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I've finally come to terms with the fact of who my wife has been for years. She's been having an affair
with both men and women for many years. Not only that but it turns out she's caught up in making porn now and I think has been on and off for the last four years. None of these things have I accused her of or has she even confessed. When she become so filled with hate and so out of control for so long I had to dig a bit to find the answers why and so now here I am.
The last few months she's been telling me how much she hates me and how she wants a separation and then she changes her mind. Two weeks ago when she said it I said fine, As we progress with this just don't make it about me because you know how hard I've been trying and how much I love you and she said ok. The next day she told me she made a counseling appointment. So we both went together once and we both went separate once. This week where supposed to both go together again. I feel done.
I've tried showing her the love of Jesus my whole marriage and she has never really known how to receive it or give love in return. She even reads her bible a couple times a week. My gosh, she is such a mess and is thoroughly confused. She doesn't know if she should cling to her lesbian principles' or to try Jesus.
It's really strange how God gives you the ability to love someone very unlovable and abusive for such a long time.
I'm not really seeing much hope anymore. God does give me glimmers of how she's going to experience rebirth and how where going to help God reach the LGBT community with the love of Jesus together. I know God will take all sinful circumstances and use it to bring Him glory but I think that one is a ways off and I'm so filled with pain and am exhausted.
Ever since I became a follower of Jesus my heart has been in such a good place and I don't want it to harden from this anymore than it already has. The last few days I feel I've lost my strength from the Lord. I know I haven't but really it's been really tuff lately. I've just got to find more community I can lean on. People who actually love to love.
We have three children together who are still in elementary school. I'm worried about what my kids will go through if I'm not with them all the time. I'm worried about finances and don't know what I'm going to do. I'm so war torn out.
with both men and women for many years. Not only that but it turns out she's caught up in making porn now and I think has been on and off for the last four years. None of these things have I accused her of or has she even confessed. When she become so filled with hate and so out of control for so long I had to dig a bit to find the answers why and so now here I am.
The last few months she's been telling me how much she hates me and how she wants a separation and then she changes her mind. Two weeks ago when she said it I said fine, As we progress with this just don't make it about me because you know how hard I've been trying and how much I love you and she said ok. The next day she told me she made a counseling appointment. So we both went together once and we both went separate once. This week where supposed to both go together again. I feel done.
I've tried showing her the love of Jesus my whole marriage and she has never really known how to receive it or give love in return. She even reads her bible a couple times a week. My gosh, she is such a mess and is thoroughly confused. She doesn't know if she should cling to her lesbian principles' or to try Jesus.
It's really strange how God gives you the ability to love someone very unlovable and abusive for such a long time.
I'm not really seeing much hope anymore. God does give me glimmers of how she's going to experience rebirth and how where going to help God reach the LGBT community with the love of Jesus together. I know God will take all sinful circumstances and use it to bring Him glory but I think that one is a ways off and I'm so filled with pain and am exhausted.
Ever since I became a follower of Jesus my heart has been in such a good place and I don't want it to harden from this anymore than it already has. The last few days I feel I've lost my strength from the Lord. I know I haven't but really it's been really tuff lately. I've just got to find more community I can lean on. People who actually love to love.
We have three children together who are still in elementary school. I'm worried about what my kids will go through if I'm not with them all the time. I'm worried about finances and don't know what I'm going to do. I'm so war torn out.
