"Broken" Families

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MissCris

Guest
#1
#1
My parents got divorced when I was seven; my sister and brother and I lived with our mom, who began dating within a few months of the divorce, and she was married again a couple of years later, and has been married to my step-dad for nearly 20 years now.

I've wondered, from time to time, how different my life would be, had my parents stayed together. Had my mom not kicked my dad out and filed for divorce, had I grown up with my biological father around...would things have been better?

I honestly don't think so. I know divorce is "bad", I know it's certainly not the ideal. Yes, it tears a family apart...but is that always a bad thing?

I've seen, both on this site and in my community, people condemning those families who have been ripped apart by divorce. I've heard people insulting the children involved, claiming that now they'd never amount to anything because they come from a "bad" family.

I think we've all heard or seen divorced people treated with zero respect solely because of their circumstances.

Is that right?

Are these broken families "less than"?

Do you think anything good can come from divorce?
 
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psychomom

Guest
#2
#2
idk why...but this reminds me of

Can anything good come out of Nazareth?

can our God bring good out of 'bad' things?
 
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psychomom

Guest
#3
#3
thinking about this a little more.

Cris, i agree there are some Christians who treat the divorced (and their little ones :( ) poorly.

as if their suffering, and their repentance isn't enough.

we are all...each and every one...broken people living in a broken world with other broken people.

a little compassion wouldn't go amiss...
the Lord Jesus displayed quite a bit of compassion for those who knew they were broken.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#4
#4
I think there is good that can come from it. There is no doubt that there are lots of negatives in divorce. But sometimes divorce is simply the best option. Especially in matters of abuse or repeated adultery. Or even addiction. A drug addict is not a good parent. Or if the parents simply cannot stop fighting.
It's easy to say 'well if the parents would just do X action, or stop doing X' or whatever, then things would be better and the marriage would be saved. And in an ideal world, yes, that would be great. But we don't live in an ideal world. People are going to act wrong, do wrong, even in marriage. People are going to bring baggage, issues, selfishness into a marriage.
And for those people quick to point fingers an criticize, i'm positive if we dug into their lives we could find the same attitudes. Their marriages won't be as good as they present them. How do i know? Because look at how they treat others. You can be sure someone that critical is bringing that harshness into their own marriage as well.

But, back on point. I think if a parent is not capable of being a good parent, or spouse for that matter, and isn't willing or able to change, that can do just as much damage, or more, than divorce. Though it's easy to think 'if i had a biological father around would i have turned out 'better'', but, no. I know the details of this for you Cristen. I don't think his being around would have been better, and quite possibly could have been worse. I won't go into detail in a public forum though.

Divorce is regrettable, and will always have negative consequences, no matter how valid the reasons are. But sometimes staying is worse.
Though i will say it seems people do divorce too easily anymore. I'm not encouraging people to divorce, just saying it' sometimes the better option. So unless you are being abused, cheated on constantly or dealing with an addict in denial, most people should put more efforts into their marriages. Be more open to changing themselves and accepting their responsibilities in the problems. Some people do this, most don't.
 
jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#5
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
77
48
#5
My mom and step dad were married til my freshman year of high school. All I remember growing up is constant fighting, lying, anger, alcoholism, and almost anything negative you can think of. Sure divorce isn't right. But I think it's safe to say anyone who grows up in a household like that from still in diapers to their adolescent years can say most of the time, it'll have a negative effect on the kid later on in life. I'm seeing that first hand with my nephew growing up with my sister and his father. I agree that God can bring good out of bad things, though.
 
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Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#6
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#6
My tally of friends or acquaintances that have gotten divorced in the last year or two is 5. That's a lot in my opinion and a sad also a little scary. You never know what can happen.

In all of these situations I've prayed the parents work together to do what's best for the kids. I have no doubt in my mind that these kids will be successful adults if they chose to do that.

I can't say for 100 percent that I will be married for the rest of my life, no one can. You trust someone and don't worry about it, but as I said, things happen.
 
