Thank you for your response, how could you assume that he is not a believer ? I never said he wasnt. Also I did mention this is part 2 to a recent thread, have you read that as well? Please don't assume, just ask. Also, I do agree with you on one part God does not want anyone to be unhappy, but I believe that God also does not like divorce, and I'm assuming your married since you have a lot to say, correct? Please correct me if I'm wrong but marriage is not perfect and it's not easy and God uses situations like these "test" to turn into testimonies, what may seem impossible to us is always possible with God. I believe God is telling me to stand still in my marriage, if my husband chooses to divorce than yes I will move on unless it is in God's will to reunite us together again. But until then our marriage is still under the covenant of God and I am trusting HIM for restoration in my relationship with HIM and my marriage. Thank you for your response.
My husband and the drama that follows PART 2 UPDATE!
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Christianwife87, I can't give you advice as I've never been in your position. However, I will say this, I've had a few friends who have gone through a lot of what you are going through. Some have made it through, including affairs. Others, are no longer together. From what I saw, a lot depended on the mindset of at least one of the people being determined to make their marriage work. It didn't always work out that way, but when at least one person tries, there's a better chance a marriage will survive then if no on tries. Oh, another thing, of those who were Christian, I think one thing they said that helped was praying to help their marriage, and to help them become a better person. I don't know what will end up happening, but keep praying to God.
I do want to add though, that your husband is still being abusive to you. Granted it's not physical, but it is emotional and verbal. As such, I would suggest that you strongly seek counseling, even if he doesn't, because you probably have a lot of wounds that need healing. I also would be leery of anything he may say for the time being, at least until he's proven he's changed. That is if he decides at some point that he wants to stay married to you.
Again, will pray for you.
Again, will pray for you.
Amen sister, I think this is the right attitude to have, I too feel from a worldly perspective this marriage does seem to be the end, but I've personally felt the regenerative power of our God and you are correct. He is the only hope, and as long as your husband at leased hasn't all out reject Jesus there is the hope of a total change. I have been and will continue to pray for His peace and understanding to reach both of you two. May God lead you and bless you family.
He may believe in God, but it is rather clear he no longer believes in your marriage. He keeps saying he wants to move on and be free, and it also sounds like he's at the point of divorce. Yes, I've read every post on both of these threads. 
You're right, marriage is not perfect nor easy and yes he does test marriages, BUT there comes a time when you need to discern between the reality and the hopefulness. You say he keeps calling you to see when he can get his mail. Has he indicated he wants anything other than his mail, such as wanting to sit and talk about stuff? If not, that should tell you he's not interested in saving your marriage. While you are standing still in this, HE is moving on!! I agree God can do anything, but even God expects us to be alert enough to know when his answer is "No, I have something better planned for you." Actually, I'm single which gives me a better viewpoint since I'm not biased by having a husband myself. I truly do wish the best for you, but don't be surprised if this does'nt work out the way you hope it will. Good luck.
You're right, marriage is not perfect nor easy and yes he does test marriages, BUT there comes a time when you need to discern between the reality and the hopefulness. You say he keeps calling you to see when he can get his mail. Has he indicated he wants anything other than his mail, such as wanting to sit and talk about stuff? If not, that should tell you he's not interested in saving your marriage. While you are standing still in this, HE is moving on!! I agree God can do anything, but even God expects us to be alert enough to know when his answer is "No, I have something better planned for you." Actually, I'm single which gives me a better viewpoint since I'm not biased by having a husband myself. I truly do wish the best for you, but don't be surprised if this does'nt work out the way you hope it will. Good luck.
N
Letting him go does not necessarily mean forever. Let him miss you, let him figure his life out, let him remember why he married you. The key here is to "let him". Stop chasing him. It's difficult to read and even more difficult to do, but often we have to let go and let God. God can work through anything, but sometimes He can work more quickly when we step aside and let Him move. You and your husband both need to grow up some, so while you're letting him grow, take the time to focus on growing your relationship with God.
In God's timing, if it's His will, you will reconcile. If not, through growing your relationship with God you will find peace.
In God's timing, if it's His will, you will reconcile. If not, through growing your relationship with God you will find peace.
He may believe in God, but it is rather clear he no longer believes in your marriage. He keeps saying he wants to move on and be free, and it also sounds like he's at the point of divorce. Yes, I've read every post on both of these threads. You're right, marriage is not perfect nor easy and yes he does test marriages, BUT there comes a time when you need to discern between the reality and the hopefulness. You say he keeps calling you to see when he can get his mail. Has he indicated he wants anything other than his mail, such as wanting to sit and talk about stuff? If not, that should tell you he's not interested in saving your marriage. While you are standing still in this, HE is moving on!! I agree God can do anything, but even God expects us to be alert enough to know when his answer is "No, I have something better planned for you." Actually, I'm single which gives me a better viewpoint since I'm not biased by having a husband myself. I truly do wish the best for you, but don't be surprised if this does'nt work out the way you hope it will. Good luck.
