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P
Matt, when i read the thread title my first question was, are you my husband? 
when my sisters and i were small, my dad got frustrated with mom because the house wasn't clean enough.
he wrote out a schedule for her, which she said she'd stick to by the letter.
she noted he hadn't penciled in, change a diaper, change a diaper again,
wipe a nose, break up an argument, kiss a boo boo, wipe away tears,
read a story, rock a baby, take a temp, bake some cookies...well you get the idea.
dad ripped up the list on the spot, kissed mom, and began doing the housework
that was undone when he got home from work.
if it's in the budget, hire someone...even a teen. they need jobs, too.
when my sisters and i were small, my dad got frustrated with mom because the house wasn't clean enough.
he wrote out a schedule for her, which she said she'd stick to by the letter.
she noted he hadn't penciled in, change a diaper, change a diaper again,
wipe a nose, break up an argument, kiss a boo boo, wipe away tears,
read a story, rock a baby, take a temp, bake some cookies...well you get the idea.
dad ripped up the list on the spot, kissed mom, and began doing the housework
that was undone when he got home from work.
if it's in the budget, hire someone...even a teen. they need jobs, too.
How many kids do you have ? are they old enough to start having chores, I would have them pick up after their self such as toys, pick up there rooms .. Are they old enough to put their clothes away. my kids had to put there clothes away, they had to wash there own dishes.
I wash my dishes that i used as I cook , sometime my husband will come out and dry them as I go along. think of the little ways that you can help her.
I think we all have stuff that we could do with out, its just parting with it, Look at the stuff and ask do we really need this and what does this mean to her. Buy some storage containers and start packing stuff in it.
do a load of laundry yourself sometime, then fold them who ever they belong to and is old enough to put them away have them do it.
I would look at it how can we all help , the little things adds up.
I wash my dishes that i used as I cook , sometime my husband will come out and dry them as I go along. think of the little ways that you can help her.
I think we all have stuff that we could do with out, its just parting with it, Look at the stuff and ask do we really need this and what does this mean to her. Buy some storage containers and start packing stuff in it.
do a load of laundry yourself sometime, then fold them who ever they belong to and is old enough to put them away have them do it.
I would look at it how can we all help , the little things adds up.
I know it can be very hard to live in a mess and it is wonderful that you help her. But don't resign yourself to the mess...please hire a maid too, even if it is only once a week it will take such a load off a mother's shoulders. All children constantly undo your housework all day long, and with someone who is already challenged in that area, it just becomes overwhelming, an endless source of self-accusation, and if you add to it you will destroy her and destroy your marriage. North American culture is very silly about thinking a maid is a luxury. in many other countries maids are considered neccessary even if you are not well-off people will find the money for it--and they know that they are helping the maid to survive as well. We need to see that attitude here too. Women are not supermoms. Most men have no idea how many little chores there are in a mom's day, and how many times they are redone, and redone, and redone, ad nauseum. It is nothing short of crazymaking. And above all, don't call her names over it! Calling her a slob may seem truthful to you, but it is not effective. Motivation to change comes from unconditional love--along with counseling if she is truly a hoarder and not just an overwhelmed mom
J
Most ladies I know struggle to keep up with every expectation placed on them:
Be a good christian (read Bible and pray daily, attend church 2x weekly)
Be a caring, loving wife
Be a caring mother (this is a full time job)
Hold down a job
Prepare nutritious meals (and for others who are sick, grieving or rejoicing)
Keep a tidy house
Shop for the necessities of running a home
Be the social planner of the home
Keep up physical appearances
Interact with or take care of extended family
Have interesting hobbies
Be educated on books, politics and current events
Now, I am not saying men have it easier. I am pointing this list out so maybe you could have an honest discussion with her about your preferences. My husband likes a tidy, organized home, so we have twice monthly maids and take out about 2x a week, leaving me more time and energy for cleaning. I need to spend time with God and exercise to be happy, therefore those are high on my list. Being extremely social isn't high on either of our lists. I work part time, he has to work insane hours at his job.
I guess I said all that to say this, your family's priorities must work for all those in your family. Everyone gets what they need and everyone sacrifices something they may want, it will help her if you honestly (and caringly) communicate what you would like her to focus on and what to let go of. Also, realize that maybe hard on her because of her upbringing or personality.
May God knit your marriage together tighter than ever.
Be a good christian (read Bible and pray daily, attend church 2x weekly)
Be a caring, loving wife
Be a caring mother (this is a full time job)
Hold down a job
Prepare nutritious meals (and for others who are sick, grieving or rejoicing)
Keep a tidy house
Shop for the necessities of running a home
Be the social planner of the home
Keep up physical appearances
Interact with or take care of extended family
Have interesting hobbies
Be educated on books, politics and current events
Now, I am not saying men have it easier. I am pointing this list out so maybe you could have an honest discussion with her about your preferences. My husband likes a tidy, organized home, so we have twice monthly maids and take out about 2x a week, leaving me more time and energy for cleaning. I need to spend time with God and exercise to be happy, therefore those are high on my list. Being extremely social isn't high on either of our lists. I work part time, he has to work insane hours at his job.
