PLEASE HELP ME :(

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M

MarriedWoman

Guest
#1
Hello. I have something which is eating away at me and I need christian advice as to what to do. I have had a rocky start into life. My mother and farther broke up when I was very young and I was moved from pillar to post for many years. I have lived in several different places, moved to several different schools, my dad was in and out of my life, I was bullied in school, my mum suffered from mental health and shouted a lot and gave me little freedom, she also married an abusive alcoholic for many years and as a result I rebelled at around 13 and craved attention. I had always had faith however at that age I didn't understand faith very well. As I got to around 14 I became sort of popular in my school instead of getting bullied for once and I became naughty in school, went out with boys twice my age , drank alcohol, took some drugs, runaway from home etc. I also craved attention and sometimes made cruel accusations about men for attention which I am so ashamed of (no one ever got hurt just upset). I also began feeling attraction for the same sex and had some sexual encounters with them which I'm also ashamed of. One day I ran away from home at the age of 15 and met a man. He was amazing in so many ways but I was still in a dark place. I really liked him. We moved in together within two weeks and during this time I slept with other people through a lot of drink and drugs. Nothing passionate. Any make attention seemed amazing at the time. I never told him about this as I was beginning to fall in love with him. After about two months I realised that this man was actually in it for the long haul and wanted me even though my life was messed up. I felt wanted for once and not just for sexual reasons. I began to get my faith back slowly and started praying everyday. However, after some time my partner started drinking a lot and on several occasions came back home from work drunk and verbally abused me and one time physically (he pushed some drawers at me). We realised he was beginning to get a drink problem and we sorted it. I became pregnant (which was sort of planned after our lives were better than ever). The pregnancy was great and we had my daughter. Unfortunately, a week after having my daughter I got Postnatal Depression ( I had had depression as a teenager too). I started drinking every night to 'block' it. We regularly went on nights out (whilst my mum looked after my daughter) and I would drink myself stupid. One certain night my partner had upset me as he ignored me a lot of the night, I was terribly drunk and some man (who had a girlfriend) began flirting with me. I kissed him and instantly felt awful. I regretted it so much and still do now. It hurts to even mention it. Eventually I received a mental health nurse who began to work with me to solve my depression. After a year and a few months I was in remission. My life felt suddenly bright. I felt comftable. Me and my partner began to see each other in a truly lovely way. I could finally look after my daughter in a way I never imagined possible. Basically it was/is the best time of my life. Me and my partner married and again my religion came back strong. I have started going to church, reading the bible every day, praying everyday, it's amazing. Sometimes I'll be singing in church and I can feel an overwhelming presence around me. A feeling if utter divine. It's amazing. I love God and Jesus so much I truly do. I have asked for forgiveness for all of my sins and wrong doings. I now only have an alcoholic drinks once in a blue moon and it's one or two glasses now rather than several. Me and my daughter have a unbreakable bond and me and my partner are better than ever. I finally feel like I mean something. My problem is though, if I'm to be honest, I really don't want to tell my husband about the times I cheated when we had first got together and that one kiss whilst I was drunk and battling depression because I love him so so much and I don't want to loose him but I don't know whether God would want me to tell him. My heart literally aches whilst I wonder this. I am finally where I want to be, I have my own stable loving family, a home and a beautiful view of my life to come. Does he need to know this? Was it adultery as we were not married when it occurred and nearly all of it was in the very beginning when I didn't know if we would last? I thought it was just another passing romance, I hoped it would last but wasn't convinced it was. I am nearly 19 now and discovered God fully and need to know what I should do? I also found out that I had had a demon around me and my mum for many years due to my dad playing with an ouuja board when he was younger. It had now gone due to my minister performing a blessing. Could this have had anything to do with the way I was? Please help..... God bless you.
 
