What is with men and holding a handshake?

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May 11, 2014
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#21
I do not do this.

But I do have a bad habit of making people feel awkward by looking them into the eyes, often times they look away and get uncomfortable, others do not.
You can consider it a test of character :D
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#22
I've experienced this twice in my life, and I was just wondering what others thought about it. You go to shake a man's hand and once you shake and get ready to release they tighten their grip and you let go only to have your hand still grasped by theirs. They won't let go for an awkward amount of time, and then release.

Is this some show of dominance? Something to gain respect? I feel uncomfortable when it happens and recently had the thought, jokingly, of yanking my hand out or karate chopping their wrist to let go, haha. Is it like an "acknowledge me" type of deal?

I guess my question is why do certain men do this and how should I deal with it (especially in a Church setting, since this is where its ever happened to me)? Or should I just embrace the moment and stare them in the eyes? Maybe I should comment, "You hold my hand any longer and you'll start rumors." :p

PS: For emphasis, they won't let go. They'll continue talking to you or the person you're with while still grasping your hand.

Honestly I think it is something that is a local custom.In my travels people shook hands differently.I was in one place where they only took the tips of your fingers,not a full handshake.Then I began to realize different places shook my hand in different ways. Like where I live in the south, if you drive past someone and catch their gaze you wave,whether you know them or not.The same if you drive past someone,you wave or nod. But in my home town in Canada they would think you were an idiot for waving at strangers.lol Its all a matter of custom.
 

NayborBear

Banned Serpent Seed Heresy
#23
I've experienced this twice in my life, and I was just wondering what others thought about it. You go to shake a man's hand and once you shake and get ready to release they tighten their grip and you let go only to have your hand still grasped by theirs. They won't let go for an awkward amount of time, and then release.

Is this some show of dominance? Something to gain respect? I feel uncomfortable when it happens and recently had the thought, jokingly, of yanking my hand out or karate chopping their wrist to let go, haha. Is it like an "acknowledge me" type of deal?

I guess my question is why do certain men do this and how should I deal with it (especially in a Church setting, since this is where its ever happened to me)? Or should I just embrace the moment and stare them in the eyes? Maybe I should comment, "You hold my hand any longer and you'll start rumors." :p

PS: For emphasis, they won't let go. They'll continue talking to you or the person you're with while still grasping your hand.
I like a firm handshake, myself. To me? It kinda tells me the other guy, er gal, "is there", in that moment. Of course, the longer, or harder this goes on? I start wondering "who, or what is there?" Like other's have stated, sometimes is a power/dominance issue. It's like they are saying, or inquiring in this hand shake: "Let me see how far I can get into your head, heart, soul, spirit, etc." This happens within an instant, in this "non-verbal" form of communication. They could be also trying to "pass on" to you, something from some origin that you want nothing to deal with. Looking square in the eyeballs, should give one a "hint of origin."

Should it turn out to be some "macho" thing? Yep? I'll oblige 'em!

A hand shake I cannot stand is a "pressing of flesh" politician's type, "pulling of my arm, down the road, yeah, how nice of you to see me, now get outta my face" handshake! A handshake I'll "wipe off" on my pants, and make sure the guy sees it!
 
Mar 28, 2016
15,954
1,528
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#24
I do not do this.

But I do have a bad habit of making people feel awkward by looking them into the eyes, often times they look away and get uncomfortable, others do not.
You can consider it a test of character :D
A test of whose character ?
 

Solemateleft

Honor, Courage, Commitment
Jun 25, 2017
12,207
3,612
113
#25
Sure but you do not want me grab your hand and start doing judo.

Jokes aside firm handshake is always been something i also like.
Well if your are a juduko, of course you are a grip fighter... would they have to fear the osoto gari or morote gari or ippon seonagi? :cool:
 

Innerfire89

Senior Member
Aug 23, 2017
586
20
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#26
They might want to make sure that you're really engaged in greeting them and not just shaking hands and saying hello roboticaly.

