My Mother & the 5th Commandment

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Jan 9, 2009
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#1
I think I posted this in the wrong forum earlier, so here it is in here. I hope this is the right place for it.
:confused:
I was talking with my mother the other day about her growing up years. She told me that her mother & grandmother were extremely abusive people. Her mother, my grandmother, when she was alive was very decietful and manulipitive.

After listening to mom for a while, I just had to ask her something I realized upset her a lot!
What I asked her was; how could a person keep the 5th commandment in a situation like that.
With loving and caring parents; honoring you father & mother is easy. But with a mother who never once told her that she loves her, told her that she was ugly, evil, had the devil in her; how is it possible to keep the Lord's 5th commandment to honor thy father & thy mother?

I hope someone can answer this as I can only advise mom to forgive them.
BTW: Mom turned 79 last Jan. She was raised catholic. I think that might have a lot to do with it as the Catholic Church has made LOTS of changes since then.
Thanks and Bless you all
 
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1still_waters

Guest
#2
Maybe the way she can honor them is by becoming the exact opposite of what they were, and become a loving person?

I think this is more about honoring the God who gave the commandment, than on actually honoring father and mother.

So instead of worrying about lifting the parents up by honoring them, folks need to worry about the God they lift up by obeying that commandment.
 
F

Forgiven83

Guest
#3
I have often wondered this also, as my father was an alcoholic and there was a lot of domestic violence in our home, and I no longer have a relationship with him based on the fact that we have attempted this and it was no healthy for me to have contact with him and until God prompts me to do so I wont either.

But the way I honor him is that I don't speak ill of him, I don't gossip about him despite the fact that my mother does (my mother hasnt quite gotten over her bitterness I dont think) I speak to others about the good things he did teach me, and I have forgiven him. It's all about the attitude I carry about him to others rather than attempting to have a relationship with him that would ultimately destroy me.

We all have the choice on how to react to the way others treat us, and by doing so with love and by refusing to fall into bitterness, we honor them, ourselves and the God who has taught us to live a better life than the world would have us live. I hope that makes sense!
 
Mar 11, 2009
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#4
I think I posted this in the wrong forum earlier, so here it is in here. I hope this is the right place for it.
:confused:
I was talking with my mother the other day about her growing up years. She told me that her mother & grandmother were extremely abusive people. Her mother, my grandmother, when she was alive was very decietful and manulipitive.

After listening to mom for a while, I just had to ask her something I realized upset her a lot!
What I asked her was; how could a person keep the 5th commandment in a situation like that.
With loving and caring parents; honoring you father & mother is easy. But with a mother who never once told her that she loves her, told her that she was ugly, evil, had the devil in her; how is it possible to keep the Lord's 5th commandment to honor thy father & thy mother?

I hope someone can answer this as I can only advise mom to forgive them.
BTW: Mom turned 79 last Jan. She was raised catholic. I think that might have a lot to do with it as the Catholic Church has made LOTS of changes since then.
Thanks and Bless you all
Peace be to you
math12
While he yet talked to the people, behold, his mother and his brethren stood without, desiring to speak with him.Then one said unto him,

Behold, thy mother and thy brethren stand without, desiring to speak with thee.But he answered and said unto him that told him, Who is my mother? and who are my brethren?And he stretched forth his hand toward his disciples, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren!For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother.

gal 4
But Jerusalem which is above is free, which is the mother of us all.

math19
And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life.

Rebuke not an elder, but intreat him as a father; and the younger men as brethren;The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity.


math 4
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.
eph6;
Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise;

Try and remeber Jesus rarly spoke of earthy things
Love a friend in God
 
Jan 31, 2009
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#5
Ex 20:12Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

I heard a good message preached on this on time from a friend of mind. Honour can mean that you do the right things as instead, your father has pride in you as his child or we bring pride to our parents , can be said that we have brought honour to the family, we give our family name honour, so honour thy father and mother , can mean , even though we are brought up the wrong way abused neglected that we do the right things, that we break that family trait. and do good things in life and before God. That bwe can still bring honour to our patents and family by being good no matter how mistreated we are , even some of Jesus family, didn't believe in Him until after He was Gone but He brought honour to His family by the way He treated people that Abused Him, Father Forgive them , for they know not what they do.

Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913 + 1828)

ARTFL > Webster's Dictionary > Searching for honor:
Displaying 2 result(s) from the 1913 edition: Honor (Page: 703)
Hon"or (?), n. [OE. honor, honour, onour, onur, OF. honor, onor, honur, onur, honour, onour, F. honneur, fr. L. honor, honos.] [Written also honour.]
1. Esteem due or paid to worth; high estimation; respect; consideration; reverence; veneration; manifestation of respect or reverence.
A prophet is not without honor, save in his own country. Matt. xiii. 57.</I>
2. That which rightfully attracts esteem, respect, or consideration; self-respect; dignity; courage; fidelity; especially, excellence of character; high moral worth; virtue; nobleness; specif., in men, integrity; uprightness; trustworthness; in women, purity; chastity.
If she have forgot Honor and virtue. Shak.</I>
Godlike erect, with native honor clad. Milton.</I>
3. A nice sense of what is right, just, and true, with course of life correspondent thereto; strict conformity to the duty imposed by conscience, position, or privilege.
 

BLC

Banned
Feb 28, 2009
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#6
Honoring our father and mother is always before God and before them while they are still living. We honor them until the day we leave this life that we have been given. We honor by loving them unconditionally and being concerned for their welfare in all things. We honor them by being thankful that God used them to bring us into the world. We honor and esteem every good thing that they contributed to our life, even if it is only one thing. The things that represented death we leave as dead and never resurrect them with our conversation, because there is no honor in that.

My mother was very bitter toward her mother and was very hurt by her mother's rejection. We had to encourage her to go see her mother knowing that she might be ignored or ridiculed. Things never changed and she remained the same but by visiting her and never being negative was honoring her. She passed away as a bitter woman but she was honored by her daughter. Jealousy is cruel as the grave, especially between a mother and a daughter. I know it seems strange to some but it does exist as it does between siblings.
 
Feb 27, 2007
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#7
Honoring our father and mother is always before God and before them while they are still living. We honor them until the day we leave this life that we have been given. We honor by loving them unconditionally and being concerned for their welfare in all things. We honor them by being thankful that God used them to bring us into the world. We honor and esteem every good thing that they contributed to our life, even if it is only one thing. The things that represented death we leave as dead and never resurrect them with our conversation, because there is no honor in that.

My mother was very bitter toward her mother and was very hurt by her mother's rejection. We had to encourage her to go see her mother knowing that she might be ignored or ridiculed. Things never changed and she remained the same but by visiting her and never being negative was honoring her. She passed away as a bitter woman but she was honored by her daughter. Jealousy is cruel as the grave, especially between a mother and a daughter. I know it seems strange to some but it does exist as it does between siblings.
Well spoken BLC! my mother in law has decided to hate me, to throw mean comments at me about my weight (I struggle with this as my mother was obese but i am definitely NOT obese or overweight) but still she does this. I came to the understanding that she is just jealous and a very shallow person who outward means everything to. I pray she will truly receive the Lord. I honour her by praying for the strength to not get drawn into controversy with her. (she loves it when she pokes me for days then i blow because then she has ammo then to speak ill of me) and I just hate who i become. So, i've learned, to not allow her to draw me into foolish controversy, with Gods strength I am oblivious to the subtle jabs at my charactor and I go visit her a couple times a year. She is the mother of my husband and the grandmother of my children. I must say though, forgiven, I havent stopped saying bad things about her and in this i am ashamed. (i speak ill of her with my husband) It was absolutely amazing though, cause when I prayed for the Lord to help me in this area, i spent 3 days being attacked, the rest of the family noticed it but it didn't effect me one bit. In fact, i was surprised when we got into the car to leave and my husband said we will "never" stay with her again. I was shocked! because i wasnt reacting she pressed on in front of others (instead of cornering me in the kitchen or the bedroom which is her usual MO) and by being sheltered by the Holy Spirit I continued a wonderful visit in LOVE . So I guess my point is we can honour our Mothers & Fathers through the Lord who strengthens us!! I praise the Lord for this because it is definitely contrary to my personality, so the glory goes to HIM!! I have been dealing with this woman for 19 years, my husband for 42 years and I dont anticipating her changing except by the Holy Spirit so I keep praying.
 
T

thefightinglamb

Guest
#8
Yeah this is a really hard issue...
Like another post, my mother continually slanders both my father and my brother's father...and it is kind of hard to stand up and say I don't care if he was this that and the other; as he is my physical father I love and honor him...

But it is equally true about parents who are really 'worthy of hate'...meaning they are really evil people that hate God and slander Christ's name all the time...

