My mother wanted abort my sister and me. My sister, because she was the result of a rape by dark-skinned French soldiers, and because I was unwanted. My mother had believed to my father, who, like most men; was a great egotist. Had my mother allowed to abort us! Our life was shit! More than this !!!! We were unloved, were hated by our mother and we were beaten for all sorts of things. I remember, for example, on a story, which have had happened in our kitchen. I must have been about four years old. My mother took a wooden hanger, and beat it broken on the back of my sister. And that's only because she do not want what my mother wanted. And I was struck by her often. But not only my mother was brutal. My father was much worse. He not only beat us; but raped us children for years. It would have been better if my mother had aborted us, it would save us both a lot of suffering remained.
I should be aborted
- Thread starter Gerlinde
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Wow, I'm very saddened to hear what you've been through and am very sorry you've had to go through all that, Gerlinde! 
I can't imagine how that must've been. I can only thank God for, and remind you, of verses like Romans 8:18 that says "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Also when Paul said "For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory" in 2 Corinthians 4:17. Paul's afflictions for the Lord's sake were, of course, not light, but very serious and included being beaten and left for dead. But just remember that this life is nothing compared to eternity and soon we'll be with the Lord forever and ever and there will be no more suffering!! You are pleasing to God and He loves you more than you know, and that is all that matters!!
"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”" (Revelation 21:3-4)
I can't imagine how that must've been. I can only thank God for, and remind you, of verses like Romans 8:18 that says "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Also when Paul said "For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory" in 2 Corinthians 4:17. Paul's afflictions for the Lord's sake were, of course, not light, but very serious and included being beaten and left for dead. But just remember that this life is nothing compared to eternity and soon we'll be with the Lord forever and ever and there will be no more suffering!! You are pleasing to God and He loves you more than you know, and that is all that matters!! "And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”" (Revelation 21:3-4)
Even though some people on this website have different opinions and views on some stuff, we can all agree on that you are loved by God.
I can't imagine how it must've been for you either. I see you just joined this website 2 days ago. Are you a christian?
If you are, or if you are not, you should read the love letter, the book of love that God gave us. The bible.
I can't imagine how it must've been for you either. I see you just joined this website 2 days ago. Are you a christian?
If you are, or if you are not, you should read the love letter, the book of love that God gave us. The bible.
P
Gerlinde, that's so, so sad.
I'm very sorry you've suffered so.
I have family in Germany, but my German is almost non existent, language wise.
However, I'm told basically there are two denominations for Christian?
Catholic and Lutheran? Is that right?
If it is, to which do you belong...if either?
Jesus is the great Healer, my friend.
I pray you come to Him and let Him give you rest. ♥
love,
ellie
I'm very sorry you've suffered so.
I have family in Germany, but my German is almost non existent, language wise.
However, I'm told basically there are two denominations for Christian?
Catholic and Lutheran? Is that right?
If it is, to which do you belong...if either?
Jesus is the great Healer, my friend.
I pray you come to Him and let Him give you rest. ♥
love,
ellie
Even though some people on this website have different opinions and views on some stuff, we can all agree on that you are loved by God.
I was a former Mormon, excommunicated becaus of transsexualism (in 1992), and I'm a searcher. I'm NOT A CHRISTIAN! But I like it to talk about religion, helpful, to find the truth.
Scripture says that God made the world fallible, like man, so that when he made man new, so he would also make the world new.
I like you had an abuse in my shildhood, and many times asked why?
Why not a loviing father, for His abuse, torture and neglect damaged my heart beyond repair.
I was crying out one night, asking this very question, Jesus, how can you fix that which is so destroyed?
Jesus answered me back, saying, I remove the broken heart, and give you mine.
Why some of us have to know so much pain , abuse and sorrow?
I do not know, the one thing I have come to know through Jesus, is that He suffered it al for us, and overcame it all for us.
So that when we recieive Him into our lives, we will know this victory, the great love Jesus gives us so we can overcome.