You're right, marriage is not perfect nor easy and yes he does test marriages, BUT there comes a time when you need to discern between the reality and the hopefulness. You say he keeps calling you to see when he can get his mail. Has he indicated he wants anything other than his mail, such as wanting to sit and talk about stuff? If not, that should tell you he's not interested in saving your marriage. While you are standing still in this, HE is moving on!! I agree God can do anything, but even God expects us to be alert enough to know when his answer is "No, I have something better planned for you." Actually, I'm single which gives me a better viewpoint since I'm not biased by having a husband myself. I truly do wish the best for you, but don't be surprised if this does'nt work out the way you hope it will. Good luck.
Did this man tell you directly that he doesn't want his wife? Did this man actually file divorce papers? It is not over till it is over so there is always hope because they are not legally divorced yet.
God does not like divorce. It is people that make it that way because of their selfishness and hard hearts.
You never know. He just might come crawling back to his wife with flowers and chocolates.
You being single does not give you a better viewpoint but a bitter viewpoint. Especially if you have had bad experiences. If I wanted marriage advice I would rather get the experience of a long-term married couple of 20 plus years than someone who is single.
I'm sorry but you are coloring your viewpoints with your own experience and bitterness.
Regarding this woman's marriage. It is not over till it is over and you don't decide the final outcome. God does. And thank God for that!
I don't get this. This is not a boyfriend but a husband. I don't think the same thing applies to husbands as boyfriends. There is no obligation with a boyfriend but there is with a husband. How can she be chasing him when he married her and made a commitment? I can see this applying to a boyfriend but not a husband. I think this momma's boy needs some tough love. She needs to tell him what she expects and what she will and will not tolerate. Forget about the pussy footing around.
They can grow together as a couple. They don't need to be separate for that to occur. Iron sharpens iron. Conflict is part of marriage and life so they need to learn how to resolve it and if they need to argue at times then so be it. As long as they make up afterwards.
They can grow together as a couple. They don't need to be separate for that to occur. Iron sharpens iron. Conflict is part of marriage and life so they need to learn how to resolve it and if they need to argue at times then so be it. As long as they make up afterwards.
I am not "coloring my viewpoints with my own experience and bitterness." I don't have anything to be bitter about!! And no, this marriage is'nt over until it's over, BUT the husband has made it clear that he wants it over with. This is the second post where you have called me bitter. Why are you mistakenly assuming that I am bitter? Just because I'm single? Thats ludicrous!! I do wish this couple the best, but he continually rebuffs her at every turn.
T
OK lemme get this straight......
You say u had a fight u called the popo he called his mom he left, called wants his mail, you go to the club get hit on call hubby, for what? Jealousy? I mean come on sugar look he's calling now of course! He knows he had it good. Your desirable he sees that too. First n for most.... Pick up ur pride that u put down to tell him u missed him and hey by the way at the club getting hit on, and tell him b4 y'all can work on anything u need counseling. I've been in this exact same position and I'll tell you this if you stay, continue to put up with it...wishy washy stuff.....u will be 9 years down the road saying I wish I would have let him go! Go talk to someone other then hubby...love you first! You need to be happy with yourself b4 you can be happy with someone. Hubby don't give you worth....you do ;-)
You say u had a fight u called the popo he called his mom he left, called wants his mail, you go to the club get hit on call hubby, for what? Jealousy? I mean come on sugar look he's calling now of course! He knows he had it good. Your desirable he sees that too. First n for most.... Pick up ur pride that u put down to tell him u missed him and hey by the way at the club getting hit on, and tell him b4 y'all can work on anything u need counseling. I've been in this exact same position and I'll tell you this if you stay, continue to put up with it...wishy washy stuff.....u will be 9 years down the road saying I wish I would have let him go! Go talk to someone other then hubby...love you first! You need to be happy with yourself b4 you can be happy with someone. Hubby don't give you worth....you do ;-)
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Wow..Judgmental much? What I highlighted in red is very inappropriate of you to say. You don't know him or how his wife was. Neither do you know me but yet in every post I've seen of yours thus far, you accuse people and judge them and call them names. "Bitter" is the word you use the most. Maybe you have something in your own life making YOU bitter and that's why you lash out at us?
