My wife has admitted to cheating on me.

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S

Sirk

Guest
#41
#41
The parable of the fig tree. The master wanted him to dig it up but the worker wanted to work the soil and fertilize it for one year. Put on your farmin hat friend and dig into the soil. Things don't grow while they're being pruned. Jesus is pruning you and you will bear fruit again.... Only better fruit.
 
S

Sirk

Guest
#42
#42
Chin up soldier. Praying for you.
 
M

MadParrotWoman

Guest
#43
#43
Yes praying for the situation. God bless you.
 
JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#44
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,171
113
#44
After you have gone through the healing process then it is o.k. for you to remarry as Matthew 19:9 indicates that only reason other than death to put away a wife is fornication or adultery. But that should be down the road for you. It is hard to be alone after being married and having a partner look after your needs. But you can hire a maid to clean house and take care of your laundry. You have to be doing o.k. to have 5 children of course this is an assumption on my part. But having been a single mother I know that children cost a lot of money.

Please do go ahead and see a counselor for yourself even if you can't get your wife to go to this counseling as they should be able to help you work through this rejection and pain. Praying that God will be near you and guide you in this terrible trial that you will be passing through and that you will find comfort and peace and able to build a much better relationship in the future should you choose to do so.
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#45
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
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#45
SnowyRiver said:
And what am I to do if she becomes truly repentant? Do I take her back only if she knows that will not trust her for a very long time.
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"When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife... Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the Lord" (Deuteronomy 24:1-4)
 
AnnieH

AnnieH

Member
#46
Dec 20, 2014
84
3
8
#46
SnowyRiver said:
UPDATE: I wish I had good news but my wife has left me for a 3rd time admitting she does not hold any hope or desire for rebuilding our marriage, her heart has turned cold to me and said she hates me for not paying attention to her sooner, I am planning on beginning divorce proceedings which I do with a heavy heart, I would prefer it if she is to see other men I don't want her married to me if that's her intent. I pray to Jesus that he comfort me during the darkest period of my life and not have me fall into any old addictions to cope with the loss.
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I am so sorry! I know you tried. I pray that you don't fall into old addictions either.
 
M

MollyConnor

Guest
#47
#47
I'm so sorry SnowyRiver. :( I hope and pray that you can find peace, comfort and joy from the Lord. Lean on him and his Word. It will bring you healing.
It's difficult but you can overcome this! Allow some time to cry just to yourself and eventually realize that you are better off without her. What do you want a cheating wife for anyway? Thank the Lord that you are freed from that. It's best that you found out now than before you got an STD or something.
When we go through difficult things, I have noticed that the Lord puts something new in our lives. Maybe this is a chance for you to lean on him more? Maybe you can focus more attention on your children and grandchild? Maybe you can start serving more at church? I recommend you do something like this. Get involved and make friends at church. Talk to your Pastor or male friends and just fellowship.

Do things for yourself. Take a walk, eat healthy, maybe take some college classes for fun? Just get out there and meet people. Don't sit at home for too long moping. It's not going to do you good. Yes, you can grieve for a few weeks but after that, you need to move forward.

Things I recommend you don't do
-don't speak ill of her in front of your kids (she will always be their mother)
-don't date someone else right away (you need time to heal)
-don't blame the Lord (we all have a choice and she chose to do this)
-don't hate her (she is a child of God just as we all are, and she obviously needs prayer)
-don't call her or take her back unless she has proven to you that she is ready to change

Again, please lean on Jesus and forgive her. The forgiveness is for yourself. You need it to heal. God bless you and may you find the Lord's peace :)
 
S

SnowyRiver

Guest
#48
#48
Yes I am not really one to show emotion but I pray I show it this time, she has admitted the affair is still going on and that he makes her laugh and that it's not lovemaking it's just sex. I have agreed to separation, despite of all this I guess I still hold false hope she will come back to me. I know better men would be able to discard their woman after such a thing, I don't know maybe I am weak. I been listening Joel olsteen and the message I got from him was to pick myself up and keep going despite the hurt I feel inside.
 
