Biblical Divorce

[Conversationand]

You asked for opinions, but clearly your mind is already made up. I see no benefit for us to continue, other than hurt feelings in the future. Let's agree to part as friends.

Just so you know, I like to debate and discuss. I also like to play "devil's advocate" at certain times in a discussion/debate. Iron sharpens iron. I do legitimately seek opinions, but I want my opponents to be able to reason out those opinions in a logical manner, and in the case of biblical matters, supported by scripture. As for hurting my feelings, your opinion on a subject will never hurt my feelings, but I'd always ask that you keep the discussion impersonal and stay away from ad hominem attacks. Which I'm am not accusing you of doing, I'm just stating for the record. As you've requested I will cease to debate with you on this subject. You have my regards for your passion and civility.

 

[Depleted]

In the bible Christ says that any man that divorces a woman except in the case of sexual immorality and remarries commits adultery.

Here's my question. Is it okay to divorce for other reasons? The provocative question being: is it okay to divorce because of abuse? What about divorce without remarriage? If your spouse leaves you but has not been and is not sexually immoral, do you become an adulterer if you remarry? Where does being separated but not divorced fall into all of this?

One thing you need to learn quickly on this site is there are two sets of beliefs:
1. Personal.
2. Biblical.

And for those types of questions you will get the first type. If you want the second type, you'll have to put in your own effort to learn it from the Bible. Because I can guarantee most have absolutely no problems with telling anyone to divorce for any reason.

 

[Depleted]

Mind you, I'm not advocating that a woman should stay in an abusive house (or a man for that matter), but biblicaly speaking how do we support what we know to be true by the spirit?

We don't. We support it biblically, and THEN know what is the truth in HIS Spirit, not our feelings/spirit.

 

[Ariel82]

Mind you, I'm not advocating that a woman should stay in an abusive house (or a man for that matter), but biblicaly speaking how do we support what we know to be true by the spirit?

The bible,says to treat your spouse like your own body and most would not abuse themselves and also if a man mistreat his wife, his prayers will be hindered...

Basically God will not hear his prayers...that seems pretty serious and obvious that God is against spousal abuse.

 

[Ariel82]

◄ 1 Peter 3:7 ►
Verse (Click for Chapter)
New International Version
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

New Living Translation
In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.

English Standard Version
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Berean Study Bible
Husbands, in the same way, treat your wives with consideration as a delicate vessel, and with honor as fellow heirs of the gracious gift of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

Berean Literal Bible
Husbands do likewise, dwelling with them according to knowledge, as with a weaker vessel, with the female, rendering honor as joint-heirs also of the grace of life, so as for your prayers not to be hindered.

New American Standard Bible
You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

King James Bible
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered

 

[trofimus]

The bible,says to treat your spouse like your own body and most would not abuse themselves and also if a man mistreat his wife, his prayers will be hindered...

Basically God will not hear his prayers...that seems pretty serious and obvious that God is against spousal abuse.

Or "her" prayers? Women can abuse too, not physically (mostly), but mainly emotionally, by lies and by various kinds of intrigues and disobedience.

 

[OneFaith]

In the bible Christ says that any man that divorces a woman except in the case of sexual immorality and remarries commits adultery.

Here's my question. Is it okay to divorce for other reasons? The provocative question being: is it okay to divorce because of abuse? What about divorce without remarriage? If your spouse leaves you but has not been and is not sexually immoral, do you become an adulterer if you remarry? Where does being separated but not divorced fall into all of this?

You cannot divorce unless your spouse has sexual relations with another person. If you do divorce for that reason, only you can get married again, but it must be to a Christian.

If your spouse is verbally abusive, the Bible says it is best to separate from them while they are being that way. "Better to sleep on the corner of the roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome wife." This does not mean divorce.

If your spouse is physically abusive, you do not have to live with them in the same house. You have a right to leave the house, and take the children, to protect yourself and them, until your spouse stops the abuse. This does not mean divorce.

