Marriage Help-Please

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wiltedflower

Guest
#21
#21
VioletReigns said:
Father God, we all come together asking You to guide our sister, wiltedflower and give her wisdom in her situation. Lead her to a godly counselor and/or pastor and a group of Christian woman who can fellowship with and encourage her and the children. Lord, You know what is the perfect will for her life. I ask above all else she learn how faithful and mighty you are, how true Your Word! Let her grow in strength and peace and let her heart be filled with the spirit of joy that the world can't take away.


We know Lord that only you can help her husband who is in the poisonous grip of addiction and cannot see at all. He is blind and deceived. Help him, Father. We give him to You to deliver and save, Father God. Let wiltedflower trust You in this and help her to let him go into Your mighty hands, Great Physician!! In Your Holy Name we pray, Jesus.
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Thank you for your prayer! I don't know if you believe in words but I got on in church a few months back by a visiting pastor that knew nothing of my circumstances and he told me that my trial is temporary and I am going to live, not die, I will survive and come out smelling like a rose.

I know that I need to pray and ask God's wisdom. I have prayed that since the day I moved out. I feel this is the right decision for now and I know there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. I think that God has given me strength to carry on but I just feel lost sometimes.

Most of you are completely right that I need to pray. Thank you again so much for all of you answers and advice!

It brings peace in knowing this. I have talked with my Pastor a while back and he advised to give unconditional respect on the things that my husband does right, but after many phone calls he advised that it would need to give him an ultimatum (not necessarily a divorce but more of a separation but he leave the choice completely up to me which I know that he is only there for guidance) . He agreed with my 1st decision to leave on behalf of the girls but I haven't had a chance to talk to him this time around.

I did try the unconditional respect and we were doing so fine, I thought, until this past few weeks. I even forgave him for the car, the money taken out all of that but when I found out he lied about his night out I feel so numb. I don't see how this can work anymore.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#22
#22
wiltedflower said:
I have but I just feel so guilty about our children. I am content about leaving and getting the divorce but I just think about the impact it would have on our children
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What about the impact on the children of growing up watching what a marriage that is falling apart looks like, and learning this is 'normal'? What about the impact on the children watching their dad slowly kill himself with drug use? What about the lies they will see? However bad your husband is, if he doesn't choose to get help, he will only get worse. And meth addicts have very erratic and dangerous behavior. So you put you and your children in harms way. Consider any possible future legal ramifications. What will you say to the police if they one day ask if you knew about his problem and why you let your children be in this environment? What about the risk of other addicts showing up at your home? Or a dealer looking for his money? Do you think they would knock politely, ask for you husband and leave you alone?
These are all potential problems. Maybe none of these will happen, but these are the kinds of things that do happen sometimes. Especially with meth.
This is the problem with Christians, they push so hard on some topics, such as divorce, that you get blind to other things. You're so focused on the impact of divorce on kids (which i'm not denying is bad) that you're missing the impacts of them growing up in an unstable environment at home that could be equally as bad or worse.
Also, likely this accusation that you aren't trusting is probably the drugs talking.

The bad marriage, lies, drugs, accusations, risk of violence, risk of legal problems, etc.. that really sounds better than the potential impact of divorce on your kids? What will witnessing this do to influence them as they continue to grow up, looking to their home environment for ques on how to behave and what is acceptable?
And before you try to say the kids aren't aware, 2 things. One, they see more than you think. Two, as they get older they will not only continue to see more, and understand, but you will have to tell them.

It's a tough situation, kind of a lesser of two evils scenario. And i'm sorry that you are going through this, but make sure you are looking at all angles, both the impact on yourself and your kids.
 
