essentially uniting opposites, which makes for a very difficult marriage relationship.
 

graceNpeace

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2016
2,180
107
63
#3
Intimate relationships have more than enough challenges without a fundamental mismatch at the spiritual level!
Honestly, you will be hobbling yourself and the end results will likely not be pretty...

None of us can make your mind up for you...
 
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Sherlock19

Guest
#4
I was teary-eyed while reading this. :'( Thank you soo much, Desertsrose! You see, we're in this relationship formore than four (4) years now but there are really things (spiritual) which we cannot travel on the same road. Really, I've been so much bothered lately...Although I know that somehow it is my fault in the very first place because I have given him that chance to enter my life. To be honest, he's the only guy whom I have this special feelings with in my more than 20 years now. I know this could be one of the toughest decisions to make... Right now, I ask for your prayers to be with me that I will have the guts to explain to him reasons why I need to break-up with him...although, I have tried for few times now, but failed to succeed. . . He is special to me.
 

Seekingfamily

Senior Member
Jun 20, 2017
395
13
0
#5
I am unevenly yoked, it is tough and full of heartache. I did not understand this part of scripture, until after the marriage. Now that I am here with it though, I will follow what God says about being married to an unbeliever. My spouse is trying to grow in God in certain ways, but it takes deep thinking when communicating, so I don't disrespect him!
 
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Sherlock19

Guest
#6
Hi Sherlock,


Here's a great article from got questions.org.


The phrase “unequally yoked” comes from 2 Corinthians 6:14 in the King James Version: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” The New American Standard Version says, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?”


A yoke is a wooden bar that joins two oxen to each other and to the burden they pull. An “unequally yoked” team has one stronger ox and one weaker, or one taller and one shorter. The weaker or shorter ox would walk more slowly than the taller, stronger one, causing the load to go around in circles. When oxen are unequally yoked, they cannot perform the task set before them. Instead of working together, they are at odds with one another.


Paul’s admonition in 2 Corinthians 6:14 is part of a larger discourse to the church at Corinth on the Christian life. He discouraged them from being in an unequal partnership with unbelievers because believers and unbelievers are opposites, just as light and darkness are opposites. They simply have nothing in common, just as Christ has nothing in common with “Belial,” a Hebrew word meaning “worthlessness” (verse 15). Here Paul uses it to refer to Satan. The idea is that the pagan, wicked, unbelieving world is governed by the principles of Satan and that Christians should be separate from that wicked world, just as Christ was separate from all the methods, purposes, and plans of Satan. He had no participation in them; He formed no union with them, and so it should be with the followers of the one in relation to the followers of the other. Attempting to live a Christian life with a non-Christian for our close friend and ally will only cause us go around in circles.


The “unequal yoke” is often applied to business relationships. For a Christian to enter into a partnership with an unbeliever is to court disaster. Unbelievers have opposite worldviews and morals, and business decisions made daily will reflect the worldview of one partner or the other. For the relationship to work, one or the other must abandon his moral center and move toward that of the other. More often than not, it is the believer who finds himself pressured to leave his Christian principles behind for the sake of profit and the growth of the business.


Of course, the closest alliance one person can have with another is found in marriage, and this is how the passage is usually interpreted. God’s plan is for a man and a woman to become “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24), a relationship so intimate that one literally and figuratively becomes part of the other. Uniting a believer with an unbeliever is essentially uniting opposites, which makes for a very difficult marriage relationship.

I was teary-eyed while reading this. :'( Thank you soo much, Desertsrose! You see, we're in this relationship formore than four (4) years now but there are really things (spiritual) which we cannot travel on the same road. Really, I've been so much bothered lately...Although I know that somehow it is my fault in the very first place because I have given him that chance to enter my life. To be honest, he's the only guy whom I have this special feelings with in my more than 20 years now. I know this could be one of the toughest decisions to make... Right now, I ask for your prayers to be with me that I will have the guts to explain to him reasons why I need to break-up with him...although, I have tried for few times now, but failed to succeed. . . He is special to me.
 
Dec 12, 2013
46,515
20,395
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#7
2nd Corinthians 6 has nothing to do with marriage....Paul covers this in 1st Corinthians 7........

1st Corinthians 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
 
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pottersclay

Guest
#8
There is a old saying that goes like this.....

It is ok for the fish and the bird to get married...The question is where will they build their nest.
 
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Sherlock19

Guest
#9
thanks graceNpeace! I agree. My spirit is bothering me almost every night by the thought of it. I'm so sad that I can't make a firm decision of my own. He must be very special to me. :(
 

Desertsrose

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2016
2,824
207
63
#10
2nd Corinthians 6 has nothing to do with marriage....Paul covers this in 1st Corinthians 7........

1st Corinthians 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
Hi dcon,

You know you're disagreeing with so many pastors and commentaries that say this scripture is for any relationship that the believer has with a nonbeliever. Yoked means to be bound with them.

Anyway, it's fine if you want to disagree.

