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J
I really don't see anything amusing about the title he chose..calling his wife a slob is an disrespectful insult, regardless of whether she IS a messy person or not. YOU calling your wife a "slob on steroids" just proves my point. 
Would Jesus call YOU a slob on steroids? Somehow, I don't think he would.. just sayin'...
Would Jesus call YOU a slob on steroids? Somehow, I don't think he would.. just sayin'...
I hear you, but I was primarily laughing just because I thought that it was such an odd title for a thread on a Christian forum. I'm not mocking the OP...I kind of appreciate his transparency in that he just blurted out what is obviously on his mind, come what may.
Anyhow, I've read all of the responses on this thread and I believe that the reason why my own wife is so messy (messy doesn't really cover it) hasn't even remotely been addressed. Rather than state what I believe that reason to be, I'll just scoot out of this thread before I get myself in trouble.
Have a great night.
P.S.
I'm not a "slob"...whether "on steroids" or not, so, no, I don't believe that Jesus would refer to me in such a manner, but if I was one, then I'd have no problem with Him referring to me in such a manner. Personally, I believe that we're called, as Christians, to do everything heartily as unto the Lord and this would include how we maintain our homes. IOW, if a Christian minister would announce that they were planning on visiting our home, then great effort would be put in to make it look presentable. If such an effort would be given for a Christian minister, shouldn't at least the same effort be put in for CHRIST Who sees all?
I cannot even imagine what it must be like to be married to someone who would speak so horribly of their wife in a public forum. Maybe your wife is busy being a MOM to your children, spending time where it matters instead of having a museum for a home. I've never been so forward in posting something on CC, but to speak of your wife in that manner is inexcusable.
Reading stuff like this just makes my heart heavy and I feel so depressed over it. Why do people give up so easily in marriage these days? I loved my wife unconditionally, we hardly had a bad word against each other and if we did we more than said sorry and made up for it.
My ex wife was not perfect, she had many faults as did I, but I helped her, comforted her and supported her, even when she went into a deep depression and mental break down I just showed nothing but love and kindness, Even though she did things I still told her how much I loved her and looked after her.
So when I read how many men are just mean and nasty to thier wives, calling them names in public, it just breaks my heart, I feel so frustrated and sad that a beautiful amazing woman is taken for granted and subjected to this public humiliation and ridicule by their spouse, when I know that they would be loved and cherished if they were my wife, and yet I have no one now and never will.
My ex wife was not perfect, she had many faults as did I, but I helped her, comforted her and supported her, even when she went into a deep depression and mental break down I just showed nothing but love and kindness, Even though she did things I still told her how much I loved her and looked after her.
So when I read how many men are just mean and nasty to thier wives, calling them names in public, it just breaks my heart, I feel so frustrated and sad that a beautiful amazing woman is taken for granted and subjected to this public humiliation and ridicule by their spouse, when I know that they would be loved and cherished if they were my wife, and yet I have no one now and never will.
N
Ya know, this post offends me. Not many things offend me, but this does. We don't love our spouses in spite of things they do which we don't like. In fact we love them BECAUSE those things are part of what makes the other the amazing person the person we chose to love. Get over yourself. It's your house too. If you don't like the way the house looks then clean it. It's YOUR issue. Love your wife, love your family and deal with things.
If the worst problem I ever have from my husband and children is messiness, then I have done something great in life, because IT'S JUST STUFF! She's not beating the kids, she isn't cheating and she's not in a chat forum badmouthing you.....so count your blessings and move on.
If the worst problem I ever have from my husband and children is messiness, then I have done something great in life, because IT'S JUST STUFF! She's not beating the kids, she isn't cheating and she's not in a chat forum badmouthing you.....so count your blessings and move on.
K
Remind her that you are born with nothing, you will die with nothing, so things are only to get you by in the meantime. Keep only what you need, space is for living not hoarding. I need food, clothing, shelter, and empty floor space to walk and to have peace of mind. It truly does affect my mood, so does adequate lighting.
