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Dear church, I'm single and lonely

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by , October 9th, 2017 at 02:11 AM (323 Views)
I have friends. I have a job. I go to church.
I'm also super lonely at times.
I sometimes feel like an outsider at churches because I'm not married and have no children.
It seems to me that if you hang around churches enough, you'll get the idea that life only really begins when you get married and have kids.
The Christian ideal is out there, communicated in subtle ways: the pretty little wife, the handsome husband in khaki pants, and two adorable kids. That is a world away from my existence.
I'm single, never married, no kids --don't want the kids. Pretty sure I'd like to marry some day.
But if I decide to stay alone for life, can I be happy? Can I be fulfilled?
Single Christian adults -- especially the older variety -- are neglected in churches.
There's an abundance of opportunities and teaching for married folks, parents, and young singles who are eagerly searching for their spouses.
I haven't heard much, if any, teaching on how to navigate life as an older Christian single person emotionally, financially, spiritually, sexually, etc.
Like, for instance, how do you deal with loneliness? How do you deal with sexual desires as a single person (because they don't just magically disappear)?
How do you plan for life and retirement when you're not sure if you'll be alone forever, and if you might have aging parents to take care of? How do you build a support group that can fulfill your needs for connection?
When you choose not to have children, how do you deal with the sense of loss? (This is something I deal with).
The Bible says that people are vulnerable when they're alone, so in my view single people need more attention than they're getting. And it would be great to have a place to openly talk about the difficulties of being a single Christian.
Because sometimes it sucks.
It can also be pretty great.
The sucky part is when you're lonely and want to cuddle (or something else), but yet again it's a Friday night with just you and the houseplant staring at each other.
The great part is that I don't have to deal with a screaming kid, and also it's nice that I can do what I want without having to check with a spouse first.
There's a lot of freedom.
But the freedom comes at a cost. And it would be nice if churches started doing more to minister to single folks of all ages -- because we ain't all getting married and having kids! And I think a lot of us are suffering in silence.
End of rant.
Night night.

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Updated October 9th, 2017 at 02:23 AM by Rosyshine

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  1. tourist's Avatar
    Church is not always the best place to meet your one and only as the choices may be limited. I understand about loneliness as I was alone many years. There is nothing wrong about not wanting children of your own but be aware the man you might meet may have a child or two. I meet my wife on this site. You just never know who you're going to meet. I wish you all of God's best in the search for the man of your heart's desire.
  2. Ugly's Avatar
    I would hardly consider 31 as "older".
    But this has been a topic that comes up every so often in the Singles forum, actually. The modern American church has long held to the idea of being Christian = being married. It's a secular minded cultural that's formed within the church, but not one that shows any sign of changing.

    We do have a singles forum that's meant for people to fellowship, so perhaps that could be a place to talk about s one of this.
  3. Rosyshine's Avatar
    Thanks to both of you for your comments. I might give that forum a try. It helps to just write my thoughts, actually.
    Ugly likes this.
  4. mcubed's Avatar
    Then you have not lived, not really in Messiah. There is a great big world! I have been on several mission trips what Canada calls the First Nations People and my single niece is in Ethiopia right now for her 3rd time. That is what vacation time is for exploring.... And you can do it in Messiah with Christian friends... or alone even... I've been to several states and countries by myself before I had a family....
  5. Rosyshine's Avatar
    I would love to travel more. I've been hankering for a road trip. Any thoughts about how to do what you suggested on a tight budget?
  6. toinena's Avatar
    Check airbnb for lodging. It can make travelling affordable and you risk to meet some great people and see their homes along the way. I host myself and the loneliness is almost gone.
  7. mcubed's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Rosyshine
    I would love to travel more. I've been hankering for a road trip. Any thoughts about how to do what you suggested on a tight budget?
    You can go anywhere cheap during it's off season. For example, if you go to Myrtle Beach during the off season a room that would cost $200 a night you can get for like $59 a night. (I suggest if you go end of Oct. or in Nov. take a wetsuit to stay warm if you go in the ocean.) If you go to Panama during the wet season instead of the dry season dirt cheap too. It will rain but usually downpours quickly then it's over. It's all still fun though...

    Less people in the off season too; I hate big crowds anywhere so I simply enjoy my vacations better.
    Updated October 12th, 2017 at 07:34 PM by mcubed
  8. Rosyshine's Avatar
    Thanks for the tips!! I'm not so much a beach person, but I would like a little getaway.