need serious advice

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
J

jullom

Guest
#1
#1
Recently in my fiancee and mines relationship i've been getting suspicion that she's talking to her ex husband about a relationship between the two of them she keeps denying that she wnats him like that bow just today i was able to listen to our late voice mail and heard 2 messages from her ex which she insists is just a friend one of which i hear him call her "mama" what do i do and how do i approach the situation without her thinking i'm invading her personal privacy
 
N

Nicee

Guest
#2
#2
How about using the name "mama."? Say something like "A guy leave a message asking 4 mama. Do u know anyone with that nickname?" if she said no say this"Well im about 2 call the person and say mama is here. U wanna talk 2 her." That just a silly way to get her 2 talk. If she starts going on d offensive or defensive. Just KEEP CALM AND STAY COOL.
 
M

MadParrotWoman

Guest
#3
#3
If she has children by her ex husband this could be the reason he calls her "mama", it would also be a reason they are in contact and rightly so. You do need to clear this up for your own peace of mind, you cannot continue with these suspicions, it is not good for your relationship. Confront her in a matter-of-fact kind of may, don't ask her in an accusing manor. Pray about it first.
 
J

jullom

Guest
#4
#4
MadParrotWoman said:
If she has children by her ex husband this could be the reason he calls her "mama", it would also be a reason they are in contact and rightly so. You do need to clear this up for your own peace of mind, you cannot continue with these suspicions, it is not good for your relationship. Confront her in a matter-of-fact kind of may, don't ask her in an accusing manor. Pray about it first.
Click to expand...
Everyone says her 1st marriage was the father of her 2 girls but she claims that this guy (2nd marriage) is the 2 daughters father but either way neither one of them have custody of the girls her sister does
 
J

jullom

Guest
#5
#5
Actually i did end up confronting her about the situation and she tells me that she has been playing "mind games" with him and she said its not actually cheating if she never did anything physical with him
 
A

Ann-childoftheKing

Guest
#6
#6
Pray first, and then be honest with her. Don't play games to try and find out what's going on. Ask her. Tell her why you are suspicious. But if you have true evidence that she is being untrustworthy with you, then you need to decide if you can forgive her, move on, and never bring it up again........or you can just move on with life without her.

God Bless~
 
D

dalconn

Guest
#7
#7
make sure you two rehearse and talk through the wedding vows before taking the oath
 
santuzza

santuzza

Senior Member
#8
Feb 12, 2013
1,609
38
48
#8
okay, she's had two husbands already and two children, and her sister has custody of her children??? Why are you with this woman? She sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

Has she repented of her past sins? Are you both Christians? This seems like a complete mess to me. Leave her and find a nice girl to marry.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#9
Mar 13, 2014
41,313
16,301
113
69
Tennessee
#9
jullom said:
Actually i did end up confronting her about the situation and she tells me that she has been playing "mind games" with him and she said its not actually cheating if she never did anything physical with him
Click to expand...
My advice - just dump her and move forward. You are too young to be involved with all of this baggage that this woman is carrying.
 
J

jullom

Guest
#10
#10
i can't do that i've been with this girl for 14 months now its the longest relationship i've ever had and noone else wants me or be the one to help me achieve my life and spiritual goals
 
H

HLR

Guest
#11
#11
If you suspecting it and the suspicions continue even once you've talked about it with her I would suggest a breakup as well. I I understand you're committed to her and this is the longest relationship you've had. However, nobody deserves to have to live with this suspicions. Cheating is definitely on a list of things that shouldn't be accepted in a relationship. I know people long for a partner and long for someone to grow old with them, I understand that, but this is NOT the one if you've got these suspicions. This is not something you want to live with for the rest of your life.

Pray about it. Pray about it. Pray about it. And when you've prayed about it, pray about it again. God will lead you better than any advice any person can give you.

Honestly though, you've got to decide... Is it worth it?
 
P

presidente

Senior Member
#12
May 29, 2013
9,086
1,749
113
#12
jullom said:
Recently in my fiancee and mines relationship i've been getting suspicion that she's talking to her ex husband about a relationship between the two of them she keeps denying that she wnats him like that bow just today i was able to listen to our late voice mail and heard 2 messages from her ex which she insists is just a friend one of which i hear him call her "mama" what do i do and how do i approach the situation without her thinking i'm invading her personal privacy
Click to expand...
Read this verse,
Luke 16:18

Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.Why not let her have him?

Your profile says you are 24 years old. Why would you want to marry a woman who has been married twice and her marriages already fell apart? Statistically, it's a really bad risk. It's not a marriage I could enter into in good conscience if I were single because of Jesus' words I quoted above.

There are about 3.5 billion women in the world. That's a lot of other women out there.
 
Last edited:
M

MissCris

Guest
#13
#13
jullom said:
i can't do that i've been with this girl for 14 months now its the longest relationship i've ever had and noone else wants me or be the one to help me achieve my life and spiritual goals
Click to expand...
There's a whooooole lot of worrying and sad things about this entire thread, but this statement...

