In our Study of Proverbs, we now come to a very serious matter----the problem of gossip. We’ll deal first with the characteristics of a person who gossips. Then we’ll look at the consequences of gossip, and the control of gossip. Every one of us has a natural tendency to listen to gossip and to repeat it.
LORD, who shall abide in thy tabernacle? who shall dwell in thy holy hill?
He that walketh uprightly, and worketh righteousness, and speaketh the truth in his heart. He that backbiteth not with his tongue, nor doeth evil to his neighbour, nor taketh up a reproach against his neighbour.
In whose eyes a vile person is contemned; but he honoureth them that fear the LORD. He that sweareth to his own hurt, and changeth not. He that putteth not out his money to usury, nor taketh reward against the innocent. He that doeth these things shall never be moved. (Psalm 15) KJV
It is interesting to note the things that are concluded in this passage about what kind of people walk with the Lord. It mentions gossip, and backbiting, and “taking up a reproach against a friend”. This literally means somebody put your friend down and you accepted what they said and did not defend your friend. You did not challenge and confront what was said. There are a lot of interesting things in this psalm.
One week, I decided to count up the rumours and gossip I heard that could have hurt some people. There were five incidents. In each one of them the people involve believed that what they were saying was the truth, and each case it was not the truth. I have discovered that it is a lot easier to repeat that which is not true than to find out what is true. I have found out that something about us wants to hear the failure, the trouble the suffering and heartache of other people without ever investigating it whether it is the truth or not. It is a terrible thing in the Christian world. Sometimes it is prefaced with these unique, spiritual-sounding words-I want you to Pray about something”. Doesn’t that make it sweet! But you had not right to share it. Once you find out What the Bible say, you’ll see how many times, we have no right to do that, and we should be defending and protecting each other a lot more than we are.
The Characteristics of Person Who Gossips
How do you spot a gossip? How do you recognize it in your own heart? There are six basics that I would draw to you attention from the book of Proverbs.
He that hideth hatred with lying lips, and he that uttereth a slander, is a fool. (Pro 10:18) KJV
Isn’t that an interesting thing? You didn’t necessarily tell a lie, but you had hated in your heart and covered it up. God say you’ve got lying lips. That’s what we call a parallelism in the poetic usage in Proverbs-the second statement is like the first, so spreading slander is the same thing as hating hatred.
“What I’m saying in strict confidence, something we can pray about,” and similar statements shows a symptom of a problem of gossip. We wouldn’t even do that unless we had the problem. So we set it all up and then before we know what is happening, slander is being spread. God says the root is that there is hatred in your heart, otherwise you wouldn’t do that. If you loved them you would cover the situation completely. That’s hard to face because you don’t want to say it, “I hate this guy so I’m just trying to inform you, so you can be more intelligent in your prayer life.” Really? The Bible says “Whoever spreads slander is a fool.”
Whenever anything puts down a bother or a sister in the Lord, immediately check it, no matter who it is. If the information makes somebody who is a believer in the Lord look bad, check it immediately. Then ask the person reporting the situation if they been to that person to try to help. That one way to deal with it.
A second characteristic of a gossip is that he /she reveals secrets.
A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter. (Pro 11:13) KJV.
You and I both know that this is a very important point in counselling and in the legal profession, where we are not to betray confidences. This is a poet device by contrast, not parallelism. The contrast is between the one who conceals what he knows and one who reveals what he knows. One of the surest characteristics of a gossip, or a slandering spirit is when you immediately reveal things. You want to tell somebody instead of protecting it.
He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets; Therefore do not associate with one who flatters with his lips. (Pro 20:19) NKJV.
“Flattering with your lips” in this context is interesting, because you’re actually revealing secrets, but doing it in a way that deceives the person that you’re talking to. So you wind up being a gossip. You may be very good at it. You may be able to cover it up, but in reality, because you revealed a secret, you’re telling something that you don’t have a right to share. That makes you guilty of gossiping.
Another characteristic of a person that gossip is that he/she stirs up strife and division among the people of God. There’s an example of this in 1Corinthians Chapter 1, verse 10 and following, about a division in the church in Corinth. It says “contentions” had been reported by those of Chloe’s household. Somebody had spread a rumour and caused division in the body of Christ. That happens so often.
Many believe that that’s what Paul is referring to in Philippians, chapter 4, when he said “I implore Euodia and I implore Syntyche to be of the same mind of the Lord.” Some believe that they were spreading rumours, or it could be that they were just upset with one another and talking against one another to others. Paul said to stop it because they were causing division among the members of the body of Christ.
Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins. (Pro 10:12) KJV.
It’s hatred in our hearts that stir up strife. Love covers all sins. One of the hardest things that a Christian must bear is when he learns about another fellow Christian that has fallen. That’s very hard, and even when it‘s the truth and it has been handled properly, it’s very hard not to bring it up again. Love covers it.
A perverse man sows strife, And a whisperer separates the best of friends. (Pro 16:28) NKJV.
Where there is no wood, the fire goes out; And where there is no talebearer, strife ceases (Pro 26:20) NKJV.
If you were attending a church seminar on church relationships and somebody asked you, “how do you stop division and strife in the church?” Proverbs tells you to find out where the gossip is, and stop it right there. If you don’t have a gossip around o, no talebearer, then it will stop.
It was interesting to me discover that when truth is communicated to you, it does not mean that you are to tell it to somebody else. It is bad enough when you hear something that is a rumour and you don’t know if it is the truth or not. But even when truth is shared with you, you aren’t automatically to tell another person what you just learned. If there is love in your heart, it might cover what the truth is, so that it can properly resolved and handle.
When an issue in the life of somebody is very serious they have fallen into sin, but then they get right with the Lord, and somebody hears the fact that they’ve fallen into sin and then says, “Did you hear that so and so fell into sin?” It spreads, but the problem was solved months ago. I’ve seen more people’s lives hurt because we don’t apply love to people. It is easier to believe that we are under divine responsibility to share that truth. No we aren’t. That not what the Bible teaches. Sometimes it’s necessary, but certainly not always.
A fourth characteristic simply that gossip is one who repeats a matter. They have no business to repeat it, it is not necessary to repeat it, they just do.
He who covers a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates friends. (Pro 17:9) NKJV.
Now in this particular case, looking at the poetry of that passage, we know that the matter under discussion is a transgression. It honourable to cover it even thought it has been a transgression against you. Some of the highest honour belongs to members of the body of Christ who have had transgression committed against them, who refuse to tell anyone else. They simply confront the one who transgressed against them and wait patiently for the Lord to solve it, and if He never does, they still will not seek revenge. That is godliness.
The desire to tell others about a transgression that has taken place is very strong. We feel we need to get it off our chests. We begin by asking the other person not to tell what we’re about to say. Hey, don’t even promise! Many times somebody will tell you something that must tell such as a crime. So, just say you will not tell anybody unless it is necessary according to the Bible to do so. If they say they won’t tell you unless you promise, so be it. However a lot of us (because we like to hear something) will “promise”. What the matter with us? If we would only become stronger in our desire to protect, stronger in our desire to defend, stronger in our desire to only those people deal with it who really need to deal with it, we would see more healing in the body of Christ that hurt. The rest of us should stay out of it.
There are people who are badly hurt, who are not even ministering any more, and are worshipping in church, but don’t want to get involved with anybody’s life. I understand that but it grieves me. We can destroy people’s lives so quickly by what we share. We need to be very careful.
A false witness shall perish, But the man who hears him will speak endlessly (Pro 21:28) NKJV.
God is going to deal with a man who is a false witness, but the one who hears the false witness “speaks endlessly”. The rumour keeps going and going, and it was all based on a false reports. It was not true, but it spread like wildfire. One writer on gossip says that “error dressed up in partial truth, spreads more rapidly than the truth itself.” I think that is true.
The fifth characteristic of a person who gossip is that they doo evil to their friend.
He who does not backbite with his tongue, nor does evil to his neighbor, Nor does he take up a reproach against his friend; (Psa 15:3)
It’s a commendation to a godly man who doesn’t do that. There was see the characteristic of a gossip-they do evil to the person who obviously is their friend. They spread the rumour, they tell the matter without any authority to do so, or any accountability involved. That is terrible thing to do to your friend.
The last characteristic of a gossip is that he likes to hear it. Here where we need to deal with ourselves. We like to hear gossip. The more influential that person is to you the more likely you will spread a rumour. Maybe that will help us decide why we’re doing what we’re doing. There is something in us that needs to dealt with.
The words of a talebearer are like tasty trifles, And they go down into the inmost body (Pro 18:8) NKJV.
It’s hard to accept the fact they we enjoy hearing about or telling about things that are none of our business. The Bible is true, and what we say is not always true. We need to confront ourselves with this.
The words of a talebearer are like tasty trifles, And they go down into the inmost body (Pro 26:22) NKJV.
When a Proverbs is repeated exactly (cf. 18:8 and 26:22 above), it is done for emphasis. It is crucial. When you say something about someone even when it is not true, the untruth goes down into you. The rumour gets into you, and the rumour affects your relationship with that person. Even CY to believe the rumour rather than truth.