S

Sirk

Guest
#49
#49
SnowyRiver said:
Yes I am not really one to show emotion but I pray I show it this time, she has admitted the affair is still going on and that he makes her laugh and that it's not lovemaking it's just sex. I have agreed to separation, despite of all this I guess I still hold false hope she will come back to me. I know better men would be able to discard their woman after such a thing, I don't know maybe I am weak. I been listening Joel olsteen and the message I got from him was to pick myself up and keep going despite the hurt I feel inside.
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Youre not a weak man. You've been betrayed by a person you trusted. Betrayel is a tough pill to swallow. You've played a role in the downfall of your marriage. Now is the time to figure out how so it doesn't happen again.
 
N

NewWine

Guest
#50
#50
SnowyRiver,
I am so very sorry for your pain. I will keep your family in prayer. I wish I had some magical words that would make this all better for you, but I know from experience that words just aren't enough. Keep focused on God, and let God handle things....in His time. Malachi 3 keeps coming to mind in this. Christ is making you His reflection.......


Refining Silver
Some time ago, a few ladies met in a certain city to read the scriptures, and make them the subject of conversation. While reading the third chapter of Malachi they came upon a remarkable expression in the third verse: "And He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver." One lady's opinion was that is was intended to convey the view of the sanctifying influence of the grace of Christ. Then she proposed to visit a silversmith and report to them what he said on the subject.
She went accordingly and without telling the object of her errand, begged to know the process of refining silver, which he fully described to her. "But Sir" she said, "do you sit while the work of refining is going on?" "Oh, yes, madam," replied the silversmith; "I must sit with my eye steadily fixed on the furnace, for if the time necessary for refining be exceeded in the slightest degree, the silver will be injured."
The lady at once saw the beauty, and comfort too, of the expression, "He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver." Christ sees it needful to put His children into a furnace; His eye is steadily intent on the work of purifying, and His wisdom and love are both engaged in the best manner for them. Their trials do not come at random; "the very hairs of your head are all numbered."
As the lady was leaving the shop, the silversmith called her back, and said he had forgotten to mention that the only way that he knows when the process of purifying is complete when he sees his own image reflected in the silver....
--Author Unknown

Peace and Prayers!
 
H

Hungry

Banned
#51
Nov 26, 2012
3,095
1,050
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#51
I'm sorry for the situation that has brought you CC but nice to meet you. I hope in all that has happened you have not decided to break your promise to stop drinking. A question for you, or a couple; Why do you wish to remain with your wife? What is it about her you feel that you can't do without? It seems there must have been a long cooling off period. Was it obligation in a teen pregnancy that caused the marriage and you played house for the last couple decades? Nobody wants this to happen but are you relieved that it appears to be "her fault" the marriage is over? I don't want these answers but if I was you I would answer them for myself. Now if you are sincerely sorry for your part of the void in your marriage then don't lay down and let some guy steal her. Fight! If someone drove away in your car, because you left the keys in it would you say, "Well that sucks, guess I will go buy another." But this is like a classic car, you can't just replace it. You spent years restoring it, late nights in the garage putting in time and energy. I'm not kidding if a guy had the nerve to sleep with my wife, the mother of my children, and try to romance her and take her away from me, the planet isn't big enough to hide from me. You are supposed to be one flesh with your wife. If that guy tried to cut off your legs would you be alright with that? I am not saying go kill him. I am just saying if you truly wanted your wife back then you should be tempted to. Again.....don't kill him. It would show your wife how much you loved her if you at least fought for her. You decide for you, but if it was me, I would make sure he would be looking elsewhere for his sex.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#52
Mar 13, 2014
41,313
16,301
113
69
Tennessee
#52
SnowyRiver said:
Yes I am not really one to show emotion but I pray I show it this time, she has admitted the affair is still going on and that he makes her laugh and that it's not lovemaking it's just sex. I have agreed to separation, despite of all this I guess I still hold false hope she will come back to me. I know better men would be able to discard their woman after such a thing, I don't know maybe I am weak. I been listening Joel olsteen and the message I got from him was to pick myself up and keep going despite the hurt I feel inside.
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You don't have to take this crap. It's time to cut your losses. You must have a high tolerance for pain for allowing this drama to continue to play out.
 
M

mystikmind

Guest
#53
#53
My wife is currently divorcing me (which i have posted about already).