D

danschance

Guest
#2
Hello. I have something which is eating away at me and I need christian advice as to what to do. I have had a rocky start into life. My mother and farther broke up when I was very young and I was moved from pillar to post for many years. I have lived in several different places, moved to several different schools, my dad was in and out of my life, I was bullied in school, my mum suffered from mental health and shouted a lot and gave me little freedom, she also married an abusive alcoholic for many years and as a result I rebelled at around 13 and craved attention. I had always had faith however at that age I didn't understand faith very well. As I got to around 14 I became sort of popular in my school instead of getting bullied for once and I became naughty in school, went out with boys twice my age , drank alcohol, took some drugs, runaway from home etc. I also craved attention and sometimes made cruel accusations about men for attention which I am so ashamed of (no one ever got hurt just upset). I also began feeling attraction for the same sex and had some sexual encounters with them which I'm also ashamed of. One day I ran away from home at the age of 15 and met a man. He was amazing in so many ways but I was still in a dark place. I really liked him. We moved in together within two weeks and during this time I slept with other people through a lot of drink and drugs. Nothing passionate. Any make attention seemed amazing at the time. I never told him about this as I was beginning to fall in love with him. After about two months I realised that this man was actually in it for the long haul and wanted me even though my life was messed up. I felt wanted for once and not just for sexual reasons. I began to get my faith back slowly and started praying everyday. However, after some time my partner started drinking a lot and on several occasions came back home from work drunk and verbally abused me and one time physically (he pushed some drawers at me). We realised he was beginning to get a drink problem and we sorted it. I became pregnant (which was sort of planned after our lives were better than ever). The pregnancy was great and we had my daughter. Unfortunately, a week after having my daughter I got Postnatal Depression ( I had had depression as a teenager too). I started drinking every night to 'block' it. We regularly went on nights out (whilst my mum looked after my daughter) and I would drink myself stupid. One certain night my partner had upset me as he ignored me a lot of the night, I was terribly drunk and some man (who had a girlfriend) began flirting with me. I kissed him and instantly felt awful. I regretted it so much and still do now. It hurts to even mention it. Eventually I received a mental health nurse who began to work with me to solve my depression. After a year and a few months I was in remission. My life felt suddenly bright. I felt comftable. Me and my partner began to see each other in a truly lovely way. I could finally look after my daughter in a way I never imagined possible. Basically it was/is the best time of my life. Me and my partner married and again my religion came back strong. I have started going to church, reading the bible every day, praying everyday, it's amazing. Sometimes I'll be singing in church and I can feel an overwhelming presence around me. A feeling if utter divine. It's amazing. I love God and Jesus so much I truly do. I have asked for forgiveness for all of my sins and wrong doings. I now only have an alcoholic drinks once in a blue moon and it's one or two glasses now rather than several. Me and my daughter have a unbreakable bond and me and my partner are better than ever. I finally feel like I mean something. My problem is though, if I'm to be honest, I really don't want to tell my husband about the times I cheated when we had first got together and that one kiss whilst I was drunk and battling depression because I love him so so much and I don't want to loose him but I don't know whether God would want me to tell him. My heart literally aches whilst I wonder this. I am finally where I want to be, I have my own stable loving family, a home and a beautiful view of my life to come. Does he need to know this? Was it adultery as we were not married when it occurred and nearly all of it was in the very beginning when I didn't know if we would last? I thought it was just another passing romance, I hoped it would last but wasn't convinced it was. I am nearly 19 now and discovered God fully and need to know what I should do? I also found out that I had had a demon around me and my mum for many years due to my dad playing with an ouuja board when he was younger. It had now gone due to my minister performing a blessing. Could this have had anything to do with the way I was? Please help..... God bless you.

I don't think your husband needs to know about your past indiscretions because you have corrected that situation. If it was on going, then yes, tell him everything. Telling him might break up the relationship. As a man, I know how it feels to find out your wife had an affair. It caused me to instantly not want her sexually and this is a common way men react to that type of news. Sure God can heal a bad marriage and the pain of infidelity, but right now the problem is solved and I doubt you will repeat it.

Pray about it and see what God wants you to do. I would ask His forgiveness for it all and then accept that forgiveness. You seem to feel guilty but after repentance, there is no condemnation to them who are in Christ Jesus. Accept that you are forgiven and washed clean of all sin by His cleansing blood. Don't allow the accuser to accuse you once you are forgiven.