There's an elder in my church who kind of pulls me over every time I shake his hand, like he wants to wrestle or something. Lol.

Some people can only focus on one thing at a time. They forget forget that their shacking your hand while they're taling to you. One time I shaked a homeless guys hand and he would not let go until we were done talking for about 2 minutes, he just wasn't all there up stairs.
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,151
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#27
I've only had this hapem twice to me, both by women have done this. One was a very famous movie star, the other was a local politician. Neither tightened their grasp, but both kept holding my hand through our conversation, which lasted up to 5 minutes each. I like to think they were attracted to me. I sleep better thinking this. I've never had this happen with a male, it's hard to try and dominate me, I've been described as having an imposing stature.
 
C

chancer

Guest
#28
This happens to men too?

I thought it only happened with women. I have come across several men who hold onto my hand after a handshake, sometimes during the entire conversation. I find it funny you count this because it is so common for me, I've started to expect it.

Some men place both their hands over my hand or just give it a gentle squeeze.

I thought it was a sign of affection or an expression of closeness. I find it interesting you wondered if it was a show of dominance. Initially, even I felt intimidated but I chalked this up to culture.

As a woman, I assume its a positive sign - they are expressing some form of interest. It does gets uncomfortable for me if the man keeps making eye contact and staring when I don't reciprocate or feel the same. I do feel threatened and I think my body language also changes.

My course of action depends on the situation. If its a harmless enough man, I don't bother and just let him hold my hand.

If not, I gently twist my wrist and turn my body as if I have to make a move to leave. That is enough for the person to let go. It has never escalated beyond that.

If however it did and someone continues to hold my hand, I would politely excuse myself verbally. If that doesn't work they are violating my personal space and then I would bring out my krav maga/kickboxing skills. :)
You mean if all else fails you would black his eyes yeah? LOL
 
Sep 14, 2017
900
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#29
I've experienced this twice in my life, and I was just wondering what others thought about it. You go to shake a man's hand and once you shake and get ready to release they tighten their grip and you let go only to have your hand still grasped by theirs. They won't let go for an awkward amount of time, and then release.

Is this some show of dominance? Something to gain respect? I feel uncomfortable when it happens and recently had the thought, jokingly, of yanking my hand out or karate chopping their wrist to let go, haha. Is it like an "acknowledge me" type of deal?

I guess my question is why do certain men do this and how should I deal with it (especially in a Church setting, since this is where its ever happened to me)? Or should I just embrace the moment and stare them in the eyes? Maybe I should comment, "You hold my hand any longer and you'll start rumors." :p

PS: For emphasis, they won't let go. They'll continue talking to you or the person you're with while still grasping your hand.
The only way to know their intentions is to read their face while shaking your hand. One made a good mention of the warmth in their eyes.
Sometimes they will hold on while talking to someone else because they're showing good manners to the recipient while holding on to you because you're the one they really want to talk to.
If their face shows a bad attitude of superiority, simply give them a glare and pull your hand away. They get the message without you saying anything rude.
 
C

chancer

Guest
#30
Hey bro, hope your well.

The only thing that has ever happened to me is that some men squeeze your hand really tightly. Ive never had the 'holding on too long thing' that would really creep me out TBH LOL! But when men squeeze your hand excessively as if its some show of their strength, it really gets on my wick TBH LOL. Before I was a Christian I use to pull away from them in such a way that they knew that it had aggravated me, and more often or not they would apologise to me. But if they held onto my hand for over the 3 second mark man I would hyyyyoookannnn them Ken styleee from Street fighter 2!! Bwahahahahahahah
 
Mar 23, 2016
6,837
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#31
I found some information:

4. The Lingerer: You've reached out with a good, firm grip, but forgot to let go. By lingering and holding on too long, you're telling the other party that you're desperate. Live by the "two second rule" and let go before it's too late.