Speak logic to her. So she is doing a project right? Well what is her purpose for doing it? Wouldn't her answer be to be helpful or make something better than it was? What is more beneficial- the result of finishing that, or the result of having a happy husband? Is it really worth it- the price of your husband's peace and good mood, your peace of mind and good mood, the price of marital problems, the price of counseling, the the negetive domino effect that affects more people than you. What is the purpose of a project to increase the quality of living, when you severely decrease it in many more important ways? There are enough stresses in life that are not controllable, why add ones that are able to be controlled? Advise her to count the costs.
My rules: If I haven't used it in the last year out it goes. If I can't walk through my house with my eyes closed everything I trip over must be emptied from that floor space. Tabletops are for meals not storage- whether bookshelves, or bins of all shapes and sizes, everything has to have its place. And I can't buy something unless I know where it is going to go, and how I am actively going to use it and not let it sit around. And senamental keepsakes have to fit in my hokechest or I don't keep it. Take a picture of it if it's something big in order to keep that cherished memory. Things should never be more important than people.
Speak logic to her. So she is doing a project right? Well what is her purpose for doing it? Wouldn't her answer be to be helpful or make something better than it was? What is more beneficial- the result of finishing that, or the result of having a happy husband? Is it really worth it- the price of your husband's peace and good mood, your peace of mind and good mood, the price of marital problems, the price of counseling, the the negetive domino effect that affects more people than you. What is the purpose of a project to increase the quality of living, when you severely decrease it in many more important ways? There are enough stresses in life that are not controllable, why add ones that are able to be controlled? Advise her to count the costs.
My rules: If I haven't used it in the last year out it goes. If I can't walk through my house with my eyes closed everything I trip over must be emptied from that floor space. Tabletops are for meals not storage- whether bookshelves, or bins of all shapes and sizes, everything has to have its place. And I can't buy something unless I know where it is going to go, and how I am actively going to use it and not let it sit around. And senamental keepsakes have to fit in my hokechest or I don't keep it. Take a picture of it if it's something big in order to keep that cherished memory. Things should never be more important than people.
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P
Unkept house or unkept wife?
Fit house or fit wife?
Beautiful house or beautiful wife?
Foul smelling car or foul smelling wife?
The bible says you can not serve two masters... she either pleases you mastering your house or pleases you mastering herself.... looking at the two ... I wonder which of the two is more pleasing to God? A well kept house or a well kept wife...
Fit house or fit wife?
Beautiful house or beautiful wife?
Foul smelling car or foul smelling wife?
The bible says you can not serve two masters... she either pleases you mastering your house or pleases you mastering herself.... looking at the two ... I wonder which of the two is more pleasing to God? A well kept house or a well kept wife...
Yes. This is very sad. I had a man tell me I was a perfect woman, but yet he said he did not understand my calling and did not like certain ways I conducted my life. What he did not try and understand is that I struggle with overcoming everyday. Seems like many are just waxed cold wanting something that is unrealistic. What if God did not want him because he did not put up the toilet seat. Very very sad.
It is odd that nobody mentioned that she might be suffering of ADHD and all this NOT actually being her fault...
Beginning and not finishing a lot of big projects is a hallmark of ADHD! I do the same thing.
Or maybe she is just tired!
In my normal state, I keep stuff really tidy and clean. I also enjoy cooking for others and healthily... (This is not an advertisement, I'm already married) But as soon as I am employed, if I have to stand for hours, my body is so wore out that I actually have to take painkillers to function. The house will not get cleaned, the dishes might sit in the sink, I dont cook, I dont have time to get normal groceries either I just pick something up on my way from work, clean laundry will sit on chairs in piles, unfolded. If I am tired then I really am tired and that means in order to do MORE I'd need some drugs... It is a struggle enough for me then to focus on God and prayer because my mind gets tired too. I am grateful that I dont have children yet. I dont have the house stink of course but housework gets delayed. I hate when I have mess around me, I'm a person who needs spatial order to function. But my husband would never condemn me because he is the same way. He likes tidy and clean, but not unto death. Maybe your wife is tired, she just doesnt want to complain.
