Caught my husband cheating

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MeliDean

Guest
#1
I caught my husband talking to another woman. I confronted him about it and he is denying it. The woman has sent me all their texts messages and also pictures that they have exchanged. I want him to admit to what he has done. But he won't. It hurts to see that I'm crying my eyes out and he look and seems like he doesn't care. I ask for a reason and he won't give any reason. I don't know if I can ever trust him. Since this is the second time in 3 months. I do love him and believe in our marriage but I just don't know what to do. My mother in law tells me to kick him out but without him I won't be financially stable. I don't know what to do. I've tried to be he wife he wants me to be. I'm scared at the fact that he's so unemotional about the situation. He gets mad at me for confronting him... I cried and cried and haven't received an answer. Please help
 

Jakob

Senior Member
Jul 15, 2014
298
4
18
#2
You could maybe "force" him to talk to a marriage consuleor or what its called in english. Or a pastor?
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,862
9,581
113
#3
I caught my husband talking to another woman. I confronted him about it and he is denying it. The woman has sent me all their texts messages and also pictures that they have exchanged. I want him to admit to what he has done. But he won't. It hurts to see that I'm crying my eyes out and he look and seems like he doesn't care. I ask for a reason and he won't give any reason. I don't know if I can ever trust him. Since this is the second time in 3 months. I do love him and believe in our marriage but I just don't know what to do. My mother in law tells me to kick him out but without him I won't be financially stable. I don't know what to do. I've tried to be he wife he wants me to be. I'm scared at the fact that he's so unemotional about the situation. He gets mad at me for confronting him... I cried and cried and haven't received an answer. Please help

​Show him the evidence that you have of his infidelity. A picture is worth a thousand words, and he won't be able to deny it. If this is the 2nd time in 3 months, then ask him why he feels the need to talk to another woman. Ask him if he would go to counseling with you. Maybe he's not ready to handle being a husband yet. Try to stop crying over this, honey. Crying about it wont solve anything, unfortunately. How long have the two of you been married?
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,243
16,252
113
69
Tennessee
#4
Without trust there is no basis for a relationship. The most destructive thing that you can do to destroy the trust in a marriage is infidelity against the other spouse. Second time in 3 months? What about all of the other months that you don't know about. I would use the next few months working out a plan for your financial stability and then I would divorce him. A husband that loves his wife would not cheat on her. If you can live in a loveless marriage without trust than do nothing, otherwise start planning your future without this lousy cheating husband of yours.
 
Aug 26, 2012
34
0
6
#5
Hi,

You mentioned financial aspect, children vs. no children is a major difference in mediating that. Are there? As far as crying, you have the right - anger, pain, etc. due to betrayal should be obvious (even if you bring yourself to forgive) and we should weep with those who weep. Find someone close to you also to talk this out.
 
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dalconn

Guest
#6
He's detached from you because he is ashamed and embarrassed, this is a defense mechanism. You will have more power over this by being spiritually enabled. Tell him you forgive him and love him but you will not be a door mat. God can work in this situation but the arm of the flesh accomplishes nothing

Im sorry for your pain and pray for your victory
 
Oct 24, 2014
595
14
0
#7
I might sound harsh, but he has broken the deepest vow you two could ever make with each other. As emotional as this is, know these two things.
1. Forgive him. Tell him that. You are a woman of God and you both need this.
2. Separate. (I'd divorce him). You will never be able to trust him again. A marriage without trust... uh uh.
Sad, very sad. But now you must do what you must do, you are on your own. Move him out. He needs to be somewhere else so you can begin your healing right now. Have peace in Jesus sweetheart.
 
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Ann-childoftheKing

Guest
#8
I'm sorry for your pain. I know first hand , that this hurts, deeply. If you have a pastor to talk to that would help, and if your husband would go too, that would be even better. But if he is denying it, and insensitive to your pian over this, there is a problem...If he has done it before, like you said, did you confront him then? Did he admit it then? If he did and you forgave him, then he did it again and again, it is not good. I went through this. It went on and on-we went to marriage counseling-pastors-you name it-he would not change- I ended up leaving after things became physical- I had nothing-no job-no money-nothing-but God made a way for me-I learned how to be strong and with only the help of God, I became as independent as I ever had been. There is a way- finances aren't a good reason to stay. When trust is broken, it is so hard, for us in the flesh, to forget after we forgive......especially when the one that hurts you, does it over and over and over......enough has to be enough at some point.
Im praying for your situation now....
God Bless~~
 
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MeliDean

Guest
#9
​Show him the evidence that you have of his infidelity. A picture is worth a thousand words, and he won't be able to deny it. If this is the 2nd time in 3 months, then ask him why he feels the need to talk to another woman. Ask him if he would go to counseling with you. Maybe he's not ready to handle being a husband yet. Try to stop crying over this, honey. Crying about it wont solve anything, unfortunately. How long have the two of you been married?
I have showed him all the proof. All the messages and he still denies it. He's in the academy to be a cop and he tells me that I have to proof that he himself sent those messages. I tell him. That's u in the picture and that's ur number. She's knows ur name. And stil he denies it. We have only been married for four months. And the first time I did forgive him. But this second time idk
 
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MeliDean

Guest
#10
Thank you. I have contemplated leaving but I know that I love him but I know I love myself more to not accept his emotional and verbal abuse. I don't know if "I forgive you" will come out of my mouth to him. I just can't.
 
