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M
Thank you for that.
It is interesting to note, that my wife has not written one word to me about her feelings over the past 6 years of marriage. Then after she said the marriage is over, i did allot of research online and wrote her a number of emails (not too many) with links, she did not reply to any of it.
All along she has been saying we need to get everything sorted out (in terms of separating). So i sent her an email regarding dividing property, she ignored it. Over the phone she was asking me about how we will arrange custody, so i sent her an email on how to arrange custody, she ignored it. The whole time she has not written one word about anything (and yes i know she receives my emails and reads them).
Ok so it has been fun for her ignoring my emails about our relationship, but to ignore emails relating to breaking up which is what she wants??
If she wants to talk about it over the phone i am just going to say "reply to the email". I want to see if i can get an email out of her just for the sheer morbid curiosity that it is actually possible!!?
It is interesting to note, that my wife has not written one word to me about her feelings over the past 6 years of marriage. Then after she said the marriage is over, i did allot of research online and wrote her a number of emails (not too many) with links, she did not reply to any of it.
All along she has been saying we need to get everything sorted out (in terms of separating). So i sent her an email regarding dividing property, she ignored it. Over the phone she was asking me about how we will arrange custody, so i sent her an email on how to arrange custody, she ignored it. The whole time she has not written one word about anything (and yes i know she receives my emails and reads them).
Ok so it has been fun for her ignoring my emails about our relationship, but to ignore emails relating to breaking up which is what she wants??
If she wants to talk about it over the phone i am just going to say "reply to the email". I want to see if i can get an email out of her just for the sheer morbid curiosity that it is actually possible!!?
God is the God of restoration. Praying you have the strength to not speak to her or email for a time so she can think about that. not as a game but as a reality of the situation that soon you will be out of her life but for child exchanges. Praying for a softening of hearts for the reconciliation you desire and for the sake of your child as well.
M
She is the one who has been talking the talk about peaceful co-operative mediation, so in light of that, if she is gong to ignore/block my emails, it will be nice to slap those emails in her self righteous face at mediation! So i will look like the responsible one who is trying to do the right thing - (which i am) and she will have embarrassed herself.
M
I should explain, in Australia before you can go to court to settle the affairs of a marriage break up, it is a legal requirement to go to mediation. The idea is to try to settle out of court, and it is a good idea i think. Only if no agreement can be achieved in mediation will it then go to court.
So this is what i am saying about her ignoring my emails, we will go to mediation and i will have copies of the emails i sent her relating to mediation and i will ask her to show her copies of her replies to those emails and she won't have any and therefore she will be caught out and embarrassed in front of the mediator.
So this is what i am saying about her ignoring my emails, we will go to mediation and i will have copies of the emails i sent her relating to mediation and i will ask her to show her copies of her replies to those emails and she won't have any and therefore she will be caught out and embarrassed in front of the mediator.
she probably is just reading and throwing away your emails. She most likely doesn't think you're serious about divorcing her. She's taken no interest in heeding what you told her about dividing custody, property, etc.. I doubt she will even show up to mediation, giving you the upper hand if she doesn't.
M
Oh she will be there, she is the one who booked it! And it is part of the process for the divorce.
On the whole, she is doing everything above board to achieve the divorce, and she is talking to me on the phone about it. The anomalous thing is the total absence of emails, this is why i said earlier that i am very curious to see if i can get an email out of her, just for my morbid curiosity to see if it is at all possible?? perhaps i should try and offer her $1000.00 dollars in an email and say that all she has to do is reply and i will send the money???
On the whole, she is doing everything above board to achieve the divorce, and she is talking to me on the phone about it. The anomalous thing is the total absence of emails, this is why i said earlier that i am very curious to see if i can get an email out of her, just for my morbid curiosity to see if it is at all possible?? perhaps i should try and offer her $1000.00 dollars in an email and say that all she has to do is reply and i will send the money???