Because this is what it is all about, starting as the seed of flesh in the world, so we may be born into His Spirit, the life and love we are called to in Him.
For flesh and blood cannot enter into heaven, only Spirit!
I know that it is in Jesus, God Our Father that I found my true Father, and He is perfect, and loved me first.
That Jesus Showed me that forgivness is not just about the person who harmed me, but more so that I am freed of that harm by His victory, forgivness.
And I love Jesus, God Our Father with a love I never knew possible, for it was the healing love Jesus showed me that taught me this love.
I will be praying for you in Jesus, for I do know that understanding (the why) is probably the most difficult part to overcome.
But I also promise you in Jesus, that when you give your heart to Jesus, recieiving forgivness and in turn forgiving.
That the why, no longer matters, only the freedom from all that has happened, and the love and joy of Jesus, will be your streangth.
In the love of Jesus
God bless
pickles
I like you had an abuse in my shildhood, and many times asked why?
Why not a loviing father, for His abuse, torture and neglect damaged my heart beyond repair.
I was crying out one night, asking this very question, Jesus, how can you fix that which is so destroyed?
Jesus answered me back, saying, I remove the broken heart, and give you mine.
Why some of us have to know so much pain , abuse and sorrow?
I do not know, the one thing I have come to know through Jesus, is that He suffered it al for us, and overcame it all for us.
So that when we recieive Him into our lives, we will know this victory, the great love Jesus gives us so we can overcome.
Because this is what it is all about, starting as the seed of flesh in the world, so we may be born into His Spirit, the life and love we are called to in Him.
For flesh and blood cannot enter into heaven, only Spirit!
I know that it is in Jesus, God Our Father that I found my true Father, and He is perfect, and loved me first.
That Jesus Showed me that forgivness is not just about the person who harmed me, but more so that I am freed of that harm by His victory, forgivness.
And I love Jesus, God Our Father with a love I never knew possible, for it was the healing love Jesus showed me that taught me this love.
I will be praying for you in Jesus, for I do know that understanding (the why) is probably the most difficult part to overcome.
But I also promise you in Jesus, that when you give your heart to Jesus, recieiving forgivness and in turn forgiving.
That the why, no longer matters, only the freedom from all that has happened, and the love and joy of Jesus, will be your streangth.
In the love of Jesus
God bless
pickles
What I am searching/looking for? I do not know exactly. Since my excommunication from the Mormon (because of Transsexualism), I was always looking for a spiritual home. A home that would accept me as I am. Not a church which want to change my identity. My character already, where it is necessary, but not my transsexual identity. However, in almost all Christian churches, I experienced rejection, prejudice and the attempts to heal me.
That's why I had turned myself to other religions, studied them.
Judaism, because my mother was Jewish before she became out of fear of a loopy dictator (Hitler) a Christian.
Islam, particularly the Sufi, because I had read something about it.
Even paganism, Wicca in particular, because my neighbor is a practicing witch.
None of the religions gave me the feeling of home, even though I was accepted in Wicca, as I am. So I look on.
Today I think I need no religion but a belief. No religious framework, but a relationship with God or the Divine itself.
As I told elsewhere in the forum, my sister was the result of a rape shortly after the end of World War 2, by dark-skinned French soldiers. When she was about 20 years old, she was looking for love, the men only wanted sex. She had five children by four different fathers. Then she met an American from Crescent, Oklahoma know, and emigrated with her youngest son, Steve. The other children were either full age, or she did not want anything to do with them (as with my niece Diana, who is bisexual). In the US, she became a born-again Christian.
That the prehistory.
My then wife, Domenica, wrote her a letter by telling her that we wanted to get a divorce because of transsexuality. My sister called us in the middle of the night (after German time), and quoted several quotes from the Bible. All were about homosexuality. When I told her that transsexualism is something quite different from homosexuality, she freaked out and called me a fagot, pervert, and that was the funniest of all (ironically), she called me a murderer. She knew the backgrounds. Because she was there!