I am reminded of how Stephanie, the wife of Nick, once said it is as Paul said in the letters...it is not honoring people when they are worthy of honor that attains to the excellence of Christ...but when they are the most dishonorable and appear the lest worthy of respect, that that honor and respect and love is what is counted as profound in the New Testament...

I really think what someone has posted Jesus saying is true...it is not the physical who are the most truly to be regarded as our 'parents' but Christians who we are to consider our true brothers, sisters, and mothers...

God bless
tony
 
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NoahsMom

Guest
#9
I kinda think this is similar to praying for ppl who hate you, use you, speak ill of you, just downright dont like you nor ever will, if we genuinely pray for them, forgive and love them, God will show up and show out.
 
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faith79

Guest
#10
Hi, I'm new to this forum and reading some of these posts. I just wanted to quickly say that you took the words right out of my mouth on this one. God bless. (sorry - I meant this as a response to BLC's post. whoops.)
 
B

Braveheart47

Guest
#11
I would just like to add something to this, not sure where you all think it fits in but let me tell you the story.

I have a friend who's parents committed hanous crimes against thier own children and others. And are still doing it not only to those outside the family but those in the family as well. He has tried to protect those within his family to the best of his ability, but they are still being harmed. He can't keep a constant vigal on finding out where his parents are and who they are hurting, but when he can he contacts those in harms way to let them know they are in danger.

I can see what someone mentioned above about honoring them by being something other than what they were, but that doesnt' make sense becasue that is really honoring God, not his parents. And its not about non forgiveness , because he has let most of that go, he is just living his life and when the issue arises, he deals with it.

So I guess I still think nothing is black and white. God understands this guys position, and knows there is nothing to honor. God even hates what they are doing. And Sometimes I think God has let them go to their evil ways. They always have the option to come to christ, but As it is mentioned in the new testement, God does let people go into thier sin if they are stubborn. These people are in their 70s and are still out there destroying peoples lives. I don't nkow how that could be honored.
 
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NoahsMom

Guest
#12
You said a key word tho...forgiveness. I could be wrong, but that is showing honour, in way.
 
Jan 9, 2009
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#13
Thank you all for your answers. After praying about it I also got the same answer this morning when I woke up. I shall pass it on to my mother that the best thing to do is to forgive herself, her mother and grandmother. Even though Mom's mother and grandmother passed away years ago; and my Grandmother deeply scarred Mom emotionally with her treatement of people, forgiving is the best way to heal herself AND obey the Lord's commandments.

Bless you all
 
C

cornerstone

Guest
#14
Abigail lived with a verbally abusive husband but she remained joyful, happy, in touch with the Lord. The circumstances that you find yourself in do not need to dictate your response. Despite a horrid situation, your mom can forgive the wrong, not that it was ever justified, but just like Christ forgave us when we hated him, your mother can forgive. The Lord forgives us as we forgive others. Forgiveness is conditional. Read about Abigail and Nabal. Forgive the evil, let go of the emotions of it, and move forward.
 

pickles

Senior Member
Apr 20, 2009
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#15
I questioned this myself, except for me it was my father. He was abusive. In prayer and by reading the word I came to see that honoring your parents is many things but mostly not giving them reason to shame. I saw that by living a christian life and doing good did honor them. Since I had my children I saw this even more. I forgave my father but could not have him in my life as he still lived his abuce. But I know that by living as I do I still fullfilled this comandment. God bless, pickles
 
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broken

Guest
#16
I had an abuse father. I don't know where I stand on the commandment issue. I do not let him into mylife for two reasons. 1) I have to protect my children from him. 2) if he ever pulled any thing on mychildren I would prbably become guilty of murder.

His grace is sufficient.

100% opinion - I don't think God will condemn me for dishonoring my father in order to protect my family from him.
 
K

Kyra

Guest
#17
But the way I honor him is that I don't speak ill of him, I don't gossip about him despite the fact that my mother does (my mother hasnt quite gotten over her bitterness I dont think) I speak to others about the good things he did teach me, and I have forgiven him. It's all about the attitude I carry about him to others rather than attempting to have a relationship with him that would ultimately destroy me.

We all have the choice on how to react to the way others treat us, and by doing so with love and by refusing to fall into bitterness, we honor them, ourselves and the God who has taught us to live a better life than the world would have us live. I hope that makes sense![/quote]


Excellent. This is completely right.
 
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