D
Speak divorce and divorce will come. Death and Life are in the power of the tongue. You know I have always come to you as a brother and praying that GOD gives me wisdom to speak the right words in the right time. I hope you take this in a spirit of humility and understanding, my friend:-
You are still holding on with your self-effort and self-righteousness, judging by your snide "tone" perhaps more than a little resentful and still very much hurting inside. Have you ever wondered if it was GOD who blocked your emails to her? Or perhaps He blocked her hand from replying to your emails, thus creating more time for you to realise where you've gone wrong and ask for GOD to change both your hearts and soften yourselves toward each other?
The bible is never contradicting, it was not in GOD's design for man to have divorce in our lives. Christ himself said that divorce happens because of the hardness of our hearts. In your actions toward each other, it shows that each of you have hardened your heart in some way. The bible says to love your wife like Christ loved the church, I am sure all of us know it and I probably mentioned it to you in another conversation. Have we wondered how it is to love our wives like Christ loved us?
You resent your wife now, perhaps partly because she refuses your advances to reconcile.
Did the church reject Jesus? Many, many times.
Did He resent us? Christ has never resented us. Because He loves the church.
You think your wife betrayed your marriage, or you have proof that she did. You want to leave her/ have decided to separate from her.
Did we betray Jesus in our sin and our faithlessness? Who among us can say that we have never sinned against the commandments? Who among us have not doubted GOD in our hearts?
Has Jesus ever left us because we betrayed Him? Even Peter, the man who denied Christ with "cursing and swearing", was reinstated by Christ.
Jesus loves us, even though we are unlovable. He forgives us, even when we do unforgivable things. So, Mystik, love your wife like Christ loves the church. Love her even when she is unlovable, forgive her even when she has done wrong. And the most difficult, perhaps, love your wife, even when she is trying to hurt you in her words and actions. Love her even when you don't feel like it. Because He loves us this way.
Ephesians 5: 24-25
But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
Everyone is familiar with this verse, especially if we married in church. The pastors generally use this as an admonition to us in example of how we should conduct our marriages.
But read in between the lines.
Paul first said as the church submits to Christ, so should the wives submit to their husbands. So most of us men generally jump right in and point it out that wives should first submit to their husbands before we love our wives et cetera.
But remember this:-
Before Christ loved us so greatly that he died on the cross for us, THERE WAS NO CHURCH!
The Church was only created after Christ loved us and died on the cross. That's why we are called christians, are we not?
So could it be that we as men must first love our wives like Christ loved the church, and that love will cause our wives to "submit" to us in love?
I only have one question to you, brother. Do you love your wife like Christ loved the church?
Everything is in GOD's hands. He gives you both the free will to choose divorce. But we all know this is man's way, not GOD's way. Let's not kid ourselves.
If you want to do it GOD's way, then do it all the way. Speak that which is unseen not that which the world sees. We all have doubts and bad days. We all make mistakes and we're all egoistical and self-righteous. But GOD always gives us a way where He can restore that which He did not take away.
But then, we have come full circle. Be careful what you wish for and give weight to the words that come from your tongue. For we all know we are made in the image of GOD, and the even faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains. We are the chosen beloved children of the GOD who said:-
Genesis 1:3
and GOD said, Let the be light: and there was light.
I really hope you get it, Mystik. Don't curse your own marriage and destroy your own blessings of restoration. GOD can do anything.
But as for me, I believe in GOD's restoration. I believe in His healing on my family. I believe that only He can restore the years that the locusts have eaten.
You are still holding on with your self-effort and self-righteousness, judging by your snide "tone" perhaps more than a little resentful and still very much hurting inside. Have you ever wondered if it was GOD who blocked your emails to her? Or perhaps He blocked her hand from replying to your emails, thus creating more time for you to realise where you've gone wrong and ask for GOD to change both your hearts and soften yourselves toward each other?
The bible is never contradicting, it was not in GOD's design for man to have divorce in our lives. Christ himself said that divorce happens because of the hardness of our hearts. In your actions toward each other, it shows that each of you have hardened your heart in some way. The bible says to love your wife like Christ loved the church, I am sure all of us know it and I probably mentioned it to you in another conversation. Have we wondered how it is to love our wives like Christ loved us?
You resent your wife now, perhaps partly because she refuses your advances to reconcile.
Did the church reject Jesus? Many, many times.