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pastac

Guest
#23
#23
As a Pastor it bothers me greatly at the insensitive sensitive tones that so called Christians provide as they give opinions to what people do in their own lives as we often know people mean well.
Sometimes people have a reason for saying some of the things they say. I agree that we ought to use wisdom in applying scripture but I realize that people do not know how to talk.
As a result it would give way to some very difficult and often ungodly advising's on the part of them who profess to know more than God. Meth is the enemy.
Drugs is the enemy. I'm sure that your husband is lost and scared and hurt and confused while in the depth of his despair. Just know that what the visiting Pastor said to you was wise. I fault you not for protecting you or your girls the only fault if any that I would find is in asking people for help who often cant help themselves.
Well meaning people are not in your position and getting them to understand is one-sided. Your husband has a side who speaks for him ?No one except the drugs. Everyone come against him like he is at full fault. Oh he bears plenty of blame for his situation but he alone is not the only culprit. Sin is doing what it has always done rip apart lives!!I do not condone his actions but understand them. On or off drugs folks just do and say some pretty foolish and ignorant things just be very cautious as you figure this out.
His sickness is very real. His pains and fears are very real. Just know this will not be easy but it will be ok.I just have a knowing that God can do all things. You are in my prayers.
 
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sassylady

Guest
#24
#24
Get out. Drugs make people desperate and dangerous, you will never have enough with money being spent on them, you don't want to be an accessory knowing he has drugs and paraphernalia in the house. Cut your losses with the house, vehicle, etc. Leave him totally to what he wants and in God's hands, continue to pray.
 
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dabodab

Guest
#25
#25
I so relate to your trouble and am sorry beyond words for your plight. You are officially on my prayer list!

I am in agreement with your pastor, you, and basically everyone else here that you should not live with your husband while he is in his current state. BUT, to your kiddos let them know that Daddy is sick and can't see them. Protect those kiddos. Don't talk trash AT ALL about their dad in their presence and don't let anyone else either. I say this because that is the most damaging thing anyone can do to their kids. Believe me when I say I've seen a lot of justified 'trash talking' that turned kids against the 'right' parent and hurt the kids immensely in the long run.

As as far as divorce, God HATES divorce. That's for a reason: it fractures the family base. Just because your husband is currently sick doesn't mean he will not get better (as someone here has eluded to). Six of us from two generations of family were hopeless addicts. Only one remains an addict. Nothing is hopeless! God is in charge. Let Him be. Give this time. You will be glad you did.
 
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wiltedflower

Guest
#26
#26
dabodab said:
I so relate to your trouble and am sorry beyond words for your plight. You are officially on my prayer list!

I am in agreement with your pastor, you, and basically everyone else here that you should not live with your husband while he is in his current state. BUT, to your kiddos let them know that Daddy is sick and can't see them. Protect those kiddos. Don't talk trash AT ALL about their dad in their presence and don't let anyone else either. I say this because that is the most damaging thing anyone can do to their kids. Believe me when I say I've seen a lot of justified 'trash talking' that turned kids against the 'right' parent and hurt the kids immensely in the long run.

As as far as divorce, God HATES divorce. That's for a reason: it fractures the family base. Just because your husband is currently sick doesn't mean he will not get better (as someone here has eluded to). Six of us from two generations of family were hopeless addicts. Only one remains an addict. Nothing is hopeless! God is in charge. Let Him be. Give this time. You will be glad you did.
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Thank you. I grew up with a drug addicted father and my mom finally got a divorce from him but not before him exposing my younger brothers to drugs (They are older now and only one is currently doing drugs). I know the impact drugs can have on family.

I also grew up with my dad always talking bad about my mom and my family was very divided. Only as I got older I could see the drugs talking. (My dad is very addicted to meth as of current) I know how important it is to not talk about the father/Mother to the kids. I would never do that to them. I know that daddy loves them and they love daddy, since they are 3 and 1 that is all they need to know for now.
 
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pastac

Guest
#27
#27
Now is the time to really seek God for direction and not so much the opinion of others. Get closer to God and he will direct your path. I'm just being obedient when I say to you move slow and cautiously until you are SURE God is directing you and not emotions and opinions of others. Praying for you.
Pastac
 
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wiltedflower

Guest
#28
#28
pastac said:
Now is the time to really seek God for direction and not so much the opinion of others. Get closer to God and he will direct your path. I'm just being obedient when I say to you move slow and cautiously until you are SURE God is directing you and not emotions and opinions of others. Praying for you.
Pastac
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Thank you Pastac. I really appreciate your words. They have spoken the most to me.
 