The OP came on here asking for our advice and opinions. Have you even read her original thread where part 1 is, where she explains her situation in detail, or are you just assuming you know what's going on? As for calling ME bitter, you read ONE reply of mine, and automatically judge me and say how can I possibly help anyone with suicide and depression? You don't know me, and you have'nt even read ANY of my threads!! I've had DOZENS of people on here message me and tell me how much reading my story has helped them, and I thank God for that!! You need to get yourself some perspective on other people before you try to judge them based on ONE reply! BTW, only GOD has the privilege of judging any of us..YOU don't have that option, for as harshly as you judge us, that is how harshly YOU will be judged. I suggest you pray to God for some humility and less pride!!
I'm assuming you are bitter based on how you are talking to this woman. You are being insensitive.
Believe it or not you can love someone and be very angry at the same time and to outsiders it may seem that the person may not love or want to be with the other person but only time will tell for sure what is to be.
You have made insensitive comments to the op and she has responded to you most politely and then you have responded rudely even to that.
I sense a bitterness or maybe just an emotional coldness in you. That is how you come across to me.
Let's put it this way. I wouldn't want to go to you if I was hurting. Why? Because I would get a your husband doesn't want you what does he have to slap you for you to get the message? Not very helpful in my opinion but of course you are entitled to yours.
Believe it or not you can love someone and be very angry at the same time and to outsiders it may seem that the person may not love or want to be with the other person but only time will tell for sure what is to be.
You have made insensitive comments to the op and she has responded to you most politely and then you have responded rudely even to that.
I sense a bitterness or maybe just an emotional coldness in you. That is how you come across to me.
Let's put it this way. I wouldn't want to go to you if I was hurting. Why? Because I would get a your husband doesn't want you what does he have to slap you for you to get the message? Not very helpful in my opinion but of course you are entitled to yours.
I didn't just read one reply of yours. Pride? Based on what? Are you projecting your faults onto me? Listen lady. I've been married for a long long time and I've had ups and downs and everything in between. I love my husband but at times I've been so angry that I could rip his face off. I have stuck it out when most would have said to leave. Even now I have some struggles and we had an argument today but I told my husband my honest feelings and he is trying to understand. He didn't have the greatest upbringing emotionally speaking so he has trouble communicating sometimes and being sensitive to my feelings.
I read her original thread and in some ways I can relate to her and her situation. Are you assuming I didn't?
Also I would say that I personally would not go to someone for marriage advice that was not married just like I wouldn't go to someone for financial advice that didn't have a nickel in the bank. Get my point? Good!
I read her original thread and in some ways I can relate to her and her situation. Are you assuming I didn't?
Also I would say that I personally would not go to someone for marriage advice that was not married just like I wouldn't go to someone for financial advice that didn't have a nickel in the bank. Get my point? Good!
I neglected to state some insights into your situation.
I understand his mother and family don't like you and they don't exactly hide the fact.
I can relate to that. My husband's family of origin is dysfunctional and they treated me like crap from day one. My family of origin also is dysfunctional and they never accepted my husband either. The point being is that when his mother, especially, insults you and rejects you she is actually insulting her own son indirectly and using you to do it. So he is not as close to his mother as you may think. In fact she may be a narcissist. Is your husband the black sheep of the family? If so then this behavior actually makes a lot of sense.
You need to set boundaries and let his family know that it is not okay to treat you like crap and that you won't put up with it. If he wants to go see his family and they can't respect you then he can go alone and they don't have to come to your home. If his family had any sense they would at least be civil towards you even if they didn't like you for the sake of your husband. But their failure to do so points to a dysfunctional family system.
Both my husband's parents are dead now. But before his mother died he went alone out of province to see her. He didn't want me there because he knows how I am treated by her and didn't want to put me through that. He went for a couple of days and it didn't bother me. The first time in 24 years that we were ever physically separated. He phoned me when he was staying with his sister so it worked out fine.
In fact when his mother died he didn't want me to go to the funeral either because he knows his family doesn't accept me but in that case I said I'm going whether you like it or not to be a support for him. He even argued with me about driving there because it is an out of province 11 hour drive but I told him I am driving the whole way because he is not driving because of the emotional upset. My eyes were burning in the last hour but I'm stubborn and I made it. My husband even boasted to his family that I drove the whole way by myself but they could care less.
So my point is that his family is dysfunctional and it started way before you came into the picture. And your husband needs to break away from his family of origin emotionally if not physically not only for the sake of your marriage but also for his own sake.
I understand his mother and family don't like you and they don't exactly hide the fact.
I can relate to that. My husband's family of origin is dysfunctional and they treated me like crap from day one. My family of origin also is dysfunctional and they never accepted my husband either. The point being is that when his mother, especially, insults you and rejects you she is actually insulting her own son indirectly and using you to do it. So he is not as close to his mother as you may think. In fact she may be a narcissist. Is your husband the black sheep of the family? If so then this behavior actually makes a lot of sense.