As far as the ouija board that your father toyed with, it may be a symptom of what the enemy has done in your life. satan sure did a number on me but God is putting all of those peices back together. You might wish to buy a good book called "Bondage Breaker" by Dr. Niel Anderson, it might be a good first start for you.

Here is a quick test to see what need a person may have for deliverance.

Add one point for each item below you have experienced. Than add the points up and see what need you may have for deliverance.

1) Abusive childhood or a traumatic experience up to age 15. (May have some amnesia of this trauma)

2) Issues with depression or anxiety

3) Suicidal thoughts or Suicidal tendencies

4) Self harm (cutting, burning, hair pulling, hitting or biting ones self.)

5) Victim of sexual abuse.

6) Previously seen a ghost or spirit or felt the presence of one.

7) Possess spiritual abilities. (psychic, telekinetic, communicating with spirits, sensing spirits, etc)

8) Frequent Nightmares or frequent night terrors

9) Sudden shift in emotions (explosive anger that comes out of no where, tears for no reason, separate personality, etc)

10) Occult or paranormal proclivities. Fascinated with ghosts, psychics, UFOs, Ouija board, vampires etc.


Pts ____Risk
0-2 …Low risk
3-4….Moderate risk
5-10…High risk
 
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M

MarriedWoman

Guest
#3
I don't think your husband needs to know about your past indiscretions because you have corrected that situation. If it was on going, then yes, tell him everything. Telling him might break up the relationship. As a man, I know how it feels to find out your wife had an affair. It caused me to instantly not want her sexually and this is a common way men react to that type of news. Sure God can heal a bad marriage and the pain of infidelity, but right now the problem is solved and I doubt you will repeat it.

Pray about it and see what God wants you to do. I would ask His forgiveness for it all and then accept that forgiveness. You seem to feel guilty but after repentance, there is no condemnation to them who are in Christ Jesus. Accept that you are forgiven and washed clean of all sin by His cleansing blood. Don't allow the accuser to accuse you once you are forgiven.

As far as the ouija board that your father toyed with, it may be a symptom of what the enemy has done in your life. satan sure did a number on me but God is putting all of those peices back together. You might wish to buy a good book called "Bondage Breaker" by Dr. Niel Anderson, it might be a good first start for you.

Here is a quick test to see what need a person may have for deliverance.
Thank you so much. It means so much to me that you have took the time to read this as it's very long. Your right, I'm out of that dark place and I will NEVER do it again. I didn't feel wanted back then and I do know and I've finally found my faith. I have asked for forgiveness and I will accept it, I truly hope god has forgiven me. As I said, when I did sleep with these people it was in the first two months or so, the majority in the first few weeks but I know it's still not okay and I just joke now that I can put it in the past. I'm sorry that this happened to you. Again, thank you so much, I'm finally in a better place. God Bless
 

jogoldie

Senior Member
Mar 20, 2014
1,616
48
48
#4
Living a lie is impossible....God never would say it was ok to lie.... even under best intentions.....you have come so far to
get to God ....why not get this last thing out there......if your husband is a christian man .....I think he will forgive.....
If you wait and he finds out from others .....he might not be so forgiving....you say he loves you..... and your little family
Is thriving....remember God forgives and forgets....we as christians should too...the best thing to do is go to God
and ask him for the right words to use......this problem if not addressed will come to haunt you later down the road....
Im so glad you left that life and Came to God ...get it out there and move on with no secrets.......
You cant lose with God all wrapped up in it....stay strong......
Peace.........
 
S

Sirk

Guest
#5
Have you ever renounced your known AND unknown connections to occult spiritual practices as well as renouncing generational sin? I think it's important to do this. I have a more in depth plan for this if you are interested in me posting it.
 