Boomer2000

Boomer2000

Confirmed fraud
#7
Oct 31, 2014
12
0
0
#7
misscris my dad died some time ago after going to jail so i dont like really miss him at all but my mom remarryed 2 & i got a older sister and mom got another baby on the way but she remarryed to a guy who i dont like and they got 4 kids....

but yeah i know a kid whos dad hit him more then my stepdad do and his parents got divorced and now he dont get hit no more
 
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sassylady

Guest
#8
#8
It all depends on the circumstances. You probably don't know everything about the relationship between your mom and dad.

My ex husband molested our daughters. The divorce was difficult, I never intended to divorce that man until I found out what had been going on. It was the only way to put a no contact order in place to protect the kids. In this case, it was good to divorce even if it didn't feel good.
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#9
Jan 24, 2011
11,780
2,943
113
#9
There is no perfect family, no perfect life, only a perfect God.

If your parents had stayed together, there would have been other issues. Health, or financial or personal. We all suffer in this world, and that includes relationships. Was your step-father mean or abusive? Maybe your birth father would have turned out to be not such a good guy?

I think you need to stop looking back, and instead look to Jesus. He loves you, he will never leave or forsake you. You definitely sound like you are hurting, but changing your past is not an option.

FYI, my parents were married 63 years before my father died. I ran away from home permanently when I was 17. I did a lot of stupid things to myself, because I blamed my parents for not raising me perfectly. In the end, I recognized they did the best they could. And God really did restore, renew and transform me!

Here is a prophecy someone applied to me after I became a Christian, which I know God has fulfilled.

"I will restore to you the years
that the swarming locust has eaten,
the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter,
 my great army, which I sent among you." Joel 2:25

And here is a verse for you to memorize. It means don't worry about what has happened in this world, because the Holy Spirit is able to do an amazing work in your heart and life, no matter what your background.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect" Romans 12:2
 
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pastac

Guest
#10
#10
MissCris said:
My parents got divorced when I was seven; my sister and brother and I lived with our mom, who began dating within a few months of the divorce, and she was married again a couple of years later, and has been married to my step-dad for nearly 20 years now.

I've wondered, from time to time, how different my life would be, had my parents stayed together. Had my mom not kicked my dad out and filed for divorce, had I grown up with my biological father around...would things have been better?

I honestly don't think so. I know divorce is "bad", I know it's certainly not the ideal. Yes, it tears a family apart...but is that always a bad thing?

I've seen, both on this site and in my community, people condemning those families who have been ripped apart by divorce. I've heard people insulting the children involved, claiming that now they'd never amount to anything because they come from a "bad" family.

I think we've all heard or seen divorced people treated with zero respect solely because of their circumstances.

Is that right?

Are these broken families "less than"?

Do you think anything good can come from divorce?
Click to expand...
some of the world most beautiful flowers are grown in crap!!!!
 
seekingg

seekingg

Senior Member
#11
Jul 13, 2012
152
2
18
#11
God uses all things for his glory. however Satan wants to destroy the entire country one family at at a time and divorce is his method. you beat the odds not because you deserved it but due to gods grace. I lost every thing in my divorce but i gained salvation. It is bad that my daughters had to pay so much for me to be saved, wait salvation is free so i guess Satan just robbed them. God had his plan to prosper you family, divorce cost your family the blessing that god had for yall. Just like god had a blessing for Moses and the Israelis to walk to the promos land, it was a 7 day walk but it took 40 years because they lost there blessing god intended for them by their sins.
 
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VioletReigns

Guest
#12
#12
Boomer2000 said:
misscris my dad died some time ago after going to jail so i dont like really miss him at all but my mom remarryed 2 & i got a older sister and mom got another baby on the way but she remarryed to a guy who i dont like and they got 4 kids....

but yeah i know a kid whos dad hit him more then my stepdad do and his parents got divorced and now he dont get hit no more
Click to expand...
I got unsettled reading this, Boomer. You say you don't like your step dad. And that he hits you. Is your mother aware of this?
 
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