Beginning and not finishing a lot of big projects is a hallmark of ADHD! I do the same thing.
Or maybe she is just tired!
In my normal state, I keep stuff really tidy and clean. I also enjoy cooking for others and healthily... (This is not an advertisement, I'm already married
) But as soon as I am employed, if I have to stand for hours, my body is so wore out that I actually have to take painkillers to function. The house will not get cleaned, the dishes might sit in the sink, I dont cook, I dont have time to get normal groceries either I just pick something up on my way from work, clean laundry will sit on chairs in piles, unfolded. If I am tired then I really am tired and that means in order to do MORE I'd need some drugs... It is a struggle enough for me then to focus on God and prayer because my mind gets tired too. I am grateful that I dont have children yet. I dont have the house stink of course but housework gets delayed. I hate when I have mess around me, I'm a person who needs spatial order to function. But my husband would never condemn me because he is the same way. He likes tidy and clean, but not unto death. Maybe your wife is tired, she just doesnt want to complain.
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P
It is odd that nobody mentioned that she might be suffering of ADHD and all this NOT actually being her fault...
Beginning and not finishing a lot of big projects is a hallmark of ADHD! I do the same thing.
Or maybe she is just tired!
In my normal state, I keep stuff really tidy and clean. I also enjoy cooking for others and healthily... (This is not an advertisement, I'm already married) But as soon as I am employed, if I have to stand for hours, my body is so wore out that I actually have to take painkillers to function. The house will not get cleaned, the dishes might sit in the sink, I dont cook, I dont have time to get normal groceries either I just pick something up on my way from work, clean laundry will sit on chairs in piles, unfolded. If I am tired then I really am tired and that means in order to do MORE I'd need some drugs... It is a struggle enough for me then to focus on God and prayer because my mind gets tired too. I am grateful that I dont have children yet. I dont have the house stink of course but housework gets delayed. I hate when I have mess around me, I'm a person who needs spatial order to function. But my husband would never condemn me because he is the same way. He likes tidy and clean, but not unto death. Maybe your wife is tired, she just doesnt want to complain.
Beginning and not finishing a lot of big projects is a hallmark of ADHD! I do the same thing.
Or maybe she is just tired!
In my normal state, I keep stuff really tidy and clean. I also enjoy cooking for others and healthily... (This is not an advertisement, I'm already married
) But as soon as I am employed, if I have to stand for hours, my body is so wore out that I actually have to take painkillers to function. The house will not get cleaned, the dishes might sit in the sink, I dont cook, I dont have time to get normal groceries either I just pick something up on my way from work, clean laundry will sit on chairs in piles, unfolded. If I am tired then I really am tired and that means in order to do MORE I'd need some drugs... It is a struggle enough for me then to focus on God and prayer because my mind gets tired too. I am grateful that I dont have children yet. I dont have the house stink of course but housework gets delayed. I hate when I have mess around me, I'm a person who needs spatial order to function. But my husband would never condemn me because he is the same way. He likes tidy and clean, but not unto death. Maybe your wife is tired, she just doesnt want to complain.
True as well.
What I said had to do with it too, because we should not be hurrying to condemn and accuse anybody and treat another as we want to be treated. The OP speaks kinda as if she was doing it on purpose to annoy. If she cannot catch up with the house, there must be some reason. Either she is too tired, or she has no concentration, or has other priorities, in either case she should get help, hired one if "helping is tiring" (but it should not be "tiring" to her?).
If she is hoarding she must have some anxiety too, probably fear of poverty. The OP did not wonder about this, instead what is personally annoying matters more to him.