LORD, who shall abide in thy tabernacle? who shall dwell in thy holy hill?
He that walketh uprightly, and worketh righteousness, and speaketh the truth in his heart. He that backbiteth not with his tongue, nor doeth evil to his neighbour, nor taketh up a reproach against his neighbour.
In whose eyes a vile person is contemned; but he honoureth them that fear the LORD. He that sweareth to his own hurt, and changeth not. He that putteth not out his money to usury, nor taketh reward against the innocent. He that doeth these things shall never be moved. (Psalm 15) KJV
It is interesting to note the things that are concluded in this passage about what kind of people walk with the Lord. It mentions gossip, and backbiting, and “taking up a reproach against a friend”. This literally means somebody put your friend down and you accepted what they said and did not defend your friend. You did not challenge and confront what was said. There are a lot of interesting things in this psalm.
One week, I decided to count up the rumours and gossip I heard that could have hurt some people. There were five incidents. In each one of them the people involve believed that what they were saying was the truth, and each case it was not the truth. I have discovered that it is a lot easier to repeat that which is not true than to find out what is true. I have found out that something about us wants to hear the failure, the trouble the suffering and heartache of other people without ever investigating it whether it is the truth or not. It is a terrible thing in the Christian world. Sometimes it is prefaced with these unique, spiritual-sounding words-I want you to Pray about something”. Doesn’t that make it sweet! But you had not right to share it. Once you find out What the Bible say, you’ll see how many times, we have no right to do that, and we should be defending and protecting each other a lot more than we are.
The Characteristics of Person Who Gossips
How do you spot a gossip? How do you recognize it in your own heart? There are six basics that I would draw to you attention from the book of Proverbs.
He that hideth hatred with lying lips, and he that uttereth a slander, is a fool. (Pro 10:18) KJV
Isn’t that an interesting thing? You didn’t necessarily tell a lie, but you had hated in your heart and covered it up. God say you’ve got lying lips. That’s what we call a parallelism in the poetic usage in Proverbs-the second statement is like the first, so spreading slander is the same thing as hating hatred.
“What I’m saying in strict confidence, something we can pray about,” and similar statements shows a symptom of a problem of gossip. We wouldn’t even do that unless we had the problem. So we set it all up and then before we know what is happening, slander is being spread. God says the root is that there is hatred in your heart, otherwise you wouldn’t do that. If you loved them you would cover the situation completely. That’s hard to face because you don’t want to say it, “I hate this guy so I’m just trying to inform you, so you can be more intelligent in your prayer life.” Really? The Bible says “Whoever spreads slander is a fool.”
Whenever anything puts down a bother or a sister in the Lord, immediately check it, no matter who it is. If the information makes somebody who is a believer in the Lord look bad, check it immediately. Then ask the person reporting the situation if they been to that person to try to help. That one way to deal with it.
A second characteristic of a gossip is that he /she reveals secrets.
A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter. (Pro 11:13) KJV.
You and I both know that this is a very important point in counselling and in the legal profession, where we are not to betray confidences. This is a poet device by contrast, not parallelism. The contrast is between the one who conceals what he knows and one who reveals what he knows. One of the surest characteristics of a gossip, or a slandering spirit is when you immediately reveal things. You want to tell somebody instead of protecting it.
He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets; Therefore do not associate with one who flatters with his lips. (Pro 20:19) NKJV.
“Flattering with your lips” in this context is interesting, because you’re actually revealing secrets, but doing it in a way that deceives the person that you’re talking to. So you wind up being a gossip. You may be very good at it. You may be able to cover it up, but in reality, because you revealed a secret, you’re telling something that you don’t have a right to share. That makes you guilty of gossiping.
Another characteristic of a person that gossip is that he/she stirs up strife and division among the people of God. There’s an example of this in 1Corinthians Chapter 1, verse 10 and following, about a division in the church in Corinth. It says “contentions” had been reported by those of Chloe’s household. Somebody had spread a rumour and caused division in the body of Christ. That happens so often.
Many believe that that’s what Paul is referring to in Philippians, chapter 4, when he said “I implore Euodia and I implore Syntyche to be of the same mind of the Lord.” Some believe that they were spreading rumours, or it could be that they were just upset with one another and talking against one another to others. Paul said to stop it because they were causing division among the members of the body of Christ.
Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins. (Pro 10:12) KJV.
