I was thinking and I kind of had a revelation.
I think another reason why things like abuse and rape make me so angry, other than concern the people it happens to, is because I feel like I would lose my faith if that happened to me. I often feel guilty for all the blessings I have, knowing there are millions who don't have the same thing. I know I should feel blessed, but I didn't do a thing to deserve anything I have. No one gets to choose where or when they were born. I could just as easily have been an orphan living on the streets in India.
Plus I know no one gets a free pass in life, which often makes me feel like faith is nothing more than hellfire insurance. The only difference between believers and non-believers is that we know where we're going when we die. As for life here, we're on our own. We have to deal with the same random suffering and problems like everyone else. Christians can be some of the nastiest people, and atheists can be some of the kindest people. I've heard it said you can't live a fulfilled life without God, but I beg to differ. There are atheists living fulfilled lives just as there are Christians who lose hope and commit suicide.
And apparently we shouldn't commit suicide not because human life is so fragile and worth protecting. No, apparently we shouldn't commit suicide because we're trying to upstage God. Yeah. All God cares about in this life is that we work for him. Just get more converts. We work for him like slaves and get relief only when we die. Let's stop trying to deny it and tell the gospel as it really is, just hellfire insurance.
I've also pretty much come to the conclusion that God cares about our free will more than he actually loves us. Love has to override free will in certain cases. God never does that. Women have no say in whether or not they conceive, and they can even have a baby through rape. White men have virtually free reign in our society. Brutal patriarchy still exists in the third world. Africa is still suffering despite the trillions of dollars that have been sent to help them over the decades. The sex trade is still ongoing. Sex used for any purpose other than it's original intent destroys lives, yet God still creates us with those drives. People with inclinations toward being gay are forced to live celibate lives. People like me will never have the status and privileges that married people do simply because we're single. I could go on and on...
But I don't have to to prove my case, that God values our free will more than he actually loves us. Jesus's sacrifice was only so we could be in heaven with him when we die.
But hey. Life isn't fair. Why should I expect God to be?
And don't tell me it's because of sinful people. That's no longer an excuse to me.