Since that time (this was in the fall of 1991), we have no more contact. I think of her often. I miss her. I love her because she's my sister. But with her action she has hurt me very much.
Her son Steve, as far as I know, married to the daughter of a pastor. And both have children.
Speaking of children:
I can not see my two children since 1992. Their mother wouldn't like it as a Mormon, and their church also not. "Perverse" like me are not welcome in the "one and only true church".
That the prehistory.
My then wife, Domenica, wrote her a letter by telling her that we wanted to get a divorce because of transsexuality. My sister called us in the middle of the night (after German time), and quoted several quotes from the Bible. All were about homosexuality. When I told her that transsexualism is something quite different from homosexuality, she freaked out and called me a fagot, pervert, and that was the funniest of all (ironically), she called me a murderer. She knew the backgrounds. Because she was there!
Since that time (this was in the fall of 1991), we have no more contact. I think of her often. I miss her. I love her because she's my sister. But with her action she has hurt me very much.
Her son Steve, as far as I know, married to the daughter of a pastor. And both have children.
Speaking of children:
I can not see my two children since 1992. Their mother wouldn't like it as a Mormon, and their church also not. "Perverse" like me are not welcome in the "one and only true church".
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C
Thank you for replying! I don't understand why your sister would call you a murderer ... have you ever figured that out?
Your former wife is a Mormon. Did she raise your two children as Mormons? They must be close to 25 yrs old by now ... am I wrong? If they are - how could she stop them from at least talking to you? You said 'their' church - so maybe you're saying that your grown children are Mormon's too.
Sorry for all of the questions, I just needed some understanding of what's happened in order to know more of what position you're in. Was the news to your wife very hard on her? I mean, I don't know how long you two were married when this came about and how long you knew that this was going to be the way it would go with you. Did you know when you were dating her or not until after marriage ... and how old were you when you realized that this was the way for you?
I'm not asking to jump on you - I just want to understand and not preach or come back with anything else - I just want to understand what we can pray for and to how this could be handled if we know others in the same position. It could help!
Thanks again.
Your former wife is a Mormon. Did she raise your two children as Mormons? They must be close to 25 yrs old by now ... am I wrong? If they are - how could she stop them from at least talking to you? You said 'their' church - so maybe you're saying that your grown children are Mormon's too.
Sorry for all of the questions, I just needed some understanding of what's happened in order to know more of what position you're in. Was the news to your wife very hard on her? I mean, I don't know how long you two were married when this came about and how long you knew that this was going to be the way it would go with you. Did you know when you were dating her or not until after marriage ... and how old were you when you realized that this was the way for you?
I'm not asking to jump on you - I just want to understand and not preach or come back with anything else - I just want to understand what we can pray for and to how this could be handled if we know others in the same position. It could help!
Thanks again.
H
Gerlinde. It takes a lot of courage to share your pain so publicly. I applaud you for that. Please know that all life is precious. All life. But more than any other life in all creation, human life is so precious, and so sought after by god, that he'd rather die than be without any of his children. Sometimes it's hard to see God's plan. Or feel His hands guiding and protecting us. I know you feel cheated. I know you're tired. But I'm here to tell you that no matter what the evil of this world does to you, no matter how evil people hurt you, no matter how much it seems like it might be better if you hadn't lived at all... Right now, this very second, there is a place for you at God's table. There are arms waiting to wrap you in healing and mercies beyond imagination. The evil of this world is not the fault of God. I know it's hard to accept. But no sin, no struggles, no unspeakable atrocitiies that come against you can ever, ever separate your Father from you. He bottles each of your tears in heaven. His heart breaks each time you hurt. You're His daughter. And he loves you in a way that your parents never could. Just talk to Him, sister. Please. And if you need someone to help you, support you, lift you up, we are your family. Your TRUE family. We love you almost as much as God does. My heart breaks for your past. But my Spirit is filled with hope for your future. You just have to take one little leap of faith. Just one little act that, to the untrained mind sounds absolutely insane. You just have to believe that He loves you. Not for who you were. Not for who you might have been. Not for who you may become in the future.. But exactly as you are. This moment. Let me pray for you. Would that be alright?
