Being a parent the do's and don'ts

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Blain

The Word Weaver
Aug 28, 2012
19,173
2,536
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#1
Being a parent is an important job but it's even more important to be a good parent, not a perfect parent but a good one.
Basically I have learned how to be a good parent from seeing what not to do rather than my parents teaching me what to do.
If I ever become a parent I will take those lessons I learned and will enforce them and I figured I would post what I have learned and if anyone wants to apply what I have learned that's fine by me.

First off and this is an important one never and I mean never choose favorites. Believe me this damages the family pretty Good and the kids can tell when a favorite is chosen and sometimes that favorite depending on the kid will use that to their advantage in many ways such as getting what they want or lying to get others in trouble and you believe them more than you do the others because hey its your baby girl. I mean after all we know what happened when Jacob did favoritism with Joseph.

another thing is that values and structure is very important, believe it or not children especially teens need order and structure. My mom failed to do this with us, I was the only one with chores and there was no structure in the house no one had regulations no one had rules to abide and she chose favorites. So now we have lazy and I mean very lazy spoiled ungrateful kids who never have to do anything. When and if I become a parent I am never going to make that mistake, my kids will never burp at the table and they will behave and hold their tongues meaning no cussing no rude language and they will respect their elders or get a spanking or grounding or whatever gets through to them.

They will each have daily chores to do and do their homework or else they cant even watch t.v. and I will reward them each with a daily allowance so that they learn at a young age that working hard gets you paid. They also cannot listen to music that cusses or has a negative influence, I heard that kids are like sponges and I wouldnt have believed that had I not grown up the way I did. Kid's and teens are exactly like sponges, what they hear and see affects them greatly. And if you get them in the habbit of doing things right at a young age it sticks with them for life it becomes like second nature to them. So teaching them how to act and behave teaching them the value of working and earning money teaching them to make their beds as soon as they get up teaching them manners and to love others helps them become what you teach them, the opposite is true also.

But another important thing is that while structure is very important you have to give them freedom as well. If you keep them on a short leash that doesnt help them at all, you have to give them the freedom to learn from their mistakes while at the same time knowing when to not let them do certain mistakes likes getting into a car with a stranger.
And sometimes just giving them a free be because you love them isnt a bad idea either, say they really want this new game but they havent earned enough money yet and they have done well in school and did their chores and behaved decently I would give them some extra money and that would inspire them to keep doing good.

As a mother its important not to coddle them to much and yet let them know you love them, a dad doesnt necessarily have to tell them they love them all the time because when you are the father your actions and how you treat them speaks more sometimes. If they look up to you and you become their role model that's a pretty amazing job right there.Anyways I can see this post has become pretty long but these are just some of the things I have learned by having parents like I have
 
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sassylady

Guest
#2
Sounds good but when you actually become a parent each situation and age and individual child can blow some ideals right out of the water. Probably why nobody can really write a book about how to be a parent.
 

Jimbone

Senior Member
Aug 22, 2014
2,691
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#3
Well Blain I think that was a very nice overview and I agree with what you said. One of the biggest things I've had to do as a parent since I was regenerated was get the false idea of "I deserve a break", out of my head. Just a small example real quick.

Before- I'd get off work and walk in the front door to be bombarded by my boys yelling "dad, dad, come see this, look at that, can we do this." You know normal kids wanting to shoe dad something. They would be met with, "I just walked in the door after working. At least let me put my stuff down and have a break for a minute before you start all this up." And this usually resulted in dropped heads and had to be some feelings of rejection as well.

After God came into me making me a new creature- I walk in after work and I'm bombarded by my boys yelling "dad, dad, come see this, look at that, can we do this." So now I set my stuff down right there, give them a hug and walk into my oldest sons room, he shows me what he wanted to in about 6 minutes, then go to the youngest room and he shows me what he wanted to in less that 10 minutes. So in around 15 minutes I leave both my sons glowing after I see what they were doing and now I can go take as long a break as I want. Only this is our God we're talking about and He tends to do things much bigger than that, so instead of taking a break I get them and my wife and we take a walk.

The biggest thing you need as a parent is the Holy Spirit to guide you, and you have that brother. I wasn't a very good parent before even though this whole world would tell me I was a very good parent, but you need God to help to be even remotely "good" at anything. I personally feel you'd make a great parent (through Him of course, but you know what I mean)
 

Jimbone

Senior Member
Aug 22, 2014
2,691
815
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#4
LOL I said "shoe dad" it was show*
 

Blain

The Word Weaver
Aug 28, 2012
19,173
2,536
113
#5
I will say this If I ever want children it wont be from me because I couldnt handle it if they turn out like I was when I was a kid. trust me we dont want a mini Blain he would be bouncing everywhere and would act crazy, lets just say when i was a kid i was the most hyper annoying and crazy kid ever I literally bounced up and down in my desk seat in school laughing like crazy.

Boy am I glad I grew up
 

breno785au

Senior Member
Jul 23, 2013
6,002
764
113
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Australia
#7
I will say this If I ever want children it wont be from me because I couldnt handle it if they turn out like I was when I was a kid. trust me we dont want a mini Blain he would be bouncing everywhere and would act crazy, lets just say when i was a kid i was the most hyper annoying and crazy kid ever I literally bounced up and down in my desk seat in school laughing like crazy.

