Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 26
Like Tree24Likes

Bible Discussion Forum

Ask (or answer) Bible questions here. Join or start a Bible discussion now!

Thread: Help with situation- Somebody with codependency knowledge would be appreciated too.

  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    September 12th, 2017
    Age
    19
    Posts
    9
    Rep Power
    0

    Unhappy Help with situation- Somebody with codependency knowledge would be appreciated too.

    Hello,
    I am 19 and was in college last year. I went through a really bad breakup and got diagnosed with depression. I got myself into financial probation and my mother isn't one to respect my choices. She left when I was in 8th grades and gave my older brother money to take care of me. I was very independent and graduated second in my class. Now, since things on my end have changed its harder to cope with her complaining of having to invest in me financially. I don't know how to finish college in a timely manner without her help, but I know that now that I have graduated that she doesn't have to help. She's willing to help me under the conditions that I confess that my dad molested me when I was younger, and basically do whatever she says, and to take care of her when she is old. She always says "now that I am helping you, don't forget to take care of me when I am old". It's fine, but then when I get in fights with her she takes it as I am betraying her by not admitting it and that I'm selfishly taking her money. I just want to know, how to handle this right. Am I obligated biblically to hate my dad, and if not, I can't tell her that she's making it up because she seems to sincerely believe it and it would be selfish of me to just keep taking her money while she tries to convince me. I'm willing to not take her money and work my way through college, it just that if I do and I say it's hard she'll be like "that isn't my fault I was willing to help you". And it's hard because I can't just admit it for the peace of her mind because then she would file a report or something.

    I also just want some insight on why she would be doing this, does she have a biblical grounding where I as a Christian owe her something.
    Last edited by Angle-eyes24; September 13th, 2017 at 02:42 PM.

  2. #2
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    March 18th, 2017
    Age
    19
    Posts
    1
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: Help with situation- Somebody with codependency knowledge would be appreciated to

    I am praying for you hun. Trust in Jesus in every area of your life, he is faithful and well able. Forgive your father, you don't have to be friends with him but God commanded us to forgive everyone. Let Jesus heal your broken heart, lay everything at his feet. He will take care of you and your school. Keep praying, let God provide for you, turn to God for everything. Avoid arguments no matter how hard it is, you can do it. God bless.
    Last edited by Breand11; September 13th, 2017 at 02:43 PM.
    loveme1 and joaniemarie like this.

  3. #3
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    September 12th, 2017
    Age
    19
    Posts
    9
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: Help with situation- Somebody with codependency knowledge would be appreciated to

    My father hasn't done anything to me, and he has tried to be supportive in the ways he can. He was an independent contractor and became bankrupt in 2008 when the economy crashed, since then, he has went back to college and he has nothing to give besides his support. My mother hates that he won't give money to me when he obviously can't, and she has never decided to get a job herself.
    jenniferand2 likes this.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Dan_473's Avatar
    Join Date
    March 11th, 2014
    Age
    47
    Posts
    5,074
    Rep Power
    46

    Default Re: Help with situation- Somebody with codependency knowledge would be appreciated to

    Romans 10 Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for she who loves her neighbor has fulfilled the law.



    my advice, if you're asking,

    Work your way through college on your own. If your mom is like "that isn't my fault I was willing to help you" just stop talking to her about college.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Corbinscam's Avatar
    Join Date
    July 17th, 2016
    Age
    17
    Posts
    533
    Rep Power
    24

    Default Re: Help with situation- Somebody with codependency knowledge would be appreciated to

    Personally..I'd get a job and work through college as I could. And do it without her help since she seems to not be willingly helping. Part of being an adult is working for what you want.
    “Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and go do that, because what the worlds needs is people who have come alive.”
    John Eldredge

  6. #6
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    September 12th, 2017
    Age
    19
    Posts
    9
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: Help with situation- Somebody with codependency knowledge would be appreciated to

    Thank you.

