Advice for a shy girl

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teengirlforchrist

Guest
#1
#1
I've been shy for basically all my life and I'm a sophomore in high school. I keep to myself most of the time I sit by myself mostly in all of my classes and I only have a few friends I associate with in my school. Its very hard for me to make friends and I suck at it lol. Talking to people face to face in general is a struggle. Also for some reason even sitting behind a computer screen talking to someone is not as easy as I thought it would be. I don't want to become anti social or anything Lol and I would like to make new friends and communicate with people better since I start my first college class Tuesday. I just don't know where to start.
 
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ardchoille

Banned
#2
Dec 8, 2014
306
4
0
#2
teengirlforchrist said:
I've been shy for basically all my life and I'm a sophomore in high school. I keep to myself most of the time I sit by myself mostly in all of my classes and I only have a few friends I associate with in my school. Its very hard for me to make friends and I suck at it lol. Talking to people face to face in general is a struggle. Also for some reason even sitting behind a computer screen talking to someone is not as easy as I thought it would be. I don't want to become anti social or anything Lol and I would like to make new friends and communicate with people better since I start my first college class Tuesday. I just don't know where to start.
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I used to be the same way. For me, it was a fear of having to handle rejection. What helped me was to assume rejection prior to speaking with someone, but keep a good attitude while speaking to them. The point was that, if the rejection happened, then it was expected and didn't bother me as much. If the rejection didn't happen, then I had nothing to worry about. I was surprised to find that rejection didn't happen as often as I had expected.
 
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psychomom

Guest
#3
#3
teengirlforchrist said:
I've been shy for basically all my life and I'm a sophomore in high school. I keep to myself most of the time I sit by myself mostly in all of my classes and I only have a few friends I associate with in my school. Its very hard for me to make friends and I suck at it lol. Talking to people face to face in general is a struggle. Also for some reason even sitting behind a computer screen talking to someone is not as easy as I thought it would be. I don't want to become anti social or anything Lol and I would like to make new friends and communicate with people better since I start my first college class Tuesday. I just don't know where to start.
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congrats on the college class!! :)

you know what, sweetheart? my husband has been shy all his life, too, and he's 65.
it's not a disorder or anything...just the wonderful way God made you. ♥

i don't know if this will be helpful to you, but i want to let you know...
we spend our lives worrying about others watching us, and when you get old
you realize...everyone has been looking at themselves, not me. :rolleyes:
even those who aren't shy by nature are fearful. even they struggle, at times.

a smile is your ally when it comes to making friends.
i bet you have a lovely smile. :)
check out Ps 56:4; Ps 118:6; Heb 13:6...that may be helpful at this time.

please will you let us know how the course is going?

 
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CRC

Guest
#4
#4
Don’t worry—you don’t have to turn into an extrovert. Start by showing interest in just one person. “Simply asking others how they are doing or asking them about their work helps you to get to know them better.Don’t limit yourself to people of your own age. Some of the warmest friendships recorded in the Bible were between people with considerable age differences, such as Ruth and Naomi, David and Jonathan, and Timothy and Paul. (Ruth 1:16, 17; 1　Samuel 18:1; 1　Corinthians 4:17) Remember, too, that conversation is an interchange, not a solo performance. People appreciate good listeners. So if you tend to be shy, remember—you don’t have to carry the whole conversation!
 
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sassylady

Guest
#5
#5
I agree with CRC.

I used to be so shy and introverted I couldn't stand myself. You will get over it as you get older too and have more life experiences where you just need to handle things and speak up.

If you are 16 and taking a college class, were you home schooled? I home schooled many years but still made sure my children socialized with other kids from church.
 
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jb

Senior Member
#6
Feb 27, 2010
4,940
589
113
#6
teengirlforchrist said:
I've been shy for basically all my life and I'm a sophomore in high school. I keep to myself most of the time I sit by myself mostly in all of my classes and I only have a few friends I associate with in my school. Its very hard for me to make friends and I suck at it lol. Talking to people face to face in general is a struggle. Also for some reason even sitting behind a computer screen talking to someone is not as easy as I thought it would be. I don't want to become anti social or anything Lol and I would like to make new friends and communicate with people better since I start my first college class Tuesday. I just don't know where to start.
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Practice makes perfect!
 
