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A life with oxymorons.

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by , 4 Weeks Ago at 04:11 PM (101 Views)
For me my life in Jesus is filled with oxymorons, and that makes my life somewhat filled with contradicting feelings.

It is an art of balancing tremendous joy in Christ and the sorrow and pain of this world. It is to leave everything to Christ, but at the same time make the best of the talents given to me. It is to bless my enemy and the sinner and hate the sin. It is to be a light in the world, and seek the face of Jesus that isn't of this world. It is to accept my life's burdens and take up my cross, and leave everything at the altar and pray and believe in an almighty and mercyful God. To admit I am a sinner, and repent, knowing the wages of sin is death, but also receiving the gift of mercy and get cleaned from all sins.

Often I feel like a failure. I can feel inferior academically, physically, in looks, even in faith. And then I know I am nothing without Christ. And that gives me joy and peace, knowing that I will be given what is needed to serve God. But it also makes me sad and small. And I just want to lie down and pray that God takes me home.

I know my life is insignificant in the greater history. I can easily be replaced at work. My son manages without me. So why live? What do I live for? Why do I still have to be alive? On the other hand I know that God is in control and has placed me here and now, with these skills and experiences for a reason.

These contradiction sometimes becomes so overwhelming I almost get paralyzed. I can't do anything, and I just want to sleep the day away. Some might call it a depression. I am not sure. I just know that it is hard and the only one I can cling to is Jesus.
mar09, longtrekker and South_FLA like this.

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