I need advice

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
K

kcone89

Guest
#1
#1
My husband and I have been married almost 2 years. This is the second marriage for both of us. He asked for a divorce in feb of last year but we reconciled in april. Feb the 19th he asked for a divorce again. We have been split up a couple months and I have given him his space and I asked him the other day if he was willing to work things out he said no. He Has moved his new girlfriend and her 2 kids in our home. I dont want to give up on my marriage but I also cant keep going through this. Please help me.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#2
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#2
1.) He's told you point-blank that he does NOT want to work things out. Him moving his gf and her kids into your home is proof of that.

2.) He left your marriage a LONG time ago when he hooked up with his gf. YOU are the other woman here, not her. He made his choice of who he wants.

3.) Your marriage is over. It has been for a long time. There's nothing left to "hold on to".

4.) Since he has a gf, it's a safe bet that their having sex, and has therefore committed adultery, which is the only allowance God makes for divorce.

5.) You deserve alot better than what this guy is giving you. He's been playing you for a fool for a long time. Stop letting him use you and file for divorce. Don't fool yourself into thinking he will leave her, because he won't. That's obvious considering he moved her into your house. Accept what's happened, divorce the guy, and move on with your life.


 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#3
Mar 13, 2014
41,313
16,301
113
69
Tennessee
#3
The guy is simply not happy being married to you and he wants out. He is already moved on and is now shacking up with his latest and greatest. Fortunately, you have not wasted a lot of time invested in this relationship. As this is your second marriage at just the age of 26 I would be asking myself what am I doing wrong.

You have not mentioned the role that God has played in your life, if any. You must be terribly disillusioned about marriage at this point of your life. I believe that you need to focus now on the things that God wants for you rather than what you want for you. So far doing it your way is not working.

You are not alone with this type of situation. Hopefully, this site will be a safe place to come to so you can gather your thoughts.

Welcome to CC.
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#4
#4
Marriage is a we proposition. There is no more we. You can't make we happen again. You are released. And, if he ever comes back begging, it's best to refuse. Scripture is clear about not marrying the same person twice -- don't.

I know this is easier said than done, but you are free of him. The "and then what" that may have already crossed your mind is best dealt with by studying what the Bible says on marriage and divorce, and let that speak to you for what to do from here on.
 
K

kcone89

Guest
#5
#5
blue_ladybug said:
1.) He's told you point-blank that he does NOT want to work things out. Him moving his gf and her kids into your home is proof of that.

2.) He left your marriage a LONG time ago when he hooked up with his gf. YOU are the other woman here, not her. He made his choice of who he wants.

3.) Your marriage is over. It has been for a long time. There's nothing left to "hold on to".

4.) Since he has a gf, it's a safe bet that their having sex, and has therefore committed adultery, which is the only allowance God makes for divorce.

5.) You deserve alot better than what this guy is giving you. He's been playing you for a fool for a long time. Stop letting him use you and file for divorce. Don't fool yourself into thinking he will leave her, because he won't. That's obvious considering he moved her into your house. Accept what's happened, divorce the guy, and move on with your life.
Click to expand...
Thank you for the advice. Everything I have read says to never give up on your marriage and that's why I have held on as long as I have.
I know I deserve better than what he is doing I have just been so scared of carrying another burden of divorce.
 
K

kcone89

Guest
#6
#6
@tourist God has always been the leading role in my life. My first husband was addicted to porn and cheated on me several times that's why we divorced and with my husband now I begged him to go to church with me and build a relationship with God but he refused. I know I have faults and my own insecurities probably played a big role in his decision. You are right. I am letting God lead from now on. I apparently have no idea how to pick a partner. Thank you for your answer.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#7
Mar 13, 2014
41,313
16,301
113
69
Tennessee
#7
kcone89 said:
@tourist God has always been the leading role in my life. My first husband was addicted to porn and cheated on me several times that's why we divorced and with my husband now I begged him to go to church with me and build a relationship with God but he refused. I know I have faults and my own insecurities probably played a big role in his decision. You are right. I am letting God lead from now on. I apparently have no idea how to pick a partner. Thank you for your answer.
Click to expand...
My first marriage was a disaster too. Apparently, I had no idea on how to pick a partner either. You are correct in letting God lead from this point on. In my post I was not implying that you had anything to do with either marriage falling about, only that it was of critical importance in praying for God to seek and find a person suitable for marriage that was your heart's desire.