You need to set boundaries and let his family know that it is not okay to treat you like crap and that you won't put up with it. If he wants to go see his family and they can't respect you then he can go alone and they don't have to come to your home. If his family had any sense they would at least be civil towards you even if they didn't like you for the sake of your husband. But their failure to do so points to a dysfunctional family system.
Both my husband's parents are dead now. But before his mother died he went alone out of province to see her. He didn't want me there because he knows how I am treated by her and didn't want to put me through that. He went for a couple of days and it didn't bother me. The first time in 24 years that we were ever physically separated. He phoned me when he was staying with his sister so it worked out fine.
In fact when his mother died he didn't want me to go to the funeral either because he knows his family doesn't accept me but in that case I said I'm going whether you like it or not to be a support for him. He even argued with me about driving there because it is an out of province 11 hour drive but I told him I am driving the whole way because he is not driving because of the emotional upset. My eyes were burning in the last hour but I'm stubborn and I made it. My husband even boasted to his family that I drove the whole way by myself but they could care less.
So my point is that his family is dysfunctional and it started way before you came into the picture. And your husband needs to break away from his family of origin emotionally if not physically not only for the sake of your marriage but also for his own sake.
T
To me this goes no where the advice she sought was tainted with hurt and angry words. To me I say do what your heart tells you to do but to elude to the fact of DV please don't come back saying on he's great he's fine because its just not so. God bless you Sug sincerely! I pray u find peace because when u do u will feel so much better...
He may believe in God, but it is rather clear he no longer believes in your marriage. He keeps saying he wants to move on and be free, and it also sounds like he's at the point of divorce. Yes, I've read every post on both of these threads. You're right, marriage is not perfect nor easy and yes he does test marriages, BUT there comes a time when you need to discern between the reality and the hopefulness. You say he keeps calling you to see when he can get his mail. Has he indicated he wants anything other than his mail, such as wanting to sit and talk about stuff? If not, that should tell you he's not interested in saving your marriage. While you are standing still in this, HE is moving on!! I agree God can do anything, but even God expects us to be alert enough to know when his answer is "No, I have something better planned for you." Actually, I'm single which gives me a better viewpoint since I'm not biased by having a husband myself. I truly do wish the best for you, but don't be surprised if this does'nt work out the way you hope it will. Good luck.
You're right, marriage is not perfect nor easy and yes he does test marriages, BUT there comes a time when you need to discern between the reality and the hopefulness. You say he keeps calling you to see when he can get his mail. Has he indicated he wants anything other than his mail, such as wanting to sit and talk about stuff? If not, that should tell you he's not interested in saving your marriage. While you are standing still in this, HE is moving on!! I agree God can do anything, but even God expects us to be alert enough to know when his answer is "No, I have something better planned for you." Actually, I'm single which gives me a better viewpoint since I'm not biased by having a husband myself. I truly do wish the best for you, but don't be surprised if this does'nt work out the way you hope it will. Good luck.
How could you know that he keeps saying to move on? If he wanted to move on he wouldn't be calling me and trust that we couldn't possibly have an hour long conversation about his mail.
I tell people what I want them to know and expect a response that makes sense hoping that I can get a response from someone with experience, but it doesn't always work like that, it's clear from your responses, which have been extremely rude to me and others, you could've sat your pride down and admitted to the fact that you really know nothing about marriage, also might I add that as a SINGLE CHRISTIAN, it's better to not respond with a personal response because you have no idea what God has in store for anyone, you never know, you could be speaking against what God is actually trying to do.
So you as a SINGLE CHRISTIAN should always refer a situation you know nothing about back towards God and pray for that person, not add your 2 cents in. Going back and forth with people is not of God and definitely fighting with scripture you clearly don't understand is even worse. As Christians we are to try our best to be like Christ, and your approach is not it.
Also how can you separate hopefulness and reality? God gives us hope, he instills faith and God is REALITY.
How could you assume that my husband is moving on? God allows things for a reason. He could just be working on him.
be careful what you say to other your tongue has the power to speak life and death as well as being things into existence.
Also being "Biased" does not mean what you think, I'm guessing you might be a little young. A married couple that is not on either side can be biased to another married couple. You my dear can only be biased to your single category. Thank you for your response honey but if you cannot take the mature approach and take in some wisdom for your future reference, don't bother to comment. Also don't be so quick to speak and slow to think.
RESPECTFULLY you need to stay in your lane. Thank you for your response anyways. Seeing how your single and all your responses were appreciated but irrelevant.
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