D

danschance

Guest
#6
Thank you so much. It means so much to me that you have took the time to read this as it's very long. Your right, I'm out of that dark place and I will NEVER do it again. I didn't feel wanted back then and I do know and I've finally found my faith. I have asked for forgiveness and I will accept it, I truly hope god has forgiven me. As I said, when I did sleep with these people it was in the first two months or so, the majority in the first few weeks but I know it's still not okay and I just joke now that I can put it in the past. I'm sorry that this happened to you. Again, thank you so much, I'm finally in a better place. God Bless

Keep in mind what Jesus said to the woman caught in the act of adultery. Jesus asked her where are her accusers? She said they have left. Jesus responded by saying "neither do i accuse you, go and sin no more." It is a touching story but it's implications are huge. Jesus does not seek to accuse us or make us feel guilty. He forgives the sin, wipes it clean and says "Go and sin no more." but even if we sin again, He is right there faithfully forgiving us again.

So apply that to yourself. :)
 
J

J-Kay-2

Guest
#7
Thank you so much. It means so much to me that you have took the time to read this as it's very long. Your right, I'm out of that dark place and I will NEVER do it again. I didn't feel wanted back then and I do know and I've finally found my faith. I have asked for forgiveness and I will accept it, I truly hope god has forgiven me. As I said, when I did sleep with these people it was in the first two months or so, the majority in the first few weeks but I know it's still not okay and I just joke now that I can put it in the past. I'm sorry that this happened to you. Again, thank you so much, I'm finally in a better place. God Bless

MarriedWoman... I hope you pick this up off Dan..... I didn't want to post your entire post.
I wanted to say NO, NO, NO, you do not have to tell your husband. You only need to do what
you did... you confessed to God. The reason you still feel guilty, is because you can't forgive
yourself. Dan was right.. If you can get Neil Anderson book , that is a good start.

I know people will say you must confess to your husband, but it is something that could
do far more harm than good. Often times men have been so angry they have gone so far
as possibly harm the other person. Unless something comes up and you are asked if you
did, then yes you must be truthful. You can't lie. But if you will keep your focus on the Lord
Jesus and hang in there with believing you are forgiven, it will eventually ease up.
One thing
you said you would never do it again. I always warn, never say never. Sure as you do
you will find yourself in a situation you have to battle temptation. And another thing I
would advise, is after you have finished here on CC and feel comfortable with yourself and
the answer you have peace with, don't go to other sites and talk about it. Believe me satan
does lurk around every corner trying to pull us down to his level. Christ is your Savior, you
can grow in Him through prayer and reading Scripture. Please do that. You are young ...
I have been young at one time... I have been involved in using ouija board as your dad did,
and the door was open. But, after repenting and staying as close to Jesus as possible you
will be fine. It is important to know you will have thoughts come and all you need to do is
say "Jesus, would You go to the door of my mind ?" The enemy will leave. I don't mean
to frighten you, I just know from experience that all these subtle ways satan loves to
steal the most sincere Christian away from the Lord. You are loved, your are forgiven.
Believe in yourself and know past is over and done with. YOU ARE FORGIVEN. Don't
hurt your husband again. Let the past be just that..... and I would also say please do NOT
take one alcoholic drink again. If you do, you are opening the door up that will take
you back again. God bless you and know Christ is coming back soon to take us up
to be with HIM.. You want to be clean and ready to go.... By the Blood of Jesus you
are a new Creation. His child.. His daughter... The Lord bless and keep you forever ~
 
J

J-Kay-2

Guest
#8
Living a lie is impossible....God never would say it was ok to lie.... even under best intentions.....you have come so far to
get to God ....why not get this last thing out there......if your husband is a christian man .....I think he will forgive.....
If you wait and he finds out from others .....he might not be so forgiving....you say he loves you..... and your little family
Is thriving....remember God forgives and forgets....we as christians should too...the best thing to do is go to God
and ask him for the right words to use......this problem if not addressed will come to haunt you later down the road....
Im so glad you left that life and Came to God ...get it out there and move on with no secrets.......
You cant lose with God all wrapped up in it....stay strong......
Peace.........

Jo, I know you mean well by telling Married Woman she should confess to her husband,
but we don't know what her husband might do. More people have been badly injured
and worse by jealous rage.

I think you are right about not telling a lie, should the topic come up. It would only
mean one lie would lead to another. So if she should be asked then yes, you are so
right.

