How to deal with my spouses cheating?

[Ya]

I just found out my wife has been talking to someone (again). I don't think there's been any physical activity.
Also understand that I feel very low doing this on here but I'm so upset i have to talk and get advice because she doesn't know that i know what's going on and I've already snapped at her a couple times. Thing is I don't want to talk to friends about it because I will hate for anyone I know to view her any differently or to look down on her. I actually scheduled marriage counseling for us 2 weeks ago but it isn't until the end of the month and I can't stay in the same home with her at this point.

First let me say that I am not an insecure man at all nor am I a snooper. However I happen to use her phone last night because mine was dead as I was on it I notice a text that didn't look too appropriate soooo the rest was history.

I haven't brought it up to her yet because I am burning inside! Like I'm so hot (pissed) right now it wouldn't be smart on my part. This isn't the first time she's contacted other men the other times I was aware and I didn't care though because I trusted it was as she said a 'friend' thing. Here's the big reason I'm so upset, 1 she's my wife 2 I've sacrificed so much for her and feel that this eventually will only get worse 3 I have put up with constant accusations and even negative rumors she's started about me I've put up with her talking about me behind my back to my own family and friends the folks I've put her around. I've been accused of cheating sooooooo much that you probably wouldn't believe that I actually did NOT cheat! I never have btw. I've been hit on by women or women send messages to me but she knows it all and the difference is I don't respond, and if I ever have (being it was an old friend etc) i keep it respectful and short, we're not discussing how good looking or cute she is, I'm not receiving or sending pictures and she in my opinion has crossed the line.
How should I handle this without blowing up on my wife. At this point I want to move on from her, this is becoming very trashy and I just won't deal...

 

[biscuit]

You didn't say how old you are, length of marriage and etc. I am willing to bet that the cheating mentality started long before you were married.

Feel bad for you but one must examine a future spouse under a microscope and investigate his or her past thoroughly before marriage. There are those who don't think it is a big deal about cheating on the spouse since their attitude is "everyone does it.

There are those like myself who think it is the "unthinkable" and can't do it. I couldn't do it if I tried. I am not married but even when I wasn't saved and didn't believe in Jesus, I couldn't cheat because I thought of it as the lowest act a human being could stoop to.

I can only advise you to see a marriage counselor and I will pray for you.

 

[blue_ladybug]

​I would tell her you know that she is talking to someone, and that you saw the inappropriate text on her phone. Be honest with her, but let her know how this all makes you feel. Ask her why she feels a need to talk to other guys when YOU are her husband and should be talking to you. Let her know how frustrated you are and that you're at the point of leaving--maybe it will make her smarten up. Keep the counseling appt and don't let her wiggle her way out of going to it. Pray to God for wisdom on this matter. Good luck.

 

[mahali25]

I feel your pain brother, my husband has been doing what your wife's been doing.
Speak to her and ask what is it that she is not satisfied with in your marriage that she is seeking attention from others than her husband. Also take this to examine yourself in relation to her and your marriage. It is not something easy to deal with especially if it has been done repeatedly. Pray about and ask God to calm your spirit when a time comes for you to talk. May He also grant you wisdom and speak to your wife that she may realise her actions are unbecoming and will harm your marriage.
I am currently in the process of healing myself, nothing has brought me peace than constand devotion with God. May He heal your marriage and put a hedge around till death do you part.

 

[LED64]

I can relate as well. My husband had been having online relationships with other women even before we were married. I found out AFTER we were married. We've been married three years now and I have problems with trusting him. I caught him on several occasions with his online cheating through facebook and gmail and such. It was to the point that he actually applying for jobs where these women lived. I kept wondering why he was looking outside where we lived, and I found out when I got a message through facebook from one of HIS friends what he was doing. He actually asked her if he could stay with her while he worked on a story. She said his messages were so off that she felt she had to tell me. We've been to marriage counselors for a few sessions then stop because magically he was better. But, a few days later, he would pull the same thing again. Two days before he had a massive heart attack this year, I caught him yet again, soliciting a questionable relationship with one of his facebook friends. After his massive heart attack, he said he said he realized what he had and said that he would NEVER do it again because he didn't want to lose someone that has been with him through it all, but recently, he has increased his female friends on facebook and his laptop remains a "secret" territory that he watches very closely if I am anywhere near it, and I am worried if he is telling me the truth. I don't want that to happen in your situation. Please find a counselor that works for you both and STICK with it! Get rooted in a church that you both can agree to and get support from them. I am still trying to find my way, that's why I just joined this site today. I still need some help too. Good luck and I hope God blesses you and your marriage.