I guess I said all that to say this, your family's priorities must work for all those in your family. Everyone gets what they need and everyone sacrifices something they may want, it will help her if you honestly (and caringly) communicate what you would like her to focus on and what to let go of. Also, realize that maybe hard on her because of her upbringing or personality.
May God knit your marriage together tighter than ever.
V
Brother Matt, "My wife the slob" struck me as kinda sad. I wouldn't want my husband to have that label of me in his heart, no matter how messy I was.
But actually, I'm a lot like you. I don't hoard things, don't collect much except small rocks (which I keep in one big jar), and am extremely tidy. Not a clean freak but I like things in order.
As my kids got older, I realized I had to accept that not one of them was very tidy. It was excruciating at times to accept their cluttered living spaces. But we came to an agreement that dishes had to be brought to the kitchen and dirty laundry in the laundry baskets. Other than that, their rooms were pretty much messy. Papers, books, sneakers, sweat shirts, whatever else scattered here and there.
Now that they're grown, I really don't have much to keep clean as I always put things away. I kinda envy you that you have signs all over your house that your family surrounds you. All my grandsons live miles away. I wish their stuff was scattered at my home.
I hope you and your wife can come to some type of solution you both can live with.
But actually, I'm a lot like you. I don't hoard things, don't collect much except small rocks (which I keep in one big jar), and am extremely tidy. Not a clean freak but I like things in order.
As my kids got older, I realized I had to accept that not one of them was very tidy. It was excruciating at times to accept their cluttered living spaces. But we came to an agreement that dishes had to be brought to the kitchen and dirty laundry in the laundry baskets. Other than that, their rooms were pretty much messy. Papers, books, sneakers, sweat shirts, whatever else scattered here and there.
Now that they're grown, I really don't have much to keep clean as I always put things away. I kinda envy you that you have signs all over your house that your family surrounds you. All my grandsons live miles away. I wish their stuff was scattered at my home.
I hope you and your wife can come to some type of solution you both can live with.
K
To be blunt, it sounds like your part of the problem. Your an enabler, in that by embracing the problem, your enabling your wife, the slob . The solution is simple, tell her to clean-up and throw-out all the junk, or your going to do it for her, and mean it. When she fails to comply, and she will, your going to need to clean house. It will take some coordination and planning on a day that she's not going to be home, but make the necessary arrangements to have all the junk hauled off, and be prepared to work your rear off on that day. There will no doubt be some consequences, but you need to decide if the repercussions will be worth having a clean house.
You've let the problem escalate to an unmanageable situation, but once its brought under control, you'll need to maintain it by throwing stuff out on a regular basis. This is what I'd do, but I suspect you'll need to reach a point of intolerance before you can muster the desire to take action and clean house. Lots of luck
. The solution is simple, tell her to clean-up and throw-out all the junk, or your going to do it for her, and mean it. When she fails to comply, and she will, your going to need to clean house. It will take some coordination and planning on a day that she's not going to be home, but make the necessary arrangements to have all the junk hauled off, and be prepared to work your rear off on that day. There will no doubt be some consequences, but you need to decide if the repercussions will be worth having a clean house. You've let the problem escalate to an unmanageable situation, but once its brought under control, you'll need to maintain it by throwing stuff out on a regular basis. This is what I'd do, but I suspect you'll need to reach a point of intolerance before you can muster the desire to take action and clean house. Lots of luck
I'm sorry but I disagree with this advice.This is your wife Matt and not your child.My guess is she will be very upset if you try to treat her like a child.I had a friend with this same problem.I mean it was bad.She never cleaned her house.So trying to be good to her my mother and I volunteered to help her clan up the house.What happened was we cleaned while she watched.I took me 2 hrs to do one side of the room.I gave her small jobs to do like throw out old mail and this was too much for her.I said to her "this house will look the same in 2 weeks,wont it?" Sure enough our cleaning did nothing.She accused us of throwing out things that meant something to her even when she was asked about every item.She was clearly a hoarder.I didnt know till I saw the hoarder tv show.
You cant force a hoarder to clean.They have an issue.I dont know how bad your wife is but she may need professional help.Either way trying to punish her like a child will not work.You cant force an adult to do anything without ending up with a parent/child relationship and that never works.
J
All that I can say is that I've been posting on different forums for about 10 years now and this was the funniest title for a thread that I've ever read. Seriously, I couldn't stop laughing when I saw it. In fact, I'm still laughing.
Oh, btw, if your wife is a slob, then my wife is a slob on steroids...which is part of the reason why I am laughing. IOW, I can relate.
Oh, btw, if your wife is a slob, then my wife is a slob on steroids...which is part of the reason why I am laughing. IOW, I can relate.
I really don't see anything amusing about the title he chose..calling his wife a slob is an disrespectful insult, regardless of whether she IS a messy person or not. YOU calling your wife a "slob on steroids" just proves my point. Would Jesus call YOU a slob on steroids? Somehow, I don't think he would.. just sayin'...
Would Jesus call YOU a slob on steroids? Somehow, I don't think he would.. just sayin'...