...


7. The Perfect Handshake:
Finally, the right way to shake someone's hand. Remember to:


  • Keep good posture
  • Make eye contact
  • Hold your right hand out
  • Give a good firm shake
  • Follow the two second rule
  • Smile!
  • Greet the other person and repeat their name

With this, you’re giving friends and colleagues the idea that you are trustworthy, warm spirited, confident, driven and prepared. This should be your go-to handshake in order to consistently create a positive first impression.
https://www.forbes.com/sites/jennifercohen/2015/06/02/7-super-revealing-things-your-handshake-says-about-you/#2206a9d0443d
 
Apr 15, 2017
2,867
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#32
Get a set of hand grips that have a lot of resistance,and crank away at those bad oscars,1000,1001,and so on,to 50,000 repetitions at one time,non stop,every day for a month,and crush some hands.They won't like it when they cannot use their fingers anymore.I know it is harsh but some people make you mad.Hey,you can always repent of it,and besides he was probably sinning with that hand anyway,and Jesus said if your hand offends you,cut it off,so you had mercy on him and only mangled his hand,so that should make you feel good,and not such a bad person.
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
9,339
2,427
113
#33
I've experienced this twice in my life, and I was just wondering what others thought about it. You go to shake a man's hand and once you shake and get ready to release they tighten their grip and you let go only to have your hand still grasped by theirs. They won't let go for an awkward amount of time, and then release.

Is this some show of dominance? Something to gain respect? I feel uncomfortable when it happens and recently had the thought, jokingly, of yanking my hand out or karate chopping their wrist to let go, haha. Is it like an "acknowledge me" type of deal?

I guess my question is why do certain men do this and how should I deal with it (especially in a Church setting, since this is where its ever happened to me)? Or should I just embrace the moment and stare them in the eyes? Maybe I should comment, "You hold my hand any longer and you'll start rumors." :p

PS: For emphasis, they won't let go. They'll continue talking to you or the person you're with while still grasping your hand.


The next time this happens, take a very deep breath, and then scream,
"He likes me! He really likes me!"

I guarantee he will let go.


Only really insecure people are so worried about trying to display their dominance.
This is a very insecure person.
Embarrass him, pick any method, and you'll be done.
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
11,780
2,943
113
#34
I have found if I wear my wrist guards that have a large piece of metal from the bottom to the top, that people are quickly discouraged from trying to shake my hands for too long, or too hard! When my hands are bad, I usually wear them to church to avoid visibly wincing from a firm (read: unbearably hard!) handshake!

It works for me!
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
9,086
1,749
113
#35
I've experienced this twice in my life, and I was just wondering what others thought about it. You go to shake a man's hand and once you shake and get ready to release they tighten their grip and you let go only to have your hand still grasped by theirs. They won't let go for an awkward amount of time, and then release.

Is this some show of dominance? Something to gain respect? I feel uncomfortable when it happens and recently had the thought, jokingly, of yanking my hand out or karate chopping their wrist to let go, haha. Is it like an "acknowledge me" type of deal?

I guess my question is why do certain men do this and how should I deal with it (especially in a Church setting, since this is where its ever happened to me)? Or should I just embrace the moment and stare them in the eyes? Maybe I should comment, "You hold my hand any longer and you'll start rumors." :p

PS: For emphasis, they won't let go. They'll continue talking to you or the person you're with while still grasping your hand.
Have you been hanging around Koreans?

I only experienced this in Korea. I saw Korean men shake hands and then continue to hold hands while talking at times. There was a Korean businessman who liked to come up to me on the street in the town I was living in. Once he was drunk in the daytime (lots of people got drunk at night) and wanted to shake my hand and did the long handshake thing, which was uncomfortable, then told me he was 'down in the dumpus' about his job.

Other guys would occasionally try to grab my hand to go across the street and stuff like that. I realized it was a cultural thing, but of course it made me very uncomfortable.