unsure as to what to do..

[IamFree2015]

I love my husband and I always will I told him the day before we were married I was in this for life. I think a seperation of individuals will help him realize that we need a unity. Maybe if for only a month or two. I need some kind of moment to sit back and figure out what is bes and matbe read a few marriage books to uunderstand. Trust God. That is so weird I just finish typing understand and trust god popped up. I just finished asking him for guidance. I am smiling right now.

I had to move out of state to get away from my fiancé who is severely bipolar with and spent the majority of his life in prison. He is the same way about his faith and attitude that you are describing and I'm sure there is even more to the story. I did the same mothering you did and thought "I can do this" which was a problem in itself because "I" can do nothing only God can help him IF he desires it truly in his heart...I overlooked a lot because of his disease and I only ended up being used, for my money, manipulated, lied to, cheated on, left for weeks while he went on a drug rampage and even had my clothes and personal belongings stolen by one of the things he was with. He has a disease that you should do some research on if you haven't already and unless God miraculously heals him he will never change. You need to decide if you want to deal with this the rest of your life and if you do get counseling for being in an abusive relationship, codependency, and for support living with a bipolar spouse. I understand what you are feeling as I am fresh out of that "relationship". You will constantly feel like you're on a roller coaster....that's what living with someone bipolar is like. Are you always wrong? Does he try to make you feel like you're the crazy one? So thankful I finally decided to be obedient and left NOT married! So sorry for what you are going thru. If you separate for even a few days without contact your mind will start to think more clearly.

 

[soccermom19]

I am truely sorry that you have to go through this! It is a very hard road, but talking on here can help to ease your troubled mind.
Through my own recent troubled marriage, I have learned that separation isn't necessarily a bad thing. It has taken me a long time to realize this. I allowed him to stay for a year and a half after I first discovered the adultery. We have now been separated for 6 months because it continued.
You have to stand your ground. If you stay together he will continue to act the same way he has been. He will see no reason to put the effort into changing because you put up with it. Mental illness makes it difficult, but it is possible for him to get better with God's help. He needs to go to church. You can not pick and choose which verses of the Bible you agree with. It is absolute truth. Too many churches today don't teach or preach the Bible the way they should. People think they can choose to follow part of the Bible and not all of it. That is not what God expects from us. He expects us to have faith in him and trust that all of his word IS the gospel.
You should take some time to yourself to pray and decide what you can and cannot put up with in your marriage. Set some hard limits. Decide what has to happen or change for the two of you to stay together. Then stick to it. Don't cave. He will test your limits to see if you will compromise. If you do, he will keep pushing until you are back at the starting point again. This will force your husband to either put the effort needed into your marriage or decide not to. Just be prepared that he may not want to stay. If your husband is financially irresponsible, you may want to legally separate in addition to physically separating. That will help protect you and your child.
These things are very hard, but necessary. Stay strong, you can do this. Pray a lot and often. I encourage you to read every verse you can find in the Bible about marriage before reading books written by man. Go to church yourself and take your kids. God Bless you on this hard journey and throughout life!

 

[Lynn68]

Very well put soccermom19

 

[Sirk]

This may be a bit of a difficult concept to grasp being in the middle of a painful situation, but I wonder if us humans let go of outcomes....and instead, plant our feet and our thoughts in the present moment, and do only what can be done from that moment to the next. Living in the fantasy land of the future only distracts us from hitting the ball coming at us in the now.

 

[MarcR]

This may sound unsympathetic; but it is not meant to be.

It sounds to me as if something in you is continually pushing you into a victim role; and you feel impelled to defend your attacker!.

The only way you will find any true joy in life is by allowing God to free you from your imagined need to be a victim.

God has better things for you if you will receive them!

 

[pwrnJC]

Ultimately, the SOLUTION to this problem is simple: HE needs JESUS, not a continual downward tailspin of a life that he is exhibiting. Only the Holy Spirit can make that kind of change...meds only smooth over the condition that lies much deeper. I, personally, believe that to label someone 'bipolar" as many doctors do today, is only saying "HE is DOUBLE-Minded...a split personality...and guess where that comes from....certainly not from a holy GOD. However, most assuredly, GOD can take that messed up personality, no matter the cause, and change it..if allowed. JESUS said "GO in peace..thy FAITH has made thee whole". We see NO faith coming from your hubby's direction. You can pray, you can witness to him, you can start attending a holy spirit filled church or local bible study and hope that he will join you...but, sadly...it is totally up to him. How did this slip through your fingers before the marriage and before the baby? Is love that blind? His only hope is found in CHRIST...perhaps the only CHRIST he sees is in YOU..but again..you have to be exceptionally spiritually mature to handle his self afflicted choices. THere is nobody who can tell you exactly what to do...but it would be totally understandable to temporarily step back from each other, where both are in a safe place, and begin to repair this . If only one of you grows and the other does not...the separation was worth the price..the answer would be obvious. IT is not a true marriage. If none of you come to a permanent decision, the separation is good because then you can see that the marriage is on shakey ground. If both of you separate and begin to seek what GOD would have BOTH Of you do..and it is followed, where both parties are in a relationship with CHRIST and both are growing, the separation would still be fantastic..because it gave you both time to realize that change was needed. In short, YES, YES, YES..separate to find the GOOD or the Evil. What have you got to lose? The limbo of not knowing what, when and how to solve this is more challenging than a temporary separation. I am speaking from family experience. Please...SEPARATE..it is NOT a sin to do that..it only shows courage that someone is stepping up to the plate to try to save this marriage.

 

[Eva1218]

Seems to me that it is not the love that is lost but the commitment to the marriage that is strained. For anything to work it must be GOD that holds it together. Pray together and ask GOD to give you both the heart to do HIS Will and adhere to HIS Voice. GOD's Guidance will lead you both to a future of Joy and Peace.

Blessings!!!!!!!