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psychomom

Guest
#11
Meli...pass the tissues? i'm weeping with you, dear heart.

i seem to recall you've been here before this? with a similar problem?
i'm so, so sorry.

i don't have advice, but i am praying for you. ♥
ellie
 
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MeliDean

Guest
#12
I just feel like when it rains it pours. I am very thankfully for everything the Lord has given me. He's the reason why I'm still breathing. I just don't know why for the past five months I find myself always crying. First with the situation with my son and now my son..... I ask Jesus "why why why this pain?"
 
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psychomom

Guest
#13
we do suffer in this broken world, Meli. :(

but we try to remember that because Jesus was rejected for us...
because He felt pain and suffered, though He didn't deserve it...
we are now bound for something better than this world.

one Day all the sickness and all the sadness and all the pain...
the miscarriages and the broken marriages and the kids run off the rails...
the jobs lost and the people hurt...
will all become untrue, and God Himself will wipe away all our tears.

Ps 56
8You have taken account of my wanderings;
Put my tears in Your bottle.
Are they not in Your book?
9
Then my enemies will turn back in the day when I call;
This I know, that God is for me.
10In God, whose word I praise,
In the LORD, whose word I praise,

11In God I have put my trust, I shall not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
12Your vows are binding upon me, O God;
I will render thank offerings to You.

13For You have delivered my soul from death,
Indeed my feet from stumbling,
So that I may walk before God
In the light of the living.

(i know it's not easy!) but keep your eyes on your Savior, my sister.
He knows your every heartache and pain.
He has not forgotten you, nor will He ever, ever, ever leave you.

praying for peace.
love,
ellie
 
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kaylagrl

Guest
#14
Meli does your husband go to church at all?
 

OnThisRock

Senior Member
Jan 20, 2011
353
9
18
#15
I caught my husband talking to another woman. I confronted him about it and he is denying it. The woman has sent me all their texts messages and also pictures that they have exchanged. I want him to admit to what he has done. But he won't. It hurts to see that I'm crying my eyes out and he look and seems like he doesn't care. I ask for a reason and he won't give any reason. I don't know if I can ever trust him. Since this is the second time in 3 months. I do love him and believe in our marriage but I just don't know what to do. My mother in law tells me to kick him out but without him I won't be financially stable. I don't know what to do. I've tried to be he wife he wants me to be. I'm scared at the fact that he's so unemotional about the situation. He gets mad at me for confronting him... I cried and cried and haven't received an answer. Please help
Keep the evidence. Do not let him erase it. You have a case to be finanically stable through the evidence. THis may sound cold and harsh to you, but if he is being as cold as he sounds, you need to protect yourself. If a man can cheat on his wife, and can openly lie, what else is he lying about? I know that you love him, and your emotions are bubbling up, but I want to let you know there is a reason all of this has been revealed to you. I went through a similar situation, but my ex did things financially and did alot with money using my name and social security. If trust is not there, you may not even know all that he has done. No woman or man deserves to be in a marriage where there is no trust. Keep your chin up! Ask God and get good trusting counsel.
 

OnThisRock

Senior Member
Jan 20, 2011
353
9
18
#16
Thank you. I have contemplated leaving but I know that I love him but I know I love myself more to not accept his emotional and verbal abuse. I don't know if "I forgive you" will come out of my mouth to him. I just can't.
It will come to your heart but that is between you and the Lord. Just keep your heart safe and get strong Biblical support. The answers will come. This should give you permission to take care of yourself right now. Figure out what you need.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,243
16,252
113
69
Tennessee
#17
I might sound harsh, but he has broken the deepest vow you two could ever make with each other. As emotional as this is, know these two things.
1. Forgive him. Tell him that. You are a woman of God and you both need this.
2. Separate. (I'd divorce him). You will never be able to trust him again. A marriage without trust... uh uh.
Sad, very sad. But now you must do what you must do, you are on your own. Move him out. He needs to be somewhere else so you can begin your healing right now. Have peace in Jesus sweetheart.
I agree with you completely.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,243
16,252
113
69
Tennessee
#18
I have showed him all the proof. All the messages and he still denies it. He's in the academy to be a cop and he tells me that I have to proof that he himself sent those messages. I tell him. That's u in the picture and that's ur number. She's knows ur name. And stil he denies it. We have only been married for four months. And the first time I did forgive him. But this second time idk
You don't need to show this creep any proof. He is trying to shift the blame to you for his inexcusable actions. I would just thank God that you found out his true character early in this sham of a marriage (in your husband's eyes). Cut your losses and move on. It happens.
 
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MeliDean

Guest
#19
My husband does go to church but he goes just to accompany. He doesn't sing and worship will I do. I love worshipping. I feel like it's my duty as a wife to try to keep this marriage a float. But if My Lord says other wise there's a reason why he did open my eyes to the truth. Thanks u my brothers and sister. I appreciate all your comments!!!
 
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dalconn

Guest
#20
My husband does go to church but he goes just to accompany. He doesn't sing and worship will I do. I love worshipping. I feel like it's my duty as a wife to try to keep this marriage a float. But if My Lord says other wise there's a reason why he did open my eyes to the truth. Thanks u my brothers and sister. I appreciate all your comments!!!
You two got married for a reason, maybe you both should discuss why you married each other and ask if its still there. You didn't say he had sex with her, you said he has been talking to her. I don't believe thats right either but at least he's not having sex with another woman