It’s hatred in our hearts that stir up strife. Love covers all sins. One of the hardest things that a Christian must bear is when he learns about another fellow Christian that has fallen. That’s very hard, and even when it‘s the truth and it has been handled properly, it’s very hard not to bring it up again. Love covers it.
A perverse man sows strife, And a whisperer separates the best of friends. (Pro 16:28) NKJV.
Where there is no wood, the fire goes out; And where there is no talebearer, strife ceases (Pro 26:20) NKJV.
If you were attending a church seminar on church relationships and somebody asked you, “how do you stop division and strife in the church?” Proverbs tells you to find out where the gossip is, and stop it right there. If you don’t have a gossip around o, no talebearer, then it will stop.
It was interesting to me discover that when truth is communicated to you, it does not mean that you are to tell it to somebody else. It is bad enough when you hear something that is a rumour and you don’t know if it is the truth or not. But even when truth is shared with you, you aren’t automatically to tell another person what you just learned. If there is love in your heart, it might cover what the truth is, so that it can properly resolved and handle.
When an issue in the life of somebody is very serious they have fallen into sin, but then they get right with the Lord, and somebody hears the fact that they’ve fallen into sin and then says, “Did you hear that so and so fell into sin?” It spreads, but the problem was solved months ago. I’ve seen more people’s lives hurt because we don’t apply love to people. It is easier to believe that we are under divine responsibility to share that truth. No we aren’t. That not what the Bible teaches. Sometimes it’s necessary, but certainly not always.
A fourth characteristic simply that gossip is one who repeats a matter. They have no business to repeat it, it is not necessary to repeat it, they just do.
He who covers a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates friends. (Pro 17:9) NKJV.
Now in this particular case, looking at the poetry of that passage, we know that the matter under discussion is a transgression. It honourable to cover it even thought it has been a transgression against you. Some of the highest honour belongs to members of the body of Christ who have had transgression committed against them, who refuse to tell anyone else. They simply confront the one who transgressed against them and wait patiently for the Lord to solve it, and if He never does, they still will not seek revenge. That is godliness.
The desire to tell others about a transgression that has taken place is very strong. We feel we need to get it off our chests. We begin by asking the other person not to tell what we’re about to say. Hey, don’t even promise! Many times somebody will tell you something that must tell such as a crime. So, just say you will not tell anybody unless it is necessary according to the Bible to do so. If they say they won’t tell you unless you promise, so be it. However a lot of us (because we like to hear something) will “promise”. What the matter with us? If we would only become stronger in our desire to protect, stronger in our desire to defend, stronger in our desire to only those people deal with it who really need to deal with it, we would see more healing in the body of Christ that hurt. The rest of us should stay out of it.
There are people who are badly hurt, who are not even ministering any more, and are worshipping in church, but don’t want to get involved with anybody’s life. I understand that but it grieves me. We can destroy people’s lives so quickly by what we share. We need to be very careful.
A false witness shall perish, But the man who hears him will speak endlessly (Pro 21:28) NKJV.
God is going to deal with a man who is a false witness, but the one who hears the false witness “speaks endlessly”. The rumour keeps going and going, and it was all based on a false reports. It was not true, but it spread like wildfire. One writer on gossip says that “error dressed up in partial truth, spreads more rapidly than the truth itself.” I think that is true.
The fifth characteristic of a person who gossip is that they doo evil to their friend.
He who does not backbite with his tongue, nor does evil to his neighbor, Nor does he take up a reproach against his friend; (Psa 15:3)
It’s a commendation to a godly man who doesn’t do that. There was see the characteristic of a gossip-they do evil to the person who obviously is their friend. They spread the rumour, they tell the matter without any authority to do so, or any accountability involved. That is terrible thing to do to your friend.
The last characteristic of a gossip is that he likes to hear it. Here where we need to deal with ourselves. We like to hear gossip. The more influential that person is to you the more likely you will spread a rumour. Maybe that will help us decide why we’re doing what we’re doing. There is something in us that needs to dealt with.
The words of a talebearer are like tasty trifles, And they go down into the inmost body (Pro 18:8) NKJV.
It’s hard to accept the fact they we enjoy hearing about or telling about things that are none of our business. The Bible is true, and what we say is not always true. We need to confront ourselves with this.
The words of a talebearer are like tasty trifles, And they go down into the inmost body (Pro 26:22) NKJV.
When a Proverbs is repeated exactly (cf. 18:8 and 26:22 above), it is done for emphasis. It is crucial. When you say something about someone even when it is not true, the untruth goes down into you. The rumour gets into you, and the rumour affects your relationship with that person. Even CY to believe the rumour rather than truth.
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