Just yesterday when i was going through all the negative things in my mind and even wondering if she had someone else God spoke to me, he said "love thy enemy" And God did not mean my wife is my enemy, i immediately understood what the meaning was.... If i am too love my enemy, then how much easier should it be to love anyone who harms me but they are not my enemy! WoW, and then suddenly all the negative thoughts became kind of irrelevant, true or not. love thy enemy is indeed one of the greatest forces for utterly defeating evil.
 
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SnowyRiver

Guest
#54
#54
I have told her to no longer come home and just stay away, I am tired of being walked all over and having her in my house while she goes and lays with another man in the evenings, during my last work shift she was always leaving the house to drive her "friend" to work. I have since asked her to move out, I have taken leave of my house and am staying at a relatives house right now, I need to be around my family right now, I have recieved advice from them and am taking it in stride, I have to return home eventually and hopefully I will grieve and let myself cry over the breakdown of my marriage, I am realizing that things will never be the same again. And for this I am sad. But I must keep moving forward I will focus on my children and my health, and learn how to start taking care of myself, for the first time again. Thank you all for your prayers and advice. My heart is shattered and must begin the journey to healing.
 
damombomb

damombomb

Senior Member
#55
Feb 27, 2011
3,801
68
48
#55
Rise above it friend! Father God thank you for taking this pain out of his heart and replace it with your love grace and peace .In Jesus name.
 
A

AgeofKnowledge

Guest
#56
#56
Poor guys. You've been serially cheated on and now you get to experience the back end part of the feminist "family" model in divorce court. That's where the court orders you to pay a good share of your monthly income to the ex who cheated on you so she can look for the new men in her life. Oh, and if you don't fund that, you'll be incarcerated. I bet that wasn't explained to you on the front end before you said, "I do."
 
S

Sirk

Guest
#57
#57
AgeofKnowledge said:
Poor guys. You've been serially cheated on and now you get to experience the back end part of the feminist "family" model in divorce court. That's where the court orders you to pay a good share of your monthly income to the ex who cheated on you so she can look for the new men in her life. Oh, and if you don't fund that, you'll be incarcerated. I bet that wasn't explained to you on the front end before you said, "I do."
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But by the grace of God. There go I.
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#58
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
338
83
#58
SnowyRiver said:
I have told her to no longer come home and just stay away, I am tired of being walked all over and having her in my house while she goes and lays with another man in the evenings,
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Good... There ya go, you've seen the light. Keep putting emotions on a shelf and let logic dictate your decisions. jmo
 
DiscipleDave

DiscipleDave

Senior Member
#59
Sep 4, 2012
3,095
69
48
#59
i feel you.

But this too shall pass.

Go to Church. Get involved with a Church.

Many people are very unhappy in these last days, and they wander "Why me Lord?" or they wander "Where are you Lord?" And usually 99% of the time, it is because they have not drawn close to God. The words of James are True 4:8 Draw nigh to God, and He will draw nigh to you........

How is it though people wander where is God? when they have not drew close to Him. Go to Church, get involved at a Church, read your Bible, study your Bible, pray continually, attend or start a Bible Study, volunteer to feed the homeless, being around those who are in far worse situations tend to put a persons own problems in perspective. If you are thinking about others, you will think about your own problems less. i am not saying to not mourn, for there is a time to mourn as it is written. i am only saying if you Truly want a happy life, then you need to put God in it. He will not come after you. But if you go after Him, He will not deny you at all.

Many people are hurt and feel abandoned by God, and it is not His Fault that people do not put God into their lives.

This question is to all:
What have you done for God lately?
Is it any wander He is not in your life?

^i^
 
A

AVoice

Guest
#60
#60
Dan58 said:
"When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife... Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the Lord" (Deuteronomy 24:1-4)
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We are not under Deut 24:1-4. that was written for the hardness of their hearts and was therefore contradictory to what was intended at Creation.
In the NT the sin of divorce can be repented from and therefore the rightful husband and wife should be reunited. In the OT under Moses divorce was NOT a sin and therefore the follow up commandment that re uniting was forbidden. We are NOT under the law. We are under the New Covenant in Christ Jesus.
STOP pushing as necessary what has been abolished by Christ.

Dan 58, You better stop your gross sin of pushing Moses in contradiction to Jesus. Just stop your sinning right now.
 
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