Did He resent us? Christ has never resented us. Because He loves the church.
You think your wife betrayed your marriage, or you have proof that she did. You want to leave her/ have decided to separate from her.
Did we betray Jesus in our sin and our faithlessness? Who among us can say that we have never sinned against the commandments? Who among us have not doubted GOD in our hearts?
Has Jesus ever left us because we betrayed Him? Even Peter, the man who denied Christ with "cursing and swearing", was reinstated by Christ.
Jesus loves us, even though we are unlovable. He forgives us, even when we do unforgivable things. So, Mystik, love your wife like Christ loves the church. Love her even when she is unlovable, forgive her even when she has done wrong. And the most difficult, perhaps, love your wife, even when she is trying to hurt you in her words and actions. Love her even when you don't feel like it. Because He loves us this way.
Ephesians 5: 24-25
But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
Everyone is familiar with this verse, especially if we married in church. The pastors generally use this as an admonition to us in example of how we should conduct our marriages.
But read in between the lines.
Paul first said as the church submits to Christ, so should the wives submit to their husbands. So most of us men generally jump right in and point it out that wives should first submit to their husbands before we love our wives et cetera.
But remember this:-
Before Christ loved us so greatly that he died on the cross for us, THERE WAS NO CHURCH!
The Church was only created after Christ loved us and died on the cross. That's why we are called christians, are we not?
So could it be that we as men must first love our wives like Christ loved the church, and that love will cause our wives to "submit" to us in love?
I only have one question to you, brother. Do you love your wife like Christ loved the church?
Everything is in GOD's hands. He gives you both the free will to choose divorce. But we all know this is man's way, not GOD's way. Let's not kid ourselves.
If you want to do it GOD's way, then do it all the way. Speak that which is unseen not that which the world sees. We all have doubts and bad days. We all make mistakes and we're all egoistical and self-righteous. But GOD always gives us a way where He can restore that which He did not take away.
But then, we have come full circle. Be careful what you wish for and give weight to the words that come from your tongue. For we all know we are made in the image of GOD, and the even faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains. We are the chosen beloved children of the GOD who said:-
Genesis 1:3
and GOD said, Let the be light: and there was light.
I really hope you get it, Mystik. Don't curse your own marriage and destroy your own blessings of restoration. GOD can do anything.
But as for me, I believe in GOD's restoration. I believe in His healing on my family. I believe that only He can restore the years that the locusts have eaten.
M
Update:
Something my mother told me some time back was that her intuition was telling her my wife's mother was the one convincing her to divorce me. I thought i had a good relationship with my wife's mother, and even in our conversations she said she does not understand what is going on with my wife. So i did not think my mom was rite.
Recently my wife has been giving excuses why i cannot spend time with my daughter. Last weekend, the weekend before that and now this weekend and during the week. My mom and my sister can see what is going on and my mom has been telling me i need to stand up for myself and i need to fight for equal custody so that Elyse won't grow up thinking her father doesn't want her. My sister sent a stern message to my wife that my daughter needs to see her father.
The snake is then revealed!
My wife's mom called my mom telling her to back off and i am not fit to look after my daughter because i fall asleep easily! (i do fall asleep easily but nothing out of the ordinary). My wife's step dad called me a basted because i am seeking equal custody, according to him, i should agree to whatever custody terms they see fit to offer me.
It is interesting that several weeks ago i actually told my wife's mom how much i love the way she loves my daughter and there is no one i trust more (aside from my wife) to look after her. All the while i was saying that, secretly she thinks i am an unfit father and husband and stands there pretending friendship too me.
My wife and daughter are living in their house, listening to their poison and i don't know what to do about it? I really want to get my daughter out of there, and if i try that it will be total war, but somehow i think it has already come too that and i am only now realizing it.
DyingToSelf - thank you for your dedicated post - In answer to your question; in my heart i still love my wife, but in my mind i know i have to face reality. It is ironic that my wife said exactly the same thing (without the love part) to me when i asked her what she thinks God wants us to do.
Something my mother told me some time back was that her intuition was telling her my wife's mother was the one convincing her to divorce me. I thought i had a good relationship with my wife's mother, and even in our conversations she said she does not understand what is going on with my wife. So i did not think my mom was rite.
