marrital problems

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jknotts2

Guest
#1
Unfortunately I have had marital problems for quite a while and recently they have come to a head. my wife of twenty years has almost always talked negative about me to her family. she just cannot seem to be positive and support me as her husband. when confronted with this she says she just stating facts and really means no harm, but it does bother me and makes me wonder of her love for me. from the beginning she has been very controlling wanting to know every step I take. I do not believe in divorce nor want that. need some good sound advise .
 
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Matt1626

Guest
#2
Unfortunately I have had marital problems for quite a while and recently they have come to a head. my wife of twenty years has almost always talked negative about me to her family. she just cannot seem to be positive and support me as her husband. when confronted with this she says she just stating facts and really means no harm, but it does bother me and makes me wonder of her love for me. from the beginning she has been very controlling wanting to know every step I take. I do not believe in divorce nor want that. need some good sound advise .
1-Make sure you are attending church every week with or without her
2- volunteer regularly at church, at my church a person who isn the pastor reads from the bible during service it has really made my kids look up to me
3-never ever belittle her and only support her
4-make sure you are living a life morally in line with jesus
 
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TheClimaxWarrior

Guest
#3
Be a man and take control of the marriage. Your supposed to be the leader. Act like it. Don't be the one wearing the blouse for it questions your manhood. Never abuse her. But it's time to be assertive and meaningful. Be strong.

Recipe for manhood.

1 Cup of water
1 Tablespoon of cement

Blend and drink to HARDEN UP!!!
 
Sep 28, 2014
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#4
Don't listen to him you do not need to be in control if anything the woman should be or it should be equal
 
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gene77

Guest
#6
Be a man and take control of the marriage. Your supposed to be the leader. Act like it. Don't be the one wearing the blouse for it questions your manhood. Never abuse her. But it's time to be assertive and meaningful. Be strong.

Recipe for manhood.

1 Cup of water
1 Tablespoon of cement

Blend and drink to HARDEN UP!!!
Wow. Telling a man to "be a man" is pretty much similar to telling a woman to "Go do the dishes. Your place is in the kitchen."

Yes, men are supposed to be the head of the family. But, the woman is supposed to support him and back him up. If she doesn't do her part, it rather does weaken a man.
The most common advice given to men by other men is, "Be a man! Take control!". Hence, men feel that they aren't allowed to show emotion or their inner most feelings, and to be hard, like cement. God created men and women using the same ingredients. Not sugar and spice for women and cement and water for men.

jknotts2, what your wife needs is yes, love, and constant prayer and interceding. Her negativity stems from some bitterness within. Maybe she isn't happy about something and therefore unhappiness brews up negativity. Try finding the cause, in order to treat the symptom. Above all, continue to love her, and tell her that you do. Sometimes, a woman just needs to hear it, and feel it.

About assertiveness, it isn't just restrained to men alone. Both, men and women need to be assertive at times. Equally. I don't believe in dominance; from either the man or his wife. There is no recipe for manhood. However, there is a recipe for humanity on a whole, and Jesus already gave that to us. Love.
 
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blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#7
Don't listen to him you do not need to be in control if anything the woman should be or it should be equal

​You're mistaken on the fact that the woman should be in control. It should be equal IMO. :)
 
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jknotts2

Guest
#8
Thanks for the replies I really just wish she would see how here constant criticism of the things I do to help her is pushing me away from her not drawing me closer. I have confronted her on this too.
 
Aug 15, 2009
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#9
Unfortunately I have had marital problems for quite a while and recently they have come to a head. my wife of twenty years has almost always talked negative about me to her family. she just cannot seem to be positive and support me as her husband. when confronted with this she says she just stating facts and really means no harm, but it does bother me and makes me wonder of her love for me. from the beginning she has been very controlling wanting to know every step I take. I do not believe in divorce nor want that. need some good sound advise .
I would listen to her to see if she also is critical of others behind their backs like she is to you. If she is, plus she's domineering, you may have a narcissist on your hands. Do a google search for narcissism & research the symptoms.... They will also show you how to deal with it. Hope this helps.
 
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Joann47

Guest
#11
It's her behavior that need to change and you can't control how she behaves. I would tell you her exactly how you feel and if she does not change then find Christian friends and hang out with them. Do not let any one dictate the person that God wants you to be
 
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Joann47

Guest
#12
I'm in a bad marriage as well. So I know how it is but mine is to the point I do not I do not talk to my husband and I sleep on couch so I am not saying to replace your wife with friends but to be with friends who can encourage you. And bring you up
 
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NewWine

Guest
#13
I am curious, how does her mother talk to/about her dad? This could be a learned thing she's seen since childhood, and if so she may not even truly realize how hurtful it can be. If not then perhaps she's compensating from how she sees herself. (I don't know either of you to know for sure, so I am totally guessing here)
In either instance, as hurtful as it is, we can't control how others behave. All we can do is focus on our relationship with God and bringing ourselves closer to God. God will bridge the gap that humans leave in us, even human spouses. Getting and staying close to God will make you a better husband, father and man in general. Hopefully through your closeness, God will soften her heart towards you at least, but if not, you will find the peace you need in Him. Continue loving her as God shows you to love her. Love can encompass all pain, but it has to be God's love that does this, as God IS Love and with Him all things are possible. Peace!
 
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jknotts2

Guest
#14
Also I wish she could understand that I am called to be a pastor and that I really feel I am being held back from my calling because of her lack of support. Oh well God will work it out someway. Thanks guys
 
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BeanieD

Guest
#15
Women should never be in control, no matter what! that is the mans jposition if any. Should be partners in everything, and when you can't, compromise.
 
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BeanieD

Guest
#16
Always with God in control, and if she can't support you just keep praying for her and follow the path you feel God has chosen for you. God WILL work things out in one way or another, trust Him with all this. It is so hard not to take it back, buthave to try. God bless and grant His peace over your live.
 
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psychomom

Guest
#17
women need to be cherished,
men need to be respected.

it's a hard lesson for some of us (and i mean me) to learn.

praying for you, jknotts. ♥
 
Sep 28, 2014
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#18
I read your, comment, and thought. Hmm wonder if you did the same to her with your family if she would tolerate it. She belittles you in front of others and you just smile. "Man up" comes to mind then she is probably the bread winner. I bet she has a bigger **EDITED**then you too.
Her bulling you to her family, is her way of saying "Man Up", it has been long enough now she knows your a push over, and will never change.
You have two options 1. Remain a **EDITED**. 2. Grow some **EDITED**.
 
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Sep 28, 2014
34
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#19
GO TO THE KITCHEN GET ME A BEER AND SHUT THE **edited**!
 
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notuptome

Senior Member
May 17, 2013
15,050
2,538
113
#20
Also I wish she could understand that I am called to be a pastor and that I really feel I am being held back from my calling because of her lack of support. Oh well God will work it out someway. Thanks guys
Well you do not meet the qualifications necessary to be a pastor. You are required to have your house in order. To go ahead without God is not wise and will surely end in tears.

For the cause of Christ
Roger