God says to go by the laws laws of the land in which we live unless those laws go against His laws. Therefore, if your spouse is gone for seven years or more, you are considered free of marriage, and can marry another just as if you were a widow or a widower.

 

[Angela53510]

Anyone who is being abused should leave immediately. Abuse never gets better, it escalates! As for Christians not abusing, it is common! I know of incidents of pastors abusing their wives. It is about power and control, and the victim is not responsible, except that they are still in an abusive marriage, whether male or female.

As for remarriage, not a good idea! Until you understand the dynamics, it is very easy to move into a second abusive marriage. The Bible is silent on abuse, likely because it was not reported, not because it didn't happen. I do believe abuse is a severe kind of adultery! The abuser is being unfaithful to their spouse, by failing to treat them with love and respect. However, I do think remarriage, if it happens, needs to be seriously thought out, and not a rebound! In other words, wait, then wait, then wait some more!

 

[FeedtheMachine]

I might be completely wrong in my thinking, but this is my opinion. Throughout Scripture marriage is used to describe the relationship between Jesus and the Church. Having said that, not too long ago I found myself in a place where my wife wanted a divorce. Our relationship had deteriorated and although we weren't arguing all the time, we had reached a point where we were basically not talking to each other any more. One morning she had had enough and the topic of divorce came up. She felt it was time for us to move on. At that moment I was in agreement. Everyone around us encouraged us in different ways, but basically everyone told us, if you are not happy anymore...divorce is the best option. I started doing homework as to what will need to be done, we discussed how we would divide what we owned. We discussed living arrangements etc etc.

One evening as I was laying in bed, a small voice in my mind began to recollect the Scriptures about divorce and at the same time also the Scriptures with regards to marriage and what a wife ought to be and what a husband ought to be. I began trying to rationalize my desires and my thoughts so that Scripture fit with what I was convinced of, but the nagging voice in my head continued. I tried explaining to God what I was unhappy about. My wife did this and that and she didn't do this and that.

When I was first saved I remember asking a Pastor friend, how can Christians change the world and he replied: "Start with yourself". This is then what I began to do. Self evaluation of the things I was guilty of. I stopped blaming her for making me feel the way I felt and stopped making excuses to justify my own actions and began to earnestly pray for God to save my marriage and trusted Him to do so.

One verse that has stuck in my head and that I kept reminding myself of "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;" - Ephesians 5:25.

I was blessed that in my case continued prayer and changing what needed to change in myself saved my marriage. The issues I had with my wife disappeared.

Marriage is a sacred covenant in the eyes of God, and because it is sacred to Him, it is something that Satan will attempt to destroy. My parents divorced when I was only 6 years old, and even though they were civil to each other after the divorce, it still had a major impact on me. God will always want us to try and reconcile, as He reconciled us to Him through Jesus.

I am in no way saying that what worked for me will work for someone else, because situations are different and people are different, but I will advise that anyone contemplating divorce should earnestly pray about it. The biggest regret my Mother has was not working things out with my father (and she is the one that wanted the divorce).

The Bible says we are only allowed to divorce if one has committed adultery, but even so, God wants for us to be reconciled.

 

[Conversationand]

I might be completely wrong in my thinking, but this is my opinion. Throughout Scripture marriage is used to describe the relationship between Jesus and the Church. Having said that, not too long ago I found myself in a place where my wife wanted a divorce. Our relationship had deteriorated and although we weren't arguing all the time, we had reached a point where we were basically not talking to each other any more. One morning she had had enough and the topic of divorce came up. She felt it was time for us to move on. At that moment I was in agreement. Everyone around us encouraged us in different ways, but basically everyone told us, if you are not happy anymore...divorce is the best option. I started doing homework as to what will need to be done, we discussed how we would divide what we owned. We discussed living arrangements etc etc.

