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toinena

  1. It hurts, Lord.

    by , 1 Week Ago at 05:51 PM
    I know I am not worthy your mercy. I am not worthy salvation. I am a sinner. Not only am i a sinner, but I am a disabled woman that has failed in marriage and as a mother. I am nothing, Lord. Nothing without you. And I pray that you will restore me and give me a sense of stability and joy in life. But the longer I wait, Lord, the weaker my faith becomes. Not in you, but faith in life. It terrifies me to live my life alone for the rest of my life, but I see that I am not worthy of any man's love, ...
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  2. Travelling report from the UK

    by , 1 Week Ago at 01:32 PM
    Wednesday started bad. I noticed I had forgotten something crucial, and it really made me stressed. The whole long list of people who wanted to be a replacement home for my dog, backed out. Four of my students still have no trainee place. And I was just freaking out.

    We gave the class free from lunch, in hope of some miracle that they would fine a job or a trainee place. My bloodpreassure was high up and I couldn't get peace. Did it have something to do with the friend that I was supposed ...

    Updated 1 Week Ago at 01:34 PM by toinena

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  3. Travelling to the UK

    by , 2 Weeks Ago at 12:08 PM
    Wednesday I am going to take a mini vacation to the UK. It was meant as a joke, went through a romantic encounter to just become an adventure. And I am really excited.

    I have been to both England and Scotland. England more times than I remember. I used to spend my summers in Oxfordshire playing in an orchestral course. I have been there on a class trip when I was 18, I have been there many times with friends and family. But yet this is special.

    I wasn't going anywhere, ...
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  4. Spirits, demons, pride and confusion.

    by , 2 Weeks Ago at 06:16 AM
    This title says it all. I am confused. Or perhaps I am not.

    I have been called many things during my 45 years on this planet. Fat, disabled, stupid, worthless, ugly, lazy and a chubby piggy. I have also been called kind, sweet and clever. But what hurts the most is when people attack the corner stone in my life. My faith. My walk with Jesus. Because that is what is happening when I get accused of being lesser in faith than a Christian brother or sister. When a brother rises above me ...
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  5. Competing in Holiness?

    by , 4 Weeks Ago at 02:04 PM
    During my walk with Christ I have met some persons that needed to tell me I am not as holy, not as spiritual mature, not as gifted as they are. And some of them have really made me more insecure and confused than ever.

    In one of the cases it was a man that kept telling me how to believe in what he experienced was the truth. I couldn't call myself a Christian, according to him, if I questioned the 6 day creation, the flood covering the whole world and so forth. He challenged me in many ...
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