  7. #7
    Senior Member MarcR's Avatar
    Join Date
    February 12th, 2015
    Age
    78
    Posts
    4,320
    Rep Power
    94

    Default Re: Help with situation- Somebody with codependency knowledge would be appreciated to

    You need to remember that you are not responsible for problems between your parents. Don't let your mom or anyone else put you in the middle.

    If you want to do graduate work and your grades are good, there are fellowships, instructional assistant jobs, research assistant jobs and a multitude of scholarships available at the best schools; which also have the largest endowments.
    pottersclay and unobtrusive like this.
    MarcR



    Blessings on you! (Nu 6:24-26)


    Col 3:16-17
    16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.
    17 And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.

    KJV

  8. #8
    Senior Member MarcR's Avatar
    Join Date
    February 12th, 2015
    Age
    78
    Posts
    4,320
    Rep Power
    94

    Default Re: Help with situation- Somebody with codependency knowledge would be appreciated to

    In the previous post I got the mis impression that you had finished college which some people actually do at 19.

    In your case there are scholarships and tutoring jobs that can pay your way through school without borrowing money. There are also many grants available some of which have a requirement that you work for the company making the grant for 3-5 years after graduation. If you are willing to teach in a low income school district you can have student loans excused for a five year teaching commitment.
    Angela53510 and Angle-eyes24 like this.
    MarcR



    Blessings on you! (Nu 6:24-26)


    Col 3:16-17
    16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.
    17 And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.

    KJV

  9. #9
    Senior Member Nehemiah6's Avatar
    Join Date
    July 18th, 2017
    Age
    75
    Posts
    2,308
    Rep Power
    79

    Default Re: Help with situation- Somebody with codependency knowledge would be appreciated to

    Is it Angle-eyes or Angel-eyes? Just a typo I guess. Anyhow, Hello and Welcome. Before I respond, I would suggest that you request one of the moderators to move this thread to the Christian Family section. It is inadvertently in the Bible Discussion section

    Quote Originally Posted by Angle-eyes24 View Post
    I am 19 and was in college last year. I went through a really bad breakup and got diagnosed with depression. I got myself into financial probation and my mother isn't one to respect my choices. She left when I was in 8th grades and gave my older brother money to take care of me. I was very independent and graduated second in my class.
    So first of all you are to be commended for overcoming a very difficult situation. But you have not said whether you did this as a Christian or not.
    Now, since things on my end have changed its harder to cope with her complaining of having to invest in me financially. I don't know how to finish college in a timely manner without her help, but I know that now that I have graduated that she doesn't have to help.
    Exactly. Which means that now you have to NEGOTIATE a win-win deal with your mother, and put aside all the animosity.
    She's willing to help me under the conditions that I confess that my dad molested me when I was younger, and basically do whatever she says, and to take care of her when she is old.
    That is a pretty serious charge against your father, and if it is true, it does have serious consequences. So since your mother cannot be objective about this, and we do not know all the details (neither do we need to) it would be best to get some spiritual counsel from pastors or elders in your church (and preferably with two or three present so that there are 2-3 witnesses to any accusations).
    As to taking care of your mother when she is old, if you are a Christian, you should be delighted to do so. Indeed Scripture exhorts children to take care of their parents.
    She always says "now that I am helping you, don't forget to take care of me when I am old". It's fine, but then when I get in fights with her she takes it as I am betraying her by not admitting it and that I'm selfishly taking her money.
    Well it's time for both of you to stop getting into fights. Which means that if neither of you have been converted, it is time to take a break from you fights and say "Mother, we both need to be converted, and have Jesus within us, and controlling us.
    I just want to know, how to handle this right.
    The only way to handle anything right in life is to have the Lord Jesus Christ as your own Lord and Savior and then to obey Him. His primary commandment is that we should love one another, as God loved us, and with God's love in us. Which means that anger, wrath, bitterness, malice, hatred, all have to be renounced and crucified.
    Am I obligated biblically to hate my dad...
    No you are not. By the same token he is not to remain unrepentant and unconverted. He must face his sins, confess them, make amends, and put things right in the eyes of God and man.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Ugly's Avatar
    Join Date
    April 20th, 2011
    Age
    42
    Posts
    19,344
    Rep Power
    185

