RE: I'm desperate for Godly advice.

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frustrated04

Guest
#1
#1
RE: I'm desperate for Godly advice.

In all of my ranting, I didn't make clear my situation. My life is what it is. My husband talks to our kids and gets excited to do stuff with them. I am like the hired help!! The kids treat their dad the same way that he treats them. So basically, I live with 3 other people but my of my communication is with my dog. When I do talk with them, their all 3 rude!! Whatever......I just need someone to tell me how to do life living this way. Please somebody help.
 
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Sirk

Guest
#2
#2
Re: I'm desperate for Godly advice.

frustrated04 said:
In all of my ranting, I didn't make clear my situation. My life is what it is. My husband talks to our kids and gets excited to do stuff with them. I am like the hired help!! The kids treat their dad the same way that he treats them. So basically, I live with 3 other people but my of my communication is with my dog. When I do talk with them, their all 3 rude!! Whatever......I just need someone to tell me how to do life living this way. Please somebody help.
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Maybe you need to join them without trying to control the situation. Sounds like you're trapped in a victim mentality.
 
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RememberTheSabbathDay

Banned
#3
Nov 30, 2013
682
10
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#3
Re: I'm desperate for Godly advice.

frustrated04 said:
In all of my ranting, I didn't make clear my situation. My life is what it is. My husband talks to our kids and gets excited to do stuff with them. I am like the hired help!! The kids treat their dad the same way that he treats them. So basically, I live with 3 other people but my of my communication is with my dog. When I do talk with them, their all 3 rude!! Whatever......I just need someone to tell me how to do life living this way. Please somebody help.
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Dear Frustrated Sister,


Have u ever thought about going on strike in your home? I saw a story about this mom who went on strike and refused to do anything for her family and this got their attention. Let your children and husband wash their own clothes, cook for themselves. Pray and stand up for ur rights. Tell your husband he is raising monsters for the future who will one day change his diapers when he gets older. They too will be impatient with him because he poops his pants or slobbers all over himself or break a dish. What goes around comes around to all of us. Please remind them of the trap they are setting for themselves someday.
 
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jsladder

Member
#4
Sep 30, 2014
30
0
0
#4
Re: I'm desperate for Godly advice.

I say that you speak to your husband. If he is the leader, you, not the dag gummed kids are SECOND in command. They have no right to treat you rudely, and your husband sure as heck should not allow them to treat you rudely.

I say that he needs to demand to the children, that, "You will NOT treat MY WIFE in that manner."

See, there's a difference. If he told them, "Do not treat your mother that way," then it may be all for naught since he is giving them ownership, see, with, "Your Mother'. HE needs to be the proper Alpha, and claim YOU has HIS, and they cannot treat HIS wife rudely.

Now, I understand that I am requesting you to take this to your husband.....but that's what I have experienced. When my eldest daughter was mis-treating my youngest daughter, her mother kept telling her, "Don't hit your sister." It didn't stop, but when I took my eldest aside, and told her to freaking, "QUIT HITTING MY DAUGHTER," it scared the crap out of her, because now, she had no ownership, the other daughter was MINE, therefore, no rights did the one daughter have to hit the other. She was MINE, not her Sister's anything that trumped my claim.

Bless your endeavor. Your brother in Christ, Bryan, a Licensed Christian Minister....hope your husband takes this advice to Father and that you get just resolution.
 
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Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#5
Jan 24, 2011
11,780
2,943
113
#5
Re: I'm desperate for Godly advice.

If your husband is ignoring you or treating you constantly with disrespect, that is a form of abuse. Especially since the children are emulating him.

You need to get abuse counseling. Find out some ways to assert yourself, and to start your own life. That could mean a job or college or something that gets you out of the home, and gives you something worthwhile to feel about yourself.

As for your husband, he has abdicated his responsibility to treat you with love, so I would not get caught trying to bend over backwards to please him. He is an abuser, and being a victim and is only going to make the situation worse. It is time to find your own life. This man could leave you at the drop of a hat.

Don't resign yourself to a life of abuse and suffering at the hands of the one man who is supposed to love you more than anyone else. Instead, do things to change your life. You never know, your husband may just decide that you are more valuable to him than he thought.

I'm not sure if this applies to you, since you didn't give a lot of details, but you might want to look further into emotional abuse. See the link on the left side of this page below.

The Cycle of Abuse | Respect For Women
 
SoulWeaver

SoulWeaver

Senior Member
#6
Oct 25, 2014
4,889
2,534
113
#6
Re: I'm desperate for Godly advice.

Praying that God will give you the wisdom to deal with the situation and re-state your boundaries. Amen in Jesus' name.
Expect that people will get angry as you reclaim your boundaries and limit what you allow.
But dont let it deter you... stop enabling them to do evil - you are doing both yourself and them a favor.
 
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presidente

Senior Member
#7
May 29, 2013
9,083
1,749
113
#7
Re: I'm desperate for Godly advice.

You've given us a few paragraphs without a lot of detail, so I think you ought to be careful about following some of the advice you get from the forum, just based on what you've shared. Going on strike for example? Abuse counseling? We don't know how often this thing happens or for how long it's going on, or just what the details are.

Have you actually thought through how to articulate the problem, sat down with your husband and explained the behaviors that bother you? You could give him a concrete example. You might something like, "Yesterday when I told the children to do X, you didn't support me. The children were disrespectful to me by saying such and such, and you joined in by saying such and such. We are supposed to be on the same team. As a father, you are supposed to be teaching the children to honor their father and mother. How are they going to obey me when you are not around if you treat me with disrespect instead of correcting their disrespect?" I don't know if that fits your problem, but if you haven't been able to articulate to him so far, you need to have a real conversation with him without distractions.

First, of course, you need to pray about the situation, pray the Lord will show him the problem, soften his heart, etc. If a husband doesn't treat his wife with proper honor, his own prayers may be hindered.

When you discuss this with him, try not to yell or sound angry. And another approach is to described what he did and said, but talk about how you feel. Don't say, "You ALWAYS" or "You NEVER". If you say, "You never show me any respect in front of the children", he'll be thinking that isn't true and think of times he did show you respect. It's just distracts him from hearing what you say. Focus on what he did and how you felt and why that's bad.

Ask him to pray with you about these things.

Sometimes doing that can work. He may see what he's been doing wrong. One thing you can discuss is not speaking harshly to one another, ever. If you don't like sarcasm, let him know.

If he listens, then you can discuss teaching the children to treat you with respect. You could tell the children that this aspect of how you guys interact is going to have to change, and then if they show disrespect, either of you corrects it on the spot.

Especially if that doesn't work, then you may want to go to a pastor or a Christian counselor into the situation. Sometimes sitting down with a loving, older Christian married couple willing to teach those younger than them can be a real help.
 
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