We all have our faults, myself included. I am glad to see that you have placed God first and foremost in your life. Most of us have insecurities too of one type or another. Fear not says the Lord. Hopefully, one day I will fully follow what the Lord has said. I pray that you will too.
 
S

soccermom19

Guest
#8
#8
Let him go! Pray and let God lead you. God will answer your prayers. Stay strong!
It takes two to work on a marriage. You can not do it by yourself. I know it is hard. Find strength in your faith.
God Bless you, I will pray for you.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#9
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#9
as one of the other posters here said, marriage is a "we", not me or I. Your hubby doesn't want to work on your marriage or he would not have moved his gf and her kids into your home. Don't try to keep holding on to something which isn't there anymore. Soccermom19 gave good advice when she said to let him go. Just trust in God and he will get you through this.
 
damombomb

damombomb

Senior Member
#10
Feb 27, 2011
3,801
68
48
#10
kcone89 said:
My husband and I have been married almost 2 years. This is the second marriage for both of us. He asked for a divorce in feb of last year but we reconciled in april. Feb the 19th he asked for a divorce again. We have been split up a couple months and I have given him his space and I asked him the other day if he was willing to work things out he said no. He Has moved his new girlfriend and her 2 kids in our home. I dont want to give up on my marriage but I also cant keep going through this. Please help me.
Click to expand...
Men are suppose to be the head of the household and love their wife like Christ loved the church. That is how a real man acts. This would make anyone insecure .
 
J

jogoldie

Senior Member
#11
Mar 20, 2014
1,616
48
48
#11
If this was your daughter being treated this way......how would you feel......at what lengths would
you go to protect her.........my sister.....I have been a single mom for a long time now......I too apparently..... am not very good at choosing a man for myself......so...I gave it to God......
and I found out that being single has its perks......being married has its perks.....Gods commands
us to be happy in all situations......find the "happy" God has waiting for you.....rest your self in Gods arms for awhile.....hide behind His robes and find peace.....and when you are ready.....when God says
your ready.....find yourself a happy life ....happy with who you are......find yourself.....with all this going on.....I have to ask......do you love yourself....care about your own happiness....because if you don't... you will never be able to make others happy......rest now....wait for Gods direction....then make your choice......don't make this man your idol......get on your path and run to God......peace...jo
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#12
#12
kcone89 said:
@tourist God has always been the leading role in my life. My first husband was addicted to porn and cheated on me several times that's why we divorced and with my husband now I begged him to go to church with me and build a relationship with God but he refused. I know I have faults and my own insecurities probably played a big role in his decision. You are right. I am letting God lead from now on. I apparently have no idea how to pick a partner. Thank you for your answer.
Click to expand...
I can give you some pointers on "picking a partner":
1. Don't. Paul's recommendations on marriage.

2. Don't date outside of Christians. And, just because someone says he's a Christian, it doesn't mean he really is. You will see the evidence if he is.

3. Don't marry someone you can fix into someone you want. Marry that person for who he is, not who he can become. He is who he can become. Anything past that is a mystery left in God's hand. You're a partner, not a mother. It's not our responsible to raise him up good and proper. It is our responsibility to be a help mate. (Some mothering is required, but usually connected to, "Honey, I don't feel so good." :D)

4. If it is God's plan for you to marry again, then I give you the advice someone gave hubby after his first marriage ended. "Find someone who is the exact opposite of who you are attracted to." (He was attracted to mentally unstable women, who seemed to need someone to take care of them.)