But even chapter 7 confirms we are not to marry unbelievers.

A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.1 Corinthians 7:39
 
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Sherlock19

Guest
#11
I hope I understand it right, brother. What you're saying is that, it is not a sin to marry an unbeliever but a duty of the believer. Am I right? Or if not, can you please explain it to me further? Thank you!
 
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Sherlock19

Guest
#12
2nd Corinthians 6 has nothing to do with marriage....Paul covers this in 1st Corinthians 7........

1st Corinthians 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
I hope I understand it right, brother. What you're saying is that, it is not a sin to marry an unbeliever but a duty of the believer. Am I right? Or if not, can you please explain it to me further? Thank you!
 
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Sherlock19

Guest
#13
If it's not okay, how will unbelievers get to know Christ?
 

Desertsrose

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2016
2,824
207
63
#14
I was teary-eyed while reading this. :'( Thank you soo much, Desertsrose! You see, we're in this relationship formore than four (4) years now but there are really things (spiritual) which we cannot travel on the same road. Really, I've been so much bothered lately...Although I know that somehow it is my fault in the very first place because I have given him that chance to enter my life. To be honest, he's the only guy whom I have this special feelings with in my more than 20 years now. I know this could be one of the toughest decisions to make... Right now, I ask for your prayers to be with me that I will have the guts to explain to him reasons why I need to break-up with him...although, I have tried for few times now, but failed to succeed. . . He is special to me.

I'm sad and crying with you.

It must be very difficult to have to make that decision. But you never know, by talking to him he may end up being drawn to the Lord.

I have friends that have married an
unbeliever and knew that they shouldn't have and later wished they had listened to the Lord's leading and guiding. But yeah, you need to be the one to make that decision through reading the word and prayer.

I will be praying for you dear sister. Hugs!
 
Jun 1, 2017
66
8
8
#15
2nd Corinthians 6 has nothing to do with marriage....Paul covers this in 1st Corinthians 7........

1st Corinthians 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
1 Corinthians 7: 13-14
You'll see with the context of verse 13 that is talking about someone that became a Christian after marrying an unbeliever!

Cor 6:14 might not be talking specifically about marriage, but it could also be applied to it. Because of the concept explained on the verse.

I know a Christian woman that actually decided to marry an atheist. And believe me that decision meant a lot of suffering for her.
If I were you I would pray for my partner for God to touch his heart.
 
Dec 2, 2016
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#16
Hi Sherlock, do not marry that man, it is very clearly against the will of God. A born again believer is commanded to marry who they want, BUT ONLY IN THE LORD. I have a dear friend who gave into desire and attraction and married a person who was not really a Christian(though they went to church) and they had a very sad life.
 

breno785au

Senior Member
Jul 23, 2013
6,002
764
113
39
Australia
#17
2nd Corinthians 6 has nothing to do with marriage....Paul covers this in 1st Corinthians 7........

1st Corinthians 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
Bro, I think with that verse Paul was addressing people who were believers and saved already in marriage. Instructing them not to divorce if their spouse is an unbeliever, hence his explanation of the other half being sanctified.
Lets look two verse prior:

To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
1 Corinthians 7:12*-‬14 ESV

What do you think?
 

DustyRhodes

Senior Member
Dec 30, 2016
2,117
599
113
#18
First of all, statistics show that Christian marriages have a divorce rate equal
to secular society. So based on that, this is my view. Have a deep conversation
with who you are going to marry. Explain that your Christian faith is very important
to you. Upon discussion, you may find that he is quite willing to be a Christian and
with that, there would be no problem; certainly it doesn't amount to a sin. If your
faith is really strong, I'm sure you'll win out, in my experience that has been the
case. If your faith is moderate, a problem may occur or not but it's more risky.
Actually though, there is no ruler that measures equally yoked. That may be a fault
of Christian marriages being equal, one spouse may have a much deeper relationship
with Christ. I was unequally yoked when I was married but since I was not a Christian,
I didn't have a clue about yokes. My wife never demanded I become a Christian but
by the grace of God, someone much more powerful than her did. That someone was
my Lord Jesus Christ. So I've come to believe that the marriage will last, since it has
last 52 plus years at this point without even a day's separation. If anything, my wife
has faltered some while I've grown but between us nothing has changed so I leave
the rest to Jesus.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
24,555
13,320
113
#19
We had a guest speaker address this very issue this past Sunday at church. He is a counselor with decades of experience. His view is that because love is a fruit of the Spirit, an unbeliever cannot love a believer the same way the believer could love another person. He has counseled many people in that situation, and he said it is a very painful experience.

His main topic was marriage, and he shared that marriage enables us to feel the kind of deep unconditional utual love which the Trinity shares. An unbeliever simply can't experience this, or offer it in return. Seems pretty simple to me... avoid it if you can! :)
 
Dec 2, 2016
1,652
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#20
The bible is very clear, a born again Christian is not to ever marry a person not born again. Don't let anyone fool you with stories, that comes right out of the mind of God.