One evening as I was laying in bed, a small voice in my mind began to recollect the Scriptures about divorce and at the same time also the Scriptures with regards to marriage and what a wife ought to be and what a husband ought to be. I began trying to rationalize my desires and my thoughts so that Scripture fit with what I was convinced of, but the nagging voice in my head continued. I tried explaining to God what I was unhappy about. My wife did this and that and she didn't do this and that.

When I was first saved I remember asking a Pastor friend, how can Christians change the world and he replied: "Start with yourself". This is then what I began to do. Self evaluation of the things I was guilty of. I stopped blaming her for making me feel the way I felt and stopped making excuses to justify my own actions and began to earnestly pray for God to save my marriage and trusted Him to do so.

One verse that has stuck in my head and that I kept reminding myself of "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;" - Ephesians 5:25.

I was blessed that in my case continued prayer and changing what needed to change in myself saved my marriage. The issues I had with my wife disappeared.

Marriage is a sacred covenant in the eyes of God, and because it is sacred to Him, it is something that Satan will attempt to destroy. My parents divorced when I was only 6 years old, and even though they were civil to each other after the divorce, it still had a major impact on me. God will always want us to try and reconcile, as He reconciled us to Him through Jesus.

I am in no way saying that what worked for me will work for someone else, because situations are different and people are different, but I will advise that anyone contemplating divorce should earnestly pray about it. The biggest regret my Mother has was not working things out with my father (and she is the one that wanted the divorce).

The Bible says we are only allowed to divorce if one has committed adultery, but even so, God wants for us to be reconciled.

I really, really appreciate you talking about this. We need more examples of what it takes to keep a marriage together. There's a whole lot of "Don't do this or marry this sort of person because it led to my divorce" and not a lot of "this is what I/we did when things got tough."

 

[FeedtheMachine]

I really, really appreciate you talking about this. We need more examples of what it takes to keep a marriage together. There's a whole lot of "Don't do this or marry this sort of person because it led to my divorce" and not a lot of "this is what I/we did when things got tough."

I feel that society encourages us to do "what makes us happy", and that is why so many people give up so easily...they basically don't "feel" like putting in the effort. Once again, only my opinion, but many people seem to think if it is too much trouble then it is not worth it.

 

[proverbs35]

In the bible Christ says that any man that divorces a woman except in the case of sexual immorality and remarries commits adultery.

Here's my question. Is it okay to divorce for other reasons? The provocative question being: is it okay to divorce because of abuse? What about divorce without remarriage? If your spouse leaves you but has not been and is not sexually immoral, do you become an adulterer if you remarry? Where does being separated but not divorced fall into all of this?

Is it okay to divorce because of abuse?

I'm not going to say yes or no because I believe that's a weighty decision that only the victim can make. With that being said, I do believe that people married to abusive spouses should be aware of what the bible says about the dealing with abusive, angry people.

The Bible tells us that ALL scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness (2 Tim 3:16). Therefore, we aren't limited to the teachings of Paul and Peter. With that in mind, here's what the book of Proverbs (wisdom) teaches about dealing with an abusive person:

- DON'T befriend angry people or ASSOCIATE WITH HOT-TEMPERED PEOPLE, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul (Pro 22:24-25).

- A quick-tempered man acts foolishly (Pro 14:17A). STAY AWAY FROM A FOOL, for you will not find knowledge on their lips (Pro 14:7).

- DRIVE OUT the mocker, and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are ended. Pr 22:10

Mockery can be a form of verbal and/or emotional abuse.

MOCK - Definition from the KJV Dictionary

One definition or synonym for "Drive Out" in the Hebrew is divorce (garesh, Strong's concordance 1644).

https://www.studylight.org/lexicons/hebrew/1644.html

Garesh is the same word used in Ezekiel 44:22 for divorced.

The Bible instructs wives to submit to their own husbands. Therefore, it's especially dangerous for women married to violent husbands. Not only are they in physical danger, but abused wives are also in danger of being led down a path that is not good. How do we know this?

A violent person entices their neighbor and leads them down a path that is not good. Pro 16:29