    Default Re: Help with situation- Somebody with codependency knowledge would be appreciated to

    Your mother is a selfish, manipulative person. The more you are around her the more she will try to control and manipulate you through guilt.
    Don't take her money, don't complain to her when things get tough. I'm fact the more you can avoid her the better. The more time you spend around her the more she will try to control you. And, eventually, you'll be the focus of her wrath, like your father is for her now. People who behave like this should Never be trusted.
    There is never a biblical basis to hate anyone. Everything your mother is doing goes against the bible.
    Give me a new voice
    Give me a heart for repentance and make it stay
    Cause I've idolized my words
    It's all my fault
    But it's comfortable
    ~Poured Out, Rival Choir~

  11. #11
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    August 8th, 2017
    Posts
    182
    Rep Power
    2

    Default Re: Help with situation- Somebody with codependency knowledge would be appreciated to

    Well first of all you having to confess something that is a lie could be seen as a test, and since you finished second in your class you already know "we pass test not fail them"
    IF I were you I would see it as there is no choice she made it for you, you can't lie. If it didn't happen then it didn't happen.
    SO the next thing is to figure out what to do I don't know if the financial help she was giving you is for housing or for the actual cost of school classes. Either way u gotta find a plan B. I am not sure what state you live in but Look in to financial aid, look in to general relief look for a job any job and most importantly have faith that if you put your all into it and don't give up that God (the Miracle worker) will see to it that you dont fail. Pray to him everyday and give thanks everyday, even today say thank you God cause I know you will make it all work out.
    The break up u just went through, well hey everything happens for a reason, right now u gotta focus on school, homework and working. There would be no time for drama so when you look at the bigger picture maybe you need this time alone to focus on you. So take advantage of it and make it all worth it, you know how?
    By succeeding in everything you do.

    God Bless you
    Christina
    Last edited by gdyloves; September 13th, 2017 at 10:53 PM.
    Angle-eyes24 likes this.

  12. #12
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    September 12th, 2017
    Age
    19
    Posts
    9
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: Help with situation- Somebody with codependency knowledge would be appreciated to

    It's angle eyes, its a nick name from when working at a hunting lodge playing pool horribly but still trying to see the angles. Not that it stuck, just used it here. The only thing my mother provides for me and provided over my first year (I've only been one year) of college was health insurance. Its not that I mooch off her or anything. I got diagnosed with depression from narcissistic abuse three days before college when I found out my boyfriend had been cheating on my throughout our whole three-year relationship and gave another girl a promise ring two months before he broke up with me that day. I've been to Christian classrooms and a pastor that has experience with counseling. I'm just clarifying this to show that I really needed it that year. I was in the hospital for a week and the bill would have been 20,000 but it came up to 1600, which is still a lot but I'm thankful. I've been working through things and I'm getting a lot better, but certain things trigger me into wondering if I can trust anyone, so then I can't focus on my work, and I'm on the edge of having a panic attack all that period. I've gone off medication against what I am told because I'm trying to get into a place where I can get by without good health insurance so I can pay it myself. She never used to use this over me before but now that I am dealing with this she does. Before she used to tell me I was selfish in high school for taking 250 bucks from her a month to pay for rent and utilities for my brother when I stayed with him. My father hasn't done anything at all to me, and I AM CHRISTIAN, bad things happen to Christians too. Look at Job. I don't know where my mother has decided to do this and say he did. And I have repented for anything that I see I have done, but that doesn't always take out the worldly consequences or challenges. Thank you for all the feedback so much, it has helped take in different points of views.

  13. #13
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    July 2nd, 2017
    Age
    62
    Posts
    852
    Rep Power
    11

    Default Re: Help with situation- Somebody with codependency knowledge would be appreciated to

    Notice all your problems are people related.

    Note that you frame your life as defective over other peoples defectiveness.

    See yourself differently.

    Jettison reaction,and install proaction.

    In order to have control of your life,the co dependancy thing needs modifying.