The reason is because I had actually killed someone. My father, when I was 14 years old.
My ex-wife took our children as Mormons, but as far as I know, both children in the LDS are inactive. She was the one who figured it out. However, they thought I had a mistress. How little she knew me! When I told her she was shocked. She even tried to seduce me with sex to make me "normal" again. When she realized that this was not working, she went to the bishop (local church leader of the Mormons), and said what was wrong with me. At the same time they threatened me to deprive me of the children. When my daughter was 18 years old (at my CO she was 8 years old), I tried to call her. When my daughter heard who I was, without a word, she put the phone receiver on the phone fork.
The main problem with both of us was; that we are both at unsewrer wedding was not honest. She did not love me, wanted a husband; and I hid her my transsexuality
I knew it, but denied it to the public and repressed it from myself. I went for the Mormons on a mission, was released early for health reasons (I had a suicide attempt made because of transsexualism), and married to heal me. What a mistake! Today I know that nothing can heal transsexuality. Also, no surgical operation. But this operation can help to have no more thoughts of suicide, no more self-loathing, and to be mentally stable.
My ex-wife took our children as Mormons, but as far as I know, both children in the LDS are inactive. She was the one who figured it out. However, they thought I had a mistress. How little she knew me! When I told her she was shocked. She even tried to seduce me with sex to make me "normal" again. When she realized that this was not working, she went to the bishop (local church leader of the Mormons), and said what was wrong with me. At the same time they threatened me to deprive me of the children. When my daughter was 18 years old (at my CO she was 8 years old), I tried to call her. When my daughter heard who I was, without a word, she put the phone receiver on the phone fork.
The main problem with both of us was; that we are both at unsewrer wedding was not honest. She did not love me, wanted a husband; and I hid her my transsexuality
I knew it, but denied it to the public and repressed it from myself. I went for the Mormons on a mission, was released early for health reasons (I had a suicide attempt made because of transsexualism), and married to heal me. What a mistake! Today I know that nothing can heal transsexuality. Also, no surgical operation. But this operation can help to have no more thoughts of suicide, no more self-loathing, and to be mentally stable.
C
Thank you for replying again, when you didn't have to. I'm relieved that you are so open and honest about uncovering these events. That means a lot. My mind is everywhere today, so it's taken me this long to get here and then to this post. I'm in the Philippines, with my Dad, in the Hope of our Salvation with His Return and a number of other places all at the same time. Even with something that I just learned [again] by trying to pour bleach into a spray bottle just now. As I normally do it over the sink with no problem - I didn't do it over the sink just now and I had a unconscious fear of spilling it so it wasn't going as smoothly as when I do it over the sink, not fearing the spillage and since I believe that "all things" speak to us from Him - a principle of how 'fear' affects us ran over into other aspects that I can look at in my own personal life, as well as other's.
I learned from being married and living with my husband that you don't KNOW a person even after 30 yrs - so that's why I ask so many questions. Also, I was born curious and because of that - became a research fanatic. We can't judge a human being completely, but we can get some clues by asking ... but only GOD knows a person through-and-through and knows their end. We can just try to go with what we know and must be very careful to not assume that we know their end but pray that we can help by His Love Alone... not our own human love that's very presumptuous and conditional.
As you may have noticed - I am built to be very Pro-life and the title of this particular thread is what drew me in. I don't frequent this forum unless a thread title from the Index page draws my or His attention ... whichever.
I ask your forgiveness for not doing a search on your previous posts and hadn't read your Intro before I first posted to you.
Pro-lifers can be a real pain in the neck for some folks - so, keep that in mind as my driving force behind my questions or any statements that I may post.
