I dont know if this is the forum where i'm supposed to post it.
but here I go.
I guess back story is relevant,
From 2013 to 2017 i was very self-medicated, booze and drugs. I've been sober for 4 months, and clean for 2 months, with Gods help! It's been a long and taughful journey, i was very addictive to have an intoxicated mind, (High or drunk), cause then everything would be easier, like anxiety and socially. I knew it was a problem in 2015' when I realized I needed more and more, for it to have same effect.
I've been feeling way better since i've stopped, but it's also hard to face your problems, and feelings.
I've gotten a lot of help and support, like going to AA meetings, etc.
This monday I went to see a psychriatrist, he said I may have ADD, cause I said I have a hard time focusing on ONE thing- so he gave me Ritalin (to try for 1 week, to see if it was better)
I was on Ritalin tuesday-friday (but I didnt take one today) and here's WHY, and my upcoming questions!
Tuesday, first day on Ritalin i zoned out, all day- I didnt turn on my TV, i didnt go out, I just enjoyed my body resting, and the little "high" there is.Staring into the air, litteraly doing nothing. I got the same side affects as when i tried Amphetamine couple of years ago.
Wednesday was better, I still enjoyed the high, and enjoyed being able to focus on one thing. But I had so much anxiousity and panic attack that I was dying, (Taking pills makes me have panic attacks, cause I think i get all the side affects thats rare like Psychosis, heart attack)..
Thursday i also took the pill, and i had this weird feeling, that i hated how much i enjoyed it, and how its weird I got support to stop being high, now I get support for being high, its all upside down.
I know Ritalin pills, are carefully dosage, unlike the street drugs.
I stopped today, simply because I was praying yesterday, and I talked to God about it. I figured i was gonna stop before I get addictive to ritalin, and reliant on medicine, and when i dont get body relaxing and the little 'high' ill ask to have more pills legally by my psychriatrist... and i dont want that.
Today i've went for 2 long walks, i enjoyed a good meal, and i was analyzing my fear, and if i need help or not,-with help of God.
When I was 4, me and my brother got into a foster family (my mom and dad was arguing and drinking and doing drugs)
So im pretty sure I have feared of being abonded, fear of getting hurt, so that explains why I'm not good socially.. Cause it lies deep in me.
When I was 16, my brother got into mental hospital having scitzophrenic, I had appointment with 4 psychriatrist, that was explaining his situation, and they told me I have same genetics, so I could develop a psychosis easily. That left me SCARED of becoming insane. So thats when i started drinking, to ease my fear of becoming insane-cause I saw how my brother was out of reality, that's also when i wrote poetry, to have my thoughts written physically down, so i could see and analyze if my mind was healthy?..
I later, when I was 19, doing drugs. I remember thinking "Ill take drugs, and ill see if i get mentally ill or not" i couldnt take the unbearebul waiting to be insane.
Anyway, then when I was 21 my mom died, leaving me and my brother orphans. Im not gonna say much, expect that i had much sorrow seeing her loose powers, and i stayed with her for the last 6 months, taking care of her until she died.
After moms death, I had 2 times, where i did drugs, I took too much, on them all, 1 time, methadone, (I luckily woke up)
2 time, a LOT of pills like morphines, and benzo, xanax, etcetc. and Amphetamine and MDMA, that left me with all of sudden being unconcious. (Luckily I woke up after 15 hours, yet was legs were failing me, so when I stood up, i would fall down and be unconcious for an hour, and then waking up, not knowing where i was, and my sight was gone-Like I couldnt see) this is what i was told by those i was with when it happend. almost choking on my own vomit.
Since then, i had death anxiety, cause i dont wanna die, but i was close, and then i panic, thinking im dying..
MY question is, what does Bible say about medicine.
DO you think medicine is a 'need' or okay? Or will it lead to addiction-to be higher?
do YOU think all we need is GODS love?
Sorry for such a long text.
but here I go.
I guess back story is relevant,
From 2013 to 2017 i was very self-medicated, booze and drugs. I've been sober for 4 months, and clean for 2 months, with Gods help! It's been a long and taughful journey, i was very addictive to have an intoxicated mind, (High or drunk), cause then everything would be easier, like anxiety and socially. I knew it was a problem in 2015' when I realized I needed more and more, for it to have same effect.
I've been feeling way better since i've stopped, but it's also hard to face your problems, and feelings.
I've gotten a lot of help and support, like going to AA meetings, etc.
This monday I went to see a psychriatrist, he said I may have ADD, cause I said I have a hard time focusing on ONE thing- so he gave me Ritalin (to try for 1 week, to see if it was better)
I was on Ritalin tuesday-friday (but I didnt take one today) and here's WHY, and my upcoming questions!
Tuesday, first day on Ritalin i zoned out, all day- I didnt turn on my TV, i didnt go out, I just enjoyed my body resting, and the little "high" there is.Staring into the air, litteraly doing nothing. I got the same side affects as when i tried Amphetamine couple of years ago.
Wednesday was better, I still enjoyed the high, and enjoyed being able to focus on one thing. But I had so much anxiousity and panic attack that I was dying, (Taking pills makes me have panic attacks, cause I think i get all the side affects thats rare like Psychosis, heart attack)..
Thursday i also took the pill, and i had this weird feeling, that i hated how much i enjoyed it, and how its weird I got support to stop being high, now I get support for being high, its all upside down.
I know Ritalin pills, are carefully dosage, unlike the street drugs.
I stopped today, simply because I was praying yesterday, and I talked to God about it. I figured i was gonna stop before I get addictive to ritalin, and reliant on medicine, and when i dont get body relaxing and the little 'high' ill ask to have more pills legally by my psychriatrist... and i dont want that.
Today i've went for 2 long walks, i enjoyed a good meal, and i was analyzing my fear, and if i need help or not,-with help of God.
When I was 4, me and my brother got into a foster family (my mom and dad was arguing and drinking and doing drugs)
So im pretty sure I have feared of being abonded, fear of getting hurt, so that explains why I'm not good socially.. Cause it lies deep in me.
When I was 16, my brother got into mental hospital having scitzophrenic, I had appointment with 4 psychriatrist, that was explaining his situation, and they told me I have same genetics, so I could develop a psychosis easily. That left me SCARED of becoming insane. So thats when i started drinking, to ease my fear of becoming insane-cause I saw how my brother was out of reality, that's also when i wrote poetry, to have my thoughts written physically down, so i could see and analyze if my mind was healthy?..
I later, when I was 19, doing drugs. I remember thinking "Ill take drugs, and ill see if i get mentally ill or not" i couldnt take the unbearebul waiting to be insane.
Anyway, then when I was 21 my mom died, leaving me and my brother orphans. Im not gonna say much, expect that i had much sorrow seeing her loose powers, and i stayed with her for the last 6 months, taking care of her until she died.
After moms death, I had 2 times, where i did drugs, I took too much, on them all, 1 time, methadone, (I luckily woke up)
2 time, a LOT of pills like morphines, and benzo, xanax, etcetc. and Amphetamine and MDMA, that left me with all of sudden being unconcious. (Luckily I woke up after 15 hours, yet was legs were failing me, so when I stood up, i would fall down and be unconcious for an hour, and then waking up, not knowing where i was, and my sight was gone-Like I couldnt see) this is what i was told by those i was with when it happend. almost choking on my own vomit.
Since then, i had death anxiety, cause i dont wanna die, but i was close, and then i panic, thinking im dying..
MY question is, what does Bible say about medicine.
DO you think medicine is a 'need' or okay? Or will it lead to addiction-to be higher?
do YOU think all we need is GODS love?
Sorry for such a long text.