    Enter dilemma. As long as you have mom financing you,the puppet strings remain.THAT IS NORMAL. SHE IS NOT JUST MOM,SHE IS YOUR COACH.So play along.

    You seem to be the selfish one. Your education needs to be a sacrifice. That will build character.
    I tell my kids (actually adults),when everything goes wrong,get on your robot mode. Ditch the emotions,YES DITCH THE EMOTIONS,and put on the blinders,look only at your feet,and start walking FORWARD. Stop looking all around and do what is right.

    Preach to yourself. Shake off the stupid stuff. Shake that funk off of you. Get out of emotions,and get smart. Plod,plan,learn that ALL HUMANOIDS ARE FICKLE.

    Do you know what an overcomer is? ...one who overcomes.

    You are letting circumstances dictate victory. A very bad mistake. Obstacles have been placed in your path.

    You are letting obstacles torpedo you.

    NOW,SEE IT CORRECTLY.SEE YOURSELF AS UNSTOPPABLE. SEE THE OBSTACLES AS SOMETHING YOU DEFEAT.

    GET OUT OF YOURSELF. Think of others.

    You need to get born again. That is your main imbalance.

    The puppet strings are automatic if mom is financing you. Work past it. Stop criticizing her.

  14. #14
    Senior Member Depleted's Avatar
    Join Date
    December 13th, 2015
    Age
    61
    Posts
    18,163
    Blog Entries
    1
    Rep Power
    347

    Default Re: Help with situation- Somebody with codependency knowledge would be appreciated to

    If I'm understanding you correctly, (and I'm not sure, so feel free to correct me where I'm wrong), the only thing your mother gives you for college is health insurance? If that's true, (and the only reason it wouldn't be true is because I misunderstood, so don't think I'm questioning your honesty), then this whole spider web your stuck in is fixable at less money than you think.

    You live in the US. Our laws are set up that parents can include their kids on their insurance until 25. Yes, that cost them a bit more each month for their insurance, but it's a lot less than if you were paying for your insurance on your own. And bonus points because no one can change their insurance policies until the end of November to mid December, so even if your mom disowns you, you're still on her insurance policy.

    Work this out with your dad. I know he's strapped too, but send him the money so he can afford to put you on his policy. If it doesn't cost him any more, he should be willing to do that much for you. BUT if you do this, you really have to make sure the money gets to him each month in time for him to pay his insurance, or you're screwing him out of insurance as well as yourself. (That's just my mother-gene kicking in with another "be responsible" plug.) If he does this for you, making sure you keep up with your end of the bargain is even more important that rent money. You really don't have to go on with no insurance.

    As for how to deal with your mom? How about like the grown up you are? Of course "honor your mother and father" remains one of the Ten Commandments, topping off in the top five even, so there is no going around that. You have to honor your mother no matter who she is. But "honor" doesn't mean "do everything she says." It's a heart perspective, not an automaton reaction. Love her. No matter what, love her. But love is often No. "No. I will not lie to make you feel better. It really doesn't make you feel better, and doesn't keep our relationship honest, so, out of love I will not lie because you tell me I should. This is never going to happen."

    Sure, she will get huffy, and sounds like the kind of person who will keep at you to try to get you there, but you're a grown up, and, better yet, adopted daughter of the King of the Universe. The Lord gives you strength to know what you say is true, and to give you the strength to keep saying it.

    I have news for you. If she is anything like my dad, she'll never get over it. That's okay. Dad still doesn't understand my decisions after college, but that never stopped us from keeping our relationship. (Dad's OCD, so most of the things I've done in life didn't live up to his expectations. He's OCD. His expectations were "be perfect," so, yeah. Really not realistic, but I never tried, and he hasn't hated me for not trying.) Somewhere along the line, I had to give up on him being my gauge for self-worthy. You're going to have to do the same thing with your mom. She's not the person to go to when life goes tough.

    Not the same as not honoring her though. She's still your mom.

