That's a terrible place to be in Monnkai. Constantly wondering whether or not you're saved is the worst. I know, I've been there too. It led me to depression and I was always bitter about everything happening in my life. In the back of my mind, I thought I kinda deserved it, being the person I was. I had so many reasons. We can be very irrational sometimes and we don't know it. It's something we learned to live by, growing up.
The truth is, God has long reconciled the world with Him. Through Jesus. At the Cross. When He gave Himself up for you and me. What that means is that through Jesus, by believing in what He has done for you at the Cross and why He did so (because He loves you) is the only WAY to get salvation.
I wrote extensively about this when I first understood what it really meant being saved and loved by the most high God. In my blog (
link here)
The devil is the accuser of the brethren and he will do anything to do just that to you. Meaning, making you think of things that lead you to wondering how God can love you. Questions like.. are you really saved? The reason we ask this is because we doubt, and no you're not alone, I still doubt sometimes too - and what is there not to doubt about if we rely on ourselves? Yeah, the reason we doubt is because of the centuries old lie of the church (which was of course planted by the devil to oppress us in so many ways), something in grained in our very being, meritocracy.
We doubt because, we (and many generations ahead of us) were made to think that we have to
deserve everything we get in life. Including, and most especially God's salvation, God's approval, God's favour, God's love, God's blessings. Yeah, we were made to think that what we do or not do are essential to keeping our salvation, keeping our blessings, and all the good things that God has for us.
This is not unfounded though. Understandably, it came from the old testament. Before Christ. The law, basically. But even then, it was never their effort that kept Israel blessed. It's their constant, daily sacrifices for every sin they made.
ANYWAY, I won't make this longer than it already is. I always get too passionate about this topic cause I know just how terrible it is to be mentally oppressed every time with lies from the devil!
I was just hit with incredable anxiety. Im not sure Im saved. A few years ago i gave myself to christ and I pray almost everyday I beileve everthing in the bible and God has undoubtably changed me from the sick man I was. If you knew me prior to two years ago and some of you have however I dont do anything for God somethings stopping me I wat to ut laziness and procrastionaion rule my life. I know theres no way for you to know but does it sound like im saved?