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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#7
#7
Why are you shy?
 
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Ugly

Guest
#8
#8
teengirlforchrist said:
I've been shy for basically all my life and I'm a sophomore in high school. I keep to myself most of the time I sit by myself mostly in all of my classes and I only have a few friends I associate with in my school. Its very hard for me to make friends and I suck at it lol. Talking to people face to face in general is a struggle. Also for some reason even sitting behind a computer screen talking to someone is not as easy as I thought it would be. I don't want to become anti social or anything Lol and I would like to make new friends and communicate with people better since I start my first college class Tuesday. I just don't know where to start.
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Watch your body language. If you sit in the back of a room, in the corner, with your arms and legs folded, people will presume you don't want them to approach. When standing by yourself or choosing a place to sit put yourself in a better location. Doesn't have to be front of the class, just make sure you aren't sending out the signal to 'stay away' which is what many shy people do. Try to keep a friendly look on your face.
If you see someone that seems to have an interest in things you do, or overhear something said in a conversation, use that as a talking point to introduce yourself.
Also don't take it personally if someone doesn't show interest, or if things just don't click. There are all kinds of people out there, and some you will get along great with while others you will just never be able to.

I can often be shy in person, and even online at times. There is nothing wrong with being shy, so don't let people make you feel that you 'have to be more social'. Be as social as your comfortable with. If you are having a day where you're feeling more shy, don't push yourself to speak out. If you're having a day where you feel a bit more at ease in trying to approach people, put that day to use.
Don't try to force things. Look for common ground and just let conversations flow. If you felt you got along with someone yesterday, when you see them today don't wait for them to say hi first. You go up and say hi.

A little tip. Using peoples names makes you seem more appealing. Don't use it constantly or in weird places though. I find going over it in my head a lot before i try to use it helps. A good place to start is when you first greet them or when you say bye to them. Learning to do this may help you connect a little easier with people.
 
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intercessorginger

Guest
#9
#9
I think this is a good time to prayerfully talk to the Lord about yourself. One of the prayers the disciples prayed was for added "boldness". Boldness is necessary in order to witness to others, so a very shy person will have difficulty. Let the Lord lead you through your life experiences and heal you so that you can join in the fun knowing others...and being known by them!
 
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chri5tdrumm3r

Banned
#10
Aug 21, 2014
84
0
0
#10
I agree with a number of the posters here. I've been shy all my life. Mine is brought on by a horrifying fear of rejuction, or being judged by others. I'm also very introverted. Always have been. There's nothing wrong with that, if that's where you feel more comfortable. However, I do agree that, given time and extroverted experiences, you could get a better understanding of who you are and/or where you want to see yourself. It takes time; but if you keep at it, you'll definitely see a difference.
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#12
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
338
83
#12

Shyness is often a fear of rejection. Try not to worry about what others think and just be yourself. Self-confidence comes with interacting with others, but you need to put yourself out there and converse with others. Many shy people have low self-esteem, and that's something you need to work at to over-come. How your perceived is often judged on how you carry yourself. If your timid and quiet, people may interpret your character as weak and dominate you in conversations.

On the other hand, no one likes an overbearing loud mouth who pretends to know it all when they actually know nothing. Remember that Jesus was humble & meek, but he spoke with authority. Lots of teenagers get concerned with saying something stupid and risk making fools of themselves. But as you grow-up, you'll be less concerned with what others think and state your opinions with confidence. I personally prefer quiet and reserved people over proud and cocky attitudes. Being a little shy isn't necessarily a bad thing, in fact, sometimes silence is golden.
 
notuptome

notuptome

Senior Member
#13
May 17, 2013
15,050
2,538
113
#13
Actually being shy is OK. Just don't let your shyness cause you to think less of yourself. You are as good as and as capable as anyone else. We is all just people and we all err and we all excel just not all at the same stuff.

Love the Lord and rejoice in His presence. The rest is just the rest and will take care of itself.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
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teengirlforchrist

Guest
#14
#14
Thank youh
 
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teengirlforchrist

Guest
#15
#15
Thank you everyone for the advice!!!
 
