I am married and have been for 8 years but I honestly want to end it. My spouse seems to be more interested in hanging out versus spending any time with me and our child. He stays out late constantly and doesn't view it as a problem. It hasn't always been this way though. I've pleaded but he doesn't seem to care. I honestly feel there is someone else but because I have no proof, he's often angered by the very mention of such. During a brief separation our child was devastated so we decided to try to work it out. Things seemed to be getting better for about two weeks but he has unfortunately reverted back to his old ways. I feel so helpless. He does whatever he wants knowing how difficult it is for me to leave because it would break my baby's heart. I've prayed and prayed and just don't know what to do. Either I hurt or my child hurts. I'm so torn!
I'm a little late, wish I'd seen your post earlier... anyhow; if you tried to go separate ways and failed because of the child, then I recommend you, dear LonelyD, make it all about him/her (the child) all the way and leave the rest in the hands of fate (/God).
Staying in such an unhappy relationship will be very painful for you, that I can promise you. The question is: How much are you willing to sacrifice for the sake of your baby? If the answer is: "I would give my very life," then that is precisely what you're about to do. In other words, you're embarking on a journey of emotional suicide... long and very much painful than getting a gun and pulling the trigger... all for the sake of your own child.
I'm not sure how old he/she is (the child); but even when they're 3 years old or 3 months old, children can sense it when their mommy is suffering. Trust me on that. It's possible that you'll start loosing much weight... and it's possible that the child will start asking questions, eventually; "Mommy, what's wrong? Why are you in so much pain!" And you will reply with a smile: "No darling... Mommy is not in pain; just a little tired is all."
It's very possible that those lies won't work though. The child will still keep bugging you, and eventually you'll find yourself saying something like: "You know I would do anything for you. Right? So here's the thing; your father and I, we're not in love anymore. I won't go in the details of who's to blame and whatnot, but our marriage has been gone for very long. And we did try to go our separate ways, but we just couldn't... because of you. And so we decided to stick together... and even when he once again started doing the same things that I told him make me miserable; I still decided I would still stay. So you're right. I am in pain, but like I told you; there is nothing I wouldn't do for you... even surrender my own life; to die in agony, a little like Prometheus as he was tied up on a rock to bleed for all eternity."
As I envision this scene, I see things taking a miraculous twist where your child will be the one to tell you: "I can't have it mom. I just can't have you dying on me like this. You and dad, I want you to divorce. And I mean; RIGHT NOW." If that happens, then you have your green light. But note this: Your child is the boss. He/she is the one to give you permission to leave.
If you can manage to absorb this little movie script I just described above and act it; I'm not sure how long it will take... but in the end, I can promise you that you'll feel so proud of yourself once it's wrap time.
I wish you all the best... and please; whatever you do (or don't do), always remember that the Lord your God is and will always be on your side.