For now, don't even think about another partner. You've got some healing to do first, not to mention that divorce.
 
C

cass14

Guest
#13
#13
Don't feel bad. I've been married 3 times.. I always think I can "help"
Someone and I've learned it's God's job. YOU have to look after YOU..
Heal with Gods love and pray everyday he will bring you through it..
 
M

MyLighthouse

Guest
#14
#14
Sister, you are free to leave and I suggest you do! Not to say it want be hard, but the longer you stay there the worst it will be. Find contentment in being single and having a relationship with the Lord a while...and if there be a number four make sure he's number 3 in the relationship and knows that God is the main one in the relationship.
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#15
Jan 24, 2011
11,780
2,943
113
#15
I don't think there is anything left to hold onto. My thought is just to commit to God for at least 2 years, and then you will not have a "rebound" relationship. You need to figure out who you are in Christ, find your ministry, and pull your life together. God will bless you in ways you cannot imagine.

I'm sorry you are hurting from this betrayal by both ex-husbands. Yet, you can grow and change, in spite of the pain, and maybe be able to help others in this difficult circumstance.

Praying you can let go, and walk with God. He is a husband to the "widow" and he will be there for you.
 
N

Nemakiza

Guest
#16
#16
I just don't know how to relieve you but I feel sorry for your story. I think you should do these;


1. Just leave him since he decided to move his girlfriend home, you can't change the fact.


2. Concentrate on your spiritual health and your relationship with God. Stay off relationship for some time since you still younger to me, you are 26 years. The more you wait the more you find yourself.


3. You have two break up, take this as hard thing by screening yourself not how they treated you but how you treated them.
 
Last edited:
PeterJens

PeterJens

Banned
#17
Feb 24, 2015
13,204
168
0
#17
kcone89 said:
My husband and I have been married almost 2 years.
Click to expand...
I hate to sound a cynic, but what you are describing is simply absurd. Firstly very few people at 26 would live with there husband and mistress in the same house, unless you have literally zero self respect.
Two marriages in 8 years is also going some, with a husband who plays aroung within on year of getting married.

So advice is not what you need, it is getting real, or simply not making up such a rediculous story.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#18
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#18
PeterJens said:
I hate to sound a cynic, but what you are describing is simply absurd. Firstly very few people at 26 would live with there husband and mistress in the same house, unless you have literally zero self respect.
Two marriages in 8 years is also going some, with a husband who plays aroung within on year of getting married.

So advice is not what you need, it is getting real, or simply not making up such a rediculous story.
Click to expand...
I highly doubt she's making this up. I personally know a few people whose bf/gf moved another man/woman into their home. Maybe she truly doesn't know what to do here. She loves him, or did once upon a time, and is confused as to what to do now. Our advice is what she asked for and that's what we're giving her. You calling her absurd and ridiculous is not doing her one bit of good. Maybe she's allowed this situation to go on because she has low esteem issues. The fact is, she needs to get out of this nutty relationship ASAP and leave the jerk to his own devices.
 
PeterJens

PeterJens

Banned
#19
Feb 24, 2015
13,204
168
0
#19
blue_ladybug said:
I personally know a few people whose bf/gf moved another man/woman into their home.
Click to expand...
Maybe you are right and maybe not. Real advice in this situation is changing the locks when the other parties are out of the house and getting a lawer involved. Who owns the property and is their property safe.
Why has their partner moved another family in without consultation, and is the other woman exploiting their husband who could just be equally naive. There are so many questions, and things where without knowing the facts, the rights of the individuals, their employment and financial status, the advice would vary. I am also sure there are people better placed to give serious proper advice than a public forum designed for sharing about issues that are less substantive than my life is falling apart. I mean, is this place the location where suddenly all there unsolvable situations are sorted out, through texting messages on the internet from around the world. I truly wish this was a real option, rather than wishful thinking....
 
You must log in or register to reply here.