I think you spoke wisely to her about being forgiven and you encouraged her to
stay strong. Let us keep her in prayer that she can stand firm in her walk with
Jesus, okay ? We want her to stay pure now that she is a new creation in Christ.
God bless you ... We are all family of God... Amen ?
 
J

J-Kay-2

Guest
#9
Have you ever renounced your known AND unknown connections to occult spiritual practices as well as renouncing generational sin? I think it's important to do this. I have a more in depth plan for this if you are interested in me posting it.
Sirk, I am glad you brought that up for her to be able to deal with also. I have
shared my testimony about the supernatural and paranormal I believe was
passed down from generation. It took few years of realizing many things I
thought were innocent for me to learn it went against Gods Word. I was held
captive until Jesus cleansed me and by my repenting and allowing HIM to
be Lord of my life. We used to sing a song... I'm so glad Jesus set me free.
I'm so glad Jesus set me free...... God bless you as you help her come out
of the stronghold of any occult ties.
 
D

danschance

Guest
#10

I know people will say you must confess to your husband, but it is something that could
do far more harm than good.
Amen. If you are going to tell your husband that you cheated on him after you have corrected the problem, why are you telling him? What is the goal? What good will come from it?

There is a neat story in the bible about Abigail. She was married to a man who made a very bad decision of not offering food to David and his men, even after they protected his animals from thieves. When David found out he was furious and swore that He would kill abigail's husband and all of his sons. Abigail found out what her husband had done and she quickly loaded up donkeys full of food and brought them to David. Her smart actions saved her husband and her sons from certain death.

Yet she disobeyed her husband and did this secretly. No I am not advocating we keep secrets all the time but there is a time when it is wise to do so. Telling your husband may feel right but what will the outcome be? You have brought this before the Lord, us all here and repented. In my mind, that settles the matter. Bringing it up to him will cause more harm than good. I would simply pray and ask God what should be done and not act in haste. I know others will say you should tell him but again, pray about it and ask God for His direction.
 
J

J-Kay-2

Guest
#11
James 5:16 NLT

Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and wonderful results.
 
D

danschance

Guest
#12
Think about it the other way around. If your husband had cheated on you while he was depressed and had too much to drink and it was years ago, would you want him to tell you or would you prefer to remain in the dark? With out hesitating, I would prefer to not know.

When I found out what my wife had done, I was naturally angry. Even worse, I had zero desire to touch her. I didn't even want to talk to her or be around her. Instead, I wanted marriage counseling to help repair the huge grand canyon that now existed between me and my wife.
 
Feb 16, 2011
2,957
24
0
#13
He will be happier if you don't tell him. You are not that person anymore and punishing yourself is not going to help. You are forgiven. It is at the cross of Christ; don't take it back from Jesus.
 
M

MarriedWoman

Guest
#14
I'd just like to say thank you all for your wonderful and informative opinions. I was very young, niave and lost back then. I am now older, wiser, in love and most of all I have found God and that truly is amazing. I have prayed for forgiveness and accepted that forgiveness now. I have felt guilty for a long time but I see my marriage as a fresh start. Thank you too all of you for taking the time to read my post, I feel I was guided to get the answers I needed. You all brought a tear to my eye. God Bless you all and I am now going to pray to give thanks for your patience and answers.
 
D

danalee

Guest
#15
Have you ever renounced your known AND unknown connections to occult spiritual practices as well as renouncing generational sin? I think it's important to do this. I have a more in depth plan for this if you are interested in me posting it.
Please email me with that. I'm interested. Thank you.
 
Jun 30, 2011
2,521
35
0
#16
Satan has no right to condemn the believer, unless they have unconfessed sin

unconfessed sin, unrepented, unchanged gives satan a foothold - and his attacks do not have to leave unless your willing to do the hard work of repentance and cleansing.

If you do not take thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ - they will never be rooted out.
 
J

J-Kay-2

Guest
#17
Satan has no right to condemn the believer, unless they have unconfessed sin

unconfessed sin, unrepented, unchanged gives satan a foothold - and his attacks do not have to leave unless your willing to do the hard work of repentance and cleansing.