Recently my wife has been giving excuses why i cannot spend time with my daughter. Last weekend, the weekend before that and now this weekend and during the week. My mom and my sister can see what is going on and my mom has been telling me i need to stand up for myself and i need to fight for equal custody so that Elyse won't grow up thinking her father doesn't want her. My sister sent a stern message to my wife that my daughter needs to see her father.
The snake is then revealed!
My wife's mom called my mom telling her to back off and i am not fit to look after my daughter because i fall asleep easily! (i do fall asleep easily but nothing out of the ordinary). My wife's step dad called me a basted because i am seeking equal custody, according to him, i should agree to whatever custody terms they see fit to offer me.
It is interesting that several weeks ago i actually told my wife's mom how much i love the way she loves my daughter and there is no one i trust more (aside from my wife) to look after her. All the while i was saying that, secretly she thinks i am an unfit father and husband and stands there pretending friendship too me.
My wife and daughter are living in their house, listening to their poison and i don't know what to do about it? I really want to get my daughter out of there, and if i try that it will be total war, but somehow i think it has already come too that and i am only now realizing it.
DyingToSelf - thank you for your dedicated post - In answer to your question; in my heart i still love my wife, but in my mind i know i have to face reality. It is ironic that my wife said exactly the same thing (without the love part) to me when i asked her what she thinks God wants us to do.
D
Mystik, do you want GOD's reality or the world's reality? Speak the things that GOD sees and promises, not that which the world sees. We cannot see the future, neither can we see beyond our limits. But GOD is outside of time and He has gone before us and seen the way that we have yet to walk.
It is impossible for us to see into the future, and we both know that in situations like this it is impossible to fathom how GOD can possibly renew and restore our marriage, especially since it has come to such states of brokenness and disrepair.
But it is not our job to see or to understand how GOD will heal the rifts and restore the situations. How could we? We are not GOD and will never be.
Our job is to stand on the promises that He has given to us, stand on the promises that He has heard our cries and seen our sorrows. Claim the promises of Jesus that He came not to rob and steal and destroy but to restore that which He did not take away, that all things come together for the good of those who love Him.
These are the promises that Christ purchased for us on the cross. Do you not believe that?
Whatever the circumstances may be "in real life" right now, stand firm on His promises and claim them for your beloved wife and precious marriage. GOD can change our hearts, and He can change our circumstances. You are a child of the One True GOD. The one who changed water into wine, the one who made the blind to see, the one who delivered Israel from her enemies, the one who parted the red sea! What can our GOD not do?
Do your part. Love your wife like Christ loved the church. Work hard to be a better provider for your family, pray that GOD will change you and make you a better husband and better father.
Let go, and remember the one who has His hands on the steering wheel is not you, nor your wife, nor your mother in law. The one who is guiding this situation is your loving, heavenly Father who makes all things good for those who love and serve Him.
It is impossible for us to see into the future, and we both know that in situations like this it is impossible to fathom how GOD can possibly renew and restore our marriage, especially since it has come to such states of brokenness and disrepair.
But it is not our job to see or to understand how GOD will heal the rifts and restore the situations. How could we? We are not GOD and will never be.
Our job is to stand on the promises that He has given to us, stand on the promises that He has heard our cries and seen our sorrows. Claim the promises of Jesus that He came not to rob and steal and destroy but to restore that which He did not take away, that all things come together for the good of those who love Him.
These are the promises that Christ purchased for us on the cross. Do you not believe that?
Whatever the circumstances may be "in real life" right now, stand firm on His promises and claim them for your beloved wife and precious marriage. GOD can change our hearts, and He can change our circumstances. You are a child of the One True GOD. The one who changed water into wine, the one who made the blind to see, the one who delivered Israel from her enemies, the one who parted the red sea! What can our GOD not do?
Do your part. Love your wife like Christ loved the church. Work hard to be a better provider for your family, pray that GOD will change you and make you a better husband and better father.
Let go, and remember the one who has His hands on the steering wheel is not you, nor your wife, nor your mother in law. The one who is guiding this situation is your loving, heavenly Father who makes all things good for those who love and serve Him.