First of all, I'd say break up with her and move on, knowing that you're capable of maintaining a relationship with 14 months as proof of that.

Second, you can't know no one else would want to be with you- you haven't tried.

Third, a woman who knowingly plays mind games with an ex is NOT, not not not not not not not going to help you to achieve any spiritual goals, unless those goals are to fall further away from the Lord.

Fourth...young as you are, and with the low self esteem you appear to have, I really strongly recommend that you focus on yourself for a while, as in, your own spiritual growth. Without being in a relationship. Particularly a relationship where the woman has openly admitted to "playing mind games" and doesn't see a problem being so involved with an ex.

I just...this all makes me sad, that you feel you've got to stay with someone who will most likely end up breaking your heart and I doubt she'll even feel guilty about doing so. You're giving her the power to destroy you, emotionally.

Just some things to think about :/
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#14
#14
A woman who will admittedly play games like that with an ex will likely do the same with you...she may even be doing it right now. Sounds like you want better than that stuff. There's a lotta baggage there.
 
H

HLR

Guest
#15
#15
Jullianna said:
A woman who will admittedly play games like that with an ex will likely do the same with you...she may even be doing it right now. Sounds like you want better than that stuff. There's a lotta baggage there.
Click to expand...
Yeah I agree with this too. I don't want to sound judgmental here but generally if its happen once there's a chance, high chance, of it happening again. Not only the cheating, but the games. And as someone who grew up in a not always healthy home situation I can assure you that's not something you want to do. You don't want to deal with it, and even more you don't want to bring children into this world that will have to deal with it. There's so many potential risks within this relationship that unless you're 100% positive she's changed, and she's a new person, and its undoubtedly the right thing to do the best thing you can do is simply walk away. And while that might seem impossible to do right now; I can assure you it's not the end of the world. You WILL find someone out there and you WILL be happy. It is, as I said before, impossible to be happy with these suspicions. It causes tension between the two of you, and it makes you doubt her and everything about the relationship. And a lack of trust is relationship killer. Its not a fun relationship for anyone. And love between two people should in my opinion be fun for both people. If your not happy together most of the time, something is wrong. I'm not saying you should never fight (fight being meant as disagree.) because you CERTAINLY will.

Anyway, I'm going way beyond what these thread calls for. ha.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#16
Apr 18, 2013
9,339
2,427
113
#16
jullom said:
i can't do that i've been with this girl for 14 months now its the longest relationship i've ever had and noone else wants me or be the one to help me achieve my life and spiritual goals
Click to expand...

According to this post, you've already made up your mind to stay with her, regardless of what she's doing.

If you've already made up your mind... why are you asking for advice?


If you want some little tidbit of advice, some little band aid to stop a major hemorrhage...
that isn't how life works.

Sorry, but that's just not how life works.
If the relationship has a major hemorrhage (like cheating)
then a band aid won't fix it.

If you want to stay with a girl who's bad for you... go right ahead.
You'll learn eventually.
Again, I'm very sorry... but this is just how it works.
You choose... and if you make a bad choice, you have to deal with the consequences.
 
JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#17
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,171
113
#17
This may sound a little harsh, but my first thought for you is..........NEXT....meaning pray about it and go find a godly woman there is one out there waiting for you....
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#18
Apr 18, 2013
9,339
2,427
113
#18
I want to apologize if my comment above sounds harsh...
but getting into a bad relationship is a HARSH THING.

If you get involved with a bad person, that person IS going to hurt you.

When we're talking about a serious relationship, we need to step back, take off the rose-colored glasses, and really think about what we're doing.
 
Last edited:
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#19
Jan 24, 2011
11,780
2,943
113
#19
jullom said:
i can't do that i've been with this girl for 14 months now its the longest relationship i've ever had and noone else wants me or be the one to help me achieve my life and spiritual goals
Click to expand...
This sounds like a bad case of dependent personality disorder. The only person we should be dependent upon is Jesus Christ. You are at an important place in this relationship. One of waking up to a mind game player and a user.

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone like that?? Please walk away, and know that if God wants you married, he will find a person that you can trust and love the rest of your life.

If this sounds like you (it does to me, from what you have written in this short thread, but then, I am not with you in person!) then please get some psychological help before you make the worst mistake of your life!

"Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a long-standing need for the person to be taken care of and a fear of being abandoned or separated from important individuals in his or her life. This leads the person to engage in dependent and submissive behaviors that are designed to elicit care-giving behaviors in others. The dependent behavior may be see as being “clingy” or “clinging on” to others, because the person fears they can’t live their lives without the help of others.
Individuals with Dependent Personality Disorder are often characterized by pessimism and self-doubt, tend to belittle their abilities and assets, and may constantly refer to themselves as “stupid.” They take criticism and disapproval as proof of their worthlessness and lose faith in themselves. They may seek overprotection and dominance from others. Occupational functioning may be impaired if independent initiative is required. They may avoid positions of responsibility and become anxious when faced with decisions. Social relations tend to be limited to those few people on whom the individual is dependent."

Dependent Personality Disorder Symptoms | Psych Central
 
You must log in or register to reply here.