    As for being diagnosed with depression. Be careful with that. Doctors have no problems labeling us with something, but they don't have words for when it's over. They don't even notice it is over, unless we bring it up again. Last year I had PTSD. I really did. Got the symptoms, the diagnose, and everything. BUT something changed in the last year too. Me! I no longer get stuck with visions of medical emergencies, hospital staff, life-sustaining machines flashing every time I get stressed, even a little bit. I no longer have an uncontrollable rage over stuff that just shouldn't make me rage. I had PTSD. I don't have it any more. Sure, a BF like that will make you depressed, but take the time to notice when you aren't as depressed. And then take the time to notice you aren't depressed. Financial probation at college is a real stressor, so if you feel the full weight of that, you're supposed to. Not the same thing as depressed. Your mom isn't the easiest person to get along with, so she causes stress. Not the same thing as depressed. Stress is stress, not depressed. The only person who will ever notice you getting out of your depression is you. Make sure you notice. Because honestly? 75% of the time doctors prescribe pills for depression, they don't help anyway. More mellow/feeling less stress is not the same as not being depressed.

    And, on the other hand, if more mellow/feeling less stress does hide the symptoms of depression, than stay on the pills until you can handle the feeling yourself. With a mother like yours, you really will have to learn how to handle those feeling eventually. A good way to do that is seek the Lord.
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

  15. #15
    Senior Member Depleted's Avatar
    Join Date
    December 13th, 2015
    Age
    61
    Posts
    18,163
    Blog Entries
    1
    Rep Power
    347

    Default Re: Help with situation- Somebody with codependency knowledge would be appreciated to

    Quote Originally Posted by heartofdavid View Post
    Notice all your problems are people related.

    Note that you frame your life as defective over other peoples defectiveness.

    See yourself differently.

    Jettison reaction,and install proaction.

    In order to have control of your life,the co dependancy thing needs modifying.

    Enter dilemma. As long as you have mom financing you,the puppet strings remain.THAT IS NORMAL. SHE IS NOT JUST MOM,SHE IS YOUR COACH.So play along.

    You seem to be the selfish one. Your education needs to be a sacrifice. That will build character.
    I tell my kids (actually adults),when everything goes wrong,get on your robot mode. Ditch the emotions,YES DITCH THE EMOTIONS,and put on the blinders,look only at your feet,and start walking FORWARD. Stop looking all around and do what is right.

    Preach to yourself. Shake off the stupid stuff. Shake that funk off of you. Get out of emotions,and get smart. Plod,plan,learn that ALL HUMANOIDS ARE FICKLE.

    Do you know what an overcomer is? ...one who overcomes.

    You are letting circumstances dictate victory. A very bad mistake. Obstacles have been placed in your path.

    You are letting obstacles torpedo you.

    NOW,SEE IT CORRECTLY.SEE YOURSELF AS UNSTOPPABLE. SEE THE OBSTACLES AS SOMETHING YOU DEFEAT.

    GET OUT OF YOURSELF. Think of others.

    You need to get born again. That is your main imbalance.

    The puppet strings are automatic if mom is financing you. Work past it. Stop criticizing her.
    Your main imbalance is thinking she isn't born again.

    Your second imbalance is replacing the gospel with a good pre-game rah-rah speech by a coach.

    I could be wrong, the second one could be the main one.
    Angle-eyes24 likes this.
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

  16. #16
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    July 2nd, 2017
    Age
    62
    Posts
    852
    Rep Power
    11

    Default Re: Help with situation- Somebody with codependency knowledge would be appreciated to

    Quote Originally Posted by Depleted View Post
    Your main imbalance is thinking she isn't born again.

    Your second imbalance is replacing the gospel with a good pre-game rah-rah speech by a coach.

    I could be wrong, the second one could be the main one.
    Was not addressing you.

    At first,I thought ' what a stupid post'

    Then I saw it was you.

    Carry on miss poison.

  17. #17
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    July 2nd, 2017
    Age
    62
    Posts
    852
    Rep Power
    11

    Default Re: Help with situation- Somebody with codependency knowledge would be appreciated to

    One thing about wilderness,keep your feet moving. Forgive everyone,don't blame others,get close to Jesus. He told me once,take care of my business and I will take care of yours.
    Angle-eyes24 likes this.