What I said had to do with it too, because we should not be hurrying to condemn and accuse anybody and treat another as we want to be treated. The OP speaks kinda as if she was doing it on purpose to annoy. If she cannot catch up with the house, there must be some reason. Either she is too tired, or she has no concentration, or has other priorities, in either case she should get help, hired one if "helping is tiring" (but it should not be "tiring" to her?).
If she is hoarding she must have some anxiety too, probably fear of poverty. The OP did not wonder about this, instead what is personally annoying matters more to him.
P
Many times I have to stop and look at what "im doing or saying".. what am " i " pouring in..what am I pouring in on a site like this to someone I dont know, or someone I do know..what am I pouring into people close to me.. if im pouring in contamination... what is going to come out of the vessel im pouring into? We are contaminated with "stuff" ... pouring kindness into such vessels (or people) acts like draino... it may take a while for the gunk to come out ... you might not even see results right away..but eventually something positive will come out.. pouring in contamination on top of contamination, is it helping or prolonging?
Another way to look at it is.. who am I speaking to" in you" when I call you a slob?
Its not the slobs fault ..its my fault for speaking to the slob... if im speaking to the slob in you... why am I surprised when the slob speaks back? We call forth in a person ,the spirit we are speaking too in them... but its easier to blame that person rather than ourselves for doing it..its sort of like getting upset when a liar lies to you... well in order to stop upsetting yourself... stop asking a liar questions... speak life... life and death are in the power of the tongue.... speak life life will come forth... speak death it will come forth too
Another way to look at it is.. who am I speaking to" in you" when I call you a slob?
Its not the slobs fault ..its my fault for speaking to the slob... if im speaking to the slob in you... why am I surprised when the slob speaks back? We call forth in a person ,the spirit we are speaking too in them... but its easier to blame that person rather than ourselves for doing it..its sort of like getting upset when a liar lies to you... well in order to stop upsetting yourself... stop asking a liar questions... speak life... life and death are in the power of the tongue.... speak life life will come forth... speak death it will come forth too
S
The underlying issue is that you like to have things tidy and they are not... so you likely feel disrespected, disregarded, uncared for, unloved etc etc. If you do not process this painful emotion it will likely turn into anger, depression or anxiety or even a combination of the three.... and it will destroy your relationship with your wife because you will act out of your unprocessed pain and damage your wife's heart.
S
…when someone starts to talk about their wives or husband to other people, pointing their bad side, they lack wisdom and judgement in their own lives…talking about your wife is a reflection of you….it is often a justification and compensation for other deep issues never addressed. Part of protecting your wife is helping her in area she is not "gifted" not calling her names.
It is wise for a man to KNOW how to LOVE his wife. How to be "helpful" . with all due respect, saying nothing to her and helping her keep the mess around is NOT being helpful, being able to stand up for yourself in front of her, not quitting on your responsibility to direct the spiritual values behind tidiness and initiate talk on keeping the household in order should be a matter of priority since we all know it is important. Let your women see you love her, not by putting her down but by showing you are giving her your strength in this matter.
That's how marriage start to break when one partner stay on the edge, pointing the finger at the other…
Know your part, your place and play the role.
You married this woman, she is yours. she is is your own flesh and blood. you can do yourself some violence and start realising that and take proactive, wise actions to make her into a better person.
It is wise for a man to KNOW how to LOVE his wife. How to be "helpful" . with all due respect, saying nothing to her and helping her keep the mess around is NOT being helpful, being able to stand up for yourself in front of her, not quitting on your responsibility to direct the spiritual values behind tidiness and initiate talk on keeping the household in order should be a matter of priority since we all know it is important. Let your women see you love her, not by putting her down but by showing you are giving her your strength in this matter.
That's how marriage start to break when one partner stay on the edge, pointing the finger at the other…
Know your part, your place and play the role.
You married this woman, she is yours. she is is your own flesh and blood. you can do yourself some violence and start realising that and take proactive, wise actions to make her into a better person.
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