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M
I dreamed about him last night. 
We had happy times in the dream. It left me upset when I woke up. This stinks because I still LOVE him. It isnt just dying.
I was just thinking of when i asked him about the babies. He asked me to not listen to rumors. He didnt know that I had proof. I cant believe i wasnt worth the truth.
I cant help but to wonder what his plan was. Like was he really going to leave me in the dark untilt he kids were born
We had happy times in the dream. It left me upset when I woke up. This stinks because I still LOVE him. It isnt just dying. I was just thinking of when i asked him about the babies. He asked me to not listen to rumors. He didnt know that I had proof. I cant believe i wasnt worth the truth.
I cant help but to wonder what his plan was. Like was he really going to leave me in the dark untilt he kids were born
And with regard to sex before marriage, well it sounds like there is a level of commitment from your side that is the equivalent of marriage (and in Gods eyes, he does consider you married), so it is more than understandable why it is so difficult to let go.
I
You have got to let him go completely and shake the dust. Do you really believe that this is the person God intends for you his child to be with? Focus on making Jesus your husband, have conversations with Him and He WILL help you. Every time your ex comes into your thoughts just say Jesus help me if that's all you can think to say because its nothing but the enemy trying to keep you down. I will be praying for you and I hope I don't offend but I see self esteem issues....(as do I)...YOU DON'T NEEED HIM!! I am saying this all in love because as I said I am going through the same thing and I understand fully. Keep your mind busy, that's where the battlefield is. Forget the former things, do not dwell in the past. See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18-19....BTW Thank you for your comment Tourist
M
Yes, and a big part of this is about trust. I trusted and i believed that me and my wife would be together forever, i had no doubts, no fears. And i truly believed my wife was never going to be that type of person who would opt for divorce. When you have that kind of trust and belief in someone you love so deeply and then that trust is completely shattered, it is just such a horrible nightmare of a shock, and every day you wake up wishing it was all just a bad dream but then you remember it is real.
I would not recommend trying to ignore how you feel, you do need to allow yourself to grieve, to cry, but don't let that drag you down into despair, balance it with positive things in your life as well, especially God!
I would not recommend trying to ignore how you feel, you do need to allow yourself to grieve, to cry, but don't let that drag you down into despair, balance it with positive things in your life as well, especially God!
M
Self esteem is a big issue for me as well.
I have learnt many things since my wife ended it, and God has taught me many things as well. Primarily, what i have learnt, is that for most of my adult life up to this point i have lived with a feeling deep inside that i am not a good person. I went through some things when i was young that left these scars and although time heals all wounds, not everything was healed. This is the foundation of failure so to speak.
The way my wife behaved in the marriage, quite innocently really, just trying to get what she wanted from the relationship, but doing it in the worst possible ways and making me feel more and more worthless and losing all my motivation in life and becoming cynical and negative. So she had moved out and i was alone for about a month, then she came back to brow beat me into seeing some issue her way, suddenly i remembered how bad she always made me feel, and just one month apart and i already started feeling better. My eyes were opened that day, and i know now i never want to go back to that.
So the important lesson that i have learnt is to like myself and believe that i am worthy of love, from this i have a renewed self confidence and motivation in life, i feel an inner strength, i feel i could do anything! (not anything really, but it feels that way, lol). I have started meeting new people and doing new things, i have discovered that i am desirable, and if i wanted to, i could start dating again! Life is looking up for me, the sadness is in the past, i am looking to the future now.
I have learnt many things since my wife ended it, and God has taught me many things as well. Primarily, what i have learnt, is that for most of my adult life up to this point i have lived with a feeling deep inside that i am not a good person. I went through some things when i was young that left these scars and although time heals all wounds, not everything was healed. This is the foundation of failure so to speak.
The way my wife behaved in the marriage, quite innocently really, just trying to get what she wanted from the relationship, but doing it in the worst possible ways and making me feel more and more worthless and losing all my motivation in life and becoming cynical and negative. So she had moved out and i was alone for about a month, then she came back to brow beat me into seeing some issue her way, suddenly i remembered how bad she always made me feel, and just one month apart and i already started feeling better. My eyes were opened that day, and i know now i never want to go back to that.
So the important lesson that i have learnt is to like myself and believe that i am worthy of love, from this i have a renewed self confidence and motivation in life, i feel an inner strength, i feel i could do anything! (not anything really, but it feels that way, lol). I have started meeting new people and doing new things, i have discovered that i am desirable, and if i wanted to, i could start dating again! Life is looking up for me, the sadness is in the past, i am looking to the future now.
D
Being cheated on is one of the hardest things to go through because you feel so rejected, it hits at your self esteem, you wonder why you weren't good enough, you hope that they contact you to show they cared about you, you can feel physically sick for weeks and have dreams about them and wake up and think about them all day long and wish you could see them and talk to them and get answers and you hate them but you love them so much and sometimes you even feel like you will put up with it, you will take them back if they only tell you they love you.
It's devastating at first. You wonder if you will ever get out the other side. You think about the past so much and you can even try to contact them and make yourself look pathetic and desperate even though THEY are the ones who've done something to you.