E
First thing first take everything to GOD! Everything. My question would be are you both Christians? and if so then Biblical Wisdom must apply for marriage is a union between GOD, man and woman, this is what and why GOD does not like divorce. It is saying that all agree to separate. Now because many have not joined together properly untying seems so placid. The issue here is have you seen the knot loosening and did nothing to bring it together and expect it to stay connected. I can not say if this union is worth the fight because with any fight the must be opponents and it seems from your quote your wife already checked out. Saying that it would be best to consider Christian counseling to at least bring it to correct closure. My prayer is that you both consider the well being of your daughter and keep her feeling even during the divorce at the forefront.
Blessings!!!!!!!
Blessings!!!!!!!
M
my wife has already 'checked out', Absolutely! And as time goes on it is probably fair to say that i have 'checked out' as well.
I am not bitter, i feel a kind of 'understanding' in my heart, i understand why she has made these choices, even though i do not agree with the choices. Nevertheless, the choices have been made and i am really just trying to focus on building a new life rather than tearing myself (and her) apart clinging to the old life. And i am also trying to build a new relationship with my wife as an 'ex' and mother to my child.
People like to say God can restore any marriage, but unless you want to say God will circumvent someones free will, then no.
I am not bitter, i feel a kind of 'understanding' in my heart, i understand why she has made these choices, even though i do not agree with the choices. Nevertheless, the choices have been made and i am really just trying to focus on building a new life rather than tearing myself (and her) apart clinging to the old life. And i am also trying to build a new relationship with my wife as an 'ex' and mother to my child.
People like to say God can restore any marriage, but unless you want to say God will circumvent someones free will, then no.
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My wife's divorce lasted 4 years. I tried to save the marriage for 2 years. The divorce its self was one of the worst things in my marriage. If the divorce had gone faster and done less damage perhaps we could have got back together afterwards. Just remember you cant fix her, you cant cause god to save her, only god can.
M
I'm sorry to hear about your divorce, I'm guessing your over it by now?
I think i am at that stage now where i have come to terms with the idea my marriage is over, it is a shame, but it is far from being the end of the world. In this last week my wife (ex) has already started to respond positively since i told her this and i also told her that nothing has happened that cannot be forgiven. We may still end up in court over disagreements with finances or custody, even though i am trying to avoid that, but i am determined to stand up for myself in an assertive and positive way and work within the system as best i can to get everything resolved.
I think i am at that stage now where i have come to terms with the idea my marriage is over, it is a shame, but it is far from being the end of the world. In this last week my wife (ex) has already started to respond positively since i told her this and i also told her that nothing has happened that cannot be forgiven. We may still end up in court over disagreements with finances or custody, even though i am trying to avoid that, but i am determined to stand up for myself in an assertive and positive way and work within the system as best i can to get everything resolved.
Ideally, a wife whose husband loves her will submit to him. But women make choices, too, and women are fallen, too. Christ's bride is the church, and He is in no way lacking in love toward her. Read the letters to the churches in Revelation, and you'll see that they fell short in their love for Christ and submission to Him. If Christ's bride doesn't always respond to His love with perfect submission, we can't always blame a wife's lack of submission on her husband's love.
D
What I wanted to emphasise is that regardless of the church's reaction to Christ's love, He never stopped loving us.
Perhaps its time we saw only what we are supposed to do for our wives, regardless of their actions or reactions towards us?
The bible didn't say "men love your wives as Christ loved the church. Stop loving them if they don't reciprocate or when you feel like its not worth it anymore."
I interpret that as only bother about doing your part of the deal. Because we have too many reasons to stop doing it if we looked at whether or not our wives satisfied their part to 'justify' doing ours.
Perhaps its time we saw only what we are supposed to do for our wives, regardless of their actions or reactions towards us?
The bible didn't say "men love your wives as Christ loved the church. Stop loving them if they don't reciprocate or when you feel like its not worth it anymore."
I interpret that as only bother about doing your part of the deal. Because we have too many reasons to stop doing it if we looked at whether or not our wives satisfied their part to 'justify' doing ours.