Boy am I glad I grew up
Lol.. It is impossible to understand the heart of a father until you have a child. Unless suppressed in some way, the love for your own child is an amazing gift from God and a real mystery. The challenges of being a parent is not just a time for a child to learn but also for the adult, to learn patience, build character, learn responsibility, selflessness, and humility just to name a few. Adults arnt all that different from children, in essence we behave the same way in our characters but somehow think it's alright because we are 'adults' lol and I think we can look just like children to God at times with our attitudes but He is patient, lowly and willing to help. There is much to learn from children!
 
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OzDavo34

Guest
#8
Hi Blain

Very good post & I agree with the general theme
i believe that having consistant approaches re boundaries
& expectations & setting an example in the way we behave & demonstrate our Christian values is very important when raising children

I agree with others who say that this can be difficult at different ages/stages but if we are consistent tthey will see it in the end

Agree we can keep anyone on a tight leash all we can do is present good examples & give good advice & prey they make good decisions for themselves.

God Bless

OzDavo34
 
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psychomom

Guest
#9
I will say this If I ever want children it wont be from me because I couldnt handle it if they turn out like I was when I was a kid. trust me we dont want a mini Blain he would be bouncing everywhere and would act crazy, lets just say when i was a kid i was the most hyper annoying and crazy kid ever I literally bounced up and down in my desk seat in school laughing like crazy.

Boy am I glad I grew up
our Jesse was exactly like that.
it could be frustrating at times, but it was mostly adorable. :)
he's now a reasonably sedate 26 yo...unless the Knicks are playing...
:rolleyes:

kids need the Law...rules make them know where they are and they feel safer.

kids need the Gospel...mom and dad love them unconditionally.
they never forfeit our love and acceptance, no matter how they behave.

the real trick is knowing when to hand out which! lol

love you, honey,
mom
 
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psychomom

Guest
#10
As a mother its important not to coddle them to much and yet let them know you love them
...'kay....so we had the three girls, then our boy (then 2 more girls).

my husband was a wonderful coddler with the girlies.
but when our son was 6 weeks old and i was picking him up cuz he was in pain,
Mark said, don't baby him!

i was like...but...he's a baby...lol


(difference between parenting boys and girls?? idk man's mind. hehe)
 

Joidevivre

Senior Member
Jul 15, 2014
3,838
271
83
#11
If I had to do it over again.... (famous words by the way).... I would always give each child one on one time for at least an hour a week. Just the two of us.

It was so hard to do with 5 kids under 7. And just getting them all dressed, undressed, fed, helped with homework, driven here and there, fights calmed down, sickness taken care of, etc. and having to work at the same time to bring in enough to pay our expenses left no time. Their dad came home when it was time for them to go to bed. He got to tuck them in and kiss them good night (sigh...) while I just sat shell shocked from the day.
 

Blain

The Word Weaver
Aug 28, 2012
19,173
2,536
113
#12
...'kay....so we had the three girls, then our boy (then 2 more girls).

my husband was a wonderful coddler with the girlies.
but when our son was 6 weeks old and i was picking him up cuz he was in pain,
Mark said, don't baby him!

i was like...but...he's a baby...lol


(difference between parenting boys and girls?? idk man's mind. hehe)
babies? you can coddle them all you want, I mean how could you not? Who on this earth could resist those adorable cheeks of theirs? And when they laugh does it not make your heart feel like its gonna burst from the cuteness?
No the post above about not coddling to much was meant for older kids you know when you see those moms who wont let go of their little kid and cant accept they are growing up and so the embarrass their kids with or baby them to much.
Wait- that was you wasnt it?;b
 
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psychomom

Guest
#13
babies? you can coddle them all you want, I mean how could you not? Who on this earth could resist those adorable cheeks of theirs? And when they laugh does it not make your heart feel like its gonna burst from the cuteness?
No the post above about not coddling to much was meant for older kids you know when you see those moms who wont let go of their little kid and cant accept they are growing up and so the embarrass their kids with or baby them to much.
Wait- that was you wasnt it?;b
hahahaha!! it easily could have been! (still laughing out loud)

i'm afraid with the older ones, i must have been the opposite. :(
never baby talked (with any of them), but you see, i was far too concerned with what other ppl thought! (shame face)

so sometimes my expectations for them and of them were too rigid...
we should differentiate between childish behavior and childlike behavior.

kids will act their age...and that's appropriate.

nah, i didn't become a big mush till the kiddos were mostly grown...lol

 

Blain

The Word Weaver
Aug 28, 2012
19,173
2,536
113
#14
hahahaha!! it easily could have been! (still laughing out loud)

i'm afraid with the older ones, i must have been the opposite. :(
never baby talked (with any of them), but you see, i was far too concerned with what other ppl thought! (shame face)

so sometimes my expectations for them and of them were too rigid...
we should differentiate between childish behavior and childlike behavior.

kids will act their age...and that's appropriate.

nah, i didn't become a big mush till the kiddos were mostly grown...lol

well you must have been a good mom if they keep coming back even if it is to raid the kitchen lol.
 

damombomb

Senior Member
Feb 27, 2011
3,801
68
48
#15
Our home was a little too strict as kids, so i gave my boy's more freedom growing up to a point. Back in the day, if a boy had long hair,
wore bell bottoms, he was going to hell and so on, and do not bring up your kids past mistakes, over and over, or make them
feel condemnation. Bring out the best in them.
 
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OzDavo34

Guest
#16
God bless

Amen