You really need to break contact and keep it that way. You'll have days when you can't get through it without crying or being angry or thinking about the person... Other days you'll hardly think about them and seem like you'll be fine. Then you might even miss them after weeks and want to contact them. But you shouldn't. You should work on yourself. You should draw nigh to God. You should spend time with people who love you, and I mean LOVE you.
And most importantly, you should remember you have a future and that everything is in motion to bring you to the future. God doesn't have plans to put you through heartbreak unless it's for a big reason. Like the quote says, He wrecks your plans when He sees your plans are about to wreck you. He orders our footsteps. We need to trust Him more. He knows what He is doing. Know that you WILL look back on this moment and say "Thank you Lord for getting me out of that, even though I didn't want to be out of it, even though I cried and didn't think I would get through it, thank you for being with me all the way and for being my personal manager."
Even when we have done things wrong, He still loves us and is working in our lives. To have hope for the future, and a trust in God, that is what helps in our desperate times. How do you know He will get you through? Cos He got you through before.
It's devastating at first. You wonder if you will ever get out the other side. You think about the past so much and you can even try to contact them and make yourself look pathetic and desperate even though THEY are the ones who've done something to you.
You really need to break contact and keep it that way. You'll have days when you can't get through it without crying or being angry or thinking about the person... Other days you'll hardly think about them and seem like you'll be fine. Then you might even miss them after weeks and want to contact them. But you shouldn't. You should work on yourself. You should draw nigh to God. You should spend time with people who love you, and I mean LOVE you.
And most importantly, you should remember you have a future and that everything is in motion to bring you to the future. God doesn't have plans to put you through heartbreak unless it's for a big reason. Like the quote says, He wrecks your plans when He sees your plans are about to wreck you. He orders our footsteps. We need to trust Him more. He knows what He is doing. Know that you WILL look back on this moment and say "Thank you Lord for getting me out of that, even though I didn't want to be out of it, even though I cried and didn't think I would get through it, thank you for being with me all the way and for being my personal manager."
Even when we have done things wrong, He still loves us and is working in our lives. To have hope for the future, and a trust in God, that is what helps in our desperate times. How do you know He will get you through? Cos He got you through before.
Dt 22:28-29
28 If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found;
29 Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.
KJV
The sense here is that the sex act consummates a marriage, in God's eyes; and caused him to have all the obligations of a husband to you. His affair was equal to adultery in God's eyes and you are well free of him!
28 If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found;
29 Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.
KJV
The sense here is that the sex act consummates a marriage, in God's eyes; and caused him to have all the obligations of a husband to you. His affair was equal to adultery in God's eyes and you are well free of him!
Of course, the Holy Spirit can change someone in a heartbeat.
And that was me. I wrote all about my 4 year affair in the Christian Family thread ... and I have been saved! I will NEVER be drawn back to that crappy life ... God has intercepted and I am forgiven! Finally I can live life the right way now (In God's way) rather than going my own way.
And that was me. I wrote all about my 4 year affair in the Christian Family thread ... and I have been saved! I will NEVER be drawn back to that crappy life ... God has intercepted and I am forgiven! Finally I can live life the right way now (In God's way) rather than going my own way.
E
you know, you say you still love him. but you don't...you love the man you thought he was...only, he is NOT that man
he is a serial liar and adulterer
he used you and has used women since he started dating...you have had yourself tested for HIV...you are heartsick over this whole stinking mess
and you write: he wants you to call him
I sure hope you didn't.....if you think it hurts now, it is going to hurt a whole lot more if you become involved again
he cannot promise you anything...because he is a LIAR...liars do not tell the truth
he is a serial liar and adulterer
he used you and has used women since he started dating...you have had yourself tested for HIV...you are heartsick over this whole stinking mess
and you write: he wants you to call him
I sure hope you didn't.....if you think it hurts now, it is going to hurt a whole lot more if you become involved again
he cannot promise you anything...because he is a LIAR...liars do not tell the truth
E
OK...I understand how hard it is because I once had to deal with a very difficult decision regarding a personal relationship
You are behaving properly...it is difficult and can seem ugly...you are saving your own life right now
Abusive behavior takes an awful lot more to get over than a simple apology...many apoligies from people who abuse those they are in relationship with (any relationship) are actually ... 'sorry I got caught abusing you'...you prob know that
You are behaving properly...it is difficult and can seem ugly...you are saving your own life right now
Abusive behavior takes an awful lot more to get over than a simple apology...many apoligies from people who abuse those they are in relationship with (any relationship) are actually ... 'sorry I got caught abusing you'...you prob know that
You don't know how to be free and happy? Mercy, girl....you just did the best thing that you can do! Stay away, forgive him, consider this a lesson in life not only for yourself, but that you can help someone in the future. 'Nuff said....so great that you found this out NOW and not later...yes, he needs help, but the best help he needs should not come from you..you are the victim...unless you are so full of the holy Spirit that you can walk up to him, led by the SPIRIT, lay hands on him and cast out his demons! lol After those demons flee, what happens next is still up for grabs. His future children need him more than You do.