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salany

Guest
#29
#29
God bless you and your family. Today God gave me strong feeling to pray for your problem and I felt in prayer how you all are very significant for Him.
Sorry for my bad English. I'm not native speaker.
With love in Jesus.
 
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OzDavo34

Guest
#30
#30
Until he is clean & honest with himself & you. You are right to live elsewhere with your children, they need safe stable homes & parents to thrive.

Love them teach them show them how great Gods love is.

If possible try to arrange safe supervised contact with their Dad & pray that he truly finds God

god bless
 
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pastac

Guest
#31
#31
wiltedflower said:
Thank you Pastac. I really appreciate your words. They have spoken the most to me.
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Any time wiltedflower do also seek out your pastor and lean on that. Also remember this is YOUR marriage not others and how others would deal with whatever is just talk no one is in your shoes. Keep praying for total deliverance from the sins that are besetting your husband.

Support him in prayer but stay safe. Be wise and love him unconditionally this is the man you married after all and had a family with. He is redeemable and will need your support as he fights and struggles with this terrible disease. Know this you are worth the time and effort this is not your fault. But now is a time to step up and manage the home for you and your girls teach them how to pray for daddy as well it will help. You take care and stay in touch anytime.
pastac
 
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wiltedflower

Guest
#32
#32
salany said:
God bless you and your family. Today God gave me strong feeling to pray for your problem and I felt in prayer how you all are very significant for Him.
Sorry for my bad English. I'm not native speaker.
With love in Jesus.
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Thank you:) Also your English is great!
 
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livinginfaith

Guest
#33
#33
How drug addiction can wreck havoc on a relationship, you pretty much have your head on your shoulders, its sad to see my sister being pulled down, I will keep you in my prayers

with the drug problem he has to come to grips with reality on his own, that is the only way out as he will learn, he doesnt realize hes losing you and his daughters or else he would be crying right now, its hard to see a brother addicted but its harder to see a sister and nieces suffer, my love
 
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pastac

Guest
#34
#34
livinginfaith said:
How drug addiction can wreck havoc on a relationship, you pretty much have your head on your shoulders, its sad to see my sister being pulled down, I will keep you in my prayers

with the drug problem he has to come to grips with reality on his own, that is the only way out as he will learn, he doesnt realize hes losing you and his daughters or else he would be crying right now, its hard to see a brother addicted but its harder to see a sister and nieces suffer, my love
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very heartfelt words and I agree with you but lets stay focused on the real enemy. Not drugs but sin using the drugs. Sin is only doing what sin does destroy, complicate abuse use to try to kill en the end. If we all rally around our sister cover her with accurate prayer she will be fine but we have to agree with her will and Gods will for her not personal agenda or personal feelings.
pastac
 
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rogerl

Guest
#35
#35
I will pray for you, God bless you! X
 
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rogerl

Guest
#36
#36
Alcohol almost destroyed everything for my family, I found Christ, and with tears in my eyes I can say only just in time. my wife has yet to confirm her faith. Now I know, it is up to me at present, but I now have help. Praise him! The King of Kings! God bless you all.
X
 
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rogerl

Guest
#37
#37
I can honestly say, with God's forgiveness and my wife's, although we sleep in different houses albeit 1 mile apart, my 2 kids are happy, the eldest especially. We see each other every day and now at the drop of a hat I'm there. Whilst both kids were ill I couldn't even begin to imagine how this great lady managed alone in the past, meanwhile I'd wollow in self pity.
I'm proud of our family and recently I got the feeling my eldest is proud of his daddy. There is hope, finding it can be hard, but when you've got the greatest Son on your side, finally that chink of light can finally be be seen in that never ending dark tunnel.
 
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