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Elijah19

Guest
#16
#16
I know this is cliche', but seriously, just be yourself. If you are shy by nature, then that is you, and there is nothing wrong with that. Consequently, if you are not shy by nature that is also OK. College is ultimately a lot more open, free, easy and welcoming than High School, so you won't have much to worry about.
 
Utah

Utah

Banned
#17
Dec 1, 2014
9,701
251
0
#17
teengirlforchrist said:
I've been shy for basically all my life and I'm a sophomore in high school. I keep to myself most of the time I sit by myself mostly in all of my classes and I only have a few friends I associate with in my school. Its very hard for me to make friends and I suck at it lol. Talking to people face to face in general is a struggle. Also for some reason even sitting behind a computer screen talking to someone is not as easy as I thought it would be. I don't want to become anti social or anything Lol and I would like to make new friends and communicate with people better since I start my first college class Tuesday. I just don't know where to start.
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Focus on quality, little sister, not quantity. We know the most important aspect of most teenager's lives is the need to be popular and feeling beautiful, but one day you will realize what's truly most important is having faith in Jesus and the bond you have with fellow Christians.

Strengthen the bond you have with your current friends rather than trying to be friends with as many people as possible. Do you worship anywhere? If so, take part in their programs for teenagers. If you're not worshiping anywhere, find a house a worship and take part in their teenage programs.

While you're in school, see if anyone is wearing a cross. Smile at the person and tell them you like their cross. If they respond to you with a smile and thankfulness, then you know the door has been opened and you will see how easy it actually is to just say hi. If they look at you like you have three heads, then you know you are simply above them on the spiritual level and move on. Trust me, trust all of us here, there are more people in your school and town that feel the same way you do and many people will rejoice at your saying hi to them.

Remember, always respect yourself and don't take part in ungodly things just to gain acceptance. God doesn't want you to do such things, and the people who will accept you for those things aren't true friends.

Stay with us here and let us know how things are going. You'll have good days, you'll also have not so good days. Embrace everyday as a blessing and gift from God, learning with each day and growing spiritually stronger. God has plans for you; He loves all of us, especially His children who are shy, humble and spiritually beautiful like you.

God bless you little sister! :cool:
 
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Jeshuvan

Pastor
Staff member
#18
Apr 15, 2012
221
2
0
#18
Your answer is easy,it is Gods Word,the Bible.U only have 2 study it and start seeing yourself through Gpods eyes,the way he sees u,as his child,a treasure,real useful,important,valuable and he has a great plan 4 your life,all the other garbage is all from satan.Start claiming the victory,speak the Word of God which is always the solution to any and all situations,Amen.What seems difficult 2 u,is actually very easy 4 God,he can do anything.Just pray,thank God 4 the beginning of your new life and tell Satan 2 go 2 hell where he came from GBU Jeshuvan.
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#19
Jan 24, 2011
11,780
2,943
113
#19
I am overly extroverted, my husband is incredibly and painfully shy.

When we first met, I would talk and talk and he would just stare at me. I never knew what he was thinking or feeling. He was just terrified of everyone!

Gradually, he began to trust me, and now we talk all the time - both of us. Plus he is not so afraid around other people, because he got confidence around me. Sometimes I see him take a deep breath if he is meeting new people, but he plunges in.

Now, it has taken many years to get to this point, and he is still a shy person, basically, that will never change, just like I am outgoing, but I have learned to tone it down. But God created each one of us in his image, and he is not unhappy that we are the way we are.

I just want to encourage you to be a good listener, because that is what my husband was for me. I want to inspire you to look for just one little victory every day. Maybe just saying "Thanks" to someone, or maybe paying forward a lunch.

And do pray that God will show you the way he wants to use you for his glory. He can use anyone, including Moses with speaking problems and impetuous Peter, who loved to stick his foot in his mouth.

God loves you just the way you are, but if you are unhappy with your social interactions, God can help you with that. Of course, there is always counseling, Life is an on-going process, and if you get some tools to relate to people, you can grow from there.
 
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teengirlforchrist

Guest
#20
#20
I just wanted to let everyone know that my college class is great! :) I just finished my first week and everyone is nicer than I expected!!!!!! I also found out that my teacher science teacher is paying for a new marine biology online college class that im eligible for ! everything has turned out fine!:D
 
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