what's going on in my mind

[shellby]

I was raised in a family of 6 kids.iI am the 2nd oldest. When I was 11yr I had to babysit the other 5.while I was babysitting my brother raped me and the other kids.our parents were at the bar.i took blame for it for so many years.i was 11yr and thought it was my fault that they got raped because I didn't do my job as a babysitter.ibwas assign to ask people what a 11yr mind is at??

 

[Angela53510]

How old are you now? Have you talked to a guidance counselor about this? It's sounds like you are still really hurting.

I used to babysit at age 11, and it got me in trouble too. Where I live in Canada, you are not legally allowed to babysit until you are 12.

I think personally, that when people leave precocious children at home while they go off drinking, they are to blame for everything that goes wrong. I am so sorry you have been so badly hurt in so many ways. Did your brother get in trouble? Was it reported to the police? You might want to do that, as he might be molesting and/or raping other children.

 

[psychomom]

shellby, an eleven year old still has, in most ways, the mind of a child.
because they're children.

please know none of what happened is your fault, and i am so sorry about it.

have to second Angela here...i hope and i pray you are getting or can get help
to work through not only the trauma of the attack, but the guilt you shouldn't carry.

you are not responsible, dear one.

 

[Dan58]

While it was your responsibility to babysit, it wasn't your fault that your brother over-powered and abused you and your siblings. I'm guessing you were in shock at 11 years old and didn't react like an adult. I'd feel guilty too if I sat idly by and watched my siblings get raped. But you were too immature to know to call for help. Hopefully your parents called the police and did the right thing? Your story lacks details, so its hard to comment, but it sounds like you were traumatized by what happened and froze. As a child, you emotionally shut down and nothing was going on in your mind.. That's just my best guess.

 

[IDEAtor]

There are adults who do not know how to respond to such heinous acts. Do not feel like you were to blame or should have felt this or that way about the violations mentioned. As for now, finding a solid Christian mentor with whom you can share and pray is good. Counselors will help in certain ways, but a solid Christian mentor is irreplaceable. I pray you find both.

Sorry for your suffering.

--IDEA

 

[Sirk]

I know what's going on in mine. I'm "fencing the enemy within".

 

[blue_ladybug]

what's going on in my mind right now isn't fit for me to say on a christian site..cuz i'm in a rotten mood today and would surely get banned if i said what i want to say.. :/

 

[JustAnotherUser]

First, I want to say that I'm sorry that this has happened to you and your siblings. It doesn't matter if you were eleven or if you're an adult, sexual acts without consent IS harassment/rape. It was not your fault for someone else's actions, those who do such abuse and implant that into the victim's head do so because it's a way for them to have control and not to be ratted out.

That being said, I would have to assume that your brother is the one who is older than you, therefore had to know better about the actions than say if a kid committed them. Often times, kids who do these type of things are passing on what has been done to them. Does it excuse the act? Absolutely not. Have you told anyone about this or have your siblings done so? As suggested, it's likely that you need counselling if you have not. Things such as rape are a big deal and it impacts a person's life forever.