If you do not take thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ - they will never be rooted out.

This is confusing. If you feel a person has all the UN_________'S, you listed it
seems like there would never be forgiveness for anything we have done. We are
repentant, and when we are repentant it is under the Blood of Jesus. When you
say satan only chooses people who are unrepentant, there would be no need for
this discussion.
Are you saying you are sinless and you are never tempted?
 

Bookends

Senior Member
Aug 28, 2012
4,225
99
48
#18
We need to confess our sins to those who the sin offended. Of coarse God is offended with all our sin and we should confess to Him. But if we sinned against another, we should also confess it to them and ask for forgiveness.

The question now becomes did you offend your then boyfriend who is now your husband in marriage by this act of fornication? Were you engaged at the time? Turn it around, what if your then boyfriend cheated on you, would you have been offended?
 
Jan 6, 2012
1,233
10
0
#19
Marriage issues can be dicey; I'll make this short, speaking to the issue and not the OP:

I knew an older Christian minister who, when I told him that I plan to be forthright with my wife before marriage about my past (and that I believe she will be the same), strongly discouraged me from it, telling me that it's all under the Blood and will cause problems in the marriage. I responded that he was right if the relationship was between two selfish people. Furthermore, he was married and is now going thru a divorce as I write, and he lived the biggest lie I've seen in many years. I knew more about him in two months than all his friends did in 74 years, because he led a secret life that none of them ever caught on to. No one who knew him would be scary to listen to his advice to hide things from one's mate.

If both spouses are Christian, there's only one option, and it's full disclosure (led by the Spirit of course); if one is not Christian, then more wisdom must be applied. The Bible says that it is truth that sanctifies and that marriage is sacred. John lays the foundation and capstone of the matter: "If we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with each other, and the Blood of Jesus cleanses us from all sin... If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse from all unrighteousness" (1Jn. 1). Except under special circumstances (which would generally be that one spouse isn't Christian), keeping sins that affect you yourself (not to speak of your spouse) from your spouse will be dark places in your life that satan will waste no time exploiting; and God will give him the right of way to exploit it. And he will exploit them. (A major cause behind so many divorces and marital strife/unfaithfulness/suspicion issues will be all the secrets mates hide from each other.)

"If we walk in the same place (truth, the light) that HE walks in, then we have fellowship", and "How can two walk together unless they are in agreement" (Mic. 3). When one spouse has a secret or such that the other doesn't have and keeps it in the dark, they can't walk in agreement because they are not walking in the same place; furthermore, if someone is afraid to reveal something to their spouse, why live a fantasy that he/she is loved (as he/she is) since it's fear that prevents him/her from disclosure. We know that "there is no fear in love".

There's so much more to be said about this type of matter, but again, it would require a book. Compromise and reconciliation are not the same thing; many marriages get along through the former, but the latter cements marriages together in love (without fear).
 
Jun 30, 2011
2,521
35
0
#20
This is confusing. If you feel a person has all the UN_________'S, you listed it
seems like there would never be forgiveness for anything we have done. We are
repentant, and when we are repentant it is under the Blood of Jesus. When you
say satan only chooses people who are unrepentant, there would be no need for
this discussion.
Are you saying you are sinless and you are never tempted?
nope , but we can be blameless - we can have a right relationship with God, we have alien righteousness - blamelessness would be all sin confessed before God, now will we sin, yes - but we have an advocate.

For this situation - it sounds like deep rooted sin, that someone is refusing to repent of.

I have a friend whose family used to be into gypsy, tarot reading and all this crazy demonic - they actually saw demons

They got saved, they no longer see the demons, the mom however sees people, yes like 6th sense

The mother - she has a lot of unforgiveness towards herself, for leaving the old country, she is harboring a lot of negative, critical, attitudes like she's disciplining herself for what she did - attitudes like that are really disobedient to Christ

Now, she says she want's to stop seeing these people at night, but she doesn't want to give up her sin - she's unrepentant

Can those things go away - yes but her sin, willful unrepentant sin allows satan a foothold to attack her - she is her own prisoner