I only have a one statement in regards to your Intro thread. It pained me to see that you like "horror" books and again - that stems from my pro-life mindset. I wouldn't have thought that of you in my own human reasoning, after reading of all the horror that you've experienced yourself Except for that for 'some' -- it's a way to toughen oneself, in a carnal way, from their past and present fears that they hate. Their own form of Marine boot camp or "face the things that you fear most" type of psychological exposure. I needed time to get over your choice of books, as in, separate my own repulsion of those types of entertainment from my pro-life brain or strong personal convictions. The do no harm thing runs strong in me to the point that I can't even kill bugs and seeing anyone hurt another is something that triggers something in me that I have in the past put my life in the way of that happening to another ... and no glory to me .... it's just that with my background ... I relate to pain in or to others in a reactive way that maybe over-the-top to some. Who knows. But I do know what horrific childhoods are like and a crushing adult life thereafter is and the worst of it would be to "not have a happy ending".
I have just maybe two more questions in order to wrap my head around what you've been through, if you can bear with me.
One is - how old were you when the sexual & physical abuse began and by whom? And - how did you kill your father?
I pray those questions aren't over the top and I do feel grateful that you have bore with me so far with openness. That takes guts!
You're in my thoughts and prayers,
In His Love,
Ann
I learned from being married and living with my husband that you don't KNOW a person even after 30 yrs - so that's why I ask so many questions. Also, I was born curious and because of that - became a research fanatic. We can't judge a human being completely, but we can get some clues by asking ... but only GOD knows a person through-and-through and knows their end. We can just try to go with what we know and must be very careful to not assume that we know their end but pray that we can help by His Love Alone... not our own human love that's very presumptuous and conditional.
As you may have noticed - I am built to be very Pro-life and the title of this particular thread is what drew me in. I don't frequent this forum unless a thread title from the Index page draws my or His attention ... whichever.
I ask your forgiveness for not doing a search on your previous posts and hadn't read your Intro before I first posted to you.
Pro-lifers can be a real pain in the neck for some folks - so, keep that in mind as my driving force behind my questions or any statements that I may post.
I only have a one statement in regards to your Intro thread. It pained me to see that you like "horror" books and again - that stems from my pro-life mindset. I wouldn't have thought that of you in my own human reasoning, after reading of all the horror that you've experienced yourself Except for that for 'some' -- it's a way to toughen oneself, in a carnal way, from their past and present fears that they hate. Their own form of Marine boot camp or "face the things that you fear most" type of psychological exposure. I needed time to get over your choice of books, as in, separate my own repulsion of those types of entertainment from my pro-life brain or strong personal convictions. The do no harm thing runs strong in me to the point that I can't even kill bugs and seeing anyone hurt another is something that triggers something in me that I have in the past put my life in the way of that happening to another ... and no glory to me .... it's just that with my background ... I relate to pain in or to others in a reactive way that maybe over-the-top to some. Who knows. But I do know what horrific childhoods are like and a crushing adult life thereafter is and the worst of it would be to "not have a happy ending".
I have just maybe two more questions in order to wrap my head around what you've been through, if you can bear with me.
One is - how old were you when the sexual & physical abuse began and by whom? And - how did you kill your father?
I pray those questions aren't over the top and I do feel grateful that you have bore with me so far with openness. That takes guts!
You're in my thoughts and prayers,
In His Love,
Ann
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Nobody is perfect. Also, I do not; I only see this (grin oppressive). I'm not saying that those who are pro-life are wronglife, for which they are not. I'm just saying that there are not just black and white, and that any woman who wants an abortion, has her reasons. And that must be included in the assessment of these reasons. No woman make an easy decission by that.
T
It's difficult when a person reaches out for answers when in fact they have it all mapped out in their minds.... Geraldine, I hope by some miracle that God will personally touch and reveal himself to you. No matter what others say, in the end it would be your choice to stand up out of your past and try to look ahead at a brighter future. Sometimes bad things happen to good people, but like in my case, those bad things that happened to me, can now be used to help others who are faced with rape, molestation etc. Because I know that I will not be defined by what a man has done to me, but I'll be defined by God's grace, His Character and most of all....His undying love.
May God's love heal your heart, mind and soul.
