With regards to the OP's husband, he sounds like text book abuse/narcissist. God does NOT expect anyone to stay with an abuser.
Is that the advice I Peter 2 gives? You seem awfully quick to speak for God. Can you really say that God would never lead anyone to do so? Do you think women who have testimonies of staying in difficult marriages whose spouses repented did the wrong thing? Couldn't the Lord have directed and empowered some of these women in their circumstances?
What really concerns me is people giving advice like this, implying that one should leave or divorce their spouse, just based on Internet posts.
I knew a couple once who had some marriage problems. One day, the wife came over with some bruises on her wrists. Her husband was a lot bigger than her. It was an awful situation. But it turns out the way she got the bruises was that she and her husband got in an argument in the car. She started hitting him while he was driving. They had a baby in the car. He bruised her wrists trying to keep her hands off him and save their lives. A lot of people, looking at the bruises, would have advised her to leave him.
I've also seen cases online where one person asks for advice, gives her perspective on her marriage situation and people advise divorce. But the other spouse comes online and the story turns out to be different. It's unprofessional to advise people to divorce based on an Internet conversation of this sort, especially since the physical aspects of the situation have been minimal-- throwing ice on someone, etc. There are situations where a reasonable person might throw ice or even wipe dog poop on someone. (Okay, that last one would be rare.) Also, if it's a woman doing it, people don't rush to offer the same sort of advice.
You also haven't asked what the situation was when he did these things. Did he just do this when she was talking calmly to him? Had she just yelled in his ear? Insulted his mother? Has she ever hit him? Has there ever been any other violence?
Sadly, it is not really dealt with much in the Bible, but no one should be faced with a lying, cheating man, who uses and just gives you enough rope to haul you back in.
Please read this link on the Cycle of Abuse. I know you will recognize it.
Cycle of Abuse
The chart probably also describes a lot of relationships where the couples don't really get along well and go through periods of arguing, whether or not one of them is an 'abuser.'
DV is not my area of research, but from what I've read, the Duluth model is based on extrapolating the pattern from one killer to all domestic violence situations. It's also based on the bogus feminist model that has to do with the patriarchy dominating women. A lot of the DV literature and philosophy behind organizations seems to be a lot more into promoting a feminist way of dealing with the issue than reality. Males are almost always presented as perpetrators of domestic violence and abuse, though a sizeable percent of women in DV homes are violent. Lesbian couples have more DV than other types of couples. When looking at domestic violence literature from feminist organizations, one needs to keep that in mind and evaluate the material rather than just accept it as gospel truth. As a teen, I was exposed to some rather anti-male domestic violence literature that a relative had gotten at some kind of safe house. The 'once an abuser, always an abuser' philosophy wasn't consistent with the Gospel.
As for you presidente, advising someone to be "more submissive" in order to save the marriage, indicates you do not understand or have a clue about the dynamics of abuse.
It indicates that I have read the scripture in question and believe what it says. Do you believe it is true or not? You also don't know the dynamics of the relationship and whether submission would actually help it.
That is exactly the way to get hurt, and escalate to physical abuse. A man who can call his wife those horrid names, could get much worse, if he doesn't get his way.
I agree that there are some serious problems in the marriage, and name calling like that is very damaging. If he doesn't have a history of violence (beyond the examples she gave), then is there a reason to think that he will suddenly become violent?
I pray you stay away from this man, and value yourself above a marriage which seems doomed to destroy you.
I'll pray he'll repent and their marriage will be restored.