  18. #18
    Senior Member jenniferand2's Avatar
    Join Date
    March 19th, 2016
    Age
    44
    Posts
    1,359
    Blog Entries
    1
    Rep Power
    29

    Default Re: Help with situation- Somebody with codependency knowledge would be appreciated to

    Quote Originally Posted by Angle-eyes24 View Post
    Hello,
    I am 19 and was in college last year. I went through a really bad breakup and got diagnosed with depression. I got myself into financial probation and my mother isn't one to respect my choices. She left when I was in 8th grades and gave my older brother money to take care of me. I was very independent and graduated second in my class. Now, since things on my end have changed its harder to cope with her complaining of having to invest in me financially. I don't know how to finish college in a timely manner without her help, but I know that now that I have graduated that she doesn't have to help. She's willing to help me under the conditions that I confess that my dad molested me when I was younger, and basically do whatever she says, and to take care of her when she is old. She always says "now that I am helping you, don't forget to take care of me when I am old". It's fine, but then when I get in fights with her she takes it as I am betraying her by not admitting it and that I'm selfishly taking her money. I just want to know, how to handle this right. Am I obligated biblically to hate my dad, and if not, I can't tell her that she's making it up because she seems to sincerely believe it and it would be selfish of me to just keep taking her money while she tries to convince me. I'm willing to not take her money and work my way through college, it just that if I do and I say it's hard she'll be like "that isn't my fault I was willing to help you". And it's hard because I can't just admit it for the peace of her mind because then she would file a report or something.

    I also just want some insight on why she would be doing this, does she have a biblical grounding where I as a Christian owe her something.
    Do not admit to something that is untrue especially something like that. It is probably time that you sit down with your mother or write her a letter sometimes letters are better you can say what you feel deep in your heart with out the tones in your voice changing you can also reread the letter and make sure you have all your wanting to say in it.
    I feel it is very wrong to admit things that are not true just to benefit from them so I agree with you on that. Secondly don't start college back up again until you are committed to finishing no sense on wasting money. Third there is nothing wrong with you taking care of your own education you can get financial aid etc. some colleges will even let you pay payments. In fact knowing that your paying for it yourself may help you in making sure you get better grades and you take it seriously.. if your mother reads your letter and you guys get things in the open and she is okay with things she may end up helping you anyways..
    P>S> keeping yourself busy will help with the depression.....
    Angle-eyes24 likes this.
    Let He Who lives without sin cast the first stone.

  19. #19
    Senior Member jenniferand2's Avatar
    Join Date
    March 19th, 2016
    Age
    44
    Posts
    1,359
    Blog Entries
    1
    Rep Power
    29

    Default Re: Help with situation- Somebody with codependency knowledge would be appreciated to

    Quote Originally Posted by Angle-eyes24 View Post
    It's angle eyes, its a nick name from when working at a hunting lodge playing pool horribly but still trying to see the angles. Not that it stuck, just used it here. The only thing my mother provides for me and provided over my first year (I've only been one year) of college was health insurance. Its not that I mooch off her or anything. I got diagnosed with depression from narcissistic abuse three days before college when I found out my boyfriend had been cheating on my throughout our whole three-year relationship and gave another girl a promise ring two months before he broke up with me that day. I've been to Christian classrooms and a pastor that has experience with counseling. I'm just clarifying this to show that I really needed it that year. I was in the hospital for a week and the bill would have been 20,000 but it came up to 1600, which is still a lot but I'm thankful. I've been working through things and I'm getting a lot better, but certain things trigger me into wondering if I can trust anyone, so then I can't focus on my work, and I'm on the edge of having a panic attack all that period. I've gone off medication against what I am told because I'm trying to get into a place where I can get by without good health insurance so I can pay it myself. She never used to use this over me before but now that I am dealing with this she does. Before she used to tell me I was selfish in high school for taking 250 bucks from her a month to pay for rent and utilities for my brother when I stayed with him. My father hasn't done anything at all to me, and I AM CHRISTIAN, bad things happen to Christians too. Look at Job. I don't know where my mother has decided to do this and say he did. And I have repented for anything that I see I have done, but that doesn't always take out the worldly consequences or challenges. Thank you for all the feedback so much, it has helped take in different points of views.
    look i believe health insurance she is obligated to cover you until your a certain age if your in college. If not for some reason she drops the health insurance you can sign up for medicaid with a spend down or something.. My oldest daughter does that because she is 24 and not going to college so she is responsible for her own insurance. Either way you can get insurance so don't think you can't it may coast you a little every month but it certainly will not cost you your sanity just saying.. there are options so now i see it looks like there is no reason to have to rely on anything from her except maybe an occasional visit to keep in touch if you want to.
    Let He Who lives without sin cast the first stone.