May God's love heal your heart, mind and soul.
But did your mother actually want an abortion, and was refused? Or are you just looking back and wishing you had never been born?
That is depression speaking, which is a result of all that childhood trauma and abuse. I wrote about depression in another post, and I want to know I am here for you, as a child of God, someone who trusts that God is in control, no matter what the pain and circumstances.
I know growing up in a home with abuse is not easy on a person. I will not chastise you about your transgender orientation, either. It only follows there is going to be serious gender issues when you have been beaten and raped. I have a Christian friend who is transgendered, and she has trusted in Jesus, but also gone for the hormones and also surgery.
So yes, you can know Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour, even though you are transgendered. God understands. As for why bad things happen to children, it all goes back to the Fall in Genesis 3, when Adam and Eve disobeyed God, and we are still suffering from sin and evil in the world.
But the whole point of being Christian, is that Jesus Christ came to save us from our sins. And that is not just about sexual identity, but all the things we do to to separate us from God. Sin ultimately means "separation from God." So all of us have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. That is why we need a Saviour.
Once we believe and repent, the Holy Spirit comes into our hearts and lives, and he begins to transform us into his image. And one day, when he returns, we will be like him, because we will see him as he is.
This is all in the Bible, and very important to understand that Jesus is not just a god, or a good man, or an example to be like. He is the ONLY Saviour, the only God! The Mormons use extra Biblical texts, which contradict the Bible.
The Bible is the revelation of Jesus to all who would believe. Then we have a relationship with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. God wants you to come home to him, and be his child. And one day, he will wipe every tear and sorrow away, and we will be with him forever.
If you want to talk about your abuse, I would like to help you. I would also want to talk about what God can do in your life, to take away that pain and hurting, and give you hope, in spite of your circumstances. Jesus is in the business of reconciling people to himself. He loves you, and I hope now is the time, when you can come to a knowledge of the truth, not the lies of Mormons (nice people though they are!) or Wiccans or any other religion.
Jesus is about a relationship with God. I pray you will take up my invitation to seriously consider the claims of Jesus on your life.
That is depression speaking, which is a result of all that childhood trauma and abuse. I wrote about depression in another post, and I want to know I am here for you, as a child of God, someone who trusts that God is in control, no matter what the pain and circumstances.
I know growing up in a home with abuse is not easy on a person. I will not chastise you about your transgender orientation, either. It only follows there is going to be serious gender issues when you have been beaten and raped. I have a Christian friend who is transgendered, and she has trusted in Jesus, but also gone for the hormones and also surgery.
So yes, you can know Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour, even though you are transgendered. God understands. As for why bad things happen to children, it all goes back to the Fall in Genesis 3, when Adam and Eve disobeyed God, and we are still suffering from sin and evil in the world.
But the whole point of being Christian, is that Jesus Christ came to save us from our sins. And that is not just about sexual identity, but all the things we do to to separate us from God. Sin ultimately means "separation from God." So all of us have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. That is why we need a Saviour.
Once we believe and repent, the Holy Spirit comes into our hearts and lives, and he begins to transform us into his image. And one day, when he returns, we will be like him, because we will see him as he is.
This is all in the Bible, and very important to understand that Jesus is not just a god, or a good man, or an example to be like. He is the ONLY Saviour, the only God! The Mormons use extra Biblical texts, which contradict the Bible.
The Bible is the revelation of Jesus to all who would believe. Then we have a relationship with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. God wants you to come home to him, and be his child. And one day, he will wipe every tear and sorrow away, and we will be with him forever.
If you want to talk about your abuse, I would like to help you. I would also want to talk about what God can do in your life, to take away that pain and hurting, and give you hope, in spite of your circumstances. Jesus is in the business of reconciling people to himself. He loves you, and I hope now is the time, when you can come to a knowledge of the truth, not the lies of Mormons (nice people though they are!) or Wiccans or any other religion.
Jesus is about a relationship with God. I pray you will take up my invitation to seriously consider the claims of Jesus on your life.
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