  20. #20
    Senior Member OneFaith's Avatar
    Join Date
    September 6th, 2016
    Age
    45
    Posts
    1,346
    Rep Power
    49

    Default Re: Help with situation- Somebody with codependency knowledge would be appreciated to

    Quote Originally Posted by Angle-eyes24 View Post
    Hello,
    I am 19 and was in college last year. I went through a really bad breakup and got diagnosed with depression. I got myself into financial probation and my mother isn't one to respect my choices. She left when I was in 8th grades and gave my older brother money to take care of me. I was very independent and graduated second in my class. Now, since things on my end have changed its harder to cope with her complaining of having to invest in me financially. I don't know how to finish college in a timely manner without her help, but I know that now that I have graduated that she doesn't have to help. She's willing to help me under the conditions that I confess that my dad molested me when I was younger, and basically do whatever she says, and to take care of her when she is old. She always says "now that I am helping you, don't forget to take care of me when I am old". It's fine, but then when I get in fights with her she takes it as I am betraying her by not admitting it and that I'm selfishly taking her money. I just want to know, how to handle this right. Am I obligated biblically to hate my dad, and if not, I can't tell her that she's making it up because she seems to sincerely believe it and it would be selfish of me to just keep taking her money while she tries to convince me. I'm willing to not take her money and work my way through college, it just that if I do and I say it's hard she'll be like "that isn't my fault I was willing to help you". And it's hard because I can't just admit it for the peace of her mind because then she would file a report or something.

    I also just want some insight on why she would be doing this, does she have a biblical grounding where I as a Christian owe her something.
    There is a biblical grounding. It says that parents take care of their children when they are young, and that the children take care of the parents in their old age. The only way you could be biblically exempt from that is if your biological parent did not take care of you when you were young- whether you were adopted or there was child abandonment and abuse.

    As far as you admiting that your father molested you, you never said whether he did or not. If he did not, according to the best of your memory, you have to tell her that it's not fair for her to force you to lie. If he did do it, her offer is legit. If she summoned you to court it would be no different- because you cannot lie on the stand.

    Once you are an adult, she is now only obligated in the way of "Even if your enemy is hungry, feed him." She is obligated to provide extreme survival needs, if she can, but college tuition is not in that catagory. Is it wrong for her to use that leverage? Actually, No! A child molester not put behind bars may molest more children. Actually you would be the one who's wrong in not proventing other children from being harmed, if it were true, and within your power to do so- whether you are related to him or not, are friends with him or not.

    Hope this helped.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 4
    Last Post: April 26th, 2017, 05:46 PM
  2. Your prayers will be appreciated
    By Dude653 in forum Christian Family Forum
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: February 24th, 2017, 01:19 AM
  3. codependency
    By keepsonkeepingon in forum Christian Young Adults Forum
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: June 18th, 2016, 06:03 AM
  4. Head Knowledge Becoming Heart Knowledge - How's It Done?
    By Tintin in forum Christian Singles Forum
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: October 26th, 2014, 11:58 PM
  5. ALL OR NOTHING(ANY HELP IS APPRECIATED)
    By followerofchrist in forum Prayer Requests
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: June 4th, 2009, 12:43 PM

Tags for this Thread